my mum joined facebook, I wonder if she regrets it yet!

I suppose I could ask for permission on this but....
I'm glad my mother is on facebook now!

haaahaa favourite mother I guess

in their gentle hearts

goddamn that take-away coffee cup looked so small in your large hands
like a prop waiting to be positioned on set
I think it was empty, by the way you tilted it around and picked at it
like an actor needing business in a scene, you glanced down at it
your graceful fingers momentarily awkward

you in your thick sweater and winter jacket, and I couldn't help but think about how freckled your arms are underneath
how pale your skin is

you are always wearing the same tuque, your outfits so specific
somehow you have managed to figure out how to be so wholeheartedly yourself
I still don't know how to properly get to being me


please don't touch my wrist like we've ever been close






From Sass's shared items today,

This hit home in a couple of different ways.

Yes, I am very, very wary of a couple of different sentiments/statements in this piece.. but.

It did hit home.

Niki's e-response was "ugh. some men are boring."
Which I get. More than get. Hear that.

And yet. There's something that he gets at here. Something which is the entire point of babebreak. 


So... babe break 2k11 officially commences! 


I've been on one in the past and it worked out rather well for me, in a couple of different ways. 
I'm not going to hash out the details here as they are not really all of y'all's business, but also because I'm deciding them myself right now. 
I've been putting up with too much, lately. And not figuring out what exactly I want. So now I can. 


But I'm so glad! 
I think this is going to be so good. 

so beautiful it hurts to look at them

If I don't get these I will CRY FOR ONE YEAR.

I am in love with them.
This is all I want. I was walking down college this morning and I passed by a place with them in a window and I stopped to admire them then I found them down the street for sale at Ziggy's. WANT THEM.
I just google image searched and found this picture but this is basically them. 
I will buy them for myself after Christmas if no one buys them for me. But I don't know why you wouldn't buy these for me. Look at how goddamn tasteful these fuckers are. Outrageous.
I can't handle this fucking beauty.
Does anyone else love them this much? if so you better speak up because I will buy them for you (they are rather expensive, not really, kind of) because I believe they should be hung up everywhere and I'll believe your love is true. 

I will hang them up in my windows all year. I will make mobiles for my babies out of these.

ANYWAY.

I accidentally partied last night and didn't get much sleep at all and then I had a coffee (after taking my bike to get fixed, I'm sooo productive) and now I want to barf from over-tired-too-much-caffeine.

Flash Gordon was being the best last night she was fucking killing me. It's funny how you can vaguely know people for years but then you aren't really buds and then when you're finally good buds you're like "why didn't we do this earlier?".
I feel that way about both Flash Gordon and Dayna these days.

instant-classic texts from Flash Gordon today:

"and to think you thought he was babin' to the moon"
(re: my poor first impression of someone who fooled me with their beard. ahahahaa fooled me with their beard)

"if we were rule followers, we would have given up. but we are not... That's not how we love. That's not our way."
AHAAHHHHHAHAAH.

I take so much pleasure in being ridiculous all day long. Except when I get tired. I get tired of being me occasionally. I think that's fair. I wouldn't want to be anyone else, though.
Plussss I am 95% certain that this next year is going to be pretty much the best ever. I don't have any concrete evidence to support this, just a gut feeling.
A gut feeling that life's about to become excellent.

SIGH.

there is nothing more beautiful to me than snowflakes.

Now that my bike is fixed I guess can ride it to work today since it's nice-ish out.  But having it broken meant I was forced to walk everywhere and I've been enjoying walking more than ever and walking for probably close to two hours every day has made me feel good in several different ways. Plus it's shaping up my butt so good. Not kidding at all. Also my core feels stronger and my posture is better and I get so many ideas when I'm walking, sort through a lot of stuff.

hmmm. I kind of wish I'd had a nap.

not the kind of twins who look alike just the kind that...

"I promise to wait my whole life for a perfect love, but keep busy in the meantime." 
 - St. Augustine

(I saw this quote on saidthegramophone.com, not recently really but it stuck with me, also it is especially funny paired with the photo above)

I was up until four last night, mostly being productive.
I got into writing about an hour and a half before I had to leave for work yesterday. That seems like enough time to get something done, and I did, but it's also hard to leave when I'm in the middle of something good. I know it's something good when I get that glaze-eyed concentration. When I find myself walking around my apartment making tea without realizing that I've gotten up because I'm still so intent on what's happening in what I'm working on.



