funtimes online and irl

whoa, talk about self-obsession! I just got sucked into a vortex of looking back at my own facebook photos and reading back entries from private blog! (new private blog entries, just fyi those in the loop only)
My life looks very fun to me from an internet perspective. Just kidding, it's fun IRL. except with more tv watching.





Look how fun, I have a bit of a lap-cat these days.

Also,

look I have a Hoops throne, I'm the queen of Hoops. Last night a whole whack of people who work at the acc were there coincidentally as well. pretty fun and funny! So many people at hooooooops.
one of the dudes we were with is like a theatre reviewer or some business and the careful way he formed his mouth around the word "hoops" was just killer. just right on.

I wonder when Nicole wants to come over to watch Laugh-In with me. I've been thinking about it so much lately.

after Hoops:

norman's so cray cray for cola!

(carla ghee obvi into big wieners)

(p.s. - nice job, Canucks!)

Oh look, it's my old pal, dan griffin who came to visit me at the stadium the other night. He was not there to see a hockey game with his mother, he was only there to visit me. how nice! I don't know if I've pressed this issue yet but his entire CD is available for download for free at the just mentioned link. It is very, very good. Like before I knew dg irl I loved his music. It is just lovely.

Here's a gem for ya, as well, while we're catching up. I had dinner with my bud the other night and I decided he has too bad of ADD to not have an activity to do at all times so I let him draw in my notebook. I'm really glad I did. Pretty good likeness of me, I'd say.


I'm trying to actually do the March photo a day challenge on instagram (<3 instagram still so much) so get ready for random shots of things like "fruit" and "up"



oh I AM sorry, you little brats! haaaa I cuddled them so hard they got up and left.

ANOTHER PICTURE OF ME:

I've got this red haircolour that's just like a rinse. Just kind of evens it out for auditions. not bad not bad. good to know, you were wondering.

guys. I gotta go to work tonight. but first hangtimes with tha dog. and after it's hangtimes with MANTOWN. mostly excited for the sparklers. ohh, and the men.

dance like no cameras are watching

For some reason Vevo won't let me embed a video here, but I can on Facebook? That's dumb. Anyhow, this:
is the new Arkells music video for Kiss Cam
which features me and Onesie dancing rather sweetly (compared to our normal obnoxious moves!) near the end. We look darling, actually.
You're welcome Arkell buds for the use of our image. Had no idea it was being filmed (may or may not have been right wrecked)!
Luckily I actually really like Arkells, though (spoiler!) I'm 99% certain it wasn't actually that song I was dancing to.



I went to Boston Pizza with Killary tonight for one of our typical Valentines dates. Did you know they have gluten-free crusts there?! And it looked to be the same prize as reg. Nice nice!
I had one and it was not-bad. It wasn't the best pizza crust I've ever eaten but it was totally fine. 

Also they told us that "Paralyzer" cocktails were on special. I have never, ever heard anyone in Ontario ever mention a paralyzer. Is it just a Sask thing? They are popular here for sure, I remember hearing about them when I lived here. I don't think I had ever tried one before so I had to order one.
Here is what happened:



Actually, it wasn't as bad as my face makes it out to be. Only mostly terrible!
Totally worth it for the cultural experience. Obviously.

I feel like I got nothing done today! Maybe because I didn't drive out of town?
I went to a scrapbooking store, I visited Killary's baby, had coffee with a lovely friend, ran into a couple of people I know, had dinner with Killary and even read a bit of my book. Aaaand I'm supposed to go out with Consti later........

I had a bad stress headache this afternoon, so much to see and do in this town and it's making me so sad to think about leaving so soon!



ughgughhhh does anyone want to pay for me to live in both places at once?

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah vote/ronnies/comedy/twitter/etc

I voted!
Obviously.
I've been on about the election quite a bit over Facebook and interested in what other people are saying, much more so than in the past.
But then I'm also pretty lazy. I fully considered just not voting and then telling people I did. Luckily I am a bad liar. It's easy to feel like your vote actually doesn't matter. What is one vote?
But it does matter. And if more people took it actually, truly, seriously then maybe we wouldn't have to deal with Harper in this way.


the winds and rains blew some boats into the harbour I guess?
It's funny how you get used to something and then all of sudden, boats!


