red + green = meredith

Forgots to mention about how that there that I'm lying on on my new futon is in fact the duvet cover that my mum made for me at Christmas. Finally a good picture of it! It's one of my favourite things of my life. And it's covering the down duvet that cousin gave me, which makes the whole thing even better. Oh god, just talking about it makes me want to go curl up in it.



friend: It must be easy to decorate your apartment, hey?
me: what do you mean?
friend: well if it's red or green or Christmas-shaped, then you get it

No but really.
I'm taking pictures of this whole house for you when it is clean and sparkly and just awaiting my mother's arrival.
(And by house, I mean one room plus bathroom, in case it wasn't clear that I live alone, in the attic. crying.)

I'm not a worrier. I'm sort of anti-worry. But I've been worrying more than usual lately and it's totes getting to me. I do not know how to handle it. I feel completely nauseous sometimes. I wonder how people live like this.
I'm way more into my Don't Care High attitude.
It's sexier.

Except. I need to worry. If the worrying makes me be more responsible.
Maybe I just expected some negative character traits (slovenliness, laziness, greed, deservism, etc) to dissipate as I grew older. But they have not.
I might actually have to work on myself.
Shit balls!

I got half of my teeth cleaned today and now my whole being feeling completely uneven.

I'm tired always, except at bedtime.

no more sleeping on boards (even though I kind of liked it)

New futon. Finally. It is alright. It is quite excellent up as a couch, but not the best for lying down.
Sigh.
WHATEVER.



Oh yeah I never told you but I got a sweet new computer chair off the road (classy) and now my life is more comfortable...
Except I've had a headache for three days. Maybe I should shave my head. Maybe I should get off the computer. I'm always on the computer and people are always chatting with me and then accuse me of being online too much but hey, if I wasn't then how would you chat with me? You'd be lonely.
And I'm working so much on here, I can't get off.

Every time I find a dead mouse (which has been about 5 I think now. Omg so infested) I jump clear across the room. I am never expecting it.
They are less cute in traps. Which makes my life easier.

GROSS.

More teeth cleaning this afternoon, going to see a student is good on the wallet and terrible on the time.. I'm hoping to just go ahead and get it all done though. That'd be good. Clean mouth = hot babe.

Then working at Big Chill and serving up the scoops and partying down.

I'm feeling good not partying as extremely but it's sad for you, blog, because it's less exciting.

More YayayayaYaaAAAYaaaAaya:

(Click on the photos if the sides are cut off and you want to see all of it because you love me toooo much to handle)

Such good publicity pictures gotten taken yesterday (by me, natch) for our play. Going to be good! I hope! So much!

I did so much work yesterday, good on me. I don't know why I tend to be such a terrible worker. I seriously need to develop a better skill set for self-induced work.
I need more deadlines in my life. If it is at all vague I will push it off and ignore it...

I irritate myself.

But yes, I did all the photo work and started building the website for our play: guruhector.com.
Looks good so far. So I say.
The good thing about websites and photoshop and other annoying (fun) business like that is that it gets easier and easier. I'm pretty into trial-and-error learning though.

Going to get more done today! I decided! Less party all the time, more working all the time.
I feel really good in this exact moment.
Imagine if I could keep up this level of productivity? With pretty results?
I could take over the world probably I bet.

Also, on the ACTRA site:




Neat!

Just a Small Thing

A Small Thing
Starring Meredith R. Mistletoe
Directed and written by Adam Garnet Jones
Premiering at CFC's Worldwide Shorts Festival in Toronto
June 12 (4 p.m.)
&
June 13 (9:15 p.m.)


(Yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayay, etc!)

sing a little sweeter and love a little longer...

You would think I would learn to not write about people on here. No matter how 100% certain I am that they would never bother to find and also read it.
To be fair, I advertise this blog to everyone and encourage people to read it.. I assume everyone knows that any interaction they have with me will end up on here.
But.
I realize that when I say something different on here than what you perceived in real time, it can be bad.
And also, when I assume a person doesn't read this, I am more likely to write over-honest about them.

This has bitten me in the ass probably twice this week, if my sitemeter leads me true.

With one especially, I was so convinced that he'd never read this that at one point I wrote this:
"I can write whatever I'd like about him on here because if he ever found this and bothered to read it I would have a heart attack and die of surprise. And then I would eat my hat."

Yike.

It's not that I'm done with caring and I'm not angry about late night phone calls, I'm just frustrated with the Jekel and Hyde thing that happens when I try and make us actually be friends.
I do quite like him.

Deciding what is actually true, sorting emotions, etc, is hard work.
Such hard work.

.

Don't worry Graeme, my hoodia is not saw dust, it's CERTIFIED.


