i'm eating all the cheesy rice

Is Odette my best friend? Maybemaybemaybe yesss. Do you have a best friend that goodlooking? probably not.

I have a big big comedy night planned for this eve (not performing, only appreciating). If I play my cards right I will get to enjoy about a billion of my favourite funny people.
3 events and maybe a couple of road-beers and everything will be right with the world. serioussssly.
What did I do with my time before comedy?
Oh yeah, just regular drinking.



How long until winter is over? I'm ready. I'm really, really ready. Though I'm still in love with walking and you know as soon as it's warm/dry enough to bike again I'll be all over that.



Oh, about the lace on the wall/chair in the last post, those are tablecloths I bought for Mrs. and Arrow's wedding on demand of Mrs. while I was in Saskatoon. So, jealous family, just take yrselves out to the Sally Ann by the value village (actually they had some at the value village, too) and get some. They had a bunch. They didn't look as nice in the store but on the wall that one especially is quite stunning.



I've tricked her into sleeping in here right now by having the space heater going. Nice.



Hard time of year, hey? Everyone seems sad and unmotivated. I'm medium. I have a sunny room right now and a soft cat so that's not bad. I want to help everyone to have the most fun. How can I get a job doing that?






look at this big lug! She gallops around the house so heavy-footed. gotta love it. gotta love it so much. Also, very soft.

and I am progressing abominably

Good morning, I have a headache.


Oh, it's 7 p.m.
Right on.

I went to a sweet clothing swap last night at Russet & Empire in the junction!
One of my favourite vague friends (hopefully soon to become a proper dear friend hahahaaaa Norman terminology) came along with me.
I just texted her to ask what she wants her nickname to be. I received this list:

-Anastasia Candelabra
-LaMontaigne Adirondack
-Right-Eye Winkleton
-Candace Cameron.



Obviously we settled on Candace Cameron Candelabra.



Anyhow, Candace and I went to this clothing swap. Sooo many nice things. I felt a bit embarrassed with what I'd brought after seeing the shit these ladies were laying out. There were lots of people, too, with a bunch of different kinds of clothes. Also there was cake and pllllenty of wine.



I basically cleaned up. So many great things. Dresses and blouses, mostly. Perrrrrfect for spring! (oh god, spring, when is it you'll come to my arms?) A lovely slouchy pair of brown boots, and a pair of white mini-wedge canvas slip-ons. Cute!



After the swap Candace was kind enough to accompany me to my 2nd favourite watering-hole (after Hoops). There we spoke to several of my favourite babes and I might have stayed out until 4:30. See! this is why I shouldn't be trusted to go out on the town!

I ended up telling the dudes I was locked in with after hours all about how I want to be a foster parent sometime. And showing them pictures of the animals in my life. Haaaa, you're welcome, dudes for being such excellent company.
No, it was a pretty nice time. Always a nice time there. Very fond of those dudes. Rotating group of dudes but all of them are rather lovely.



Remember when the snow left? That was great! Remember how it was spring for a minute there?
I'm supposed to work outside at the soccer pitch this weekend. I AM NOT IMPRESSED.
I feel like maybe there are laws that say I shouldn't have to work outside pouring beer if it's below zero.


I have so many freckles! I'm so lucky!


This guy  is messsssssssssssed.

Sometimes when I listen to Joanna Newsom I want to cry. In a nice way. Still unbelievably good. I was singing it to Kaya today, she was into it. Dog fan.

I've made out with 60 people. I feel like that's surprisingly few, hey? In my whole life!?


I recommend that if you're going to call out, "hey! what kind of ducks are you guys!?", you should look around to see if anyone is around, jogging by for instance.

Also, what kind of ducks are the ones that look sort of like puffin-heads and they are pretty white and brown?
I saw a duck guy with a spiky mohawk, too. Lots of freaking birds.
Violet on birds "ew, gross" ahahahahahhhaa.


goddamn digital zoom is awful.

