dating advice #4

hey guys! look how romantic I am. aaaaand I'm giving you some sweet advice.

ah, Henry, let's set the date already!

Ever wonder if I would be a deliciously good-looking bride?

Everyone fussing around me!

oh yeah, I for sure made like I was engaged while we were at the wedding show on Sunday. I went with Mrs. and her future step-mother-in-law and a couple of our other friends and I thought, "hey, this would be more fun if it were about me" 

HAHAA classic meredith. 

I made up a lot of things about my fiancé, Henry. By the end I was pretty sure he sounded nice enough and we'd be happy together. The best was when thinking about all this on the way over I said, "can he be British?" and Mrs. heard "can he be frigid?" so we decided he'd be both! 

He's also very particular, that Henry! 

Got into a conversation with a guy who runs a DJ service about how my DJ friends would insist on doing the music for my wedding. He was a good sport about it.
I just about registered my wedding registry with The Bay because they'd give me a travel mug! Overwhelming!

I tried to gather some ideas to bring back for Violet, who is actually engaged (congratulations!!!!), but mostly it was all really pretty gaudy stuff... 



I did think she needed these $1000 cakes though. ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS?? ARE PEOPLE INSANE?
(sooo pretty!)

I like the flower one on the far left. Oh really, I like flowers? It's funny because in real life I never even notice flowers but flower-prints? Aw yeah, all up in that.

It was a terrible, terrible day to be allergic to gluten. So many cake samples. I would have eaten that up to bits... Ugh.

We watched the bridal fashion show and my favourite was the swimsuit wedding gear! (ughgughhh)
also, the grossest, most revealing line was by "Shkank"! How fitting! It was so, so unappealingly sexy. And all of the dresses featured removable skirts and overlays and stuff, so you could get more naked throughout your special day!!

Aaaanyway, I'm very excited for Violet's wedding because I will live vicariously through her. I hope she has an expensive fancy wedding! I'd never have an expensive wedding!
They're lawyers!

I was thinking about how I have to MC Mrs. and Arrow's wedding and how the only things I like to talk about are:
a) babes
b) dirty jokes
and
c) bad words
and how Mrs. family is mostly made up of Ukrainian priests.....
yikes!
I'll have to learn how to be ladylike and couth in the next couple months, I guess!

Also, I bought a computer off ebay yesterday and I AM VERY NERVOUS.
Also, I am doing my passport application. So I can travel around forever whenever I want. (just kidding I have to stay here to work more to pay off my computer and christmas and all of that.)

Aw man, I love costumes. Let's make a movie where I play a bride so I can wear a wedding dress! Dress up! Dress up!
(Mrs. can I borrow your wedding dress later to wear in a movie? hahaa costumes)

GOOD WIFE TIME. bye dudes

(oh also, I've decided to lose a bunch of weight, dye my hair really red again, put together my demo reel and become a super successful actor.
or I may just have a baby and move to the country and have tangles in my hair all day. 
I'm going to figure out a way to do everything. Good thing I'm still a young guy. Or at least look like a young guy!)

I miss Yulie.

dating advice #2

awww someone already disliked my video. I'm way too frail of heart for being on the internet.

I don't know why someone wouldn't like my dating advice. It's so wise!

dating advice #1 - how to show you're interested

here is my first video in a new series I'm making wherein I give you some dating advice. I think my take on dating is universal and will give you all you need to know about how to date and keep dating.
Whether you're in a relationship or not, this advice is worth hearing.

Please send your relationship related questions to me and I will answer them in video format! You can email me, or leave your questions in the comments below. It can be for advice for you, your friend, or your "friend", I'm easy.
And that's why I'm the expert.


Also, a BIG shout-out HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to one of my favourite people, Dollface turns 12 today!! Congrats baby! She can now babysit your kids!



here we are last hallowe'en with Flash Gordon!
and then I tried to woo her.

and then we laughed

in case you haven't already had to look at this via fb/twit/etc, here ya go I made a vlog!

Also, it's really funny when babes do not find me funny at all. I don't even know how to handle it, really.
Also funny when babes straight-up don't like me. It's awkward.