Went to comedy last night! Let's Get Hot at the Rivoli.
And Flash Gordon came and then Ruckus came and we laughed. And ate pad thai.

It was the second last Let's Get Hot which is hosted by two of my favourites (who I also am managing to turn into IRL friends), Chris Locke and Aaron Eves.
Flash Gordon was super incensed about this show coming to an end. I have to say, I'm on her team. It'll be a bit annoying since it's our favourite. But I expect that these people will keep being funny in different places and we'll keep following them around like lost ducklings.

Twitter is kind of the best for comedians, most of the people who I'm actually into following are comedians or at least pretty funny. the on-going jokes are the best, and I love when people get in on them and keep them going forever. 

fuck, I love jokes. ya know??

My favourite comedian that I follow on twitter who I would never have heard of if not for Twitter I bet, is Megan Amram. Mrs and I were reading them outloud the other night and falling onto the ground. My top favourites?

"One man's trash is another man's my dad."

"Pretty upset my mood ring turned blue - I'm not ready to be a parent!!"

"You can tell a lot about a person by reading my boyfriend's email"

"Before I flush, I softly whisper "I miss us.""



honestly I'm having a hard time choosing, I think these are the best. Too bad, here are some more:



"I'm one of those girls who can eat whatever she wants and not get married!!"

"In my experience, less than 40% of people wearing "Duke" sweatshirts are actual dukes."

"My fantasy basketball team = five dragons and a chupacabra"

"I only drink on days that end in sobbing"

"I may not party a ton, but get a couple of Mike's Hard in me and I can be QUITE the cryer ;)"

"You don't KNOW ME, password security question, my loose mother was never a MAIDEN"

"I'm not one of those high maintenance girls who has to brush her hair AND her teeth."
(I've said this one at least 40 times in the past few days, and generally meant it...)

At the stadiums I work at I work with people who are just regular. Like the kind of people who have 9-5 jobs and then work a second job (stadium) because they literally like money more than they like time to themselves.
these are the type of people who mysteriously just seem to know how to have boyfriends, get engaged, get married, be married, go to clubs, not care about voting, shower daily, work jobs, blow-dry their hairs, BBM, have kids, own cars, go to all-inclusive resorts...
So bizarre!

I like working with them because I think otherwise I'd be a bit sheltered with how all my friends are pretty like-minded and on my team about most things.
Not that I'm not jealous of certain things about their lives. Like I wish I knew how to dress myself or not be covered in cat hair all the time.

But man, it's weird that they think that I'm the strange one!
Occasionally I'll admit to something like not having showered that day, or not having brushed my hair in days, or having 10 crushes who all play in the same band, and they get so weirded out by this.

Or that I'm never in a serious relationship?  Most of my co-workers do not know how to get on board this idea. And they seem mystified that I seem alright with this.
Occasionally I get offers to be set up with someone's friend but man, unless he can make music, art, jokes, or super intelligent conversation (or at least has a huuuuuuge dick [just kidding, gross, put that away, sorry mum]), I really have no interest.
Also... I'm pretty sure I don't really need setting up. Though I am always fascinated by the idea of it!

I'm not totally a fan of the sad looks I get about it, I'll tell ya that for free.

WHAT IS THE POINT IN BEING SAD ABOUT BEING SINGLE?

It is my job to be happy whatever I'm doing. What if I eventually end up with someone who I want to be with forever and I've not had all the fun beforehand?
What if I get sad and start dating someone just because it's what I think I should do and then they ruin my self-esteem and treat me like shit and so I can never leave them?
What if I get sad and start dating someone and treat them like shit because I don't really like them that much but I feel like I should be with someone and so I stick around and pick at them to make me feel better about myself?

Not interested in doing that!

Interested in hanging out and having fun and making jokes about baaaabes all day forever and maybe sometime I'll date someone and until then keep your damn sadfaces to yourselves, co-workers!


Haaa, I was describing one of my crushes to a co-worker the other day and she was like "hmmm... he sounds like a hipster"
<3


Anyway, mmoving along....


this is my face and below my face is one of the 3 (!!!) scarves that Dollface brought back for me from Asia.

I guess I didn't post these photos from Ronnies last week?

I should have finished out the Chees to Cheesbrough onto my head in that one, hey?


Firehorse's favourite pink tuque is like a beacon, I can find him anywhere!

