live off the attention

sometimes you cut like one inch off your hairs or something and it necessitates a whole whack of photos being taken of your own self.
I mean, like I ever need an excuse. Classic.


I bought this dress in Saskatoon over the holidays but yesterday was the first time I wore it. Insanely comfortable. I wore something underneath it when I left the house. I can't guarantee that will always be the case.




Mrs. gave me this a couple of weeks ago maybe now. I have yet to sit down and really go through it but it is very lovely. I will forsure be copying images from this for my own herb drawings, but also maybe I will learn about plants and what to do with them. I know so, so little about plants it's really kind of remarkable, especially given how my mum is super interested in horticulture and the house was always filled up with plants when I was a kid. Straight up ignored that shit, yo.
I remember my mum saying that she ignored her mother's gardening as a kid as well (did you say that, Mum, or am I making this up?) and was surprised by her interest in it later in life.
I'm not saying I'm going down that road, and I def still have a blind spot for most plants, but... I'm finding it more appealing, I guess.


I love my Second City class, still. In case you were wondering. It's so hard. Conservatory is so hard. And it's hard to bring in ideas for people to work on or shut down or change. I'm super bossy about what I find funny and what I want to do with my ideas, it's a challenge for me to calm down and trust other people to help or change or work with it.
A good challenge.
I'm trying to learn how to pitch my ideas so that I will be trusted and taken seriously about them. I'm trying to learn how to explain why I think it'll be funny and in what way.
I'm learning how to fight for my ideas and how to let other people work with them.
Hard!
And very interesting.
It's fascinating to me how quickly comedy has become insanely important to me. How did I avoid it for so long? How did I manage to pretend that it wasn't something I was that interested in actually pursing? So silly!
it's the best!
And guess what? I am pretty okay not bad at all really.




what a little pink face I am.

we talked breifly in improv class last night about our insecurities and, man, it's hard to even know where to start!
Good god damn, I'm insecure about everything about myself.
Except maybe... ha, nope, just thought about it for awhile and couldn't think of anything I'm not at least a little tiny bit insecure about.
Even things I know I'm good at like being a good friend or having a good sense of humour.

Anyway, taking photos of myself where I look way better than in real life is all part of that. I get it, I get it. Super self-indulgent. But, there you go.




part of all this self-obsession is maybe also that I can't seem to hold onto a concept of who I am. I find myself mesmerized by people in the subway wondering if that's what I look like, if that's what I sound like or act like. Even though I've seen myself on film lots of times, I can't comprehend how I must look to other people, I can't imagine what they would think of me.


ha, following up that last little ramble with this photo is just great. Look how seriously I can take myself.


I haven't worn this broach yet because I'm scared I'll lose it. It is a particularly lovely one, the leaves are my favourite part.

Okay, I'm going to go to a screening of A Small Thing (short I was in a few years ago) now just to see if there are any compliments that need to be thrown my way. Also to hang out with my bud I never get to see... and hopefully see some other good things.
But mostly for the attention.
I don't know if the photos contained in this entry make it completely clear or not, but I live off attention. Pretty much.

fading out like it's never been

Okay, oh good, some pictures of myself. For once. You're welcome.


I wanted to show you how faded out my hair colour is (because I know that you have been wondering how that is going for me) but then the light isn't even good so.....

So then I just edited a bunch of them anyway.

I feel like I used to be better at smiling. When did I stop being good? I think I'm alright at smiling IRL just not necessarily for photos.
My chin is just so extreme, it stretches the skin across it in an annoying way. Should I smile more to stretch out that skin? Should I do face-stretching exercises? Is this just going to go away as my jowls start sagging and I should enjoy it while it lasts?



Ha, imagine being a regular non-actor, non-blog person who could just never think so much about how dumb their face is...
English is my first language.



LOOK WHAT I MADE

Mini-flask necklaces.



Dollface and Violet suggested that I sell these. So now I want to. Where should I sell these? Who will sell them for me?

Aww I like these little guys. Dollface had bourbon in hers last night. Mmmm.


I didn't mean to go out last night but then everyone was texting and they all seemed to be heading to the same area and then when I finally got dressed and out the door, everything seemed to fall through but I was wearing sequins (an awesome vintage dress I cut into a sweet shirt so good. why didn't I take pictures?) so I couldn't very well turn around and go back home, could I?
So I went down to meet Dollface at Goodnight and I made some good jokes and some new buds and then we hoofed it up to Churchill where we stayed until we got kicked out. But I fully maintained babebreak didn't even entertain any dumb notions.

