CPT. HEH IS GETTING OLDER (but we're okay with that)

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW CUTESUN. AW THE BABY.





I know that it's a bit late (as it was yesterday) but I would like to wish my boy-bff a happy birthday.
That's right, Cpt. Heh finally turned 30!! Congrats on making it this far!



Cpt. Heh and I have been friends ever since he had a big crush on me while we were both at Humber but we also met through other friends and one time he picked me up from school and drove me downtown and we hung out a bit and I said "anyways" and he said "Anyways is grammatically incorrect" and I was like "whoaaa" and we went by the Chart Magazine offices because he was writing for them at the time, I think he was trying to impress me and it kind of worked but also not really.
I am one of those (assholes) who only likes people who don't like them.




I love Cpt. Heh more than I ever would have expected. And he is one of the most solid people in my life and has been for the past few years. Oh, obviously I get super-annoyed with him sometimes and want to punch him very hard in the neck, but mostly he is only good news.



I love how silly he is and how he's such a kid sometimes but also how he gives good advice and can be very rational, and is there when ya need him. He knows a lot of people and is friendly with lots but he doesn't like them like he likes me. Well, maybe a few. Okay, a lot.




Also, I frequently kind of forget that he's a bit of dude. Pretty funny.

Ha, he came over the other night and "helped" me choose my outfit for the evening and it was pretty ridiculous. He was basically trying to convince me to wear as little clothing as possible.
Best quotes for about my clothing choices:

"this outfit is good, I just think about you being more naked"

"if there's a girl there with bare legs, she wins"

"this outfit just looks like you're someone's girlfriend hanging at home, and you are no one's girlfriend right now."




hahaaa, sorry those made him sound like a jerk, whereas he is mostly not.



Okay, maybe I had more to say but I just wasted way too much time going through my flickr to find these gems and bring them to you.



You're welcome, Cpt. Heh, for being your #1 best photographer. You owe me (owe me bffship forever). Aww I like this guy.



Hahaah dreamy.

wasting the day on thinking how things have been

I highly recommend keeping private diaries on the internet and then rereading them. Goldmine.
If it weren't for diaryland I would have completely forgotten about how this one (pretty crazy) dude said to me:

"On a scale of attachable to unattachable, you're on a whole other level"

so many other lovely little quotes and ridiculousnesses. 

"it confuses me when people don't want to make out with me, I mean, what the hell?"
instant classic. also, a valid point given that situation.

Parts are so heartbreaking. And how things got clarified later on and now, years later I wish I could tell little-i how things actually were. And I wish I could tell little-i how things would end up.

"i have such greedy eyes. i am a greedy-self. i think i need everything. everyone. and if more than one person would want to be involved with me then i should, because when will i have another chance? what if someday there is no one? i will have regretted all the missed opportunities.
maybe this could be somewhat attributed to never having this much attention. if i were always attractive and sought-after then maybe i'd have a better understanding of how to act. 
of how to have actual relationships.
but judging from beautiful friends. no.
i would not."

Here, these are some photos I took of Miss Lindeman's band, The Weather Station.



Sometimes there are more people in this band but frequently it is just these two, or even just Miss Lindeman.

Love The Weather Station. If you haven't heard her sing or play the banjo or other instruments, you are missing out. Missing out on life.
Heart-breakingly good. The kind of good that makes you angry not to be able to sing like that.


These next few are ones that Miss Lindeman edited herself. Very nice.

Hung out with Russ last night, remember, he had some sweet dance moves last time we hung out.
SIX YEARS I've known him. Six years ago around this time I was stalking his band and visiting him at work (a CD store in Eaton Centre? I bought a Who CD and something else but I don't know what..).
Six years ago around his (now ex)band was opening for Matthew Good and we were in a fight of some sort so I didn't go and when I saw him next (this was before the internet and cellphones, remember) he asked as to why I didn't go.
I've never been that good at being a band girlfriend (or a gf in generally, let's acknowledge). I wouldn't assume I was on the guestlist or was even welcome since we were tiffing a bit the moment.
Relationships are so fucking strange.

And I find it odd that people feel owed things right away, or get super involved in each others' lives and act like they will be life-partners right off the bat.
Oh, not that that is not my extreme inclination at times. Oh, it definitely is. I just lack follow-through. And I like space, even though I don't know how to go about making it sometimes.

This isn't cohesive.

