don't say randy it reminds me too much of home improvement

here is a dress I'm pretty into wearing. It's my friends I got at a clothing swap and then I hemmed the shit out of it. I wore it a lot at the beginning of the month and it's so specific now I have to give it a rest!

OH GOD MY LIFE IS FILLED WITH RIVETING EXCITEMENT.

......

Sometimes I look at a room and think "needs more stuff". actually, most of the time. STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF.

haaa sometimes I come home with more trinkets and Yulie says "more stuff??". OBVIOUSLY. how else will our house be the best house. Stuff.



Wow, none of these photos are particularly flattering! I guess I'll just post all of them anyway!


My roommates have been into this song for a bit and then Firehorse posted it again yesterday or something and now it's the only thing I want to listen to.

also those dance moves are so great. It makes me want to have a billion dance parties.

look,

Prune stayed over the other night. Everyone loves my flower sheets. I wonder if babes love my flower sheets or if they think I'm a nutbar. Not that that's the only reason they'd think that. hahaaaa I was thinking about dates today like the event not the fruit and man, the idea of a real-life actual date sure seems like a weird bad idea to me. unnerving.

Anyway, yeah, Prune is back around but I haven't been seeing enough of her.



Oh my god I'm going to do everything in my power today to avoid doing any actual writing. Don't worry. I won't do anything! I'm going to watch all my tv shows and make crafts instead!
I did get a lot of tv watching done yesterday plus got a start on some Christmas projects. And that's important!



I'm def not going to be able to afford Christmas. I have to tell Mrs. to invite me over for a canning project again. Maybe our beans could be less salty this time.


OH GREAT, some pictures of me lying around!
This is from when I was feeling ill earlier this week. I was really, really sick this month with my not-pregnant.
ahahhaaa guess how much I'm into that joke.
I think it makes it seem nicer for babes. Like "Hey, babe! I got my not-pregnant!" exciting times!

I was standing outside of Communist's Daughter the other night and Norman and I had just gotten snacks for watching the hockey game at my place (HAHA hockey) (haahaah I asked my brother to get me Canucks gear for Christmas. I hope he does it. Did I say all this already?) and so I was standing there showing Fisher through the window that I had pickles and ice cream and this group of people came out and the guy was like,
"nice!"
and one of the girls was like,
"who got dumped..?"
and I said "no one! I'm just on my not-pregnant."



I feel weird. Maybe because I just drank a pot of green tea and I didn't sleep that long and I have a weird assortment of drinks last night and for breakfast I had a gluten-free brownie with vanilla ice cream?
ohhhh yeah I'm probably on an awful sugar high. Gross.


maybe I'll post smaller pictures again. Are they getting too big? Overwhelming?

I keep forgetting I have a tattoo! goodgoddamn I am so bad.



"I've been more than clear on my position on things. Reverse cowgirl." -joke I just made to Dollface.

aaaaaaaand with that I leave you!

just taking a little breatherrrr

my aunt just told me I haven't updated in forever. So I checked. And guess what? she was right!

I have a really fucking shitty cold that's fucking up my head right now! I just finally gave up and took some drugs. I sneeze and sneeze and sneeze and my eyes they water and my head it hurts. Dislike! I'm hoping the drugs clear me out for a bit so I can get something done.
Just kidding, I'm productive. Medium productive.

I went to the mall today! I always forget about malls in Toronto. Saskatoon has lots of malls that I go to. I like going to the mall! mostly because I don't have to work in one, probably. Nor do I have to go to them ever.
Malls are good because they have lots of different things in them. I got a couple of headshots printed off. Don't tell my mother but I got them done at walmart. Not my fault, I can only afford to print off a couple at the cheapest rate, so walmart was my best choice. sighhhh.

I decided to take the overwhelming votes for #1 headshot as the one, and I even put my name on it like a real life actor.



I like it. I'm into it. I'm ready to get on with being the best ever actor around.

