bits and vids

too many things to count on all my hands, I'll tell you that for free.
so many things going on.

whenever I sit down to write a blog it's forsure because I'm trying to avoid working on a bigger project. So, in a way blog updates are bad news. But I do apologize because I miss having a regular blog and keeping updated.


I'm always late posting pictures. But Dollface's family Thanksgiving this year was really excellent. I feel lucky that her family still lets me come! Her grandmother is my role-model, she buys giant easy-grip bottles of rye. Is that reason enough? Probably!



pants-free Thanksgiving. Super, super cute.
As much as I want a baby less than I have since being maybe 17, I am still super affected by little guys sometimes. Especially working the kids' shows at the theatre. The extreme amounts of cute are almost hard to take. I feel stressed out by kids' vulnerability.


Here's the tattoo that Dollface's bro drew for me to get. Perfection.


I think these are from the same weekend? Maybe. Got free tickets to a basketball game that I didn't have to work. Nice to be the one drinking the Smirnoff Ice instead of serving it foreverandever!



I fucking miss hockey. Don't get me started.


I'm still pretty much a relationship expert.

BYEEEEEEEE NOW.

(p.s. less than 2 months til christmas if you want to know what to get me, look here: pinterest.com/ohmistletoe/things-to-buy-for-me-as-gifts/ !!!!!)

floor-bed

Norman's out on the town and I'm not out with him, which is pretty bizarre! Although one time earlier this week we were out and he stayed in. Even stevens we are.



Speaking of-- Norman recently wrote a really remarkable blog about his long-time love of rap. Norman's blog is actually always worth the read. I'm not just saying that because our love springs eternal.
Oh, I just looked at his site just now and the newest one about his great-grandmother is just so, so lovely.


I bought clogs. I don't remember ever even thinking about wanting to buy clogs. These were very cheap. I'm into them. Weird decision, certainly.

(a ghost came and the ghost was like "heeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyy")



Comedy is hard. Do I talk about comedy enough? It still feels very foreign to me that I'm a comedy performer. A "comedian". There's only so long I'm going to be allowed to feel new about it.
I used to think I'd hate the part where I'm constantly examining why something is funny and how and so on. I don't hate it. I find it interesting. I can't imagine feeling more sure and unsure at the same time about something.


(birthmark back)


I would pay all the money I could find/borrow/steal to just buy a shitload of confidence to use at my convenience. I'd pay it no problem because I'm certain that's the only thing keeping me from doing all the things I should be doing.
Getting there, getting there.

I've always been a late bloomer, in pretty much every way. I lost my last baby tooth just before entering 9th grade. It takes me awhile to get to things, sometimes. Most times.
So it's okay that now I'm a comedian. It's okay that I'm still scared of it and nervous about it and figuring it out. It'll be okay if I finally really do stand-up at 40 (or in a week or two, whichever).
It's hard to remember that youth is just the tiniest section of my life and everything that happens enriches and adds to what I already know and can make me better.

Not having dealines isn't a good excuse not to work, Meredith.

It is strange, also, to go from being an avid comedy watcher and enjoyer and supporter to being a performer and working with people I've admired. Going from being a fan to a peer, basically. And it's hard to imagine talking them into working with me, because of course I'm just the person who goes to shows, not the person who does them. Not now, though.
Oh, I'm so jealous of the easy, sturdy confidence so many people seem to ooze. So remarkably jealous.

But also, while we're on the subject, being a "comedian" isn't making me less bratty, I'll tell you that for free. It's (embarrassingly) making me much worse about pointing out what I don't like about other people's jokes. It's making me far more annoyed with how people go about humour sometimes. It's making it impossible to think about falling in love with anyone because they would have to be the funniest but then also that probably somehow wouldn't be enough or I'd just feel furious about not being as funny.
I'm not satisfied with my own level of comedy and so I'm remarkably hard on everyone else. COOL MOVE.



I'm still revelling in loving the jokes I love, though.  Lately I've been working a lot with one of my bffs, Flash Gordon, and we frequently fall over laughing. And the jokes aren't ones I can relay, I can just guarantee that to us they are pure magic. I wouldn't know how to bottle our interactions, explain them, or write them in a screenplay, but I wish I could because it's very nice.

Anyway.
Second Cottage Friendship Retreat Weekend this weekend. Where is time going? Looks like it'll be at least 12 (!) people up there at some point and I'm just so excited because we're going up for several days and lots of people are coming at different times and mannnnn do I like socializing.


