eternal january

I cannot cannot get moving today. I just slept for 10 hours and I still feel exhausted. Hmmmm.
Maybe the amount of MSG I ingested yesterday? is that a thing?







It feels like it's been January forever. Anyone else?







The cats are warming up to me at least. Nice nice nice.
Well Odette at least. Both of them were sleeping in my room yesterday. Did I consider locking them in until they grew to love me? Well, obviously.







Shot a little movie yesterday and it was a pretty fun day. I like making things. We did some pretty nice work, I'd say.

Ughhh sooo so tired. obscenely.




pretty pretty pretty

here come the siameses!

my new cats are here!


this one is called Odette and she is the one I like. She has a nice sort of a sad face that is good. She's still mildly scared of me but I bet will be best buds soon enough.





this one is called Béa. She is not cuddly. Luckily she is very pretty.

They follow my roommate around (their papa) like he is their leader. It's pretty cute. Also he calls them "little mama" which is very funny to me.

Anyway, that's the big news in my life.

Also, I'm in a waaaayy better mood these days. I think partially to do with being more productive. I'm really happy with what I'm making and have a billion high hopes of what my future is going to be about.
Nice nice.

also I've been spending a lot of time at my favourite bars with my favourite people and getting locked in until 5 in the morning at my one favourite place with lots of babes and just talking and making jokes and drinking forever.
Aaaand Hoops. Who could forget Hoops?
I was in kind of a temper the other day and what made me feel so much better was watching the Canucks game (we actually just watched the game pretty much full-attention) with my bud at Hoops.  Awww.
100 times awww.

just wait until we have a billion christmas lights on our ridiculous patios!

HELLO
I'M ON THE INTERNET.



I broke my computer. triple sad face for sure.
I think it's just that the screen isn't connecting to the computer, just black. The computer itself seems to be working. Hopefully!
I think I can either hook it up to an external monitor or get it repaired. Fingers crossed!
I have too much to deal with in my mind/life right now I don't have room for this worry. Firehorse lent me this "spare" computer for the moment, which is so great of him!
It's a pc, he needed it for watching this one particular porn he couldn't download to his mac. Kidding?

ROOMMATES!

Good thing I didn't update yesterday or today, it's been a bit overwhelming and a bit of a shitshow, I was rather exhausted and unable to deal with life by the end of yesterday.
Luckily I met up with most of the best people in the world at Hoops for an amazing hockey game, which made me feel a lot better. 

The tenants who were moving out of this place left it in an unreal insane disaster. It was so nuts!
Our property manager had to call a junk removal service to come and get a truckload of garbage! They left vegetables and styrofoam containers of meat out in the overflowing garbage bins in the sun! Sssssickening.



We were pretty appalled. It is still outrageously filthy and I have not got even a third of what needs to be done done... But it's kind of satisfying work.
I kind of lived in my last place like it was temporary for 7 years. So this time I'm treating it like it's permanent right from the get-go.



We did inherit a few things from this disaster including some chairs and shelving for the patios, some good solid wood shelves for indoors, and a bbq!

And last night I slept in my new room under the open window and it was fucking lovely.


And I've been sitting on all the decks and already enjoying the shit out of them. My balcony, especially, is such a treat. Since it's off my room and the step up out onto it is so lovely and the door has bits of red glass and etched glass and the molding on it is amazing. Also the archway in my room is super amaze.

We're painting everything white. Everything needs to be painted so badly.
I'm thinking when that's done I'll take down the yellow curtains over my window and put up lace ones only below the stained glass. Thoughts?

This new place is RIDICULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL.
And when I'm done setting it up and we paint it and everything it will be unbelievable. I honestly think that.
Even scouring the nastiest tub is bearable because it's a majestic clawfoot by a window and good goddamn my baths are going to be taken next-level!

Sorry, I know lots of you are on my facebook/twitter and know all this already. But for posterity I have to say it all again!


My god I have some nice stuff. Too much of it, for sure, but some really lovely pieces.

Ha, our kitchen is so bright that it washes out all the photos. Good problem to have!



Best discovery of the past few minutes? JINGLE BELL DOORBELL! fuck yeah! what is this magic haven I've stumbled into?


My bruises are coming in quite nicely, thank you. They're even nicer today! Wow, moving is so dumb.
But the payoff will be amazing? Right?
Riiiiiightttt?

Today I called my mother and then ran through the apartment and slid along the floors yelling. Because I could.

Now Firehorse is working and I am in the kitchen I hung a lamp over the kitchen table, it's getting very cozy in  here.
Our friend came by this afternoon and said "it's looking so cozy already" hahaahaha YEAH. that's what I'm in charge of!

Okay bye! Please think about what you're going to get me for a house-warming gift.

just taking a little breatherrrr

my aunt just told me I haven't updated in forever. So I checked. And guess what? she was right!