My big problem (HA, which one of the big problems?!) is that I have a hard time working on one project all the way through. Yesterday I opened up the short film that I wrote which I need to edit and instead I ended up working on a different idea entirely. I need to have a moratorium on new ideas I have a buttload of projects in mind and I need to finish at least a couple of these. Each one is pretty fun and different, though!


(I am filled with the light of a thousand suns)

The craziest part is that I never feel stronger, sexier, happier than when I've got a good idea brewing or am accomplishing something. Not that these ideas come to proper fruition that often but even when it seems like they might it's a high I can basically live off of.
It makes me want to smile and dance around. All the good things brewing in my future seem almost too wonderful to bear.

It might be a better high than meeting a new babe, even. And we know how I feel about new babes (mmm babes).



It's still the kind of high that comes with the fear of let-down because there are always difficulties with anything. Especially in terms of me and getting things done.
But it gets better and better, bit by bit.

And I'm a pretty good writer! I'm not even kidding about this. Not the best and I'm having DEFINITE issues with structure and I think with over-explaining in the scripts, and I should for sure be taking some workshops/classes/go back to school (sponsorship where are you??) but I'm not bad notbad, I'll tell ya that for free.

.

Right, so, we went to see Sweet Thing on Friday in Ottawa, Dayna and I.
The venue was attached to the venue from the night before so we ended up back in the same green room!

Where Dayna's brother had a little siesta.

I took zero photos at the actual show, I don't know why. I was too busy drinking smirnoff ice again (oh god I have no good excuse on this one, sugar craving? I dunno) and being less than party-all-the-time. I think Dayna was disappointed in my lack of party attitude. I wasn't in a bad mood, just tired. It was still really fun, and then Dayna and I had a mini dance party on the empty floor at the end of the night and that's the kind of thing I like.


I like this series, he notices I'm taking pictures

intrigued

ha, we saw this guy out in the road before the show and I was like "why is there a hipster in Ottawa?" because of the green pants but then I realized that we knew him. Classic. I think this guy is so funny, which makes me feel awkward around him. Don't ask me why, I don't have a good explanation for ya. I'm just awkward like that.

then I laughed at him and he went away.
In other news, I'm jealous of how tall and long-limbed Dayna is. But that's nothing new.
Ha, also her sense of style. God I feel frumpy just thinking about this. One day in Ottawa she was wearing a high-waisted skirt which made me want one so I went and changed to be just like her.... not creepy though.
Hahaaah we also decided we were twins. Twins like the movie Twins. "But then who is Danny DeVito, certainly not me!"


same creepy hallway and staircase we went up and down the night before, too! kind of fun, mostly creepy.
I would really like to go on tour some day. On tour with what? I don't know. My rap band? probably.


These guys were happy to see each other!
I was happy that they were happy. It's both hard and reassuring to spend time with great couples. Hard in the jealousy department and reassuring in the way that it's good to know that sometimes excellent people find each other at the right time and want to be together.


Dayna has more photos on her camera I wonder if there's any cute ones of me, that's what I'm after!!!

I've been going through a big blushing phase again (otherwise known as my life) and I blush at every possible thing and especially I blush when I think someone might have a crush on me/think I have a crush on them, ESPECIALLY if I am not at all interested. You can 100% bet that this leads to some pretty awkward interactions.
I think I'm going to have to start wearing foundation. I am not even kidding at all.

Well, I mean I am kidding because I am too lazy for that noise.

with enough honesty to stun a small animal

I'm justifying still being awake at 3 a.m. by making this blog entry. You're welcome.

I know I'm late to the party on this one but why didn't anyone tell me about it sooner?
imboycrazy.com
Was I just not listening?
Granted, I have not gone too far back in the entries and I'm already coming across stuff I don't necessarily agree with. But what the hell? They're giving her a fucking TV show.


Boy Crazy Promo from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

This looks good I don't care what you say. I want to watch it.

I'm so fucking scared to say anything on this blog that might bother anyone or might state an opinion that I can't say anything at all.
I feel the same way in writing fiction and poetry and screenplays, scared to say the absolute truth which is insane since that's the only thing I'm interested in other people's art. The specific and absolute truth. 
That's how we all end up boring and unproductive. Mostly me.

I wish I made this damn video:

boycrazy in bed from alexi wasser on Vimeo.
Classic.

I mean, not for me as I am into insisting on condoms at all times I don't care all the time. Do I look like I maintain relationships? Do I know where you've been? Do you know where I've been? Do I look like I'm not constantly looking around? Do I look like a responsible parent? Did you even ask if I'm on the pill?