Also, I picked the shiniest box - it's all gold and green - so obviously it's the best.
This hoodia experiment is not going to be able to chart seeing as I don't have a scale. Well, I do have a scale, but it definitely isn't accurate. It's over by about 10 pounds, and I'm not just saying that to make myself feel better.

Anyway, hoodia. I feel like I will probably loose weight on this even if it is 100% placebo/sawdust. Because I have now made a definitive step towards my goal. And it will keep me aware that I'm trying to do that. If I take it before my meals, I am aware that I if I eat crap, I will only extend this process. And since it recommends drinking a lot of water with it (obviously) then I will be more aware of that as well. And drinking enough water is one of the biggest weight things. Sometimes when I feel hungry I'm just dehydrated, and even though I know this, I sometimes forget.

Man, being an actor is so shitty. My body is so great, it's pretty much the perfect size ever for me. If I weren't an actor.
But this is my chosen career. And I need to take it seriously and do everything in my power to advance and sell myself.
Which means having a camera body. Which is dumb.

Sigh.

My printer is broken I don't know how I am going to launch the (horrendously) long-awaited next issue of Et Puis? News Magazine.

Guess what?
I'm avoiding doing things I should really really really really really get to!!!!!

i'm an idiot and also very pretty

I bought some weight-loss drugs that I'm going to try. And by drugs, I mean Hoodia. I don't like the word hoodie. Or hoodia. But we'll see. I'll keep you posted. I'm mostly doing this for humour value(?)... oh yeah, and because I'd like to get rid of about 10 lbs.
Oh, come on now, I've done stupider things!
First sign of anal leakage and I'm totally done though.


A man came into the ice cream store with his son who was having a total melt-down, crying and screaming and all of the like, just out of control.
The father picked up the boy and plopped him down on the counter top and held his shoulders and said,

"Dude? Chillage!"

And the little dude calmed right down and repeated,

"Yeah. Chillage..."

(I told that story like it was mine, but it was fact my co-worker's)


No time not enough time there should be more time in my worlds,

Still haven't caught up on my sleep. That's the plan for tonight. Oh, except for how I have about a billion and a half things to do.
And when I worked at big chill on the weekend I got to talking about the script that I should be working on, called Major Babes... oh man, it's such a funny idea.
I NEED MORE TIME
just in general, just in life.

Tonight I especially have to alter some bridesmaids dresses and learn a flipping monologue for rehearsal tomorrow.

I wish so hard that I didn't have to work today. It's a stupid day game and no one's going to buy beer. Hates it!



Dinner last night at Victory with Sass and co. Seriously such good food there. Oh chili chili. Yeeeah huh.



Both Sass and I went on our first dates with babes who still get to us at Victory. But nothing will ruin that place for me. Except for maybe flood or fire, it's hard to party down in a blazing building..



.
.
.

Woken again at three a.m. by the phone. Didn't pick up but then I called right back because
I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT
And then I thought, oh geez, I hope he's okay.
Yeah he was fine
Quelle Surprise!
I told him I'm done caring. and that he can do whatever he wants but I'm still not caring.

google is stalking me

You kind of have to wonder just how much Google Adsense really knows...

weird.

Yeah, so I joined Plentyoffish.com.. My friend was going on about it, so I felt like I should also get on there. I kind of miss my ever-entertaining lavalife profile.
The messages from weird dudes are really great sometimes.
One dude ended his with at least 10 animated smilies.. I was convinced!

I like posting pictures that make me looking better than I really am, for sure.

More working working working working working working working yayayay gross

achoo

Yikes! Unexpected time with the computer this afternoon! Fortuitous!

I think I have issues with commas. I just don't even know what to do with them.

I'm hoping I get paid my internet resids before my mumsies gets to town, then we'd be able to do way more fun stuff. Like see Dirty Dancing. Shit balls do I ever want to see that. And go to Stratford. And go to R.E.M. but I just don't know if I can justify hundred dollar tickets.
What else should mum and I do while she in town? Who wants to have us over for dins???
Please give me suggestions though.

I'm in love with pad thai. I never had it until Toronto. It's like the only thing I eat at Nirvana. It's so good.


It's awkward to respond to a mass text like it was personal and then realize after the fact that it was probably a mass text which didn't need any responding at all.

Rehearsal this morning for our soon-to-be-world-famous fringe play! Despite being drastically late, it went really well. We went to the park to block a few of the beginning scenes, looked a lot like crazy people running about, I'm liking my character and need to get real into developing her, she could be rad, yeah. I'm kind of happy to have a smaller part in this piece, theatre is so wild. I always forget how much goes into it..
But this is looking good (only rehearsal #2 with full cast) and we're getting it together.
Secret about me = I'm a terrible actor.
Well, I'm terribly about all the things actors should be good at for instance:
-memorizing lines
-wanting to rehearse
-taking things seriously
-character development
No, I'm fine... mostly. I need to get better. Yes I will then.

beyond late, now it's almost funny, really

Wow, there is just not enough time in any of my days. No time for sleeping, especially. And I do not do well without it... But there's nothing I can give up. I should spend less time computing.
NO!
I LOVE COMPUTING!!!