(such a young-looking one, still. I wonder if I'll become a creepy old-young faced guy soon.)

I put my bed on the floor. Sometimes you just lose patience. This was one of those times. I have bigger plans for this set-up and I need my tablecloths back from Mrs (ohh yeah, Mrs is now ACTUALLY a MRS now. so bizarre) that she used at her wedding. Mrs and Arrow's weddings was one of the most lovely, tasteful, perfect parties I've ever been to. Aaaaaand I love them.

Also, guys, I'm taking the train back to Saskatoon real soon and I'm actually ridiculously excited for that adventure, and on the train I'd really like for there to be:
a) a mystery I get to solve
b) sweet babes
c) secret booze I don't get caught with
d) fun surprises

here's an honest bit

(I'm going to try not to backtrack and pre-apologize for my own self and my own thoughts in this entry. Try.)



I'm only interested in honesty these days. I have a big, big interest in honesty. I mean, I always have but lately, man. It's all I care about.

sometimes I don't think I get enough credit.

I don't get enough credit for being a rational human.
In the past I have certainly been less than rational. But then, who hasn't? I've been impulsive and interested in pushing situations and seeing what I can get away with. It goes along with being a young person. Everyone handles being young differently.
I'm still so, so young. And so selfish. I know that is very true.

I do have patterns. I have two-week involvements and I have few-month involvements. I've never been in a serious long-term relationship. I don't do this on purpose, it's how things work themselves out.
And there's been times in recent years where when something happens (or doesn't happen or fails to be realized) that I'll have people say things like "Oh, Meredith, when are you going to learn how to have a relationship?"

I love liking people. I am full-hearted and cocks-on-the-table in terms of my levels of affection for people I like. In friendships I pursue and rope in and befriend like there is no tomorrow. I tenderly whisper my love to my pals, or tell them in awkward loud yell-laughs, or write it in lots of letters if I feel too awkward around them. I like people so, so much! I love loving people and caring for them and looking out for them and being involved in their lives.
Want to know how I somehow wrangled the best people in the world to be my best friends? THAT'S HOW.
By caring about them until I could just burst into one thousand pieces.



I'm so proud to be with each and every one of my good pals. Just so pleased to have them on my arm and introduce them to people and take them out on the town. What a fucking lucky gremlin, I am!

So, naturally, it follows based on this being my personality, that I like babes. I like babes so much. And I have a real cool skill of being able to have a crush on such a wide variety of people. Sort of like how I have such a wide variety of friends in different circles who I like for very different reasons. If there's an element of kindness, honesty, and good humour in a human, I want them around me.
I see potential and interesting things in so many people, and I want to push that and pursue it.
I think humans are so intricate and detailed, and there is such, such beauty in everyone.

With friends, it goes so much more unnoticed if I quickly befriend someone and then they don't end up being close in my life. When it turns out we aren't that compatible, it's not revolutionary.
It's harder with babes.
It's especially harder with babes because society has set up relationships to be the be-all and end-all. They're everyone's ultimate goal.

I find this SO SILLY and also completely valid.


You want to build a relationship with someone and have them join your family and make a new family with them and share your whole future?
OF COURSE THAT'S IMPORTANT.
but.  if that's not what happens, then you're fine! I'm fine! It's fine to be alone! It's actually sometimes the most wonderful, coolest time. Partnership is not necessary. IT JUST ISN'T. (okay, maybe it is for you and I fully understand that and support it.)

Short involvements with babes are harder in my life because I get so involved and wrapped up in things and enjoy talking about it and dissecting it and dreaming about it. Which is natural, I believe.

The most simple reason why my relationships are short is because I know what I know when I know it. Maybe that sounds ridiculous, but I've never regretted ending anything. I've never looked back and been like "holy shit, how did I let that get away from me".
I know who I am, and I like who I am, and I know what I like.
And as soon as I get it into my head that the relationship would not last forever then I get out. I can't pretend, I can't stick around working on things that I know are not true enough. I think it does me and my partner a disservice by keeping us in something that's not good enough.

And I don't regret being dumped. By anyone. I don't regret having crushes that weren't reciprocated. All of this is just true things that happened, I'm who I am because of what has happened. If someone doesn't want to date me then lord knows I don't want to be involved with them either!
I've been involved with some brats, but for the most part I still really respect/admire/like the men I've been involved with. I've been lucky to know a lot of great people.