I saw at least 6 robins today. Plus probably some people whose names were Robin but I didn't know so let's call it 12.
I saw the supermoon the other night but not until it looked just reg.

I worked several days in a row and now I have no work for several days. When April gets here it'll be alright. Fingers crossed. That's what I say every year.


I hate when news anchors excuse their terrible jokes by saying something along the lines of "I just had to...".
NO YOU DIDN'T. SHUT UP YOUR HEAD.

haaaaa I think I might be in a temper.
I want to go out for beers and nachos!! I wish I were at Hoops!
Norman and Firehorse are texting me from Sneaky Dee's!! ugh! ugh! 

I went out on the town pretty much every day for the last two weeks so now I am on a self-enforced break from socializing.

It's hard because Norman keeps texting me and lots of other people are doing very fun people without me. I know I know, so much to complain about in my life.

We have had SO MUCH FUN LATELY.
I'm not kidding around on this one. Do you laugh til you fall over every night? Several times a night? and not just because you've been drinking?


(the floor at the ossington. I like this grate.)

Carla Ghee, Firehorse, Norman, and I have been an almighty team lately in the biggest party way (they actually party (drink) way more than I can). And they are so stupidly, wonderfully funny that I almost can't bear it sometimes.

I wish I could go back in time to tell teenage me that don't worry about not having friends then because at 27 I'll look around and see that somehow I've managed to amass some of the most wonderful people in the world to hang out with.

Am I hormonal? maybe.

I don't mean just Carla Ghee, Firehorse, and Norman. I mean, it's stupid how many people I want to be hanging out with right now. You know what it takes for me to turn down a funtime? A LOT.


I ate an apple on St. Patrick's at the ossington. I was not really feeling the funtime then. I pretty much played out my party streak. I liked that apple, though.
I went home before last call and was sober enough to read my book for awhile
(Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami, which I've owned from a clothing swap for probably two years and am only getting to now and guess what? It's so great!!)


It's not that I'm not enjoying this alone time. To the contrary, I'm catching up on Boardwalk Empire and movies, taking care of business, reorganizing, covering more mini-flasks (more on that tomorrow, hopefully!), doing some sewing and mending, cooking and cooking and cooking and eeeaaattting.


I made pancakes several times this week. This one rice flour variety I have is really only good for pancakes. But it is f-ing good. Kingsmill or something. Anyway.

I ate so many flipping pancakes. I wish I had more of that flour then I'd eat some more. Not joking. I'm hungry. Not actually hungry, just bored.

Fucking nice plate Dollface gave me, also. Sturdy and huge. Perfect for pancakes.


Anyway. we went out. every day. Carla Ghee has been waiting for me to post pictures of our adventures. Carla Ghee can party anyone under the table. She can dance to dubstep until 5 a.m. I don't know how. She is a bad (good) influence. She suggested day drinking on St. Pat's and I suggested Bloody Marys so that it looked socially acceptable. We are geniuses.

She is also very beautiful and snags lotsa babes.


One time we found a tub on the sidewalk and we put it down and got in and then a ghost came

and the ghost was like "hhheeeyyyyyy"

but super quiet so no one heard it.


maybe it was the ghost who also pulled the door off the washroom at the bar. Which bar?
I'm confused because we don't seem to be at Hoops in these photos.

I love Hoops. I think I like Hoops better than I like any other bar right now. It may have started as a joke but now I love it.
I love the bartenders and I love sitting at the bar and we had really good fajitas the other night and I like all the tvs kind of. I mostly love the staff. And being a regular there. Where else can you be a  good regular? And not care what you look like?
Our favourite bartender got the scoop on my Hoops crush for me.
Salt and pepper, almost
reddish beard
plaid rolled-up sleeves
faded tattoos
Turns out he's a chef, though.
sigh.
I do not want a chef boyfriend. I mean, he can still be my Hoops crush and since I'm into sowing my wild oats (mum cringe) then who cares.
but if I did care, I would care about him being a chef. you know what chefs like? meat. and gluten, almost certainly.