I WANT IT TO BE SUMMER AND I WANT TO GO TO THE ISLAND.

I'm actually starting to feel a helpless sad anger at winter. Like when you're walking and you have wet feet and that point finally hits where you're like this is not okay anymore. That's how I feel about winter.
Soon soon soon soon soon soon I will not remember what wearing a sweater is like. I will long to be chilly again.

In a bit I'm going to cook up some beans and I'm going to put so many onions and zucchinis and mushrooms and salsa and tofu and it's going to be super delicious and I'm getting right prepared to enjoy it.

I woke up this morning forgetting I had made cookies yesterday. Best sort of wake-up surprise!

I swear I know the best people

MIXTAPE CLUB DINNER PARTY EPISODE 3!

I love mixtape club. I feel like now we've had our third edition (and even on time!) it's like we are a real live club. An actual group with a common goal and purpose. Good food and good tunes. MMHMM.



I am also officially a grown-up now because I attend and host dinner parties. That's how you know.

And sometimes at the dinner parties I look nuts.


I worked the Monster Truck Jam today and my stand was right by the doors that the kept propped open for the first few hours of the events while people were coming in. It also happened to be the coldest day in awhile. Classically sucky.
I was so, so, so cold. I thought I was such a genius for packing 3 sweater and for cutting off the finger tips of my gloves so that I could still handle money, but NOPE, awful cold.
By then end of it I was just kind of furious because I had been cold so long. Actually, no, by the end of it it was kind of funny. Especially funny because then I walked home and wasn't really cold at all.



Anyhow, all I wanted after that shift was to be warm and properly fed so I was a bit too excited to get picked up in a car by Mrs. and taken to a very warm and cozy apartment and fed soul food. Obviously!

Ohhhh lordy so good.
If you don't put bourbon in your mashed sweet potatoes, maybe you should?

I love the cute napkins, too and the cut up butter in the sundae dish. Awww.



Things weren't actually as serious as she looks about them. She was probably just waiting for cake.

"Cake??"

I had to take the photos with Hipstamatic because I did last mixtape club dinner party and now it's a tradition.


I laughed about the way that Mrs.'s sweater was bunching. I am too easily amused.



Dinner was super lovely, such a feast and so much effort gone to by our lovely hostess. Went out of her way to make sure there were gluten-free, vegetarian, and dairy-free options for our (mostly my) sensitivities.
Ever had bourbon with sicilian lemon soda? You should.
Also, the flourless cake was heavenly. Mrs. and I stayed an extra while just to split another piece. So fluffy, all almonds and orange and a lot of eggs, apparently. I suppose I need to get the recipe...

Dinner parties are also great because you're not hurrying to get anywhere. You have plenty of time to chat and have seconds and loosen your belt and stay awhile. Such a treat.
And it was a happy coincidence that our Soul-themed night should fall on such a cold cold night where we all were in need of warm food and talk.
I have to say, though, I missed Sweet Beastly very much and was very sad that he couldn't make it.



I know that I've said this before, but I don't think it's something that I should ever take for granted; I have really, really good friends these days.
I mean, I've had some solid friends now for awhile but these days, the good gets better and new people come into my life and I'm better at relating and we're all growing up so beautifully... I really really love at least a dozen people. Probably even 2 dozen people.
Imagine that! That's amazing. That there are so many people that I flat-out adore! If even half of them love me back... 
How the fuck did I get so lucky?



It's funny that it's hard for me to take a break from going out because I have too many fun things to do and too many people to spend time with. What a luxurious problem to have.

I'm worried that it sounds like I'm bragging. What I mean is, I feel great gratitude for each speck of friendship.
I'm not the easiest to be friends with. I'm rude and selfish and over-honest, but I'm working to be better to people and I'm so pleased that people seem to like me!