Oh no too many yogurt raisins in my belly and three glasses of orange juice to try and recoup my losses from over drinking for the past (year) few days... that made it sound like I totally hurled and I did not.
that I remember.

I made money for once at skydome last night! It was really busy but there were some cute boys and it went by quickly, so, yay!
And then we closed up super fast and got the hell out of dodge and I made it to Clinton's in time to see The Jesse Landen Band, or as they like to be called, Born to Busk. CD release! Two CDs, even! Fun times.

OMG best dancer ever, super super drunk dude and if Sass doesn't put that video up on YouTube soon I'm going to shit myself. I couldn't breathe I was laughing too hard. He fell over onto the stage at one point.. and he had the sweetest rooster moves and head-shakes and jumps.
Oh yeah and no one else was dancing.
Also, later in the set the dude doing the sound and lights went nutso with the strobe and disco ball and changing the lights all over the place! So distracting and awful. That happened last time at that venue too but last Time Sass saved the day by demanding they get turned off.

But good good show though, very nice, looked sharp, and I do really like that music. Uh huh.

Seriously though, you have no idea how late I am right now!



Flickr me to see show pictures which I will post on here later and then you'll be ahead of the game!
Except I have no idea when next I will be able to compute goddammit my life is busy.

i want to get some tiles

The weirdest thing about me is probably that I don't consider myself to be a messy person.

I have a bit of a worried face this morning. But that's okay. It takes a worried, worried man to sing a worried worried song.
Yike

It's great how music is such a powerful memory trigger. I'm downloading Jane Siberry. Map of the World and Speckless Sky and Mimi on the Beach and all of it really is exactly a roadtrip to the lake with my mum in the Datsun. Exactly.
So nice.
.

At my urging, one of the most amusing dudes that I know of, JPR, has started an agony aunt advice column on his weblog, thewheelyapplegate.wordpress.com. I would suggest if you have any sort of problem, anything at all, that you should send him a quick email - dearjpr@gmail.com.
Thanks.
.

OMG how is it noon already? I get nothing done, ever. For some reason I woke up at nine this morning. Must have finished being drunk then. Except I thought it was 11 and by the time I realized it wasn't, too bad for me, I was already awake.
Didn't mean to get all shittered last night but I did.

If you ever see White Cowbell Oklahoma then you will see a dude play the guitar with his penis (with a shotglass over it). Once I saw it, a few years ago now. Then one time at skydome I was serving a dude wearing a White Cowbell t-shirt and I said to my co-worker (trying to be all cool and stuff), "Have you ever seen White Cowbell? One of the dudes plays the guitar with his.. ah.. appendage.." and then the customer dude says "Can I tell you something? I'm that guy."
I was embarrassed. Red face red face red face.
Anyhow, that dude owns(?) the bar I was at last night and he was working and I totally made best friends with him and he let me sample beer and I said, that's funny I let everyone sample ice cream at Big Chill and he said I love that store and he said his gf is friends with my boss and I said my boss is crazy!! and then I thought, I hope I live in this neighbourhood forever and am best friends with all the business owners and neighbours and have kids here and they can all play together.
Then I felt sad and half missed Saskatoon and half felt overly-attached to Toronto.
SIGH
The point is, that dude is real nice, but White Cowbell is not the band for me. And I never really like strippers, no matter how hard I try.
.

I worked at skydome last night for the first time in forevers.. it was deaddeaddead sucky but luckily I picked up more shifts for this weekend and if I'm lucky I'll be able to make rent!!!
I was hyper and I worked with a pretty fun-times girl who is an actor too (who isn't??) and we made lots of jokes and lists about semi-washed-up celebrities we are in love with.
Was thinking about making a videoblog to send to Ellen to try and get her to put me and JTT on her show together so he would realize that we are Meant To Be. But I can't. :(
It sux being an actor.. especially since I want to be taken (sort of) seriously, it means I have to be somewhat careful about how big of an ass I make of myself.
Shitty buzzzzz.
.

I don't think you guys are as in awe of me + my camera + photoshop as you should be. You're probably just hiding it pretty well I guess.
.

I miss all my improv dudez.
Too bad I'm working two jobs on Saturday so I can't go to/do the horror show. Boooo jobs booo
That's rich coming from someone who hasn't worked in like two weeks or maybe more I can't even remember what last I did ahahah my life rules
.