One time forever ago a friend of mine and I went home with a couple of dudes from Ronnie's. They had a giant apartment that was like an office building and most of the coffee table was used for an ashtray.
She ended up sleeping on the one guy's futon in his room instead of making out with him.
I refused to put out and the dude I was making out with was a bit irritated, I stayed over still. That's what I'm like.
We went and got coffee the next morning as he was leaving for work and he slapped my butt.
I'm not the kind of person who gets their butt slapped.
oh, except as a joke. All the time as a joke.



I really don't remember much about that dude at all, now that I think about it.

point being, I'm not socially awkward, and neither is anyone I know.

haaaaa Dollface has taken to giving herself high-fives all the time and I find this hilarious.


Norman is avoiding us these days and not partying. He is turning his ship around and becoming productive again. Congrats, but also.... a bit sad.
haaaaha awwww.


Firehorse is a happy lumberjack!


In case you were unclear of where we were and I didn't mention it enough.


OKAY BYE NOW.

where's bee?

flickr app is being a piece of turd right now which is not right on, ya know?

hey look a confused little lamb!


If you haven't looked at Vintage Voter yet, I really recommend it.

you can see pictures of Harper when he was a little less creepy!

Ughhhh election. Everyone should vote.
I was managing to turn a pretty blind eye to all the SHIT that Harper has been doing and wants to do but this election has gotten it all up in my grill and maaaaaaaan this is not cool.
pretty much horrifying.

GAH.

ShitHarperDid.com is a bit over-simplified and easy, I get that, but I think it's worth a visit, especially if you are like me and try to know as little as possible about shit because you are a terrible and lazy person.


In better news, last night at 1:30 we went by Sneaky Dee's for a Springsteen VS. Petty dance party and I kind of wish we'd gone earlier.
I was super tired and about to go home but I got talked into it. And MAN, you know what the best thing about Springsteen VS. Petty is?
You don't have to choose.

Also, what the fuck Patio Lanterns? Still not a cool jam.

Anyway, I totally danced and scoped babes. Are these regular types of nights? because I'd go again.

playing cute and not settling

I went and visited my agent last week and picked photos.
We got it down to these two:

and

We decided on number 2 in the end. But now I think I'm changing my vote back to number 1. Hmm. Weigh in!
Please? 


This one for casting workbook as well because I have a giant grin on my face and there's nothing more charming than that, no?

I find it stressful dissect what I look like.
I think for someone of medium-good-looks I think I have a healthy handle on what I look like, why it's good and why it's bad, but it's still hard to feel awkward about certain features.
Like one's weight. Ugh! What a trite subject, something that I find offensive to have to worry about.
I'm healthy, I walk everywhere, I eat alright mostly. I don't know. 
I find hanging out with my agent, knowing that he knows that I am a bit too fat for real success in film and tv, to be a bit stressful.

As a regular human, as a staunch feminist, I don't agree with it only being skinny skinny women on our screens. I don't think that 30 pounds should be the difference between character actress and lead. I'm such a nice size for being a normal human being and yet I hate my body so much of the day. And I hate myself for not working harder to tone-up or not being able to say no to beer and fries.

How upsetting!

I'm super lucky! I'm well-made and attractive, it's such a shitty buzz that I constantly feel like I'll never be good enough. It's a shitty buzz that if you are not-quite-skinny it's almost a more awkward place to be for acting than fat.

ANYWAY.
I know I've said all this before, just stressed out about it again. How fun!


Soooo serious!

srsly.


on facebook I captioned this one: "you know that awkward stage kids go through where the have to start playing at being cute because they are not actually cute anymore? yeah."
I stick by that caption.


In this one I look like someone I'd want to be friends with. ha, in case you were wondering.



Do I feel embarrassed having this for a face? Oh god, obviously!
My teeth look good here, though. That's good! I still want to get them fixed.
The other day I made a rough list of things I would purchase if I had money. It was thousands and thousands of dollars worth of things.

I would like to learn how to fix cars. I'm not sure if I'm joking about this or no.


I'm pretty fucking pale, hey?
I'm pretty into it. I could do without the constant blushing but I will not complain about my skin. I've been lucky, thusfar.


Nice colours in these photos. Arrow did a real good job, my agent was impressed. Also relieved that I finally got new photos done. Ha.


