office lady

I guess now I am not the kind of person who needs alone time. That, of course, is not totally true. I am spending way less time alone these days, though. Way less. I'm working so much and have so many friendships to tend to and babes to look at with my hands.


I'm working at the theatre a lot. I work in the office sometimes during the day and in the evenings I work front of house. It is different than working at the stadiums. What a treat to be able to wear ones' own clothing! I'm not kidding around at all.
I like the desk I sit at because it's in the middle of all the action and everyone socializes with me and everyone gets entertained by me and I give opinions on things no one even asked me about! So far no one seems to mind. My boss introduces me to everyone as a comedian and is constantly urging me to say funny things. Today he was very impressed with my outfit, thought it was just hysterical. "the hair!", he said. We discussed whether or not I looked like Jo Anne Worley.

(basically twins)

He came back at one point and I had removed the glasses and he was pretty incensed and demanded a reason. "I was interacting with patrons" I said and he said, "No leave them on, that's how they'll know we make art here."
So amazing.


I have a pretty good hangover going on today which I attempted to cure with lattes and mushroom poutine.




I borrowed that bracelet from my mother and I'm wearing it all the time lately. It's just so nice. I care about fashion now, guy. (not really only kind of.) I feel like clothes are a treat and picking clothes is a treat and I like putting different kinds of things on my body!!!!
Yes, I did take these photos at work, which is bad. Buuuut I did stay way late today dealing with a customer problem, soooo....



We had our first house party as this incarnation of roommates.
 Apparently Turkey Bird wandered around telling everyone how much she likes living here. Awww aww aww. It's a nice set up now, I'll tell you that for zero cost.


I cleaned my room up real good and everyone was shocked. I got rid of 3 giant garbage bags of shit recently so it was a bit easier. My room is so beautiful and romantic and I'll keep having parties if only to show it off.
I have three dressers. that's a true fact about me.
No undressers, though.
(terrible habit of making the worst dad jokes lately. am I compensating for not having a dad???)

I have a tendency to forget that I don't even like hosting parties! It was good, actually, it's just funny that you pressure all your favourite people to come over and then there's lots of other people and then you don't really have time to talk to anyone because you're hosting and you have to talk to people you don't even like thaaat much because you're a good host.
I hid in my room a lot with my good buds. And I drank, oh how I drank. Why were we drinking flavoured vodka out of the bottle while all sitting in my bed? I just don't know.


(brilliant screening choices)



Celebrated Nic's birth a little bit, though apparently I'm going to do more of that this evening. Lucky two birthday parties!


I duct-taped the cupboards shut and we got disposable cups. Good call! Easy breezy clean-up! (not that it's done yet, of course.)



I bought those prize ribbons to issue but no one was really worthy. I kept 'em all and everyone was pretty jealous I assume.

I love everyone so much these days. This is due in part to how happy I am, of course. But man, do I like people! So intricate and wonderful and awful!
I think people like me more these days because of how happy I am. I'm hopeful that it's not an arrogant sort of happy, or an obnoxiousness. I'm just glad to have this life and glad to be this guy.


yeah, so I bought these prescription sunglasses online and they came yesterday and I love them. Totally worth $20. mmhmm mmhmm. They are very silly but lightly tinted which means I can wear them inside all the time which means I'm now the best at being pretentious all day.

young hearts, be free

this little angel came in and fell asleep beside me while I worked on the computer in the afternoon yesterday.

I've been trying to compose a blog entry here on promiscuity and the idea of being slutty and my jealousy of people who feel completely at ease with their sexuality.
But it's a difficult thing to write about.
(Mum, you don't have to read this one if you don't want to!) 
I don't know why I worry so much about what other people think of me, especially since I yell around about how much I don't care.

I'm constantly single. We're all clear on that one, yeah?
(oh, meredith, we never would have guessed.) 

Why am I?
I don't know. I don't like anyone enough? I like musicians too much? I like people who don't like me?

I'm the Groucho Marx of relationships, I don't want to belong to any relationship that would have me as a member.
that is half-joke. 

I love babes. I love the idea of love. I love being in love (in theory). I've been happy dating people.
At some point I'd like to be in a relationship, but I refuse to make that my priority or act like it's holding me back in some way.

So what do you do when you are single but not dying to marry the next man you meet?

Casual sex!

I have several women friends these days who are just out of long-term relationships and are back to being single for the first time in forever. They are almost high on the possibilities and sowing their wild oats like there's no tomorrow.

These newly single friends have such a different take on things. An openness to sex being less of a big deal, to it being more of a fun activity.

I'd like to be like that, too!