One babe I was talking to has a healing broken collarbone and I asked him how it was doing and he said it was a bit contracted and I said "how are you going to keep your bra-strap up?"
Nothing. 

Mrs. asked me about my babes just now and I told her I didn't really have anything to report and that I was being good and she said "It's okay, you're just 'resting' "
ahahahahahaha haaa

No, I have been chilling out a bit lately. I push everything way too much and I take everything too seriously, it gets draining...  Plus, I would genuinely, 100% like to be a good person. I would like to treat people properly and deserve good treatment in return. And when things are casual or I know I'm not in a proper headspace... it's more difficult.
nxne this week, though. Plus I do have crushes, I'll tell ya that for free. Though none that are particularly babes-of-life or accessible or anything.
SUMMERTIME ALL THE TIME.

Today I had my first "living right beside the dakota" experience when I ran into my buds from Elliott Brood while they were loading out from last night. So funny. "what are you doing here?"
I live beside the Dakota!
I do wish I had gone to their show but I had a suuuuper weird migraine thing going on where I was having vision problems and numb extremities and communication issues so no dice on that one. Plus I was at Hoops mostly. I am always at Hoops.
Canucks are making me very worried.



Hoops on the other hand is FUCKING TOP NOTCH.

Did I tell you the other day I got there after working and it was fully at capacity and they weren't letting anyone in?
So I texted all my friends and they all immediately sprung to action and Norman and Carla Ghee told Ellefry (my favourite bartender) who got the manager who came to let me in!
VIP up in Hoops!

"I have bruises from Hoops" -Carla Ghee
"I didn't know you played basketball?" -her friend
"No, from cheering around and banging my legs on the barstools" -Carla Ghee

I have to go put all my new sheets on my bed!!!!

We may or may not have a party next weekend. You wanna come? I know it's nxne but you can come by whenever, YEAH? 

my mum joined facebook, I wonder if she regrets it yet!

I suppose I could ask for permission on this but....
I'm glad my mother is on facebook now!

haaahaa favourite mother I guess

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah vote/ronnies/comedy/twitter/etc

I voted!
Obviously.
I've been on about the election quite a bit over Facebook and interested in what other people are saying, much more so than in the past.
But then I'm also pretty lazy. I fully considered just not voting and then telling people I did. Luckily I am a bad liar. It's easy to feel like your vote actually doesn't matter. What is one vote?
But it does matter. And if more people took it actually, truly, seriously then maybe we wouldn't have to deal with Harper in this way.


the winds and rains blew some boats into the harbour I guess?
It's funny how you get used to something and then all of sudden, boats!


Went to comedy last night! Let's Get Hot at the Rivoli.
And Flash Gordon came and then Ruckus came and we laughed. And ate pad thai.

It was the second last Let's Get Hot which is hosted by two of my favourites (who I also am managing to turn into IRL friends), Chris Locke and Aaron Eves.
Flash Gordon was super incensed about this show coming to an end. I have to say, I'm on her team. It'll be a bit annoying since it's our favourite. But I expect that these people will keep being funny in different places and we'll keep following them around like lost ducklings.

Twitter is kind of the best for comedians, most of the people who I'm actually into following are comedians or at least pretty funny. the on-going jokes are the best, and I love when people get in on them and keep them going forever. 

fuck, I love jokes. ya know??

My favourite comedian that I follow on twitter who I would never have heard of if not for Twitter I bet, is Megan Amram. Mrs and I were reading them outloud the other night and falling onto the ground. My top favourites?

"One man's trash is another man's my dad."

"Pretty upset my mood ring turned blue - I'm not ready to be a parent!!"

"You can tell a lot about a person by reading my boyfriend's email"

"Before I flush, I softly whisper "I miss us.""



honestly I'm having a hard time choosing, I think these are the best. Too bad, here are some more:



"I'm one of those girls who can eat whatever she wants and not get married!!"

"In my experience, less than 40% of people wearing "Duke" sweatshirts are actual dukes."