I never say things like that on blog. I say things like that all day long IRL.
I think I maybe partly worry about my family reading this blog which doesn't make sense as I am frank with them in realtime. But employers/co-workers I guess. And babes.
Even though the bottom line needs to be that I don't want to be with dudes who are bothered by what I want to say on here. I'm not talking about respecting privacy, I'm just talking experiences and if you don't trust my judgment then that's an issue in itself.

Though I did think, while reading this woman's blog, "how will she find true love when she's going about it like this?"
I don't know I don't know.



My friend walked out on a guy who refused to wear a dome the other day. And he didn't back down. Insanity.

Man no wonder I don't put out that much, this whole society and set-up of dating is right messed.
Remember how Seventeen magazine definitely told us we weren't ready for sex if we couldn't talk about everything?


Lately I've been wanting to be so super straight-forward and blunt and honest with everyone. That would be so hard.

My friend told me that after a few months of hanging around with a man, he said to her that he just didn't like her enough.
This seems like it would be the hardest thing to hear but I think that hearing it after a few months would be the part that would be most hard.
I wonder if that is a valid thing to say to someone when explaining that you no longer should hang out.
I wish very much that it had been said to me in the past at certain points. Maybe it could have snapped me out of it. I've also considered saying it but haven't.


I recently saw an old top crush who I was pretty hung up on for a bit there.
He was flirting with me and hanging around and I was struggling to keep from being terrifically rude (like I am sometimes) and I very much considered saying "you just love that I like you, yeah?"

I kind of wish I had said it.
I kind of wish that he liked me like how he looks at me sometimes. 



Prune: "i only feel better about those kind of situations when i'm honest enough to stun a small animal"

and from Niki tonight "On-paper babes are like chickens before they hatch"
Which, of course, makes them easier to put into baskets.

I sort of don't believe that babes who don't read my website like me enough, I mean, if I liked someone I would read their website or at least stop by occasionally. 
And I don't believe that babes I know these days read this. Though, who knows.

(Also, jfyi, I'm dead sober right now, getting back into productivity [fingers crossed] I more-than welcome comments, especially positive ones since I'm already second-guessing this entry. especially the photos but then again, I think they're kind of lovely.)

before I grow up here you go

Sleeping next to someone is difficult. You never really do. It begins to feel like a timed game with too many variables. Obligatory, almost. And you can’t sleep with a giant pea wedged in your consciousness. Unless you’re really drunk.

Sass has relocated (internetly and IRL) is now at joeyng.com. that bit, in particular, from one of her blog posts got to me a bit.



I am bad at sleeping beside people sometimes. Except when I'm not. But the slightest hint of strange or of things left unsaid...



I very much miss having Sass around. I like that she's always awake late on the internet milesandmiles away, though. So I can run things by her and ask if things are too-much.



Ha, guess which I asked were too much? I think I may have asked the wrong person. 
These days I am always second-guessing around here and feeling awkward about what I want to post/how it will look/what it means about me.



I am not embarrassed of these pictures. I am embarrassed to go about my daily life and not be this confident and attractive and calmed down (does that make sense?).



I am mostly made up of awkwardness, obnoxiousness, and bravado.
I am nothing like these photos in real-time. That's why I like them. That's why it's fair to post them. They are still almost-honest.



I have no interest in getting in anyone's way.
I have in the past. I've been a terrible friend and I've been a kid. I've put myself in situations I shouldn't have. I have pushed things that needed to be left alone. I've blamed other people.


Mrs thinks that this blog (the photos I post) are a bit asking-for-it.
Longing gazes are not for taking-seriously.



I liked how Raymi the other day was saying very blunt online how she is in relationships. How she is super affectionate, and just listing all these characteristics that she has in relationships. Refreshing, when people are upfront and honest about how they think they are/what they like.
I would never put any of that on here because I am a different sort, plus who knows what I am like, really.





I have a hard time properly kissing anyone who I'm actually interested in.
I thought this post would read stronger but instead it is uncomfortably weak. 

quotables and notables (this is all going in the TV show don't deny)

"I had a dream that I was a lioness and I was in charge of taking care of two mentally challenged cubs"
-Niki

"I had a dream my number one crush was a sexy doctor with many sexy brothers who were beardy-longhairs and I had stomach cancer and they wanted to take care of me at their house. I think my stomach hurt in my sleep."
-Me

It's ladies night at the Mistletoe household!
Two of the prettiest ladies I know and I are going to have vodka lemonade and martinis and annoy the cat at my place! Life is grand and we are all so lucky/cursed to be in the middle of all this. Yeah? Yeah!


"Don't these stairs know how often we ride our bikes!?!?"
-Raymi to me on the too-many stairs at Paupers last night