I know I'm remarkably un-choosy in my vast array of vague crushes, that's just a fun that I have!
I'm slightly more choosy in terms of who I kiss or date, and then ridiculously, horrendously choosy about who I will have a proper relationship with.
BECAUSE I SHOULD BE.

I don't have patience for people who stay in things that are not-great. Especially because it's usually out of fear, or out of the desire to fight for someone's love. To be validated.

Cool, I can validate myself at home, alone. if you know what I'm saying.

I'm so happy on my own. I'm me being me. It's easiest to be honest and the nice kind of person I want to be when I'm on my own.

If I'm going to be in a relationship it's going to be because it is as good, or better than being by myself. And if, in the first few months, it's not as good, then I'm right to get out.

And, guys, I have the best possible friends in the universe that I can't wait to see and can't wait to hang out with and until it happens that I can sustain that feeling with a man I'm dating, then I have no interest in that situation!
Until I feel like the luckiest person to be with him, and him with me. Then, no no no that's not a cool venue for me. Nope nope.



If there's a person who's going to be a priority in my life then they need to be the best person for me. So many men I know are the best people, but they are not the best people for me. And I'm not the best me with them.
I just can't be in that right now.

This is not about how relationships take work and how there are ups and downs. I see that, I agree with that, big loves are not simple and easy and always straight-forward, but that's not what I'm on about right now.

Relatedly, I think it's unfair to judge me for having a lot of crushes and for kissing people I feel like kissing since:
a) those things are very fun
and
b) how do I know what I want unless I find it?

And the thing is, when I'm in something, I'm in it. I'm just in it. I'm not crazy and looking at other babes, I'm good at being with one person. When I'm in something good I can't imagine being anywhere else. I'm loyal, and I'm a care-taker.

I just have no intention of living a chaste and restrained life, waiting for a husband to come and find me. I'm interested in being the most honest, having the most fun, and having big adventures.
Those are my priorities right now.

If a big TRUE LOVE never ever happens for me I'll be quite surprised, but I'm GD happy these days. So GodDamned happy these days.
And if you meet me when I'm 82 and I say, "I should have listened, it was my patterns that screwed me up, I did never get anyone a proper chance, I did only want what I couldn't have"
then you can go ahead and say I told you so!
Until then, I'm going to go ahead with crushes, and loving who I can, and trying to be the most kind and the most honest and see where that takes me.


I apologize for sounding self-righteous. I will hopefully be growing out of that soon.

(Photos of Carla Ghee, Prune, and Cheespie. For just a few examples of some of the best people in the universe who I am too lucky to be loved by.)

dating advice #4

hey guys! look how romantic I am. aaaaand I'm giving you some sweet advice.

give me more christmas forever

yeah yeah yeah I forsure opened up my writing files which means (of course) I have to come over to blogger instead because all of a sudden I just need to update this junk. classsssssic.


I have never in my life seen a full-grown, adult cat look/act/sound more like a teenage kitten than Adventure Cat. Suchhh a nice kitten! Such a soft and funny kitten. Such a pest and pain and a whiner.


My mum was at McNally Robinson today and she was in the washroom and a little kid came in and announced "I'm going to make a really stinky one!!"

that is forsure the kind of kid I'd like and will have sometime.

Oh, yeah, guys, by the way, I'm 28 now. Do you think that makes me the new boss of late 20s? Probably, hey?

Do you guys want to marry me yet, or no?






I don't know why I'm posting some Christmas pictures but not all the Christmas pictures. I guess it's because I do what I like when I like to do it. We had a few gifts. Luckily. The picture of taste? I'd say so!


Am I envious of my cousin's house and her handyman husband? Fuck you.



Hmmmmmm.
I was thinking yesterday while dealing with more sellllllfish bullllshit that ever since making a concerted effort to try to not hurt people's feelings and to not get involved with people who like me too much just for the attention (hahaaaaha UGH you know what I mean, though?) I am dealing with a massive string of the most SELFISH, SELF-CENTERED, SELF-INVOLVED humans.
(as a quick clarification: I do not particularly mean any current situation or activity)

How do people make it to their late 20s and even mid 30s as such bratty, whiny, deservist little wimps??
Selfishness I think is a pretty intense problem in the circles I run in-- these generations are spoiled, coddled gens who think we're entitled to the world and shouldn't have to settle for anything less.
But I feel like there should be limits!

