daily daily same things to hash out

'i could impregnate you when you come back and then you could pad around barefoot in my house and eat rhubarb crisp'.

(quote from telephone call that I wrote down in a private diary years ago.I like how if it involved me cooking the crisp then it would be sexist, but if it's just eating it, then I'm all for it. I hate wearing shoes.)



I've been considering re-wording, re-formatting some stuff from recent private blogs for public consumption. It's super hard, though.

Everyone who reads private blog knows me, gives me the benefit of the doubt, has the history with me to be able to know what I'm getting at even when I lack the faculties to make it perfectly clear.

This age is hard work and would probably be easier if I had different friends, if I weren't pursuing acting, if we drank less, if I had a 9to5, if I boned less musicians, if I was interested in anyone who was interested in me.

But life might be less fun?

(edit: I wrote this yesterday and then while hanging with with my favourite rap partner last night we were talking and she said basically exactly all that back to me.)



Dollface and I, at brunch, were talking about relationships and how the thought of them gives us a bit of heebie-jeebies and panic. And also how there are very few examples of types of relationships that we would want to be in. Except for like, Dollface's parents. And Violet's parents...

But yet the idea of settling down with someone,  and especially having kids, that does seem appealing.

And there's the pressure that society sets out (moreso for women) for us to find someone before it's "too late".

Even one of my aunts was talking about being single how after a certain point you have to wait for the first round of divorces to find a suitable mate.
Shudder.

Haha, that might be close-to-true in Saskatoon, though. Where you have to wait for a couple to break up so that you can date one of them. Then when you have one you have to hold on for dear life 'cause there aint gonna be many more free ones.

Just kidding! (kind of)



Man, I woke up in the most god-awful mood this morning. Just horrifyingly bad.
I'm trying pretty hard to shake it, though. Instead of wallowing in it.

I dreamed I was in an acting class and everyone hated me and then my instructor flipped out on me for not knowing my lines and slapped me and told me to quit acting because I was so terrible at it. Then I coudn't control my rage and I hit him and then everyone blamed me and thought I was a psychopath and wouldn't look at me.

I hid out in the garden eating pastries that I should have paid for but didn't want to.
That's where the dream started getting weird.



Anyway, unpleasant feelings all the way through that last bit of sleep and it's all still nagging in my chest.

Last night was super fun and my old rap group pal, who needs a nickname and I worked very very hard on a new project. But we also had some delicious dinner (rice pasta with sauteed mushroom and zucchini tomato sauce, baked with cheese) and drank wine.
I should be in a way better mood today than I am, and I'm going to try and get to there.



I like how sometimes I look at pictures of myself I took and I'm like "really? really you couldn't have taken two seconds to do your hair? really?"

if I leave now I can get coffeeeee

today I drank tea and I listened to Clipse and I laughed at my own jokes. Oh, right, that's most days.

I wish I had a rap/dance band again.



Work last night was the longest EVER. I mean, did you even see that game (you probably didn't)? Super lot of runs for both sides and it was just like the battle of bad pitching from what I could tell. Heyyy this is a baseball blog now!
But I worked with my friend who just got a job as a flight attendant so she's been trying to improve her french so we were attempting to speak only french to each other. Terrible failure, but truly good times. Holy lord we were killing ourselves falling over laughing at our ridiculous lack of french knowledge.
Also I kept singing french voyageur songs and doing the actions. Obviously.



It was super slow and so luckily we were entertaining each other and luckily it was a pretty smooth night, not terrible issues at the end or anything. And made a bit of change, so, yeah, I can take you out on the town now if you wanna go.



Magpie after work where two groups of my friends were there sort of separately. Stayed later than I intended and then bought taquitos. FUCK YOU, TAQUITO.



HAHA
my agent just called and was like "Recall tomorrow at 11" and I was like "nooooo then I have to blow off aquafit"
we laughed. and laughed.
and then in my head I was like "YESSSSSSS FIFTY BUCKS" just like that in my mind.

I'm ready to book GIGS and then I'm ready to book more gigs!

I think I'm going to have a clothing swap next week. Do you want to come? It may also be the official unveiling of my new apartment (ahah this gets dumber because I didn't even change anything, really. I mean, how much can you do with 100 square feet??)!

road trip time has come again!

Made best friends with this girl, Hal Johnson, on the way up to the cottage on Sunday -- we drank bison grass vodka mixed with apple juice in our Harvey's cups in the backseat of the car while the other two lovely ladies were responsible and in charge of getting us to our destination.

That drink is weirdly great and tastes just like apple pie.



Happy to be heading back up to the cottage bright and early tomorrow morning! Back Tuesday to work the Yankees vs Blue Jays games, lots of swimming and sleeping and hammocking between then and now!

yes pls

I didn't go out tonight. I mean, besides working and then dinner. But I did not go out dancing. Because I have work to do and sleep to get.
Some day I'm going to be responsible. And mature.

My life is a mess right now and I am trying to only add things that are good for me into it. And people who are good for me. And not more messes.
Lately I'm wanting prosperity, confidence, success, competence...
Sometimes the messiness of other people drags at me.



Bizarro face!!!

OMG they totally played it on the jumbotron at the acc today. Weird x 110.
Strangers are starting to recognize me which makes me feel funny and unsure of how to react but happy, I guess? yeah.

I need to get a series. And a film lead. Both, yes.
Yes please



QUICK POLL:

my new dance/rap duo should be called:

a) Specialust
b) Cafete
c) The Dramz

pls i need yr feedback asap



I am excited about being a hiphop phenomenon

the exciting life and times of miss bomb

Two new developments in the epic, exciting drama which is my life:

#1:
I caught one! I came home (drunk drunkety drunk) last night to find Hunca Munca caught by a leg in one of my traps. So I scooped her up and tried to calm her but she bit me a bunch (totally rude) and so I held her by the scruff of her neck and took her and dumped her out on the front walk. I just couldn't bear to physically kill her myself. Even though she bit me.
The home invasion seems to be lessening maybe the poison is finally starting to work. I hope so. Knock wood and stuff.