Anyway. Funny how Russ and I are exactly the same people these days. Only now instead of being 20 and 21 were are 26 and 27.
We make the same jokes and have new ones, we are more successful and less successful, we are thicker around our middles, and have calmed down in a bunch of ways.

I just find all of this fascinating. Interacting, growing-up, friendships, and how it all goes over the years.
I'm funny about nostalgia and familiarity.
I've spent too long reading old diarylands this afternoon.

What is this, write-whatever-I-want day?

ha, my rap partner and I are writing a new hit called "Terrible At Interacting"
perfect.

she's oooooooooooooookay, I guess, if you like cousins. which I don't.

since it's only the end of the day when you go to bed (RIGHT?), I thought I would take the opportunity which is my favourite cousin's birthday to tell you why I like her.

1. She's my closest cousin (therefore I can say she's my favourite all I like because all the other cousins have better things to worry about)

2. She's very smart (I would be that she's smarter than you. No but really.)

3. She has stupid-cute offspring. Ughhh why does everyone get to have babies and I don't?

4. When I was little she would sleep over sometimes (oh yeah, she's 7 years my senior so I always looked up to her in a big big big way) and she taught me how to change without ever getting fully naked. Useful Skills (for gym class in 9th grade)

5. She's the reason I'm vegetarian (just kidding, it's JTT's fault for sure, but she's also to blame as I joined her bandwagon when she decided to go veg... I believe hers lasted about a month and mine is going on 13 years... you have beef (aaaaaaaahahah) with my vegetarianism and slight combativeness surrounding such issues, talk to my cousin!



6. She thinks I'm really funny. Now, of course, I think she's very funny as well, but I do appreciate that she fully appreciates my sense of humour and goes with it. I'm not that easy to understand sometimes and also she could have chosen to see me as her annoying little cousin forever more, and instead she seems to have realized how SPECTACULAR I am. Good work, team.

7. The world of ZIGN (how would you even spell that, cuz?) -- we played forever in my backyard and in the magical world that she made up that we got to by swinging a special swinging way on my jungle gym in the backyard (I can't tell you exactly cause I don't want you to go to there) and we were the princesses there! BEING THE PRINCESSES IS THE BEST.
Also, good work cousin on not making yourself the queen and me a lowly princess cousin sort. You are great.

8. We both don't have dads. Growing up for awhile there it was the five of us - mum, me, cousin, aunt and other aunt. FIVE BEST FRIENDS WHO LOVE EACH OTHER MORE THAN ANYTHING.
And to be honest, it's still a bit like that (I'm the luckiest girl) just with more people involved and a bit more distance and such.
But my cousin and I were both kids of single mums and smart and with big imaginations and the ability to play by ourselves and not rely on everyone for everything. Kinda makes sense.

9. When she babysat me she let me talk on the phone with her boyfriends. She did spend the entire time on the phone so it was only fair. Haha, no but she always had so many boyfriends!!

10. I taught her how to drive a bit at the gravel pit (holy shit son I miss going to the gravel pit with my family so fun like sliding down the gravel hills and climbing up and collecting the best tiny stones and making up stories, you don't even know. sometimes I fully forget how fucking great my whole family is. okay, not really, but sometimes I forget some of the specifics.) and she didn't know at all and wasn't a pain about it at all and we drove round and round. So fun.

11. She loved the Micra almost as much (more?) as I did. If only her bf hadn't totaled it!!!  just kidding still like him I guess. Christ, I loved that Micra, it was my first car, so tiny and compact and made of freedom and speed and mostly freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedome. Anyway, she understood that as well. She really did.

12. She's still the kind of person I look up to but also allows me to become a person that she'll admire in some ways too, I think.  She has let me become her peer in a really lovely way and I loved having her come hang with me in Toronto and yeah.....    you know.

13. This isn't really one, but one year a freight train overturned right beside our land (we own land by a lake that is also along a railroad track) and we played on the overturned cars and climbed on them and looked inside and I remember loving my cousin so much at that point, and her being such a moody teenager... haaa so lovely, ya know?

(there we are sitting on top of one of them, she's slightly apart from brother and I... perfect.)


Okay that's enough for now. There's a trillion more but now I'm crying and I don't feel like crying I feel like going to bed and it's very late! and so that's enough. Haaaaaaa, ridiculous.

Love you forevers, obviously, gosh.