yep, time just keeps slipping out from under me these days.


sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorryblog.



also have not been keeping up with private blog AT ALL sorry long-distance family you don't know every minute detail of what's going on with me, my bad.

I've been very, very busy doing pretty much nothing at all, which seems to take a lot of time, effort, and money. classic.


(this wig has been hanging out at my house and I keep putting it on and forgetting about it. It makes me kind of miss having dark hair! also, in this pictures I am being a "comedian". funny, yeah?)

I do swear, though, that at any moment I'm about to settle the eff down.

Maybe now that my slate is actually clear of babes this will become true. Especially since because of the pact I cannot go out looking for buffers.



Maybe you're wondering what a buffer is!

In terms of babes, I am very, very into buffering. When I'm in a situation where I'm not getting what I want/I think I'm about to get hurt/it's not enough, etc, etc, then I will specifically look for new involvement in order to make me feel better.
Pretty cool move! 
If you get enough babes to have crushes/possibilities with/get to kiss on the mouth, then you can pretty much just rotate through them and never actually stop to think about any of it. There's always something exciting on the horizon, ya know?

Part of the pact I've made with my friend specifically involves not doing that. Because mostly buffering a situation just ends up in a bigger mess. And more stress to deal with.
(Ha, sometimes you just gotta yell BUFFER THAT SHIT and go out on the town, though...) 



I've been thinking a great deal lately about trying to figure out what I actually feel about situations. Because there's:
A) What I should feel (as per society's standards/friends' reactions/etc)
B) What I do feel (at that moment, but it changes so quickly, too)
C) What I want to feel

Sometimes I think it's possible to just decide to feel something. Maybe occasionally.



I went on a date last week. It was very specifically a date, partially because I was lamenting how I never go on dates, and partially because this dude particularly owed me a whole evening. For various reasons. Mostly to do with how I have been a really terrific friend/person to him (for the most part, and also if I were really I probably wouldn't write this in the blog.. but I don't care right now, this is part of how I sort things).
And now he's no longer going to be around in my life. For reasons which I always knew.
So there's been the constant back and forth of trying to figure out what I feel.
Do I always only want what I can't have? Do I specifically seek out people who are unavailable in order for it to fail before it's even begun? maybe I want the false romance of that unavailability...
Also this dude may or may not have said that I'm not interested in accepting love, which I found a bit rich at that moment.



It's funny how uncomfortable I was with the idea of an actual date, though, I'll tell ya that for free. Too much pressure. It ended up being a lovely evening-- dinner, movie, pub, and then we even started a dance party at the bar later. And drank on a deck with another of our very favourite people until 4:30 in the morning.
My life is very fun and interesting, even if it is a big messy most days.

So... now I'm in pact mode in earnest and the only thing that is saving me right now is that CRUSHES ARE STILL ALLOWED. even though that's a bit of buffering it's not real-time buffering, it's just make-believe.

oh god, crushes are my ultimate favourite thing.
(along with christmas)


I also went as dollface's date to her family's Thanksgiving. 3rd time in the past 4 years I've been and it's always very fun.


classy ladies...



I'm a good date, I am friendly and make awkward jokes with your grandmother about her stealing out of my purse "I know how much money I have in there, so watch yourself"
(hopefully I wasn't actually offensive!) 


Yeah yeah we (Dollface, mostly) were in charge of the centre-pieces. Awww so nice.


I also am good at hitting on you. Invite me as your date to everywhere, everyone!

Okay gotta go now!

But I will tell you that my improv teacher last night told me that I'm naturally very charming.
haaaa, bear in mind that I've been nothing but rude to that guy since meeting him because I find him  intimidating. 
Not always the complete little gremlin I imagine myself to be, I guess. 
(just most times!) 

when do we all calm down

Thanksgiving time at Dollface fam's! I'm waiting for her to come pick me up and then we party! (and by party I obviously mean hold babies and smile at each other) Love Dollface fam.



Life's been still pretty messy in a way that maybe I wouldn't expect from fall, like things should have calmed down by now, we should all be relaxing all evenings with hot apple cider and pumpkin pie...
Instead, everyone around here is still kind of a disaster in various ways that are inappropriate for blog-talk. Good material for us all to write about later, though. Right?