#2:
I finally, finally saw the damn Ice Breakers commercial. Thanks to my aunt's tip about it frequently being on the retro cartoon network. I managed to tape the end half. And have freeze-frame watched it around a billion times.
Conclusions:
-What a bizarro nose I have! (totally cute but also very weird-looking)
-I should get my teeth fixed
-I have sparkly eyes
-it put to rest my intense fears that it's awful..

It also played last night at work, on a whole bunch of TVs around me. Very bizarre.
.

Last night was supposed to be for partying all the time but it was a case of too many possibilities and too many almost parties.. but dancing at the Dakota with the single girl trifecta was pretty good.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a bar.... (ouch)
Chuck Berry tribute night = pretty fun dance party.
.

I just about ate a whole cucumber!
.

Oh, actually exciting:
I have found my new rap partner, Sassephine: super new rap duo: name to be announced soon: party time to follow: same size of feet so you know we'll work well together: or at least be able to switch shoes

MCDA HEY!

So.
It looks like my infamous dance/rap band MCDA will have to reunite. Why?
Not because of popular demand.
Not because of great new tunes.

Nope.

Only to use this picture:

getting lucky

Feeling really good? Confident? Pretty?
Then I suggest going to a wardrobe fitting, that'll snap you out of it.

No. It's fine.
I do like clothes and I really don't mind being pinned and poked and stuff. And I like being fussed over. I just don't like the parts where stuff doesn't fit over my fat arms or where things look really awkward and then everyone says so. And I don't like standing in front of groups of people especially when a bunch of them are the "client" who are depending on me to sell their product.
Also then the hair people came around and mentioned my roots but it a way that it made me feel embarrassed for dying my hair which is silly because obviously I dye my hair, it's not my fault it looks so beautiful and natural that you think it's real. So I'm touching it up today.

I'll probably eff it up and end up with red patches on my face or on my ears or maybe it'll somehow turn green or the roots will be a different colour than the rest or maybe I'll have an allergic reaction to the dye and I'll get hives and swell up and stuff. OH GOD life is stressful.

This is all fine. I'm very, very (beyond) grateful to get to do this commercial. I'm just nervous and even when I've booked a part I'm always still 100% sure they're going to
a) back out and hire someone else at the last minute
or
b) regret having hired me but now they're stuck with me and that's even worse

So many auditions lately. I had another recall this morning. This commercial is going to be very funny, I bet and maybe even sweet. If they get a proper babe to do it. And the director was ridiculously nice and sort of charming. And that always makes me feel more comfortable and able to work. Directors should always be encouraging. It makes the entire process more fun. I mean, I see that there are 15 other girls out in the waiting room, I know that I'm probably not going to get it, so there's not much point to going to these things all the time if they aren't enjoyable.

Haha, I just remembered that I wrote on my goal list that I wanted to do a commercial this month! Awesome. Now if only I complete everything else on this ridiculously long list.
I'm not scanning that list in because it's silly. But I will tell you it includes "Stop dicking around" as one of my main objectives.

You can look at this list though, it's about how I'm going to be a rapper really, really soon.

I look good

I look good
I look good
I look good
I look good
I look good
I look good
I look good
I look good
I look good
Why you gotta hate on me?
Shit, I look good

-The Pack (I look good)




Check these sweet earrings Dana gave me yesterday after I admired them on her!
Whoa holy hell they're so hot.
I'm never going to not-wear them. Except maybe at work on account of earrings are supposed to be no bigger than the size of a nickel.

So.... I'm continuing on in hopes of being a rap star. I can't let it go. Even though MCDA has fully disbanded (we aren't even all in the same city all the time, and one of us is married), I still want to bring the mad, mad rhymes and mad, mad flava. You know?
And I'm pretty fresh, I have to say.

Or at least I get fresh, pretty much the same thing.

Clipse is my all-time favourite rap group. If you know any other rap groups you think could rival them right now, you should let me know.
I like The Pack and I like The Cool Kids... but nothing is as all-round hotttt as Clipse.

I plan on being as sexist and horrendous as boy rappers... but towards men. It's sort of like; if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Except different.

Shit. I always paint my nails and then get paint allllll over the keyboard. Fuck around.

The back of my computer, where the power cord attaches, has been really touchy and likes to shut the computer down and lose my blog entries. And it sparked a little bit. Am I going to burn down and die?

I've gotten it into my head that I'm really really hungry and no matter what I eat today I still feel empty.

This cold I've had for a week seems to only be getting worse. It's a good excuse for sleeping twelve hours, but even then I still feel worn-out and worn-down. Gross. I wish the coughing would stop. It's hard to sleep.
It's also hard to pick up babes.

me: I don't even want to pick up babes, I'd just give them my cold
s: so? Who cares? You have to be more selfish, I mean, if you had syphilis or gonorrhea, you wouldn't tell them, right?

Exactly.

I'm also having extreme stress dreams. I never have nightmares, but I've been coming close lately. What's with that?
I had dreams last night of losing children, people trapped in elevators, my entire family getting crushed by falling debris...
No, really, what's with that?

Improv teacher: "So you really do think you're great, it's not just an act to cover up your insecurities?"

Um....

I do not do not do not want to go out in the snowstorm. I shouldn't have said yes when they called me in today. Except I'm still so close to dying on the streets.
I wonder when I'll get all the riches..