Actually feeling so great about babebreak. It has taken all of the "loneliness" out of my life... I say that because I'm never really lonely, I'm pretty much always content in my life and lifestyle, but the idea of being actively looking for love adds a sense of loneliness to my lifestyle. Like I'm failing somehow, or missing something. Which I don't think is necessarily true.
Funny how society conspires against me when I should be busy enjoying myself.



I think this one is for me to keep. I put vodka in it already. I need another flask because I only have four other ones. But I can't find my 3-ouncer. Sooo... Plus this one is a 5-ouncer and I don't have one that size.



Also, there's been an epidemic of break-ups it seems, lately? Has anyone else noticed this trend? My one friend today was blaming the lunar eclipse. I wonder....

Oh yeah, I spent today with one of my favourite people, eating cookies, drinking multiple kinds of tea, picking at all the candy in the house, and talking about everything. Perfect kind of afternoon. Spending time at home with friends is the best because there's no pressure to finish up or get going, or get to the subjects. You can talk or be quiet or yell or cry even and it's no big deal.
Best.

 

Now maybe I'll do the laundry! No real point since I'm on babe break, I know but whatever. 

once you've got it, how do you keep it? (my hair as a metaphor for life)

It takes a concerted effort for me to leave the house without mascara on. Even if it's just to walk the dog. I try to do it from time to time to prove that I'm still the don't-care hippie I imagine myself to be.


Luckily I am nothing if not completely enamored with my hair today. If my hair looked like this every day my life would be complete. How did I even get it to this colour? Why won't this colour last? Honestly, though, how do I keep it?
Lately everyone is dying their hair red (exaggeration) and now I have conversation after conversation about trying to get a good shade and then keep it. It's quite amazingly stupid, really! Amazing.

I thought I wanted it to be more Emma Stone's colour in Easy A,

But I'm okay with what my hair is doing right now. Though I still do like that darker colour.
WOW THIS BLOG IS LIKE A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE


Hey, look, the dog!
Probably Lucinda Bright (my foster cat) is getting very jealous about how many dog photos I'm posting. Just kidding, she's not allowed to go on the internet.
ugh, sorry. I feel like I'm getting lamer by the second.
I'm getting more and more into bad puns and lame word jokes, also. I think it's because I expect other people to make them more and I want to get there first. Almost fair.



My stomach was being dumb and so I hung out at Dollface's and watched TV for a bit today. I like walking DF's dog but I would never want to walk other people dogs. Just Kaya. Also because I never worry if DF will be annoyed I'm watching her TV or touching her things. Also because Kaya is a low-stress dog, she's pretty easy going and a good walking companion. Aww.



I don't really have any shifts at work this week. I feel alright about that. Terrifyingly poor, yes, but excited to relax about, hibernate a bit, and get some work done. And next month is lots of shifts (fingers crossed).
I meant to write all day yesterday but really only got into it around 11 p.m. or so. It's alright because I got a lot alot done by the time I decided to pack it in around 3.
The stuff I'm working on is alright. But then I started reading a couple of other scripts that I didn't write and they were great. I was a bit jealous. Got to get past the jealousy and just do the work.
I know I've said it before, but man, I would really prefer if I were great at everything right off the bat and never had to actually work at things.
Classic deservist attitude.




Pineapple-shaped tea ball which was a gift from Violet awhile ago, still one of my favourites. Saskabush tea (Saskatoon berries and rosehips and things) from Cuppa Tea in Lawson Mall in Saskatoon.

I made soup! Ha, everyone is surprised. What else would I make?

It looks thick. I like it like that. If you like a thinner soup, add more water, I don't care.

TOMATO LENTIL QUINOA SOUP
1 medium onion
1/4 zucchini
1/2 red pepper
6 button mushrooms
1 can crushed tomatoes
1/2 cup lentils
1/2 cup quinoa
2 cups of vegetable stock
some Italian seasoning blend

This is exactly like all the other soups I make (especially like the one that's just curry instead of tomatoes, leave me alone), and all the ingredients are 100% approximates. Just cut everything up and then put all the ingredients in and cook it forever. You can put in other vegetables or not these vegetables!  I fried up the onions and mushrooms in a bit of butter and olive oil first. You don't have to. You can do whatever you like, really.
I lovelove the combination of lentils and quinoa. So filling in a great way.





Ha, I made apple-strawberry crisp the other day and my friend came over and he said, "why?"
What a question! Like there ever needs to be a reason for a crisp.