You know what's the best about crushes when you're pretty sure you're not looking to be tied down?
Nothing about the babes matters. I mean, the basics, sort of.
But anything else? Not a big deal.

Differing religious beliefs?
Leafs fan?
Hates cats?
Bad shoes?
Catholic guilt?
High all the time?

Doesn't matter! At all! No one cares!



this is what the window at my house looks like. I am upstairs, working away. Or at least eating and watching tv. Yes, I still have a wreath in my window. Obviously.

sick days are almost like treats

today I helped out on Arrow and Mrs.'s short film for a bit, as expected, and then I was so tired and ill-feeling (sigh) that I came home and watched movies and napped. the bright side is that I had nothing I had to do. and it's kind of a treat to be feeling sad and ill when you have the time and space to do it.
is it weird that sick days are almost one of my favourite things?

I watched Love and Other Drugs first before my nap. I used to quite like Anne Hathaway in some things but more and more lately I find her rather insufferable. she isn't vulnerable or open (which this role needed so badly), she's rather smug and over-confident.
I did want to like this movie because I was in the mood for something easy and plus it was directed by Ed Zwick, who is one of the executive producers of My So-Called Life, and therefore has almost won my affections forever.
I didn't like it, though. It's obvious and pointless and sets up ideals for relationships that are ridiculous. It's terribly clichéd and not even particularly visually appealing. It's fine. it was a fine movie, I guess.
Though, bear in mind that I like most things and I didn't really like this. 

Actually, I think I liked that movie better before my nap and especially before I watched Never Let Me Go.
I'm not sure that Never Let Me Go is as good as I'm thinking it is or if it was just too perfect for my mood this evening.
I'm pretty sure it's great. I'm jealous of Carey Mulligan, not just because of how I do think she's really wonderful but also because of the roles she gets. I need these roles. If I were 20% prettier and 40% more trained and got these roles I feel like I could be almost as good.
Should I go back to school? Ha, like I could ever afford it. It's nights like these, though, where I feel that familiar desperate need to be a successful/famous actor (it's like grade 8 again, when I would wake my mum up at 1 in the morning to cry to her in desperation of all I wanted to do. How heartbreaking that I'm not trying in the ways that I should be anymore. when it's been so close and is still so possible.).
The performances in this movie were so engaging and honest, Andrew Garfield and Keira Knightley, as well.. so solid and strong. Ah, man, I wish I wish.
By which I mean, I'll work and work.
Right?

I did some screen-grabs because I found it so visually pleasing. 
I want to live there. Not kidding. Or in the boarding school also featured in this movie. I want to move to England. I want to travel the world. So restless these days. someone sponsor me. Someone send me to theatre school in England.

 Carey Mulligan, I hope you are as lovely in real life as you seem on screen because I dream of being buds with you some day except I also couldn't handle how jealous I'd be I don't think.  Hopefully you're nice though.

 Obviously this makes me homesick for Saskatchewan and the close-ups of the barbwire fence of course of course. But it's very beautiful no matter how you look at it.

 this screen-grab doesn't do this scene justice, but you can kind of get an idea. great cinematography is kind of the best. two hours of beautiful pictures.

I love love the stain glass windows on these doors. Just perfect.
The costumes, too in this movie were so specific and the colours and it all just fit together for me.
Also, it's a heart-breaking little film.
Just what I was in the mood for.

I was going to post the trailer, too. But I hate trailers, and having just viewed this one I think it gives way too much away. So, I suppose, you could just watch that instead of seeing the actual movie. But probably watch the movie instead.

I'll just write my own part, okay. Never mind, I'll get around to it soon here. Don't worry.