I have a really fucking shitty cold that's fucking up my head right now! I just finally gave up and took some drugs. I sneeze and sneeze and sneeze and my eyes they water and my head it hurts. Dislike! I'm hoping the drugs clear me out for a bit so I can get something done.
Just kidding, I'm productive. Medium productive.

I went to the mall today! I always forget about malls in Toronto. Saskatoon has lots of malls that I go to. I like going to the mall! mostly because I don't have to work in one, probably. Nor do I have to go to them ever.
Malls are good because they have lots of different things in them. I got a couple of headshots printed off. Don't tell my mother but I got them done at walmart. Not my fault, I can only afford to print off a couple at the cheapest rate, so walmart was my best choice. sighhhh.

I decided to take the overwhelming votes for #1 headshot as the one, and I even put my name on it like a real life actor.



I like it. I'm into it. I'm ready to get on with being the best ever actor around.

I saw at least 6 robins today. Plus probably some people whose names were Robin but I didn't know so let's call it 12.
I saw the supermoon the other night but not until it looked just reg.

I worked several days in a row and now I have no work for several days. When April gets here it'll be alright. Fingers crossed. That's what I say every year.


I hate when news anchors excuse their terrible jokes by saying something along the lines of "I just had to...".
NO YOU DIDN'T. SHUT UP YOUR HEAD.

haaaaa I think I might be in a temper.
I want to go out for beers and nachos!! I wish I were at Hoops!
Norman and Firehorse are texting me from Sneaky Dee's!! ugh! ugh! 

I went out on the town pretty much every day for the last two weeks so now I am on a self-enforced break from socializing.

It's hard because Norman keeps texting me and lots of other people are doing very fun people without me. I know I know, so much to complain about in my life.

We have had SO MUCH FUN LATELY.
I'm not kidding around on this one. Do you laugh til you fall over every night? Several times a night? and not just because you've been drinking?


(the floor at the ossington. I like this grate.)

Carla Ghee, Firehorse, Norman, and I have been an almighty team lately in the biggest party way (they actually party (drink) way more than I can). And they are so stupidly, wonderfully funny that I almost can't bear it sometimes.

I wish I could go back in time to tell teenage me that don't worry about not having friends then because at 27 I'll look around and see that somehow I've managed to amass some of the most wonderful people in the world to hang out with.

Am I hormonal? maybe.

I don't mean just Carla Ghee, Firehorse, and Norman. I mean, it's stupid how many people I want to be hanging out with right now. You know what it takes for me to turn down a funtime? A LOT.


I ate an apple on St. Patrick's at the ossington. I was not really feeling the funtime then. I pretty much played out my party streak. I liked that apple, though.
I went home before last call and was sober enough to read my book for awhile
(Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami, which I've owned from a clothing swap for probably two years and am only getting to now and guess what? It's so great!!)


It's not that I'm not enjoying this alone time. To the contrary, I'm catching up on Boardwalk Empire and movies, taking care of business, reorganizing, covering more mini-flasks (more on that tomorrow, hopefully!), doing some sewing and mending, cooking and cooking and cooking and eeeaaattting.


I made pancakes several times this week. This one rice flour variety I have is really only good for pancakes. But it is f-ing good. Kingsmill or something. Anyway.

I ate so many flipping pancakes. I wish I had more of that flour then I'd eat some more. Not joking. I'm hungry. Not actually hungry, just bored.

Fucking nice plate Dollface gave me, also. Sturdy and huge. Perfect for pancakes.


Anyway. we went out. every day. Carla Ghee has been waiting for me to post pictures of our adventures. Carla Ghee can party anyone under the table. She can dance to dubstep until 5 a.m. I don't know how. She is a bad (good) influence. She suggested day drinking on St. Pat's and I suggested Bloody Marys so that it looked socially acceptable. We are geniuses.

She is also very beautiful and snags lotsa babes.


One time we found a tub on the sidewalk and we put it down and got in and then a ghost came

and the ghost was like "hhheeeyyyyyy"

but super quiet so no one heard it.


maybe it was the ghost who also pulled the door off the washroom at the bar. Which bar?
I'm confused because we don't seem to be at Hoops in these photos.

I love Hoops. I think I like Hoops better than I like any other bar right now. It may have started as a joke but now I love it.
I love the bartenders and I love sitting at the bar and we had really good fajitas the other night and I like all the tvs kind of. I mostly love the staff. And being a regular there. Where else can you be a  good regular? And not care what you look like?
Our favourite bartender got the scoop on my Hoops crush for me.
Salt and pepper, almost
reddish beard
plaid rolled-up sleeves
faded tattoos
Turns out he's a chef, though.
sigh.
I do not want a chef boyfriend. I mean, he can still be my Hoops crush and since I'm into sowing my wild oats (mum cringe) then who cares.
but if I did care, I would care about him being a chef. you know what chefs like? meat. and gluten, almost certainly.