I haven't been able to find a good day planner yet for the year (and I depend on my dayplanner/notebooks so much!), so I'm going to go about marking up a blank book to make it into one. Hey, I have the time. Plus then I can make it the best ever.
I have to find a great movie to watch while I do so. Lately I've watched:
Black Swan (liked it)
Easy A (liked it)
All Good Things (liked it)

Those are my reviews. You're welcome.

monday is a monday for me this monday

Don't tell Mrs., but in Australia recently, an alligator invaded a pool where an aquafit class was being held, so the class had to be evacuated.
ahahaaha don't tell Mrs. because she hates swimming for fear that the sharks will get her, she will only go to aquafit with me because there's lots of other people closer to the deep end who will get eaten first!
Amazing.



I just had an audition that was way across town and I left way later than I intended so I had to book it like crazy on my bike then I rode back and now I'm tired but I told Mrs. I'd meet her at the gym in half an hour. So I guess I'll go...



I really want to be a TOUGH kind of kid. Pipe dreams, and I can hear everyone laughing at me already. Whatever, I can dream.
Hhahaa "PIPE" dreams



Also, all I go out for these days are fast food commercials, it's kind of dragging me down, maybe it's because I look like I eat fast food??

Work today and then all the way through Sunday. I better have a billion dollars otherwise too annoying.



I'm very, very close to getting all the redecorating/reorganizing done in my tiny attic. Just a lot of cleaning and cleaning to do (fucking dishes fucking piled up like no one's business).
Cpt. Heh got a sneak peek last night when he walked me home from The Weather Station's show.
Fucking love Miss Lindeman and her Weather Station. So outrageously good.



Anyway very pleased with things around here so far. I even have a tiny office nook! Now I will get WORK done.
On my face.



Oh yeah, dyed my hairs back to redder so now I assume I will book all the gigs in the world and become very famous. Or at least be able to afford a very fancy camera and a macbook pro.
Want.



Okaaaay byee Mrs. is going to be mad that I'm late already!

christmas, auditions, etc

This blog is about to become 8 times more annoying if you don't like Christmas.



Nirvana has a Christmas tree set up now. Not really decorated just with white lights. Still lovely. Niki and I had brunch there the other day and it made the whole place feel all holiday-spirity.



Getting my holiday workshop in order. I haven't decided what sorts of crafts I'm going to make besides some origami ornaments and holiday cards... I'm very pleased to be getting an early-ish start on things, though. Usually I leave everything until the last minute and then I don't have time to enjoy Saskatoon and family and all that business.



I've already had one stress dream about Christmas.
I dreamt that we all forgot to buy any gifts at all and all tried to run out on Christmas day afternoon to pick up random things for each other. TERRIFYING.



I need to get a slightly bigger Christmas tree. I like wrapping all the little stocking stuffers to place around this mini little guy though. JK those aren't your stocking stuffers.



On an unrelated note, I am done shopping for stockings. It is far, far too easy! all those little things sneaking into my shopping bags. Actually I might pick up a couple more things for my bro. If you have any idea what stocking stuffers to get for an 18 year old annoying boy then let me know!

Here is what I've been working on:


I want to draw snowflakes all day!


Lucky for me I don't have any shifts at work this week so I've had plenty of time for that.


Practicing lettering and stuff, too.


Some is good, some is not as good!




I haven't drank since Friday. I haven't smoked, either, come to think of it.
I haven't gone out either, though. It's easier that way.
I'm saving all my drink money to spend on Christmas gifts.

Went out for brunch yesterday with JL but besides that I haven't been out on the town much at all. Oh yeah, we also finally went to see Where The Wild Things Are on Sunday. I really liked it. JL was not convinced. I expected that to happen.



In case you were wondering what I'm doing with my hair (you weren't), I'm dying it with semi-permanents at home, a redder version of my natural haircolour, trying to grow it out a lot a lot so I can see what I have to deal with. I'm pleased with this semi-permanent. Less roots to show, less annoyance when it fades out right away. Fascinating!!!



On my way now to the second audition of the day. It's hard because the first one didn't go too great. It's a bit hard to suck it up and go for it again.
I got thrown off by the miming I was to be doing. I couldn't concentrate on the actions because I was trying too hard to do what the casting people like/want.
Also I think that casting person hates me and that always makes me nervous.
In conclusion, I suck. And I need to learn how to be better at not sucking.



I'm going to go smile at them with my eyes.