Also, I put up with shit from romantic interests I would never dream of dealing with from pals.
What kind of sick barfbag am I?
Haaaaaaa
I'm being over-dramatic on this point to try to keep myself in check about all of this. Man up, Meredactyl, so much of this is unacceptable.

I think, and this comes as a shock to me most of all, that I've become too nice. I'm confusing my desire to be always kind with being too understanding, too passive, too care-taking.
I stop realizing how everything is on their terms. I stop realizing that if what they're offering is not enough I don't have to take it. This seems obvious, and yet.
And I want very much to be a good friend and a kind friend and an easy-going friend, it's just that that set of skills doesn't work if people are just selfish and that's just how they are.

hhmmm hmm hm.
just considering things.


photos from Christmas morning! I'm sad my baby bro wasn't there (he was in BC with his gf and her fam and gets back tomorrow to celebrate a bit with us) but it did mean that we all (mum, me, aunt) fit on my mum's bed for stockings which was cozy and nic.



on a more serious note,
CAN YOU BUY ME A NEW COMPUTER?
it doesn't even have to be a new computer it could be a used computer forsure.

REASONS WHY I NEED A NEW COMPUTER:

a) I'd like to be able to have more than one application open at once (haaa just kidding, I have Celtx open right now too but photoshop is just not a thing that works on this machine anymore)

b) Imagine if I could make movies on my computer? you could watch them then!

c) I could go back to being a photographer (there's kind of no point right now since I really can't deal with big file photos on this machine)

d) I could watch all my stories better. Fine, maybe this one isn't really for encouraging, but I would waste a lot less time trying to get it to stream

e) the powercord is fraying at the plug-in and it will probably set on fire soon and burn us all down.  :( :( :(

f) babes will think I'm cooler

g) I could then video-talk with you in our respective houses and I would probably take my top off (hahaaa just kidding I always wear shirts)

h) I could go back to making sweet beats for my rap career

i) I keep burning my legs

j) I don't have a dad

k) I'll swear around less, cursing this old technology

l) I can do more work, like a real good worker kind of a guy





If you can't afford to buy me a new computer but do understand how to make computers work better I will accept your offer to come over and help me clear out my computer and de-clutter it and make it run fast and strong again.
(with the warning that it is a powerbook that I bought for $300 about 3 years ago at least)

THANKYOUUU





this is where I am right now:

cuddled up and pretending to be a good worker but instead I'll waste forever and ever on bloggggg! Oh, whoops, on facebook, too!!!
Whatever, guys, I have a hard time explianing these days to people who don't blog or don't read blogs, but this thing has helped me so much. Not only a writer but also in terms of comedy-- a place to write whatever and get feedback and make buds and have people think I'm mildly funny at least occasionally.
Also, I love reading people's blogs. I 100% do. So hopefully if you read this it's because you like it and not just to get mad about (I've had to stop myself from reading a couple of blogs like that forsure forsure).

I feel bad because I should have gone out and socialized this evening but I just couldn't get around to it. I mean, I did see three of my favourite people already today but I should have done more. Always should do more. But it's my vacation too and sometimes you just want to curl up with a good book or a good computer for awhile. And enjoy the fuck out of it.

almost done being 27

I thought that 27 would be a great year. I thought it would be the year I fell in love or some bullshit like that. I thought I'd get acting jobs again, I thought I'd really get to accomplishing something.
Less than a month left of being 27. 28 is officially almost 30. I'm excited for getting older, I feel like there's really wonderful things coming up for me.

I was just trying to figure out if I feel disappointed at all about this year.
I really, really don't.



This year has not been the kind of spectacular I was wishing for but it has been remarkable in several other ways. Really remarkable.

And this year in particular I think I've grown and am really getting better at being me. Sounds ridiculous, maybe, but true.



Let's split this up into categories to go through, yeah?









HOME LIFE
As you know, in June I moved out of the attic bachelor apartment I lived in for over seven years into the new Ossington Dreamhome.
This has been the biggest change in my life in a long, long time.
And it has been hard and wonderful. And super amounts of fun, and ridiculously trying.
I haven't addressed on here how we recently changed roommates, but we did. Our new roommate doesn't have a nickname on here yet. I'll think on it. Anyway, she's very sweet and works 9-5 which means I never see her. She wants to go babe hunting, though, so we have to figure that out soon.

Onesie moved out. It got to be a rather shitty situation and I tried my very, very best to be a good friend to her but there are limits. And as much as you have to be there for your friends, it's also important to realize when maybe you shouldn't be friends anymore. I can't always help everyone all the time.