I think one of the big things about me is that I've never been in anything particularly long-term.
And few months here and there, spread out over years, is not enough time to get fully comfortable with all things and with one person and with myself, even.
I'm sad to never have had a long-term relationship for a couple of valid reasons, but that one takes the cake.

Anyhow, I'm always mostly single. And always have crushes. And lately I've been wishing I were the type of person for whom casual sex were really casual and easy.
And it isn't.

There are people I know for whom it's the obvious answer to go home with strangers and have sex with them. They can have a huge crush on one person and still go home with another, just for fun.
I'm jealous of that attitude!
They don't take their crushes seriously, they know that nothing is certain, that a crush doesn't mean love, that you can be with someone for a minute and everything will still be fine and you can even still hang out with them later.  

I have a hard time separating emotion or attachment out of the equation. I find there are few people I'd like to spend that concentrated amount of time with, and those I do, well.. why wouldn't I want it to be something more? And those I don't like enough, I get worried about their feelings or what they expect of me, or I get irritated with them and never want them near me.

Also, I have a hard time sleeping with people who I like too much. Ha! Too much thinking. 

For someone who has a billion crushes at all times, I definitely take things too seriously. I worry about messing things up, making situations complex, about feelings.
I tend to feel like people I'm with reflect back on me, and so I'm pretty choosy about who I'd like to make out with, even. 

These days I've been wishing I were easier.
More open to situations, more willing to take risks (not STI risks). It seems rather fun.
Goes along with my plan to become more of a yes-man. I'd like to be the kind of guy who's up for party. For seeing what comes next.  For being more relaxed about life. And not making everything such a damn Big Deal.

You know, though, I say this, but there have been times where I was more open to things, involved with more than one person, trying to let things happen, and I found it hard on my heart.

It's the stress of the rise and fall of hope.
And the stress of taking care of people and making sure I'm being kind to myself and to them.

It's hard not to take things seriously.

Also, I'm frequently not comfortable with other humans in my space. I'm still influenced by things in the past and it affects how open I am, and what my boundaries are. 
Also, I have romantic eyes.
And I have a tendency to feel lonely when I'm with a person who I'm not actually enamored with.
(I know I've said that before.)

At some point (probably when I'm 40, I bet), I'll have the sort of abandon and cock-sure-attitude I  desire.
Something to work on.

 

All of a sudden while writing this I started to realize how silly all of this is. I bet Niki is laughing at me.
Goddamn first world problems. And I keep bursting out of my room to run topspeed down the hallway to drink more greentea because sitting in this room is driving me nuts but I did want to finish this entry!



Also, BABES BABES BABES BABES BABES

Also, I think people who judge people for promiscuity are ridiculous.
And I think we should be able to do whatever we want. Just so long as no one gets hurt (which, of course, people do. see, I can't stop thinking).

Okay. Good. This is nowhere near what I wanted to write. But TOO BAD for me. 


I would venture to say that I almost have a tan this summer. Weird, hey?

it's true, I just love a good meme

ohhhh hiiii
I keep thinking I've updated and apparently I haven't at all. howww awwwwful.

If you think I don't want to use this as my #1 headshot, you are very wrong.



haaha same face.
That upper picture is from around the time I was finishing college so about six years ago I guess... 21? I don't look much different these days. A bit fatter-faced maybe, a bit older.
Should I cut off all my hair?

But yeah, so Arrow did my headshots for me this weekend. He's like a one-stop shop for doing stuff for me. Awww, no but really I do owe him a lot.

I'm not going to post them all in this one entry. I'll just put the best of the red-shirts? I guess so, yeah.


hahahaa I'm a serious loser. So sweet and tender.

I would like to file a serious application with someone to get a new face. A face which matches my personality.
"aw you look so young, no wonder I can never take you seriously" -MY MOTHER
man, if that's what my mother thinks... no wonder people always think I'm a child, or that I'm a sweet human, or that I'm trying to date them, or that I'm trustworthy, or that I'm not talking about them behind their backs.

Luckily in motion my face has a few more gremlin-like qualities I enjoy and feel are more fair.
haaa

You know that hipster disney character meme that is everywhere lately with the dark glasses added onto them?
Yeah, that's my life.

I REALLY ONLY LIKE DRINKING AFTER HOURS


I USED TO RIDE A FIXIE BUT NOW I'VE LOST INTEREST

HIPSTER MEMES? SO PLAYED OUT.

CHOOSE BETWEEN WES ANDERSON AND THE COHEN BROTHERS?
I COULD NEVER.


ughgughguhhh my face, man. my face! so stupid.

Let's do a couple where I look "cute". hahaaha gross.

I stand by my "serious loser" theory.


In this one I am a wife. Doesn't anyone want to marry me these days? I don't get it.

cannot take my face seriously.


Okay, almost decent.