What I like a lot about these shots is that I think I look like me. I have no desire for photos where I look way better than in real life or where I look a bit put-on.
That's what Arrow and Mrs. and I talked about, too, and aimed for. That I wanted a super honest shot. I think I can have an openness about me in my performances which is my best asset, no contest.
So I need a photo that conveys that as much as possible.


THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL HALF THE TIME

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL THE OTHER HALF OF THE TIME.

haa, but I do mean that. I feel like those faces are beyond classic in terms of honest conveyance of what I'm about.



Speaking of partying, for some godforsaken reason I ended up at Cheval (a nightclub in the nightclub district which is kind of the worst place on earth) on Saturday night pouring Grey Goose (suuuuuper awkwardly) into my mouth.
Ha! I will do anything, go anywhere for the experience. Except maybe no more clubs?
It was actually super funny, me tagging along with two of my favourite Sweet Thingers (it's funny how every member of SweetThing has been my favourite in different moments, I like that) and I turned to mwaters and said, "we're at a club!"
hahaaha.
Dayna managed to get me a ticket to hang out with her at their show on Saturday where they opened for Down With Webster at Massey Hall, so that's why we ended up at said club, for the after-party.

Haaa the door guy worked at Aunties forever before and I was so happy/surprised to see him but I think he was double-shocked to see me in his line-up. In fact I believe his words were "I never thought I'd see you here". hahahaahaa you and me both, sister.

Oh yeah and before that we hung around while Sweet Thing signed autographs for all these girls after the show and I was laughing so hard. Man, I'm the rudest, I know. But, really, I did think it was the best. So great. I want to say adorable but I know that sounds condescending.
Swag swore never to sign autographs in front of me anymore. Awwww. They love Swag like nothing else. He is pretty babely.
For some godforsaken reason mwaters has decided to wear a poncho this tour. A yellow one with no shirt on under. I don't know why. But overhearing the girls talk about it was amazing. "I just want to know why".
I just felt like I was watching myself 10 years ago hanging around waiting for Treble Charger to come out and sign my converse-released single (still own, jfyi).



We did a good job on partying at the club, stayed til the end almost. I looked for babes but I found them severely lacking, except the ones I came with of course (chortle chortle sigh).
and I had a bit of a heart-to-heart with mwaters, who has long been on my passive-crush list and is someone I think highly of but don't always know how to communicate with.
mwaters inquired as to why pretty girls are mostly awful humans. I offered that it's because they're always looking for the next best thing.
I'd say that's pretty accurate.
You get an idea of how good you are in your head and look for a date accordingly, the more inflated your sense of self becomes, the more you can't "settle", even if "settling" would maybe land you someone who you'd actually be even and well-matched with.


(haaaaa I like the juxtaposition of my face in the middle of this story)

Not just for pretty people, but for people with bits of money or fame or talent or genius, too. The fear of settling and the desire to land the ultimate best we can get makes us all into assholes.
Totally flawed logic and probably not always done on purpose, but I still think that's what's going on a lot.

If you add on my determination to find people who are a bit insane, romantic, huge-loving, then you can understand why I feel the idea of a sustainable relationship is a bit out of my league and scope of understanding at this juncture.
Although still something I aspire to be able to get to at some point?
Who knows!

In case you were wondering, I find it annoying when people express upset on my behalf of my singledom.

And I feel that I'd get less of that if I were male. Just saying. Busy sowing my wild oats over here these days guy.



Hey, also, have you found that blogs these days are getting really, really awesome? About real things and getting into actual issues? I'm very pleased with this trend. Especially when it's as well executed as it has been lately. 
Today I'm specifically looking at:
Accost and Jones' blog about their attempts at being more reg: two regular men
and
Cpt. Heh's sobriety blog (heartbreaking and necessary): sober in the city

100% more than worth a full read, both of those links.

in their gentle hearts

goddamn that take-away coffee cup looked so small in your large hands
like a prop waiting to be positioned on set
I think it was empty, by the way you tilted it around and picked at it
like an actor needing business in a scene, you glanced down at it
your graceful fingers momentarily awkward

you in your thick sweater and winter jacket, and I couldn't help but think about how freckled your arms are underneath
how pale your skin is

you are always wearing the same tuque, your outfits so specific
somehow you have managed to figure out how to be so wholeheartedly yourself
I still don't know how to properly get to being me


please don't touch my wrist like we've ever been close






From Sass's shared items today,

This hit home in a couple of different ways.