You know what's the best about crushes when you're pretty sure you're not looking to be tied down?
Nothing about the babes matters. I mean, the basics, sort of.
But anything else? Not a big deal.

Differing religious beliefs?
Leafs fan?
Hates cats?
Bad shoes?
Catholic guilt?
High all the time?

Doesn't matter! At all! No one cares!



this is what the window at my house looks like. I am upstairs, working away. Or at least eating and watching tv. Yes, I still have a wreath in my window. Obviously.

not the kind of twins who look alike just the kind that...

"I promise to wait my whole life for a perfect love, but keep busy in the meantime." 
 - St. Augustine

(I saw this quote on saidthegramophone.com, not recently really but it stuck with me, also it is especially funny paired with the photo above)

I was up until four last night, mostly being productive.
I got into writing about an hour and a half before I had to leave for work yesterday. That seems like enough time to get something done, and I did, but it's also hard to leave when I'm in the middle of something good. I know it's something good when I get that glaze-eyed concentration. When I find myself walking around my apartment making tea without realizing that I've gotten up because I'm still so intent on what's happening in what I'm working on.



My big problem (HA, which one of the big problems?!) is that I have a hard time working on one project all the way through. Yesterday I opened up the short film that I wrote which I need to edit and instead I ended up working on a different idea entirely. I need to have a moratorium on new ideas I have a buttload of projects in mind and I need to finish at least a couple of these. Each one is pretty fun and different, though!


(I am filled with the light of a thousand suns)

The craziest part is that I never feel stronger, sexier, happier than when I've got a good idea brewing or am accomplishing something. Not that these ideas come to proper fruition that often but even when it seems like they might it's a high I can basically live off of.
It makes me want to smile and dance around. All the good things brewing in my future seem almost too wonderful to bear.

It might be a better high than meeting a new babe, even. And we know how I feel about new babes (mmm babes).



It's still the kind of high that comes with the fear of let-down because there are always difficulties with anything. Especially in terms of me and getting things done.
But it gets better and better, bit by bit.

And I'm a pretty good writer! I'm not even kidding about this. Not the best and I'm having DEFINITE issues with structure and I think with over-explaining in the scripts, and I should for sure be taking some workshops/classes/go back to school (sponsorship where are you??) but I'm not bad notbad, I'll tell ya that for free.

.

Right, so, we went to see Sweet Thing on Friday in Ottawa, Dayna and I.
The venue was attached to the venue from the night before so we ended up back in the same green room!

Where Dayna's brother had a little siesta.

I took zero photos at the actual show, I don't know why. I was too busy drinking smirnoff ice again (oh god I have no good excuse on this one, sugar craving? I dunno) and being less than party-all-the-time. I think Dayna was disappointed in my lack of party attitude. I wasn't in a bad mood, just tired. It was still really fun, and then Dayna and I had a mini dance party on the empty floor at the end of the night and that's the kind of thing I like.


I like this series, he notices I'm taking pictures

intrigued

ha, we saw this guy out in the road before the show and I was like "why is there a hipster in Ottawa?" because of the green pants but then I realized that we knew him. Classic. I think this guy is so funny, which makes me feel awkward around him. Don't ask me why, I don't have a good explanation for ya. I'm just awkward like that.

then I laughed at him and he went away.
In other news, I'm jealous of how tall and long-limbed Dayna is. But that's nothing new.
Ha, also her sense of style. God I feel frumpy just thinking about this. One day in Ottawa she was wearing a high-waisted skirt which made me want one so I went and changed to be just like her.... not creepy though.
Hahaaah we also decided we were twins. Twins like the movie Twins. "But then who is Danny DeVito, certainly not me!"


same creepy hallway and staircase we went up and down the night before, too! kind of fun, mostly creepy.
I would really like to go on tour some day. On tour with what? I don't know. My rap band? probably.


These guys were happy to see each other!
I was happy that they were happy. It's both hard and reassuring to spend time with great couples. Hard in the jealousy department and reassuring in the way that it's good to know that sometimes excellent people find each other at the right time and want to be together.


Dayna has more photos on her camera I wonder if there's any cute ones of me, that's what I'm after!!!

I've been going through a big blushing phase again (otherwise known as my life) and I blush at every possible thing and especially I blush when I think someone might have a crush on me/think I have a crush on them, ESPECIALLY if I am not at all interested. You can 100% bet that this leads to some pretty awkward interactions.
I think I'm going to have to start wearing foundation. I am not even kidding at all.

Well, I mean I am kidding because I am too lazy for that noise.