Yulie is moving out soon, too. Which I am going to be pretty upset about. She's going back to Germany for awhile. I'm glad she'll be back at some point, but it won't be the same not living together. She is such a wonderful, good-hearted love. Who drives me bananas sometimes. Because that's what roommates are for.

I moved out partially because I needed change but also to teach myself better conflict resolution and inter-personal skills. A babe laughed very hard at me recently for putting it like that, but I do really mean it. And I think it's working. I still hate conflict, but I've had some and am stronger for it. I'm learning how to get along with people on a daily basis, and I'm still closing my door a lot and hanging out on my own.

Also, remember how fun the beginning of summer was in this place? Worth it for that alone. Plus I do love the house and my room and getting to decorate and everything. And I like having people around to cook and bake for.
I'm getting really good at cooking, I'd say. Not like a kitchen genius, but I consistently make beautiful meals and eat properly and am learning new skills and meal ideas. And I really rather love cooking. I find it calming and purposeful.





IMPROV
Improv, guys, improv! What the hell?!
Do you ever think about how maybe things happen for a reason? No? me neither.
Anyway, I'm not sure how I got so lucky as to be doing the conservatory right now with some of the most amazing people.
It was actually pretty random that I even decided to audition for the conservatory at Second City because I'd been scared of comedy for the past while. Like, I loved it, but from a distance. I did improv at Bad Dog a few years ago and then just didn't know how to push through further. And as much as I loved my classes at Bad Dog, the conservatory at Second City is whole different ballgame. Seriously different.
The thing about con is that you're set up with shows, you're basically given a team. And now we're getting into performing archive material and then we'll be writing our own sketches (!!!!). It's a smart way of setting us up with the skills we'll need to do mainstage and the like.
And Second City's style is very specific and it's a style I quite, quite like, and I think I'll be very good at it. I'm overly-excited to pitch my premises and then try hard not to boss everyone forever.

Yeah, Second City has a cult-like vibe to it, but it might be because it's great?
I think it's particularly great for me as I have a hard time pushing people to let me do their shows, or let me be on their teams. This program hand-holds us and it's structured to really take care of us and groom us for their particular style.

Also, the buds I'm meeting through this new lifestyle (hahahaaaah) are serious lovebugs! I feel very lucky to get to hang out with some of the funniest people ever. And comedy crushes, man, I have 'em. Like with most of my crushes I can't tell how much of it is an actual crush or if I just think they're very funny and nice.
Either way, I feel like I've found a whole new world of wonderful people. And the best is that they like me too.





LOVE LIFE
Well. I go back and forth between how I'd like to handle this subject on the internet. As you know, my favourite joke ever of all-time is how I am single for life and how many babes I like and how I would like to look at all of them with my hands. I stand by this series of jokes and it's maybe a bit true in real life (very true) but besides that I think I'm getting better at dealing with men. I'm fairly good at understanding situations, even when I'm not quite powerful enough to change them or leave them. And I've basically stopped using people and am avoiding getting myself into situations where I'll certainly be mean.

I had a rather rough summer with things, and a bit into the fall there, too.
I spent a lot of time doing things on other people's terms. Taking care of them, being on their schedules, working around their garbage, etc.

I had several pretty awesome fights (not crazy, more productive), one in front of my house and he was wearing his bike helmet but undone and the straps were dangling and in retrospect I smile because he looked so silly.
I had a great deal of wonderful conversations, I'm getting better at not being overly dramatic about everything, I'm getting better about not causing conflict where there needn't be any.
I've developed a pretty cool move about being as upfront and honest about things as I possibly can be.  It's lovely and wonderful and freeing.

The two biggest conversations I had this summer were
"I have nothing at all to offer you, but hang out with me until I leave forever"
and
"We don't like each other enough, but should we still hang out?"
so you see what I mean a little bit? Tough, interesting situations.

And I can honestly say that even if I'm not falling in love much these days, I really, whole-heartedly, am loving people.
Knowing someone is loving them, and I can't have those sorts of conversations, those sorts of fights, those sorts of negotiations without loving them.
And as hard as things have been this summer, I wouldn't trade it for anything, it's too important.

It's all maybe helping to make me into a wonderful partner for someone at some point. I think I'll be good at it someday.