Yes, I am very, very wary of a couple of different sentiments/statements in this piece.. but.

It did hit home.

Niki's e-response was "ugh. some men are boring."
Which I get. More than get. Hear that.

And yet. There's something that he gets at here. Something which is the entire point of babebreak. 


So... babe break 2k11 officially commences! 


I've been on one in the past and it worked out rather well for me, in a couple of different ways. 
I'm not going to hash out the details here as they are not really all of y'all's business, but also because I'm deciding them myself right now. 
I've been putting up with too much, lately. And not figuring out what exactly I want. So now I can. 


But I'm so glad! 
I think this is going to be so good. 

I should be doing the dishes

There's something kind of unexpectedly nice about realizing that I don't have that many friends left in Saskatoon. There are definitely a few people who I adore and who I am going to spend time with and party with in the next week+, and there are some coming back closer to actual Christmas, but there are way fewer than there used to be. And I am less worried about the social scene or any events.



(they say that bridge there is just waiting to collapse under its own weight. You're not even allowed to walk across it anymore. I wonder if/when it will fall.)


I have been pretty much purely relaxing. Like seriously relaxing.
I know this doesn't make for that interesting of a blog but it's very fun to live.

Friday I went out with JM to the Paved art gallery party. It was the closing reception for a piece called Back and Gone by Troy Gronsdahl (also known as Soso). I went into this exhibit and I may have been like, "that's it?" but then I stood there a bit longer. I'd visit the website and read the reviews for a description of it if I were you because I am bad at describing right now.

Possibly the reaction was meant to be one of unease but I have to say that being in this little chamber viewing this piece I felt oddly reassured and a bit sad. And afterward while I was enjoying the party I grew to like the piece more.
Like I missed it.

I wish I'd gone back and looked at again on my own.
I have a hard time with viewing art. Odd, considering how so many of my friends are artists and how my mother is an artist.
There is a bit of vulnerability involved in viewing art that I'm not always capable of. A bit of quiet and contemplation which I find easy in my private life, but in social situations I have a hard time keeping still.

Relatedly, I still do not own and would like to own Soso's first album. I own the second but I feel like the first was more for me. I should get ahold of that while I'm here. Remind me.



After Paved we went up to university to the student art auction. It turned out a billion people I know were there. Of course!
I actually have several fond memories of the art auction in years past. It's a pretty great event and it involves lots of drinking.

Seeing JM was rather nice. We have such an extensive history and I still do not know how to interact with him sometimes or properly look him in the face. This is not that odd for me.
I wrote about our history in this entry from August.
JM gave me a rather lovely collection of prints he'd drawn in the form of an almost-zine as well as a CD of songs from one of his current bands which he described as "a bit annoying".
This is beyond classic JM.
He is doing quite well, he informs me. He told me a bit about his all his kinds of art work. I think it's neat when people have their hands in many different projects and different kinds of arts.


(my cousin and aunt used to live in that apartment building and for years we had Christmas partly there and we'd get this view.)




Seven years ago, JM and his jazz band at the time played my moving-away party/birthday party/slumber party at Niki's mum's house (which was empty at the time awaiting renovations) and Niki slept in JM's keyboard case.

I slept side-by-side with my crush of two years, who had unexpectedly taken me up on my party invitation.
That guy is still one of my favourite friends, actually.

Ha, that's one of the problems with me these days. I am convinced that my big crushes will become my best friends, if not my husbands. Past precedents say yes.



(Adventure Cat is the silliest, most ridiculous cat I know of.)



Anyway. Since Friday I have not done any socializing except with family. In fact, I didn't leave the house at all on Saturday. And that was just fine by me.
I hung out with my cousin and her childrens all afternoon yesterday making crafts and chatting.

(more of cousin's tree. Soon photos of our most beautiful tree ever.)

And last night I decorated the tree with my mother.
More on all of this later.
Now I'm bored of writing and I want to go eat more cookies.



(Mrs. I wish you were here, I don't know what to buy!)


I made this banner the other day. Partly kitschy, partly tasteful (almost?). I'm into it.