You know what I like? Laugh lines. I feel like my attraction to dudez (and probably ladies) is directly proportional to how wrinkly their eyes are.
I told my mum maybe it was because she has the best smile lines and then she read a book on beauty and it said that people with older parents (ie: me) are more attracted to wrinkles. Haha, neat.

Dude, I am attracted to you because of you looking like my mumma!

meredith, in parts

You know what is nice?
When boys love each other. I mean that in all ways, but today I'm meaning platonically.
Check these two, they're so nice:



One of those two is one of my very favourite people of all time, even though sometimes it doesn't seem like it. But I do just love him so, so much.

Fuck I wish I hadn't caught my thumb so hard in that mouse-trap! Damn you tiny beasts of burden!

You might not know this, but I love my camera. Fuck bromance, electromance is the new hot.

I am severely missin my kittens. Oh sigh sigh.





I'm looking into getting a cat. Such issues, though! But if not then I will for surely pet-sit some? Or something. I love them. And wish for them to kill my mice.
Stupid, stupid mice.. I wish I knew how you are so invincible.

;)

hi ****,
I posted a funny photo of you on my flickr/weblog (ohmistletoe.com) but then I thought, maybe it was mean, but I didn't think it was mean, only funny and amusing, but maybe you would think it was mean and I wouldn't like that, so have a look and if you're angry (grrrrrr) I will take it down
from
meredith


hi meredith,
anyone who has a photo of themselves with that hat and that facial expression and is still brave enough to caption it thusly has certainly earned my blessing (if not my sense of irony).

by all means, lever B.

****

Lever B is Lever 3000 less-powerful brother.

Those emails are extra funny if you consider how awkward I made mine (on purpose) and how he (delightingly - I clapped my hands with joy) matched it.

I frequently make that face. I have felt myself make that face twice this morning.
Sour.
When he saw me wearing that hat he said "That hat is so pretentious!"
Which I found a bit ironic, coming from him.

It reminded me of when I was at The Toad's place and we were talking and I was explaining about this time where I went a bit off my kilter and thought I could control things with my mind and with bargaining with the spirits.
Toad: That sounds like paranoid schizophrenia
Me: Well now, that's the pot calling the kettle black!

My life is beyond hilarious this morning. I don't know how I've managed to make my life so amusing..

Oh, yeah, things are back on (maybe, maybe) with he who wants to get in my pants ;)

ha!

LOL cats and other serious businesses

Whoaly. House is such a good show. I bet you wish you made a show as good as that. I know I do. I love TV-on-the-internet. I'm considering doing away with my television. It takes up too much space.

I didn't do much today. I cleaned up a bit, photoshopped around, had dinner with Niki, chatted on the internet, watched three episodes of House, avoided things, and soon I'm going to bed.
Exciting exciting yayaayay exciting party all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you know?
Saskatoon looks fake sometimes,


And really pretty sometimes


My last night in town was really nice. We had family dinner in the backyard with the whole crew. Mum made macaroni and cheese casserole, which is my favourite. It's even better than the mac and cheese at Victory Cafe (which is awesome).
Then a few people came over and we ate hummus and guacamole and cheese and veges and crackers and some strawberries with chocolate whipcream. And drank some rum and jar-wine (I moved some of my bottle of wine into a jar before taking the bottle with me to a party.. because I try to know my limits. Except I still ended up way too hung-over. Sigh.)

I didn't really pay enough attention to my mum while I was in town, but that's mostly okay because she's coming to visit right away. Like in two weeks. Soon! Shit, gotta get this place out of the shitter before she arrives.


In Saskatoon I went for grilled cheese platters. My friend was laughing at me for doing the same things every time I come into town, but whatevers, when you really like something, you should do it time and time again. And I really love going for grilled cheeses. They are so gross, so great, so greasy, and so cheap. I made my rootbeer into a float with the ice cream from my icecream bar (included)!!! Hot mess!
Constantine and SteveDave (have I started now? Am I going to have to nickname everyone on here? Is nicknaming going to take over this blog? For the record, I call both Steve and Const those names to everyone even though, they aren't really, technically their given names) are the best grilled cheesers, they are so remarkably fun and funny. Made giant messes of it all. Steve pretends to be prim and proper and stylish but she secretly loves
a) being called SteveDave (okay maybe not)
b) making farting noises with her mouth. constantly.
c) snort-laughing

Constantine loves being obnoxious, loud, extreme, but is secretly:
a) one of the kindest babes I know of
b) stupidly smart (do crosswords with him!)
c) out-of-his-way-care-taking

Maybe when I said that everyone in Saskatoon seems more well-rounded, what I meant was; they're all insane.