On Friday I was crying my face off (life sucks, hormones, weather, MONEY, career, you get the drift) but even while I was so upset about my future and my job and everything I still was thinking about how at least I have some of the best people ever in my life.
I mean, there is no way that my life sucks because I have the best friends. Friends are the bosses of life being great.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww



Also, how funny was 30 Rock this week? I had a dream the other night that I was on Saturday Night Live and Tina Fey came over and linked arms with me and we bumped hips and I was the happiest girl. That'd be the day.

romantical sabbatical 2k11

Except that kind of sounds like I'm taking a romantic vacation, instead of a vacation from the idea of romance. Hmmmm. you know what I mean, though.



Why yes, I do only have pictures from my walks with the dog.

That Bukowski poem shared in reader/buzz/etc sure got a lot of great comments from my friend group. Some a little too crude for posting, I would say.

from Niki:
"ugh. some men are boring."
and then later in the comment thread:
"NO MAKEOUTS FOR ANYONE DELICATE, DELICIOUS, OR WONDROUS!"

and from Cheesepie:
"a woman's value depends only on how consumable she is. known fact! delicate, delicious, or garbage."
and
"it's a boring, grating rhetoric we've had to hear a billion times. want to be a REAL woman? want to keep your mystery intact and be ever more desirable? then limit your interactions with other human beings! never fully be a person! hold out for the ONE!"

I'm going to fully agree with Cheespie on this. Except I still think the poem has a couple of valid bits to it, except that I think it's true for both genders.
It really has nothing to do with whether they are women,  more to do with the reasons for seeking out partners, how they're going about relating. 



The part that felt true to me was the part about choosing the next one out of revenge.

I'm very, very hesitant to write about Babe Break here because of how it makes me look or what's too much information or how much I actually want to be sharing.

But,
One of the main reasons for Babe Break is an over-saturation of the field. I'm not complaining about meeting and knowing many dudes I can have crushes on, and I'm also not saying I have several men on the go at all times, but it gets to feeling like I just universally have crushes on pretty much everyone. Anyone I decide to, at least. I don't know what's true and I don't feel like I could tell if someone I actually liked came along.

And if I met a potential love interest who acted the way I act a lot of the time in terms of dating/relating/etc, then I wouldn't want to date them. I would find them untrustworthy and full of drama.

I'm sure that there have been friends of mine who have warned off dudes telling them I am made of drama. And I don't know how to say that's not true when I'm just not sure it isn't.
But I don't want it to be.



Dayna wondered out loud yesterday to me whether I'd be content having the sort of lifestyle that she has. Which is to say, a husband that she is head-over-heels about, not too much going-out, and lots of quiet nights in.

I would like to say FUCK YEAH, but who knows if that's actually fully true?
I've never managed to get myself into a situation even close to that, except possibly with a dude I dated a couple of years ago.
We stayed in and watched My So-Called Life, got a lot of take-out, sewed costumes for his band...  but then I was sort of mean. I never want to be like that again. The getting mean. I always get mean. I should be taken out back and shot, actually.
But the difference there is that I was just trying so hard to convince myself to love him. I wanted so badly to be in love it seemed that if I pretended hard enough it'd be true. Almost felt like it was.
Unfair of me. 
But I wasn't in love with him.
So I don't know how I'd feel about a quiet life hanging out all day with a bestfriend/truelove, but in theory that sounds pretty sweet.

The last semblance of a relationship I was in lasted way longer than most of my involvements and I wonder how much of that was because I was always fighting for his love and fighting to love him without being able to properly communicate or understand him, and maybe because we didn't spend every moment together.

I'd like to find someone I'd actually like to spend a lot of time with.




Haaa, the other day I asked my wonderful, funny, successful screenwriter friend where I should go to find my future husband (on account of I'd like to meet someone similar to him and therefore he should know) and he refused to help me out in any capacity.
I wish I could remember exactly how he put it, but it was something along the lines of
"No. I don't want you to meet him. You're too funny being single and slightly tortured."