I would like to be a very easy-going kind of a guy. I would love to be as relaxed as possible about things, never needlessly demanding or bratty.  And I love, love being a caretaker. I love having someone to do things for and think of and bring things to and back-rub, ya know?
Unfortunately most people are inherently selfish and it's hard to find a balance of care-taking and being taken care of...
But then too, I'm not interested in having a relationship just for the sake of it. And so I'm not willing to put up with a lot of things.

Also, I'm fun! If I'm to ever get serious with anyone, they'll have to be willing to do things. Go out on the town, have adventures, find the fun. Fun is everywhere, it's just not always the easiest to get to.  I need a partner who realizes that it's up to us to make everything the best.

Yeah, okay so, I'd love a babe who wants to take care of me and be taken care of and have adventures forever.
And also who is handsome and the funniest. great, thanks!






WRITING AND SELF-DIRECTED WORK
Hmmmmm. This is a constant source of self-inflicted stress. What is it about me that makes me so unable to just sit down and do some damn work?
I'm getting better? No, I just go through periods of productivity. The shit thing about me is that I'm quite good at a lot of different things but I lack the focus and dedication to get really great at anything. Plus I split focus in really awful ways, I'd say it's possible to have too many hobbies/plans/projects on the mind. That's another reason with this improv conservatory is good for me because it's forcing me to really immerse in it.

When I do get to writing, I'm pleased with what I'm doing. I have no shortage of ideas. So many so many big plans for projects! If I can just get them down, sort them out. I'm bad at plot... that's a thing that's always been true. I love moments, ya know? Bits of truth, lovely interactions. But in order to get those moments I need more plot. Working on it.
I told Arrow I'd give him the first half of a feature I'm working on on December 1st. And he's going to give me the first draft of the feature he's writing. Except I have done NO WORK since we made this deal two weeks or so ago. Classic. I have not even opened the file. Obviously.
I guess I could have been doing that for the past two hours instead of writing this and cruising facebook stalking everyone. Could have. Oh well!


FRIENDS
I don't have too much to say on this except that holy shit do I ever still know some of the most wonderful human beings who have ever existed in this world or any other.
To say that I'm satisfied with my friends these days would be an unforgivable understatement. Not to be overly-dramatic or anything, but, man.... love love love love love love love.
Lucky.



Okay, I just really really love this Tom Cochrane song. Something about it fills up in a lovely nostalgic kind of a way.

Probably done with this for now. It's too long! Sorry/you're welcome.

the best little lonely housewife

just lonely housewifing around.
except then yulie came home so I enlisted her help to take all the photos of me. timer portraits of oneself are a lot of work.
a lot of arrogant, self-absorbed work.




"so I've learned from the internet that all you do is drink every day and make out with everyone"
no.
"and you take a lot of pictures of yourself"
mmhmm.
sigh. it's funny how I would think twice about having a crush on anyone who was known as someone who makes out with the world, and yet I think it's very funny to continue to make it seem as though all I do is take down babes forever.



so much of the time I am not making out with babes. Like there are about 8 hours of the night where all I do is sleep.






leaving leaving leaving.

there's something about winter coming that's making me want to fall in love.
luckily I'll go ahead and continue to spend time with people who are unavailable or leaving or distant.




I'd be good at falling in love because I'm perfecting my forlorn face.


remember high-school dating? remember incubate-and-bonding? I miss that.
these days I'm too afraid to even say I'm interested in someone I've already kissed on the mouth. I don't know how to compliment or open up or ask for anything.


I remember leaving a highschool boyfriend's house one night and almost getting to the truck and then running back to kiss him again.
that.

It didn't matter that we only dated for two weeks. while we dated for two weeks we fucking threw ourselves into it.
I want to throw myself into something again.

all I know how to do now is hold back and hold back and be careful never to be the first to admit anything.






I walked into the living room the other day and announced, "Okay, fine, I admit it. I want to fall in love. I want a relationship."
and yulie didn't look up.

It's bizarre how I feel like deciding I'd like to openly seek love makes me feel like a failure somehow. Well, I'm nothing if not insane.
I stand by the idea that looking for love should be very fun, however. If you can figure out how to make it fun (ie, kissing people on the mouth or making jokes about wanting everyone) then that's the best time.












This all only started because I bought this dress in Saskatoon in the summertime at Value Village (naturally) I never wore it all summer, I don't know why. Even though I took the time to hem it with a ruffle (and get rid of about 6 inches of length).
So now I'm wearing it at least.