I made a series of very good jokes last night. Man, the feeling of accomplishment after making a good joke is the best. Also the best is when people don't understand me or my jokes. Most of the time!!


I'm officially in love with my new glasses, jfyi. It's very important to have glasses you can still feel babin' in because otherwise they can be a serious barrier to bagging all the babes you so desire.

Teeth-brush time! Later on maybe I'll write you something of substance...

hopefully now everyone will stop talking about turkey all day

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I'm liking Thanksgiving more the past couple of years, maybe it's because I get invited to more dinners? Probably.

Cpt. and I took the go train out to Mississauga. I love taking the go train! It's still a novelty to me. Also, I love trains in general. I should become a conductor. Or at least play one on TV.





Didn't take any photos at dinner. It's funny being at dinners with other people's families.
The Cpt.'s family made a lot of sense to me. Explained Cpt. a bit. Also, he looks just like both of his parents, which I found funny (especially since one is Italian and one is half Filipino).



They were very loud and kind of mean to each other and I found that pretty fun. Also if people are being loud and mean I find it impossible not to join in.



In other news, I love cheesecake and I have to go to work right now.

Sass, the pictures from Sneaky Dee's last night are up on my Flickr, I just don't have time to put them over here yet. Feel free to grab them if you'd like.

stay until it's time for you to go

Working the basketball game today and then going to Cpt. Heh's family in Mississauga for Thanksgiving dinner!
I'm pretty excited, Cpt. Heh and I have been besties forever but I've managed to never meet his parents. I hear they are crazy! Perfect!
I feel like I should bring something but I have no idea what it should be. Especially since I'm going straight from work. Hmmm.




Everything is physically irritating me. I don't know why. My mum has problems sleeping because everything physically irritates her. Her doctor told her she was turning into a princess.
Haha, you'd have to know my mum to realize how funny it would be if she were a princess. Aw man, I'm going to get shit for that comment later.



Speaking of mums, went out to Watusi with Dollface and her family last night after I was done work. I didn't bring my camera but you'll have to believe that her family is nearly as cute as she is. Nearly.

It was very fun and I was being a bit obnoxious, sorry, guys!
Mother-Dollface reads this blog sometimes and she asked me about Theresa and I found that pretty funny. Internets!

Watusi is pretty good, I had chickpea fries and they were about as good as they sound (ie: wonderful). And I had some alcohol.

Brother-Dollface was trying to wiener out of partying with us but I told him "drink through it" and we forced him to order more alcohol. Paaaarty!

"I really wanted a ceasar but mum had already ordered a bottle of Veuve" -Dollface
(#firstworldproblems)

At some point Dollparents left and our other friend came by and the owner of the restaurant bought us drinks and, well, that's when things get party-hazy.

We did go to Betty's and we did go to Poutinis, I know that much!

I also did stay up til after five a.m. on the internet and now I am very tired and have to go work... (#firstworld problems)











My most neutral face is a sad one.



I like these self-indulgent photos. Obviously. I think it's a good idea to have pictures of oneself. I like freckles. I wish I had more freckles. I am an awkward level of pretty for being an actor. I should be prettier or less pretty. I am medium beautiful.

It's a Buffy Sainte-Marie listening sort of a day. In case you were uncertain of what to put on. More specifically 97 Men/Don't Call Me Honey.

we'll look back on this life as it it were a scene

hello yankee doodle dandies.
I've been away! And by "away" I mean "busy".
Sorry!

I really have no good excuses except that I am far too popular for computing.

Haha I just got that feeling where I want to burst into tears, that's how I know I haven't been spending enough time by myself. Also I blame Tom Cochrane, although I'm not sure that I Wish You Well would do this to me normally.


I almost wore this to brunch today. It is not warm enough out though.


Happy Thanksgiving! I had the best Thanksgiving I've had in years, probably. I never usually have anything to do and I just don't think it's a worthwhile holiday.
But this year I went with Dollface to her grandmother's. Her grandmother has it catered! And there were many many people. And her grandmother got everyone gifts! Even me! Which made it feel very much like Christmas and you know how I feel about Christmas... (good).