"My fantasy basketball team = five dragons and a chupacabra"

"I only drink on days that end in sobbing"

"I may not party a ton, but get a couple of Mike's Hard in me and I can be QUITE the cryer ;)"

"You don't KNOW ME, password security question, my loose mother was never a MAIDEN"

"I'm not one of those high maintenance girls who has to brush her hair AND her teeth."
(I've said this one at least 40 times in the past few days, and generally meant it...)

At the stadiums I work at I work with people who are just regular. Like the kind of people who have 9-5 jobs and then work a second job (stadium) because they literally like money more than they like time to themselves.
these are the type of people who mysteriously just seem to know how to have boyfriends, get engaged, get married, be married, go to clubs, not care about voting, shower daily, work jobs, blow-dry their hairs, BBM, have kids, own cars, go to all-inclusive resorts...
So bizarre!

I like working with them because I think otherwise I'd be a bit sheltered with how all my friends are pretty like-minded and on my team about most things.
Not that I'm not jealous of certain things about their lives. Like I wish I knew how to dress myself or not be covered in cat hair all the time.

But man, it's weird that they think that I'm the strange one!
Occasionally I'll admit to something like not having showered that day, or not having brushed my hair in days, or having 10 crushes who all play in the same band, and they get so weirded out by this.

Or that I'm never in a serious relationship?  Most of my co-workers do not know how to get on board this idea. And they seem mystified that I seem alright with this.
Occasionally I get offers to be set up with someone's friend but man, unless he can make music, art, jokes, or super intelligent conversation (or at least has a huuuuuuge dick [just kidding, gross, put that away, sorry mum]), I really have no interest.
Also... I'm pretty sure I don't really need setting up. Though I am always fascinated by the idea of it!

I'm not totally a fan of the sad looks I get about it, I'll tell ya that for free.

WHAT IS THE POINT IN BEING SAD ABOUT BEING SINGLE?

It is my job to be happy whatever I'm doing. What if I eventually end up with someone who I want to be with forever and I've not had all the fun beforehand?
What if I get sad and start dating someone just because it's what I think I should do and then they ruin my self-esteem and treat me like shit and so I can never leave them?
What if I get sad and start dating someone and treat them like shit because I don't really like them that much but I feel like I should be with someone and so I stick around and pick at them to make me feel better about myself?

Not interested in doing that!

Interested in hanging out and having fun and making jokes about baaaabes all day forever and maybe sometime I'll date someone and until then keep your damn sadfaces to yourselves, co-workers!


Haaa, I was describing one of my crushes to a co-worker the other day and she was like "hmmm... he sounds like a hipster"
<3


Anyway, mmoving along....


this is my face and below my face is one of the 3 (!!!) scarves that Dollface brought back for me from Asia.

I guess I didn't post these photos from Ronnies last week?

I should have finished out the Chees to Cheesbrough onto my head in that one, hey?


Firehorse's favourite pink tuque is like a beacon, I can find him anywhere!

One time forever ago a friend of mine and I went home with a couple of dudes from Ronnie's. They had a giant apartment that was like an office building and most of the coffee table was used for an ashtray.
She ended up sleeping on the one guy's futon in his room instead of making out with him.
I refused to put out and the dude I was making out with was a bit irritated, I stayed over still. That's what I'm like.
We went and got coffee the next morning as he was leaving for work and he slapped my butt.
I'm not the kind of person who gets their butt slapped.
oh, except as a joke. All the time as a joke.



I really don't remember much about that dude at all, now that I think about it.

point being, I'm not socially awkward, and neither is anyone I know.

haaaaa Dollface has taken to giving herself high-fives all the time and I find this hilarious.


Norman is avoiding us these days and not partying. He is turning his ship around and becoming productive again. Congrats, but also.... a bit sad.
haaaaha awwww.


Firehorse is a happy lumberjack!


In case you were unclear of where we were and I didn't mention it enough.


OKAY BYE NOW.

if this is what spring looks like, what will summer be?