Is it strange that serious acting and comedy seem very separate to me these days? I've been thinking lately about making a sketch show (it's been in my mind for quite some time, but I'm starting to organize ideas again), I'm writing a mockumentary based on my life and obsessive tendencies towards babes, and I ruined a take today by being too funny (haaaa more just ridiculous), but that seems to have little to do with getting into the serious, huge, intensive roles I dream of.
I dream of it all. If I dream of it all that means I don't have to take any of it seriously.
I think sometimes of "devoting myself to comedy" (as Ruckus hilariously put it recently) but sometimes I find comedians wearing and too-much. And comedians have tendencies towards self-destruction, depression, and drinking.
Sometimes I don't like the over-the-top nature of comedians, I don't like examining everything all the time for what is funny and what is not funny and why so.
and I do think it's easier for men to do both. women have a hard time being allowed to switch between true comedy and drama.

Or this is all just excuses why not to try for anything. Story of my life.

But, hey, congratulations to me for not going out tonight, I did want to see everyone after the shoot (basically you make movies in order to go for beers afterward, right?) but I am also sick and whiny and need alone time like whoa. 

Maybe I'll stay in for the next little bit, recoup lost time from the binge of party-time I've been having these past couple weeks. We'll see, we'll see.

I feel old, incapable, strong, and strangely hopeful tonight. Not the worst mix, actually.

Plus one glass of white wine, swiss cheese, and some dark chocolate with raspberries. It'll do.

still ain't no treat like a friendship reTREAT

I'm having post-cottage depression. Don't try leaving the cottage for the last time of the summer while being hormonal, it will not end well. I wanted to weep.

Holy, I was so ill this afternoon. I'm still not feeling 100% but I have to go work the Bills game. Wow, wow I don't want to.
I can't believe how sick I was, I felt like a teenager all over again. It was a good reminder that maybe if I'm only medium-sick I should just feel lucky. Ohhh bodies.


Awww Reggie. Such a sweet guy.

This is what he wrote in the cottage book as they were leaving:
"I said no. I tried not to come. I politely declined, but fate intervened.... fate in the form of being kid-napped. I was brought to this wonderful place against my will... However, my will was WRONG! Two nights with four lovely females. Heaven. Plus the inside scoop of what women really think... better than reading "cosmo" at the dentist. Thanks friendship retreat!! Reggie
"$S00 clams!" "zoo hundred"
Also, one of the best nights in recent memory! Lightning from Mount Olympis cloud and skinny dipping!"
typed up word for word, pretty much.


Aww my little Noodle, getting some work done. I'm pretty please with my iPhone camera so far. I've taken around a billion photos on it. Just need to sort and upload, etc.

Here's Noodle's book entry:
"Another Friendship Retreat and Cuddle Sesh 3000 "2010"
Oh being a tripple trifector couldn't be more fun with spunky spectacular redhead Cheryl, Veronica, and Betty Reggie better believed he was in for a treat "Retreat"
Exploration of the heart=HAHA- but some serious open conversation, advice, skinny dipping (so happy I can say I went skinny dipping with mer A.K.A. MER-maid. She is definitely one. Surprised arrival of a new friend, these girls crack me up with the story of how this rad stranger ended up in the back seat of their car and now into my heart and memories forever. (I love cheese!!!! but Reggie is AIRIGHT!!) Kaya is the perfect cottage accessery and most adorable human dog I have ever scene. I can't complain one second 3 cottages in one week but stone cottage was the perfect ending.
Oh I love summer, friends and drinks. and too too too good food. This kitchen smells so good right now my drool is uncantainable, never take your finger from my ---- when I'm here. Dollface your amazing, thank's so much for having me - "Sigh" love friendship Retreat infinity xoxoxo
<3"
also word-for-word,except I changed Dollface's name, obvi.

Okay I'm going to go take some more painkillers! How fun!

ONE WEEK UNTIL SASKATOON!

quiet time

So I definitely know that I need time alone. I know this.
Just sometimes everything gets a bit overwhelming and I run out of time and I'm in such a good mood that I forget that in order to stay in a good mood I need time by myself. I need to chill the eff out and lie around on the floor a bit and read a book and stuff.

I'm kind of at the end of my line tonight and even knowing that I was on the verge of just randomly weeping, I almost went out tonight. I didn't though. I came home at 11 and didn't go out afterwards. I watched a tiny bit of internet TV and read some the 100s of unreads in my google reader. I ate some frozen berries and remembered to drink some water for once.