"I don't know what Meredith means when she calls me crazy. She probably means she loves me."
He's probably right, you know.

I love so many people there, even when they irritate me, and even when they're smug and impractical to insist on being friends with.




I meant to go to bed over an hour ago, I thought I'd have an early night... and since I'm not at the bar and I could still get drinks for another two hours, it still kind of counts, I guess.
Oh Yeah, Also:



(As always, clicking on these photos will take you to their location in my flickr photostream, where you can view other sizes, and download them for yourself. If you want to.)

almost leaving

Dear Flo Rida,
I hate you. I hate you so much. You terrorized me when I was hung over this morning and trying to sleep it off. All of your idiot lyrics, which I once found mildly amusing, now make me want to shoot myself in the face. If I never hear your song again, I'd be happy. Oh god, just writing this is getting it back in my head. Fuck.


,

me: I hate celery. I just hate it. I've tried to not hate it but good goddamn do I not like it. And it's in everything, grossing it up
mum: So I shouldn't put it in the macaroni and cheese, then?
me: Your call

.

I have bought quite a few overly-sweet things whilst in Saskatoon. I know I shouldn't buy anything, ever. But I can't help it.
My favourites include:
- Saskatoon grain-elevator-shaped salt and pepper shakers
- snowflake trivet
- beret!
- funny nerd shoes
- crystal decanter

.

I'm going back to Toronto tomorrow. That's okay I guess. I'm excited to see everyone. And to pick up some paycheques. And eat some ice cream.

Had a pretty good time at a house party last night. A good chunk of all the people I like were there. And I drank too much wine. And wore my beret.

me: I just love you, you know
wr: why?
me: never mind, I don't actually

People are coming over tonight. Theoretically. I'm always so half-assed about inviting people. But it would be good to see everyone before I leave. And have a fire. And not get too drunk because I'm still feeling that wine from last night. Ugh.



E:
Hey kiddo - how's home?
Or are you still sasked up?

meredith:
yep
coming back to tdot on monday
how's yr baby?

E:
baby = supercute.
supercute but extremely pooptastic.

meredith:
surprising

E:
also, she has horns and a forked tongue.
and her nails have turned black and curled over in hook-like claws.
Maybe "talons" is a better word, not claws.

meredith:
cute!

E:
her formerly smooth, pink skin has barnacled into sharp segmented scaled.
she refused all milk, drinking only fresh blood.
we've tried to sate her with rats and squireels, but she demands human blood.
so we've started murdering hobos.
only because we love her so much.
also, we're terrified of her.

meredith:
you're a good dad

E:
thanks!
help me!

meredith:
sorry

E:
damn it. you're with her, aren't you?!

meredith:
yes

when is that alone time coming?

Omg. Shannyn Sossamon totally named her kid "Audio Science".
I'm feeling a lot better about my recent decision to name my son "Bearded Fiercely". No, seriously though. Especially with my last name? Awesome.
One of my very favourite Saskatooners wants to name his son "Cash Rocket". Yeah, I would totally get behind that.

Anyhow, I happened upon Sossamon's IMDB page because I linked over from the Moonlight page. Which I was on because of Jason Dohring.
Man, Jason Dohring (previously of Veronica Mars) is really hot. But in kind of an odd way, I mean, he's not particularly good-looking, but there's something about him.. That's why I was watching Moonlight. But I see that he's married. Sigh. I like to have active fantasy lives about marrying semi-famous people.

I was thinking about starting an internet petition/rally to get JTT to go on a date with me.
I'm going to keep on thinking about it. Figure out a way to get it to happen.

It's too bad about Dohring looking a little too much like Dana Carvey these days. Maybe a haircut would help.

I went to see some improv tonight - Saskatoon Soaps. There was a dude who looked sort of like Dohring in it, but with dark hair. Weird.
Good job improv though. I would beyond love to do that show at some point. I think they have a really good set-up and way of going about things. It's sort of part regular scenes and part game scenes. And generally entertaining. Not enough funny women though - but improv usually is short on those.
Man I want to live in Saskatoon sometime and do Soaps and Shakespeare on the Saskatchewan and stuff.
Maybe this will be the year that I formally make my way back into the theatre business. Starting out with The Fringe this year in Toronto. Have I formally announced that on here yet? I'm doing a play! I think I did say that already but still, YAYAYAYAY. You'll be hearing a lot more about that in coming weeks, I'd bet.

The director of the MTV commercials that I did uploaded them to her website.
This is the one you probably hadn't seen (I hadn't seen it until just now): www.wendymorgan.net/work/habits.mov
Eyeballs number 2 (where I dance!): www.wendymorgan.net/work/eyeballs2.mov
Eyeballs number 3 (with the dialogue, even): www.wendymorgan.net/work/eyeballs3.mov

Fun times!