This weekend has been kind of stupid-fun, which is great because I was not feeling fun at all Friday afternoon, I was thinking I'd stay in all weekend and be productive. that might have been a good plan but honestly, the fun I had was worth it.

Last night I worked the UFC event, like I said. And I made a billion dollars and got out of there at about 12:30 (I thought it'd be 2 so I was so thankful).

I wandered over to meet Dollface and her Bay St. gang who had been at the event and who were now at Ultra.
Ultra is the worrrrrst. Hha, clubs are the worst! So ridiculous! I was wearing jeans and sneakers and a stupid tanktop.
I slammed (carla ghee's word of choice) a double gin-and-tonic and then a shot of vodka (serious catching up) and then had another double while Doll and I fucking broke it down on the dance floor. It fun to violently shy away from dudes who try to dance on you. Cowering slightly is also the best!
Dudes like that!
we had some pretty good moves and then I took a tour around the room to find people to hit on but instead I just pushed a bunch of people who were in my way. There was a long table to dance on but I didn't do it. If only I'd worn my 6 inch heels I might have considered it.


this does not give you any indication of how this club sucks, but it's so dark in there (so that everyone looks good!) that you can't take any real photos.

Don't think I don't realize I'm the definition of a hipster since I now take part in ironic clubbing.
Thanks Bay St for the drinks!

Dollface and I were thinking Sneaky Dee's for food after but then Firehorse said house party and when you say house party I say HOW HIGH?
haaa
So I rode my bike up while Dollface fought to find a cab and ended up walking up and I went to 7-11 to buy chips and taquitos to bring to the party.
While I was wandering down Spadina waiting for Dollface, I was approached by a terrifying random man who then turned out to be an ex-co-worker who I hadn't seen in a couple of years!
So ooobviously we brought him to the party! finding people who are up for adventure is such goodfortune in my life sometimes.


hahahaaaa so good. good thing we wore our matching glasses. This guy used to have a soulpatch but now he has a beard. Nice work! Nothing worse than a soulpatch and nothing better than a beard. Is that rude?
Almost certainly.


Have you seen betterwithabeard.tumblr.com? have I linked to it before?
"I didn’t realize Matt LeBlanc could grow such an accomplished beard. People shouldn’t be allowed to squander their beard-growing gifts. It should be illegal."
"That’s an especially great beard. It’s no contest. If you think the beardless Zachary Levi looks better, then you clearly need to start reconsidering the way you’re living your life."
hahaaa obviously I think that's great.

One time I saw a crush at a show and he'd shaved his face a bit and I believe my words to him were "what happened to your face?"
him "yeah, I shaved a bit, do you like it?"
me "no!"

the weird thing was that he didn't fall spectacularly in love with me. I mean, I still like to think he has mild love for me, sorta like a little headache.

And he has his patchy facial hair back, so that's something.

Anyway!
The house party was totally random (best kind of house party), didn't know anyone there except Firehorse and the people he'd invited and we found some BUD LIGHT LIME and ate some chips!


Dollface chilled out on the couch and put her face in a Busch!
How many Busch jokes did we make?
32.


Oh yeah, one time this guy and I had Valentine's day dinner together.
At work. It was pizza. we stood at a round table.
Remember when I still had gluten all day every day? THAT WAS THE BEST.

sigh.

Signed my lease!
We will have central air so you can come and lie around in bed eating bonbons with me all summer when it gets so stupid hot you want to die (remember how summer is coming, apparently? when is that!?).

Now that I signed the lease I feel like I can put pictures up here instead of just private-blog.


My room! My own tiny balcony and a stained-glass window. Plus a closet! I've never, ever had a room with a closet. Think about that. No, that's not true, I had a closet when I was very little before my downstairs room. Still, it's been a while since me and closets had a party together.


where that TV is there? I want to make that into a little nook where we can sit, facing out, banquette-style sort of and make crafts or play boardgames or hang in general. that's what I want! 

terrible quality, I know. screen-captures from my phone from the website which was cached but not online anymore.



kitchen! So excited! I have wanted a door onto a balcony from my kitchen forever and forever. I will take my coffee out there all the time, thank you.