The drive out there was nice. I visited with DF's siblings who were very cute and looked just like DF (except not as beautiful I guess)


Her gram's building was v fancy with lots of chandeliers.

I love chandeliers. I hope one day to own a mansion with lots of chandeliers. Or at least stay in lots of hotels.


I got full off the appetizers. So, so good. Hummus and spinach dip and red pepper dip and veggies and then they walked around offering little bites soooo good.

they have the kids do the bartending (have a little tip cup out - totally full by the end of the eve), they were very competent, gave good full glasses of wine. Uh huh.
Adult table:

The table were divided up by age/status. Kind of funny. Our table the was the coolest (obviously). I wish DF's brother didn't have to leave so soon, wanted to friend him, he's very nice-seeming. And I like his writing and taste in music so, you know.




I took home a bunch of those apples, fresh from the orchard, going to make apple crisp maybe later if you're lucky.

DF really likes her parents, with total just cause on account of they are excellent. So warm and friendly. But not in a put-on way.
Her dad has lots of brothers, they are all very nice. Makes me sad for no dads in my life. But also pleased that great dads exist.



place-card for ME!

veg version for me! Patty-shell with stuffing and whipped potatoes and delicious veggies. No really. Oh yeah we had pumpkin soup to start with a dollop of sour cream and chives! I know, Right?

haha notice that there are three pieces of cheesecake beside my name

must all be for me! Best cheesecake I've had in quite some time. Three kinds: Pumpkin (favourite), Lime-Almond (2nd), Chocolate (still stupidly good).
DF's family is very seriously bout their holiday. NO TOMFOOLERY.



After dinner we went with DF's cousins for a pint and planned to go out on the town but I was So Tired. I went home and couldn't go back out again. Also food coma. Also we drank all afternoon but the food kept absorbing it and so we just got tired not drunkskies.

.

I worked briefly on Monday morning (holiday pay!) and then went to dinner at Deer's house (finally picked a damn aka). Also fun times. I like parents. I like hanging with parents. It happens far less often in Toronto that I was used to in Saskatoon. But I guess that's because we all lived at home. Yeah that makes sense.
They have cats (!) and one cat who looks like she is Batman!

Awww.
Also ate myself almost into a coma again.
Also Deer brought wine but we drank it all, well, along with his dad.
His dad tells the WORST jokes it is pun after pun after pun it's like he can't stop like a compulsion. Worse than my mum for sure and that's saying a lot. But also very nice dude, I liked him a lot. I think he appreciated my making fun of his jokes. The mum was also very kind but more stressed about the dinner I think. And less chummy. Still, she did look kind of like Mrs Claus and you know how I feel about Christmas... (good)

After dinner I took a picture of this store for Deer:

He insists this is pronounced "Shit You Dog Incorporated"
I have a sneaking suspicion that he is wrong.

Then, with that out of the way, we went to my friends' house for desert and champagne. Because we hadn't had enough pie or anything at that point. I have no idea how I ate two tarts... Made Dollface come as well.
My friends were having a fancy dinner party and so they were all dressed up and stuffed right up to the gills.






It really was a nice get-together though. Their new house is very beautiful, and because it's so beautiful the boys are even helping to keep it nice. We hung out on the rooftop deck with 2 dogs and Jonathan Tip Top Taylor Thomas Chirovsky.
One of the dogs shat on the floor inside, which lead to us all telling the best pooping stories we had. Pure brilliance.
No really, you're getting told them soon. Hopefully.
I laughed so hard for no good reason at one point that I spat champagne all over the deck and it came out my nose. I know, right?
We also sat around chatting and even watched a short film that one friend had made. So good. So beautiful. I want to make more short films! Let me!!!

I'm so lucky these days, guys. I know really great people. People who want to talk about poop and want to make movies and play good songs.

I'm not going to lament over how my career is going nowhere fast and how scared I am that I will never work again because I believe that things are looking up. And I'm busy trying to believe that I just need to keep on.
Yes.

Mmhmm.

This post is too long now!
I'm going to write the rest later. Maybe.
So many photos! And good times