I'm slightly stressed out and a little frustrated with not having been alone for a week. I'm so used to being able to be in my own space with my own things, no irritated on by anyone else. Ah, the give and take of family life.
Also, the complete uselessness of this computer is sort of baffling. Any pictures that have managed to get themselves uploaded are miracles. Tiny irritating miracles that used up way too much of my time.








Also, I'm a little stressed out. Yesterday ended up being beyond good for both me and my friend, I don't give nicknames here, generally, as I tend to want to mention as few details about people and involve them as little in my online drama as little as possible... but this dude probably deserves a pseudonym, which will be Toad. Because it always has been.
Anyhow, I'm not getting into it tonight, but hopefully soon I'll get up the resources to hash some of this out for the internets.

I'll say, however, that he told me that our visit and conversation was probably the best thing for him. And I'll say that he is still not alright. And that I might be able to work him into my life in some way (something that hasn't been near a possibility in my life up until now).
And I'll say that I hugged him in the kitchen and I pulled away and felt awkward for having invaded his space and he said "It's nice to be hugged, no one really hugs me these days". And so I hugged him for a couple more minutes and squeezed his elbow on our walk along the riverbank home.

ouch though

I feel like I spend kind of a lot of time defending some of my friends. I have real issues with people hating on people I love though. And I have a tendency to have one good friend from every group of friends, never being a particular mainstay in any group. So all my friends are sort of scattered. And don't necessarily like each other. Also, things I find funny and charming aren't always appealing to other people.
I don't have a point, only that I love so many people so much and I wish everyone I like liked each other.

Uh huh.

So. My trip is more than half over. Whoaly. So glad I extended it though, otherwise I would have left this morning. Too soon!
I'm less concerned about spending time with my mother though, on account of she's coming to Toronto in three weeks.

I've been looking pretty hard for a Saskatoon husband. See, because I need a babe that will want to live half in Toronto and half here with me. And it'll be easier, I think, to convince a Saskatonian to move to Toronto than vice-versa.
But so far, no luck on the babe front. Sighs.

Had a mad rad dance party on the rooftop patio of a bar the other night. My friend was DJing and we all broke it down. We girls seriously gave 'er for a bit there. Those kind of dance parties are the best.
I've had a couple of dance parties since being here. Just what I needed. And will always need.
It's funny how everyone hangs out with their siblings here. I can't think of any siblings I hang out with in Toronto, really. But here - holy jesus. You're only cool if you bring along your sisters and brothers. It's kind of fantastic.
Karaoke last night (I did Rocking Around the Christmas Tree [obvs]), I was with three sisters and their mum! Yeah huh.
I wish I had some cool sibs.

A couple of people I meet here ask if I have any siblings and then tell me how much I look like so and so or so and so. Which makes me think maybe I will have siblings too. Man I would totally try and befriend my siblings if I found I had any.. I would try and make them be my BFFs and tell everyone about how I'm born of donor insemination.
I'm obnoxious like that.
Mum really should have considered how little she likes people knowing her business before
a) having babies by donor insemination
b) having an obnoxious child like me

I'm not forgetting that I do, indeed, have a real-time-half-brother (half? he's more like TWO. he's a giant!!) but he's no fun. He is anti-drug, anti-drinking and he wants to be a police officer. And he goes to Mennonite house-church! I don't even know what to say to that.

Hmm.

So, while walking down Broadway yesterday, I was looking for, and found, a certain boy I'd been needing to talk to. And I'm going to hang out with him this afternoon.
But the thing is that he's schizophrenic. And also he is the only boy I've ever been in love with.
And seeing him yesterday was both wonderful and heartbreaking. He was more lucid than I've seen him since he was hospitalized in 2001, he was funny, charming, and able to make eye contact. Telling me how pretty I am and how well I've aged (ha). He was so, so himself. And cognizant of how he is crazy. Telling me how he's not quite sure what is actually true, how he hasn't heard voices lately, and how he's quit everything (from meat to cigarettes to the ketamine he was injecting [ironically, ketamine is like the pharmacological model of schizophrenia]), and how he's living on his own - aware of how he keeps only being able to be friends with the wrong kinds of people. I guess if you end up on the streets for a bit, you don't get much choice.
It's frustrating how everyone (my friends most definitely included), who had looked up to him when he was a brilliant student/musician/actor in high school, now have so completely written him off. He has become a joke, a leper, not anything anyone can deal with. And even people who I know are so flippant about it with me. Breaks my heart breaks my heart so badly, like it is impossible to explain.
And I loved him so hard then. And never had a chance to fall out of love with him because he just changed. Our relationship never played itself out, never ended naturally.