Two jobs today was too many for me. My legs feel bruised in the bones from the concrete floors and I'm stressed out by how ridiculous huge corporations are and how poorly employees get treated a lot of the time. Same old, same old.


One of my very favourite co-workers, from both the ACC and the dome, is a funny lady in her 50s whose daughters work with us and is very kind and gets the cakes for people on their birthdays, but she also swears like a sailor and thinks my jokes are pretty funny.
She told me about how she used to sell pot and go to concerts and stuff. She laughs at my babe stories.

Anyway, she just found out that she has cancer all over her body. Like all over. Real bad.
Right after she was diagnosed she asked to work with me most days at ACC. I don't really know why, to be honest. Maybe because I'm good at pretending everything is fine. Last time I saw her it was the day before her appointment where they were going to decide her treatment course and tell her her chances and all that. As she was leaving, I said "I'll talk to you soon, let me know how it goes" and she burst into tears.

I saw her daughter at the dome but I haven't seen her, she's not working now that she's in treatment, I guess. I've avoided her daughter because I don't want to have to ask how it's going because it can't be good.
Our bosses and co-workers got her a private box at the Jays' game this weekend and I knew that she was up there but I didn't go up to say hi.
I couldn't.


My mum is a single parent (obviously) and back in 1983 maternity leave wasn't was it is now and Mum put me (tiny baby) in daycare. She didn't mean for me to go to Bev's house as Bev wasn't that similar of a type of person plus she smoked but Mum was waiting on a space at another place so I went to Bev's. But then I was happy there, so I stayed. I went to Bev's and my brother went to Bev's. I went to Bev's until I didn't need childcare anymore. And even after I went back to visit. Basically we were family.
She died of lung cancer when I was in 12th grade. But I started distancing myself from her a long time before she actually died. I loved her so, so much.
She had three large sons but no daughters and I was the closest she had.
I was a mess at the funeral and I spoke to her pastor and she told me Bev had talked about me to her. Broke my heart.

Anyway, so this situation has shades of Bev to it and I'm not in the mood for this sort of sadness then extra sadness. It's just hard, ya know..


I wonder if my one of my favourite poets, Bob Hicok, will be very angry if I write out one of his poems on here. I recommend reading it out loud quietly to yourself to feel the almost-rhymes and how it runs smooth-like and nice, and maybe it'll be a bit soothing.


Talk more of the dream of your hips
on a clothesline, of plugging your hair
into light sockets.
Talk more of your mother's last cigarette
curling the white smoke of popes
outside the hospital, of holding it to her lips,
how she passed you
the final drag, the filter wet, disgusting,
essential.
Talk more of stopping short
of Nags Head, dead pelicans on the bridge,
your car door open, the dome light broken,
trees and trees beyond your vision, the chanting
of frogs, the world reduced
to blindness and throb, of knowing the sound
would eat you if you stayed.
Talk more of Duane on the second floor
burned by sterno, no heat in the apartment,
who played backgammon with you on the roof,
who shot arrows at the river, who named kaleidoscopes
after presidents, who pierced your ears
and licked the blood.
Talk more of going away from things
and coming to things,
of touching the yo-yo in your pocket
during the sales meeting, of killing slugs
with beer, of folding sheets, of moving sprinklers,
of tip-toeing away from beds with sex
dripping down your legs, of knowing the sky is closer,
of living under water, of dragging anvils,
of decapitating yourself with wine, of eloping
with highways, of that scar
under your chin, the one from a buttercup,
the one you touch when the sound
you need to make is everything that can't be said.

-Bob Hicok


Hmm. I meant to be asleep an hour ago. One more day of working and then I am freespirit freetimes all the time. I'm going to need to go for a picnic. Just reminding.

the future is full of kinks

Went to pick up JL from the doctor today as he had day surgery and was put out for it and I am his best (most reliable) friend.
Coming out of the anesthetic JL says to one of the nurses:

"Hey, have we met yet? We should go somewhere to talk once this shit wears off."