I guess that's sort of a compliment.
I did point out to him that I had now built up a lifetime of funny stories about babes to tell. He was unconvinced.





Aaaaanyway, about choosing out of revenge, I don't think that's what I do, exactly, but if you have more than one babe on the go/in mind it makes each heartache that much easier to deal with. You can use one to distract from the other and another to distract from the one, etc. #1 crush is not the awesome dude you thought? well luckily this dude thinks you're the prettiest, etc, etc.

If you get enough cooks in the kitchen you don't even have to notice that nothing is getting cooked.

I am not pleased about operating like this, and that's whyfor Babe Break. To hopefully rearrange my priorities and patterns.



Also, with enough going on you stop noticing that there's no quality in any of the interactions.
I have not been out on a fun date basically... ever. I forget that romance is a thing that people actually experience. I forget how to be sweet to people and how to stop being defensive and rude.



The other bit that I liked about that particular Bukowski piece was about going about interactions selfishly. and,
"you're finally left with whatever
you have been willing to give
which often is:
nothing"

How can I possibly expect to fall in love with someone wonderful when I am not being wonderful, myself?
I know that this is obvious, and I'm sure I've said it before, but, I would like to be the type of person I'd want to be with. And I'm not being awesome right now.

I'm going to take the next little bit to regroup and figure out how to be more awesome. And maybe even get some shit done. Ya know?

YAAAAAY YAY YAYYYY

joy joy joy joy (misery) joy joy

Whoops! I keep forgetting to update. Not my fault (my fault).
I worked every day last week. I work very, very few days this week. That is mostly alright because I definitely need to get stuff done still. I'm looking forward to crafting to the moon all week. Joiners?



I've been partying, also. No one is surprised. I've been wearing red lipstick. That's new. New-ish.



Pls don't tell Dollface I borrowed her scarf. Just kidding, I'll bring it back Doll, don't worry. I borrowed Doll's jeans last week and wore them out with heels. Then I wore heels and jeans again the next night.
JEEEEEAAAANNNSS
I never, ever wear jeans! I usually hate them and I'm back to hating them again this week but for a brief moment there we were bffs.
I'd really like to get a pair of yoga jeans. Giftsies?



Hmmmm. I think I'm depressed. I don't know if I'm depressed because of my bender or if the bender is a result of being depressed. It's the weather, I know I know.
It's all okay.

I had a bit of a melt-down last night (and this afternoon, yikes) over Christmas. Already!
As much as I love Christmas (because of it?) it stresses me out so badly.
And I just hate when people try to change my traditions.
I know that in the spirit of Christmas I should be open and giving and inclusive and find the joy in all the little things. But that's not always easy.

I tried to write it out but that's just making me feel worse. The problem with being selfish about something is that it's a lonely upset because no one will even back me up on it plus I know how stupid I'm being.

But I'm also upset that my aunt has to work on my birthday (christmas eve) and won't be able to come to my dinner, that's something fair to be upset about.

And I'm upset that my 19 year old brother is bringing his girlfriend to Christmas and going to be away at her Christmas for part of it, meanwhile I've never once had any boyfriend that I brought to meet my family. Not that I'm sure a relationship is what I'm after right now, but something about turning 27 and having never had a mature adult relationship is worrying. 
And I feel lonely and jealous when I think of other people's partnerships.  Sometimes. Around Christmas mostly.

Though, from blog late-November last year:
"26 is a funny number, it doesn't seem that appealing for some reason. It's 27 I'm really looking forward to, but who knows why..."

27 better not fucking disappoint. 

Man, my family is utterly tired of me throwing fits around the holidays. The stress of coming home to Saskatoon (the drama that goes along with it, the heartbreak of coming and going) is compounded with trying to enjoy my ultimate favourite thing. It gets overwhelming sometimes.

This year nothing is going to be the best. Hahahaaa awww wow, I'm pathetic.