I want to write all of it out right now, but I'm short on time and perspective today. And I guess I'll just see how it goes tonight. Maybe it'll be good for at least one of us. Maybe it'll be great.
I feel like I need a buffer though, like layers of foam padding around my heart.
He got on his bike yesterday as we left each other and called back "Love you Mare!"

saskahome

Mum says that even if we do go to the lake and even if it is 24 above, that I still can't go swimming. She says the ice hasn't even thawed. Well, that sounds like bullshit to me.
Once we went to Pike Lake in early June and it was only about 15 degrees and I went swimming and I was so cold I thought I was going to die. I put my head under and my scalp felt hard like frozen leather. It was like a brain-freeze from too much slushie but from the outside instead.


Might go to the river today. And I'll want to go in it.
Trying to do anything with this whole family is like herding cats, my aunt says.
I remember when I was small it was just me, my mum, my two aunts, and my cousin. And we all fit into the Datsun 210 wagon (stuff of dreams) and went to Safeway on Saturdays and had lunch (and then just coffee when we got poorer) at Tradgers (sp?? I couldn't remember the name of that damn place for about five minutes here). Now there's like ten billion of us. Well, 11 at most family gatherings. Which is too many.
And that's why I don't have a boyfriend. I just don't want to complicate our outings.



This baby looks like I did when I was a baby. Such, such a square head! like a cube! And sticky-out ears. So great.







This trip is the most relaxed I've had since moving away four years ago. Always there's been a sort of panic around the edges with how much I've been missing everyone and how long it's been. But this is a sort of extra trip, I'm going to try and come home three times this year and it makes it easier to be away. Even the babies haven't grown terrible amounts and no one's life has changed so dramatically that I can't catch up to it.
Well, mostly.

But good goddamn are there people I love so hard here. I'm pretty bad at telling everyone how much I love them, I should try harder.

In Saskatoon everyone seems slightly more well-rounded than people I meet in Toronto. Maybe because I know all of the back-stories. But people here seem more like real characters, never fitting into a type or group, really.

Things are funny here. I've laughed to squealing and falling over at least once a day. At least.

"I don't sense your commitment to me making out with your roommate"
- me

I'm hoping for some time to do nothing in the next few days.. we'll see if that happens. I'm not confident that it will. At all.
But there are some pretty sweet parties happening. And an odd amount of babes (for Saskatoon, I mean). I'm going to hit on them.

I posted the same picture twice in the previous entry. You didn't notice because you're not very bright. But I meant to post this one:

views from above

Well. I'm home now.

Sitting in the living room, covered in cat hair. I'm about to go for breakfast with a few of my fams and then we're having my cousin's birthday this afternoon. Then it's too many party towns this evening, and I'm not sure where I'll end up. Wherever there's more people that I want to rub up against a bit.

I don't know if I'm going to be good at this sort of critiquing

From the comments on the commercial's youtube channel:

FilmTheNoob| May 03, 2008

I hate that girl, she should get a nose job

doc69er| May 03, 2008

go fuck yourself
god dam fuckin spammer

1 day until home-time

I don't know why I felt the need to wake up at 8:30, I was so planning on sleeping in. Oh, yes, except that I have beyond too much to do. Because I'm an idiot.
Guess how much I've actually gotten done? Nothing.













I'm responsible and on-top-of-things.
In a hot way.
Except opposite of that. I am so remarkably irresponsible, I should be shot. I need a roommate/husband, maybe. Just to make sure I don't let things go to shit the way I'm good at.

Oh good lord there are some emails I wish I could repost on here without getting into piles of shit.
I'll just say that winking-emoticons are never really hot. Neither is saying you want to "get into my pants".
I'm kind of floored sometimes by how babes approach hot ladies.

I wonder if film editors frequently look at people and think "I'll just fix that in post"

i'm the heroine!

Tired!
Too much to do!!!

Headshot photoshoot for a college classmate yesterday went really, really well. So excited! So Excited for camera-boyfriend-love-of-my-life!

Hmm. Speaking of..
Lately I feel a little judged-out for not being able to hold anything down. Especially by my numerous girlfriends in long-term relationships. Now, I do bring this on myself by making self-depricating jokes and calling attention to the fact that I am terrible at relating (I'm not, actually, which makes the jokes funnier!).
The point is, though, that it is actually fine. I am not a worse person for not having had a long-term relationship, I am not disappointing, I am not wasting my life. If anything, it makes me more interesting. I mean, this weblog would be a bore-festival if it weren't for babes.
I mean, I'm like a character in a TV show. Except instead of TV show, it's my life.
And what would My So-Called Life have been if Jordan and Angela got and then stayed together? What would Sex and the City be if Carrie really, actually, settled down? Grey's Anatomy always sucks when things are good with Meredith and Derek.
Every time in a TV show that the main heroine gets the love of her life, the whole show goes to turds.