I have been laughing about this for approximately 4 hours now.
Perfect in pretty much every way.



Yeah Dollface drove us and she and I got booster juices but not one for JL because we're selfish and the nurse made fun of us.

Then JL got some pills from the pharmacy vending machine in the lobby and I was wowed because we now live in the future except it's not the future anymore it's now.

I took pictures of the vending machine put putting shitty point-and-shoot narrative shots up beside dslr self-timer glamor shots of me really just doesn't seem right.



There was a guy with the vending machine who helped us through the process I guess the vending machine isn't quite independent yet. The guy was super nice and friendly and we had lots of time to chat because the vending machine has a few kinks to be worked out and he ended up telling us about when him and his friends went camping in bellwoods and drove their trucks into the bowl(???) but then they got cold and went home. WTF? Amazing story.



There's actually a few stories that I've been laughing about pretty much all day but a couple of them involve farting and I don't think they translate well.
I'm still laughing about I call muffins donuts, though. No one else? Really?



When I was little after dinner I was allowed to have dessert which was usually
1 wagon wheel
or
3 cookies
or
1 cupcake
or
5 of those toffee eclair candy things
or
small dish of ice cream
or
you know, whatever else we had in the house.
Anyway, one time there wasn't much for dessert and I was pitching a fit and my mum said
"Nowhere is it written that one gets to have dessert"
And so (obviously) I went off and wrote a list of things I got to have in order that she should never get to say that again.



I like stories about me being a clever child especially these days as it becomes clearer and clearer that I am nowhere near as smart as I think I am.

In fact that will be the name of my autobiography:
Nowhere Near As Smart As I Think I Am: The Meredith R. Mistletoe Story

author photograph:


No need to back me up on this one, thanks guys.


I never get around to properly throwing anything out so obviously plants I get that die just get put on shelves in the dark and now look, tiny sprouts from these bulbs!



I'm super-impatient for them to be real plants! My mum says they probably won't be anything much this time around but I have faith in them! Grow, little guys!



There's that strange bundle of nails there beside them, the roofers left them in my windowsill and so I took them inside. I think they're kind of pretty? Or I'm just lazy about getting rid of them?




Good thing the sun still shines through my sticky-out ears.


I'm in love with the dreary grey sort of day it's being out there mainly because I have nothing that neeeeds to be done and it's warm in here and Ruth Buzzi is twitching in her sleep beside me and life is kinda a-okay right now.


I really didn't mean for these photos to also make it look like I wasn't wearing any clothes. Win some lose some.

always one foot on the ground

Actually work turned out fine yesterday! I made my co-worker do the cash so I didn't have to talk too much. I'm feeling alright except for a lack-of-voice.

I picked up a shift for tonight, which is excellent because I need to work!
Also, I drank a lot of coffee today (at brunch with Niki at Aunties -- I hadn't been there in like a week and a half, I know, right?) and took some cold meds and now I feel very excited and happy about the world! Drugs are good!

I'm hoping I can maintain this good feeling all the way through work and then back home again and then I will settle down and write for a few hours. Right? Right!!!

Right on!

Uh oh my heart is racing.


Tomorrow I think I'm going to go to this: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/event.php?eid=287684876391  Nick Rose (obviously favourite), plus their new cover band doing CCR, Springsteen, Petty covers? It sounds pretty alright. I like fun!!!
Wanna come? Probably.

Oh my god Ruth Buzzi is being so cute. You know what cats don't like? When they are sleeping and you go over to them and ruffle them all up and rub your face on them and wake them up and put their arms around you.

If I walk to work it takes on 15 minutes longer than the time I have to give myself to take the TTC. I know everyone's into hating on the TTC right and I do mostly support public transit but HOLEEEE, everytime I take transit I'm late. It takes pretty much as much time to get 4.4kms by foot as it does TTC. Does that make any sense??

Embarrassing. 