Look, it snowed here, finally:


So that's good. Plus I've been doing a lot of stamping. Or practicing a lot, at least.

Niki gave me a gift card to The Paper Place awhile back and I bought a stamp-making kit and only yesterday did I get around to giving it a whirl.
Made three so far!



I'm pretty pleased with the results. It's extra-special to be able to stamp shit with stamps I designed myself. Crafty x 100. Though I do love the store-bought ones I picked out too.
Thanks, Niki! 



I don't know how I'll decide which cards to use I'm making so many different kinds! It's hard to decide on just one theme or colour scheme for wrapping also...

I'm thinking of having people over on Sunday to celebrate my day of birth (early because I'll be in Saskatoon obvi for the actual day)....  Yes?

Cougar Winter Boots (photo essay jk not photo essay)

I'm a little bit excited for when it starts snowing.
Because I love winter! And I want to try out my new boots!



So the folks at Matchstick got the folks at Cougar boots to give me some boots!
Two pairs of boots!

I'm super excited about these boots as I actually technically need good boots for this city. In Saskatoon (where you would think one would be needing the boots) I drove pretty much everywhere in the wintertime, hopping from the car to the inside. But in Toronto I walk everywhere (so much so that I'm getting shin splints this week, haa I'm so weak) and I fiercely need some good boots to wade through snowbanks and slush.



Remember when those sort of fake-suede boots were popular with the buckles on the side? I bought a pair of those a few years ago and I remember wading through a snowstorm to get to my friend's place for an afternoon Christmas crafting party and my feet getting soaked through in the worst possible way and now whenever it snows I can't get that memory out of my head and I get panicked because there's nothing worse than cold feet (wedding day joke here).

NO MORE COLD FEET.


(in this photo you can clearly see the puncture wounds still on my left leg from cat attack, pretty amazing, eh? Also the bruise on my inner right thigh I have no idea where that came from I bruise so easily but it's an impressive one none the less. good thing I'm showing off my wrecked legs so much!)


These boots (Ravishing Black, which come in a couple of different yet similar styles) are guaranteed waterproof and with high activity are good to -30C (!!!!!)
I will let you know how they are holding up when it's actually snowy and wintery but I will say that what I like about them off the bat is that they're not too heavy or cumbersome they seem like they'll be good for walking. Also the soles are pretty thick and cushy but with good grips on the bottom.
I generally buy all my shoes a size too big so that I can put my gel insoles in them (I find gel insoles invaluable for walking everywhere and working on my feet and wearing vintage shoes, etc.).
Also I get all my winter boots a size to big so I can get those heat-reflecting insoles as well and wear thick socks. I am very serious about my foot comfort.
I think I'll probably not need either variety of insole in these guys but I'll probably put them in anyway for ULTIMATE comfort. mmmmmm.



I obviously love that Cougar is a Canadian company with a good reputation, I'm not going to lie.
Also, my mother owns a pair of vintage Cougar (yes yes we all want to make cougar jokes all day we get it how clever) boots similar to these:

and they are the ultimate warmth so I expect these ones to follow suit. Those vintage ones are pretty sweet actually.



Also I like that the foldover (fake) fur at the top can be pulled up no kidding I'm pulling that up to my knees when I wear skirts and tights out all winter (I hate pants) then with my long parka I'll be almost sensibly dressed.


I still have my red "Tibet" rainboots they gave me to review, I'll get that up for you soon! With more ridiculous photos!
Man, it'd be so rad if I had a roommate/boyfriend who felt like taking my picture all day I constantly underestimate how much time/effort it takes to take a billy photos of myself.
Wow, my life is roughhhh.



Just kidding I'm having more chai tea and watching Dexter and making Christmas cards and the cat keeps rolling herself right off my lap.

check out the Cougar boots website for more info on the company and they have a bunch of different styles there's actually a few more I want.. maybe next year...