So. My life is still an exciting (and dramatic!) TV series. And I intend on keeping it that way. Or at least keeping up that front for the internets.

And I'm just not down with disapproval faces. My friend made a couple at me last night. Haha psychically bonded. She just emailed me. That's like when (in the days of landlines) I would pick up the phone to call and she'd already be on the line. Too funny. Cellphones ruin everything.

My friend who's been living in Montreal came by to say hi to me at Big Chill last night. And she stayed for a bit while we were closing up. And we were having a pretty funny (sexual) discussion while I was cleaning and my coworker was cashing out. Poor coworker.
m: Ah, sorry about our discussion
j: No, no that's fine. 5, 10, 15, clit orgasm, 25.. you know, whatever.

I should've left by now

(from the hats-on-shirts-off party on Saturday, which I have yet to post pictures from)

There's a new Radcliffe U. Hall column on She Does The City! This is my favourite column. Sometimes I LOL when I read it.

Last improv class last night. I'm oddly sad about it this morning. I guess I've been hanging with these peeps for 14 weeks now, makes sense I'd be sad to not have that anymore. Wah wah.
I wish that I hadn't stayed out as late as I did, but it was the last class, and there was a birthday.

But damn I'm tired these days.
Oh yeah, I keep meaning to take iron pills.
I'm just physically exhausted all the way through. Sometimes when I'm biking my legs just don't feel like moving anymore.

Annoying!
But I guess I really haven't been getting enough sleep, too much working and too much partying all the time.
So excited for Saskatoon and doing so much of nothing. Like you would not believe.
I want to have a backyard party. A backyard potluck!

Yeah huh.

But first; audition, deal with Rogers cable bill/mischarges/annoying me, headshot shoot, big chill!

whoaly whoaly whoaly

Oh my god. Where does the time go? This life is getting ridiculous.

I wish I could say I'd have a spare ounce of time before I go home. But I most definitely will not. Blarg.
Not cool. I need to waste less time. Organize. Etc.

Many many many fun party times.

I never did finish off that Thursday evening wrap up.
After the Born to Busk show Sass and I ran over to The Silver Dollar. Boys Who Say No are obviously my new favourite band. I downloaded the songs I could from their myspace the other night to see if I would want to go to see them. Holy Man. I advise you to go and have a listen. If you are a part of my song-of-the-day club, you will be hearing them soon (sorry I've sort of dropped that ball lately).
They are catchy dreamy country banjoey dance-party clap-tracky goodness... With cute boys! What more could you ask for?



Sass and I totes started the dance party! Which would be on my top 5 things to do. Ever. Probably.
We came in and hit the floor and then everyone got up and partied down! My favourite so much so.
Other BFFs were there already so extra party time and also in my top 5 would be "making my friends be friends with each other"

And we danced...














After the show we (sans Sass) headed to Whippersnapper Gallery. To see some art. Two a.m. is the best time for art viewing.
Whippersnapper is rad. I guess I probably don't have to point that out. But it is. And it is near my house, so I can go there, like, whenever I want to. Just sayin.



It's a neat space and fun for after-parties. No stupid grown-ups ruining everything! There was the whole gallery space and yet everyone seemed to congregate in the back room. Makes sense. I was shittered. So.. my memory is spotty at best. Lots of babes though. That's all that counts.











danceparty. Or at least I'm having one, I think


haha creeper






Whoaly photoblog!!!

Still so very much in love with my camera. I've named him Josephine Ng. I think it's fitting, if nothing else.

Friday I went out some lovely ladies to the Dakota Tavern. Because it's our favourite. I felt somehow like I was copping out when I left at 2 a.m. party all the time, etc.







Srsly such a good-looking venue. Like a different world a little bit. Maybe I'll take my mum to bluegrass brunch when she's in town..



people make strange gestures in party town..



pretty






Well. I haven't even got to Saturday or Sunday yet, or gotten into how annoying all my jobs are. Or how sick I am of training people, but thank the lord, everyone is so completely nice and lovely that it's hard to be irritated at them.
I'm back to ice cream this afternoon for a bit (cleaning out freezers!!!). Then tonight is the last improv class! Ack!
I haven't signed up for any more classes yet. But I might next sesh. It's obviously something I need to keep doing.
Oh yeah I did the Late Late Horror Show again on Saturday, might as well put those pictures too while I'm on the subject:

There was an astronaut:


some massage therapy:


armless dudes:


and lesbian horses:


oh yeah, I cut my hair and touched up my dye-job:


(Thanks to Notjeremy for taking pictures for me!)