I want to get a family portrait done when we have all the roommates together. Then if anyone ever moves out I will scratch out their faces.
I'm going to make us all matching flasks. Leave me alone to romanticize the roommate experience.

Firehorse and I are so excited to live together. Hopefully the honeymoon lasts forever? Probably, I bet.


I bet babes will walk by my balcony a lot. And then I can yell at them!
I will put Christmas lights up and no one will be surprised. 

I'm very excited. In case you were wondering.
I can't wait to have a dinner party like a lady.

Election tomorrow. I feel nervous. I was getting all riled up like maybe I believed that somehow we'd actually stick it to Harper in some way... but now I just feel nervous about it.
If I were the praying type, I'd definitely be doing some of that.

bringing general use of cloth napkins into my life has increased my fancy-feelings

jeeeesus, it seems like I just turn around and several days have gone by and I just fully seem to forget I even have a blog.

how are you?
I'm doing okay.

things are still insane around here. I've started going out later so that can get stuff done around the house before I'm out on the town until 4. Just adjusting my schedule to allow for being a party-all-the-time asshole.

IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT EVERYTHING IS TOO FUN.

also, I'm working quite a bit lately. Which is good, it keeps me from being an all-time disaster.

and then Lucinda Bright and I sleep in until noon (at the earliest).



Norman and I had virgin bloody marys the other night at Hoops and our favourite bartender did them up right for us. So delicious.
Virgin bloody marys to go with our beers and pretended they were slightly nutritious. Not because we weren't drinking or anything. 

Our bartender gets sad when we're not around enough. Haaaa we love Hoops.


grilled cheese is not the best unless you put more cheese on the outside of the sandwich. I know I've said that before but I hope you took it to heart.


at the Metro they now have a bunch of gluten-free products, generic brand, including pancake mix. SO GOOD.
I mean, maybe because of how I put so much bananas and walnuts in them, but no, seriously delicious. Almost as good as Aunties and Uncles.
wow I haven't been for brunch in forevers. Hmmmmm. 

Okay enough about food!

Let's look at pictures of me!!!




The worst is when you go to chat with a pal on the internet and they're like
"how are things?"
and you're like, "same old, how are things with you?"
and they're like "oh just busy working on a movie I wrote that samuel l jackson is in"

hahahaaaa JEALOUS.


then this conversation happened:
he: how is the husband hunt going?

me:too many cooks in the kitchen
luckily i decided no husbands, only party

he: I really hope you don't call your private parts "the kitchen"...

me:obvi
"what's cooking"
"let's go check the kitchen"

he: Now I'm totally calling you The Kitchen from now on.

me: RIGHT ON

he: "If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen."

me: "i think that sausage belongs in the kitchen"
then i'll endup with a bun in the oven!!

he: Yes, be careful. Clean up after food-preparation and wear oven-mitts to avoid getting burned.
Also, try to avoid being infested by rats.

me: eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww
:(
actually, i've for sure gotten invested in rats before




I told my friend, Crazy Von she can take pictures of my tits next week.
On film that expired 47 (?) years ago. ART!
haaaaa. the real question is, should I post them here if they are nice? (not the tits, asshole, those are fantastic, the photos) (JOKING only medium fantastic)
Probably should post them, hey?


Mother, you want to way in on this? You used to pose nude for art classes, so there are many artist-renderings out there of your rack I bet.
Oh, you don't want your business on the internet? Wrong daughter!

I don't really see the issue with tits but I do feel awkward about the sort of attention it brings. Or how people then feel they get to judge you based on what you put on the internet.

Crazy Von and I went to highschool together and she was even in a play I directed in grade 12. Recently she's been hanging out at Dot while I'm there and so we've gotten to be buds again. And I'm glad!
Also, if you click over to her blog then you get to see how she takes pictures of babes all day!

I know, right?

I leave for Montreal on Thursday morning. I'm getting excited. Obviously.
I'm also going to finally get my passport when I get back so that I can go down to New York to hang out on Sass's big deck with her.
WANT TO.