hot air

 My lovely family arranged to get my mum a hot air balloon ride for her birthday. We were all supposed to be there when it went up in late August but that day the flight got cancelled. She rebooked and got to go up yesterday. That top photo is my very favourite. I love, love, love, love the bit of the basket in the frame.

 I stole all these photos from my mother's facebook. Thanks, facebook!

 Now I want to go up in one. My goodness, Saskatoon is pretty.

 Almost done at the theatre today, and then working two plays tomorrow and then I have Monday off! A whole day off! I'm going to have a massive nap when I go home soon here. And I'm going to like it. Then I will go to a house party and if there aren't babes there I will pitch a fit and win the hearts of millions. Oh man, I don't know. My eyes are broken I'm so tired.

I've been thinking a lot about writing. I've been hanging out full time with nic and she's a good influence about working because she's ambitious and takes herself seriously and takes me seriously and thinks I'm a genius too. So yeah, that's nice. We have BIG IDEAS so get ready for that.

This is basically the cutest picture I've ever seen, it's my mother on the right and my aunt on the right. Cute cute cute!

I'm very interested in my mum writing guest posts for this blog. Like bits from her life or whatever she'd like really but she is resisting my good idea. She says, "why wouldn't I just have my own blog?" but of course she isn't going to get around to it. And I know that she's a shy kind of a lady but I also know for a fact that she's a good writer and very funny and I feel like she owes me her memories (haa she will 100% disagree with me here and say that I'm being selfish which I am. I mean, of course.).
Also you don't have to be shy about writing little things that happened to you a hundred years ago that aren't terribly private or anything.

Also, I would like to point out the obvious here and tell you, if you're a shy kind of a lady you made a big mistake by having me for a kid.
I used to embarrass the hell out of her in line at the grocery store telling every cashier my entire life story (and hers along with it). I'm sure she regrets every single day that she ever told me I was born of donor insemination. Aw, I like my mum a lot.

getting past being bad without giving up

I love the internet!
Okay so a cool vague-friend of mine (and fellow blogger), Nicole on FB today posted a link to this video:

Ira Glass (of This American Life) on the creative process.

MAN THIS HAS HIT HOME.

Okay so what he's saying is that for artists they get into making art because they have good taste. They admire the art form that they are trying to make. TV, film, comedy, theatre, etc etc and so they know what's good and have discerning tastes but when you start to make art there's a gap period where the art you make cannot live up to your discerning tastes and during that gap a lot of people quit. (or make shitty stuff and pretend it's high-brow?????? jk?)
So much sense!

I always feel (like the deservist entitled young person that I am) that I should magically be able to do everything perfect right off the bat. If I have to actually work at something and produce shitty stuff before it's good then I"m obviously not naturally talented and it's obviously not worth it.

I'm going to ahead and blame my mother partially at least on this one because my mother is a genius and was older when she had me so had a lot of time to get good at a lot of different things and so she makes arts and crafts and photography and sewing and even building look effortless. Okay okay not effortless, just not as ridiculously hard as I find them.
Ha, she is still probably 50% more talented than I am except at acting probably and maybe being funny. Except she's funny in a different way. Like more puns. hahaaaa

BUT
the only reason why I'm able to be as good at things as I am now (nowhere near where I'd like to be but still pretty okok) is because she's backed me up on pretty much everything. And is the ultimate best at complimenting my achievements. Plus I'm pretty sure she actually believes in me.

Ugh, why don't I explain why I love my mum some more, eh? grosssssssss
hahaaa my little cousin asked my mum if she were vegetarian and she said something along the lines of
"I'm 95% vegetarian and the rest of the time I'm just a hypocrite"

ahahahaaaaa classic.

ANYWAY
I read this pilot yesterday written by a woman a couple of years younger than me which is TOPNOTCH and it made me want to punch myself in the eyes.
Just kidding it inspired me. I have never been able to take myself seriously like I could never create to the degree which I would be satisfied with so there's no point in trying. But these days I'm reexamining it... I think I maybe do have excellent ideas and I have to stop psyching myself out about it.

YEAH.

Also I reread the first 15 pages I wrote awhile ago of a feature I have in mind and it was surprisingly good. So There.
Now I just need to write another 75 pages and we'll be good to go.

Stole these photes from my SubRosa friend! Ammmmaaazing. I love almost-cute.
Aw man imagine if I met biodad and he looked like this? Adorable. 

Hmm well now I've avoided doing any real work for long enough maybe I'll get to it. Or maybe I'll just make some soup. We'll see!

on how I'm a know-it-all with no tact

These latest headshots are of this lovely lady. I'm happy with the shoot. And she's happy with the shoot.
I like being happy with shoots.
Still frustrated with my equipment. Still have to sort out what my plans are.



My cousin pointed out how in previous entry where I said I did not mean to be patronizing that that's exactly what I was doing.

This is a fair point. And I feel like I should say something about it on here, in case anyone else noticed me being a dickweed.



The problem with me is that I've always been a know-it-all and a holier-than-thou.
I'm not even sure how I kept this up, especially given how hated I've been and how everyone is constantly pointing out that I'm wrong and annoying.

I'm also so easily swayed and have problems having real opinions on things.

ANYWAY

When I said,

Being creative and nutso is hard work. Sometimes I imagine being the type of person who is happiest working a couple of jobs to make enough money to go to Mexico for an all-inclusive in February.

I'm not even meaning that in a patronizing way, it sounds rather nice.
And you wouldn't have to worry about being extraordinary.

I knew that I was being an asshole. But I should have clarified more.

One of my stadium co-workers who has a full-time job was talking about why she wanted to work multiple jobs and she said
"When I'm at home I think, I'm not doing anything... I might as well be at work making money"

This is such a foreign idea to me!
To not want to spend time at home because of having nothing to do?

Don't you feel the crushing guilt of not doing every creative project you've been thinking of?

So, I am jealous of people who have no interest in being a creative type. Not jealous enough to wish that I weren't creative, because I'm pleased with creating (when I get around to it) and have big plans to become amazing at several different art forms in the future.
But jealous in that I wish I could just be at home watching TV and not feel guilty for all the things I should be doing. I wish that at the end of each week I wasn't horribly sad at how little I've gotten done.

If I had a job that I went to and then came home and made dinner and went out for a glass of wine with my friends, and was happy, that would be great.
Then my leisure time would actually be leisure time, not feeling-guilty-for-not-creating time.

Though, I will say that accomplishing and getting stuff done and making things gives me a high which is pretty much unbeatable (possibly slightly above a great new crush, even!).

My cousin was concerned that I was attacking people like her who work 9-to-5 jobs.
I did not mean to attack anyone, really.
Plus, my cousin is one of the most creative people that I know (and is better than me at most things). And she has her life way more together and has kids and a super-great partner and a well-paying job.
I HAVE NONE OF THOSE THINGS.
I have debt and never go to work and babes who think I'm dumb and big plans that I have yet to follow through on.

I feel like she probably has it the hardest -- kids, partner, job, plus creativity that needs to be dealt with.
Where would you even have the time?
Plus she is good at her kind of job and is lucky to have found something that is a good job and is interesting.

I'm jealous of her. And not in a patronizing way. For serious.