Mrs. was helping out (thank you both verrry much) and she kept making me crack up so bad. but in a good way. I like Mrs. and Arrow a lot both are funny and both are my friends and they are a couple. weird to find that sometimes. Lucky me.

I still have more photos for you later, or you can click through to see them in my flickr stream.

God, I am so tired. Luckily it's snowing/raining and I don't have anything I really have to do tonight... except apply for jobs.
Why don't you give me a job, yeah?

Look how fun and pretentious I am!

when do we all calm down

Thanksgiving time at Dollface fam's! I'm waiting for her to come pick me up and then we party! (and by party I obviously mean hold babies and smile at each other) Love Dollface fam.



Life's been still pretty messy in a way that maybe I wouldn't expect from fall, like things should have calmed down by now, we should all be relaxing all evenings with hot apple cider and pumpkin pie...
Instead, everyone around here is still kind of a disaster in various ways that are inappropriate for blog-talk. Good material for us all to write about later, though. Right?



I made a series of very good jokes last night. Man, the feeling of accomplishment after making a good joke is the best. Also the best is when people don't understand me or my jokes. Most of the time!!


I'm officially in love with my new glasses, jfyi. It's very important to have glasses you can still feel babin' in because otherwise they can be a serious barrier to bagging all the babes you so desire.

Teeth-brush time! Later on maybe I'll write you something of substance...

enRoute films and new foster cat!

Hello/Bonjour,
I take planes about 6 times a year which is too much I realize (I mean, not enough for me but more than enough for the environment but that's a whole other can of bananas), but it's weird how I never get used to flying.
Aaanyway, I watched a bunch of Canadian short films on my last Air Canada flight (including a couple where I knew the people involved!) and I was kind of impressed that they were even available. Obviously everyone I know writes/directs/acts in shorts but I don't get to watch as many as I want to (or should).

POINT BEING:

This is happening and I'm going to go and we should all go, yeah?
I feel like it's our job as young filmmakers and actors to support things that are possibly going to further us, that are good for our industry, that are giving people chances to see things they wouldn't normally see.

"The festival showcases short films from emerging Canadian filmmakers on Air Canada’s inflight entertainment system. Filmmakers get their big premiere in front of a potential monthly audience of 3 million ...passengers, and they honour the best of the fest at an Awards Gala in Toronto."
Which is this event!
More information is at enRoutefilm.ca

Cool? Cool.
.
.
.



Man, blogs are weird, hey? How we promote things and events and even products and then also just talk about random personal stuff or our friends or family and specific events in our lives.



It seems like they'd be almost like a magazine but the blogs that are my top faves are the ones which are personal and detailed and specific and honest. I don't like happy-all-the-time and I don't like being sold on stuff. Weird balance to try to strike.



Especially since this is all new, blogs have never existed like this.


I feel awkward trying to encourage people to read my blog. Like it should be good enough to attract readers on its own. But that's not really how it works. I'm bad at self-publicizing or promoting. Why is that? How do I get over it?
WHO WANTS TO PUBLICIZE ME MORE?



Also, this is my new foster cat, courtesy of Toronto Cat Rescue! She is called Lucy but I choose her name to be Lucinda Bright.
She is a good and calm and cute and nice cat who does not claw up my legs nor chew through my cords! She's the best! Aww so lovely, actually. I always wake up with her curled into me like a little darling. What a baby!

You can see her profile here. And adopt her!

wintertime is a nice time to have a cat to curl up with. Actually, anytime.





My mother does not like the hipstamatic app. It's funny how it's almost more popular these days than regular photo-taking around hipsters.
My mum says, "they look ugly, there used to boxes and boxes of photos lying around that looked like that!"
Which I know because I loved those boxes of shitty photos my grandfather took and I cut a bunch of them up to use and made magnets out of them and stuff. Then my mum threw them out and I was upset.



I got my second pair of glasses today. I'm unsure of how I feel about them and I haven't taken any photos yet but I'm sure I will soon enough.  They are big and sort of the same colour as my hairs.
I didn't have time for photos because I slept in real bad then I spent the day with JL, who I haven't hung out with proper in awhile.



We went to Sam James Coffee and Babe Bar and considered getting (matching snowflake) tattoos at the parlor beside there.
Then I got to see JL's new place which it's funny to see someone's furniture and belongings all transplanted and rearranged in a completely new environment. Also for all the time that I've known him, JL has lived with multiple crazy roommates in the same place. Change change change.
After that we went to dinner at Victory I had the curried lentil thing with rice. Curry plus lentils is pretty much all I'm into these days.
JL is infuriating sometimes but I still like him a lot.



I just turned on the heaters, it's funny how it seems darker out when it's cold.