Sunday morning I was going to take the TTC to work as a little treat so I could sleep in that extra 15 minutes, guess what? The streetcar on College never came. I ended up having to run/walk to the subway station at University and then still have to pay the whole damn three dollars just to get me to work on time. A streetcar never came the whole time I was walk/running over there. Really, really terrible work, TTC. 

Speaking of which, I need to run now! Byeeeeee!

paaaartied too haaaaard

I am still hung over from last night and now it's bedtime tonight.
That's not good!

Sass got us a booth and a bottle at Circa last night and shit went crazy. And by "shit went crazy" I mean "we both drank way too much because it was there and free and then I don't remember all that happened".

Pictures to come soon (some of which I don't even remember being there for, let alone taking).


We left with the bunches of helium balloons that were tied to the railings of the balcony-type location we were situated at and Sass tied them to my bike's handlebars which I then tried to push along. But the balloons kept going in my face and so I stopped to try and untie them and I ended up falling right over onto my bike on the sidewalk. Boy oh boy do I have bruises to show for it.
And the balloons floated away... Too bad I was totally trying to bring them as a gift for a babe...


If I remember correctly the bouncer was unimpressed with us leaving with the balloons. But, really, they should get circa-logo balloons and let everyone leave with them at the end of the night and then it's like free publicity.
"look how much fun those people at Circa must have had!!! They have balloons!!!!"


I had never ever been to an actual real-time club before. Bars, lounges, dance nights, pubs, etc all the time, but never a clubbing club club.
It was really kind of fun. I just would never want to pay a billion dollars to hang out there.



I just made rice pasta and then put sauteed mushrooms and herbed goats cheese on it. Preeeetty good. I also ate some green beans.
I'm glad that food is somewhat appetizing again. I was very uncertain I was even going to make it to work tonight, but luckily I pulled through. Barely.

Ughhhhhhhhhh still have a messed up head and belly. My bad.


If I could eat that right now, I would.

bring on the rice pasta and corn tortillias

In the past few days multiple people have asked me if I've lost weight but I have not I have only gained. Which is sort of bad, kind of fine.
I talk about it too much because I worry about it too much, sorry about that. I have never, ever wanted to be someone who worried about this sort of bullshit.

Anyhow, the point I wanted to make: I have better posture and look better these days because I am not eating gluten and my stomach is so much better and I am not bloated and making room with my posture for belly aches and stuff.

God, I wish I weren't allergic to gluten. So much!
But I'm more really glad that now I know. I feel like my moods have become more stabilized and my concentration has improved and my stomach is easier to get along with.

I still seem to be able to eat little bits of gluten, but I suppose I should actually get an actual doctor who would test me for allergies and stuff.
hmmmmmmmmm.

Also, I love the weather these days. And I'm getting the pull of anticipation for fall in my gut.
(plus only two motherfucking quick months until the start of the Christmas season and I'd be lying if I said I weren't thinking about all that already...)

Except I don't know what I'm going to do when I can't wear shorts. They're basically the only thing I want to put on. Ever.

that's how the light gets in

I'm glad that I put the air conditioner in the window this morning. I don't do well in the heat. I wish it wasn't such an eyesore though.







Rough morning already, that's alright, no worries. Wanted to sit down and have a cry on the kitchen floor instead of going to an audition, but I pulled through. Sort of. Choked at the audition, felt awkward, FUNTIMES! It's annoying when there are so few auditions around these days and then there's way too much pressure on every little chance.







I probably have some party-round-up for you somewhere, but not at this moment because I'm feeling ill and self-indulgent and I'm going to watch a movie and sulk around.
Not in a terrible mood though, all things considered.
I'm not thinking about anything because I'm too pessimistic to really work through what I need to do these days.







Tildabeast is still so pitiful after her operation yesterday. She's eating a bit at least. If she was skinny before she know looks absolutely hollow. I want her to be up and bothering me again soon.









So this site seems to be down for a bit every few days. I don't really know what to do about it and it's pretty annoying. Help?