funny face

Man, I'm mildly embarrassed to tell you guys this, but I've been listening to this song non-stop:

Am I insane or is this kind of lovely?
Also I dance around to it like the asshole I always I am.

HOME TIME IN WHAT? 8 DAYS?
jeezily jeezily jeezily.
trrrrrrain. I'll maybe make goals for my train journey? A writing goal? A reading goal?



Three new flower pictures in there I got in cottage country. V, v beautiful. They are maybe my favourite.

I think I actually got a stomach ache from eating too many brussel sprouts yesterday. I am just in love with them. I keep buying more each time I'm at the grocery store thinking this time I'll make them all and have some left over for later. But, nope, I just eat them all.
I've just been half-ing them and roasting them in olive oil and salt and pepper until they are crispy outside and soft inside and then LEMON JUICE and MORE SALT.
oh man now I'm sad I don't have any.

Also I've been always doing them with cauliflower, balances them out. Yesterday I did zucchini and mushrooms as well. FUCK YEAH, VEGETABLES.
A good time to get obsessed with roasting is when it's 1000 degrees outside.


Helped set up for the Summerworks opening party a couple of days ago. Decorating! I'll volunteer for that shit for sure, even better if it's a medium-secret party. In order to get into this room you had to go upstairs and say a password. "you know the password" it could be anything you want. I like that.


Aww man, guys, the other day I had a babe sheepishly admit to me that Christmas is his favourite thing and he just loves carols. NAH, MAN, no apologizing for that around me, thank you very much!
Did I get a boner? Yeah, for sure I did.

I love, love this stupid part of my room  lately. Almost better than the built-ins I'd been dreaming of? Maybe because it's so ridiculous and you know that's what I like.



Can I take the awful screen door off of my bedroom balcony? It's awful and just in the way. I don't think it serves a purpose since the mesh is all mangled... Can I just buy one of the screen curtains?
Maybe I'll ask!

Something about this series of photos (which I took right before going to cottage last week) reminds me of Funny Girl. That one with Audrey Hepburn? The one where they pretend that she's got a weird face?




Now I go to work for the next so many days in a row.

Also I ordered "business" cards from Moo because Klout said I could have them if I just paid shipping so I got some real funny (?) ones and now I just want them to get here already! I need them for my jokes! Also, I recommend if you are single to get some stupid business cards to give out because it's easier than trying to wrangle numbers or whatever. Plus it lets babes remember how you're the best.
I haven't had business cards in years, but I'm very much looking forward to these ones...

harm reduction chair

Remember when I wasn't ever busy and only worked like 20 hours a week and my only hobbies were blogging?

Is this the longest stretch of time I've ever gone without updating this? Possibly. I'm filled with good intentions of getting back into it. FILLED TO THE BRIM.

here's a video I made a couple of months ago that's good voice work on my part. YOU'RE WELCOME.

I made it in a few hours for the Second City training centre's weekly video competition based on the word "potato".

Hey, guess what! I left the country!
Yeah yeah for the very first time ever in my life I crossed the border into the united states. Hey today is the 4th of July. That's their day.




this is me at our first rest stop after crossing the border. I was pretty excited. Goddamn that's a long drive to NYC, hey? I don't know how some people do it super fast. Speeding, I guess. We did it long.

I have a new stranger roommate coming tomorrow. The last time a stranger moved in it was Yulie, so I have high hopes.
It's too hot to clean but I need to clean so badly. It's hard with everyone coming and going, but once this roommate is officially in we can start making it like a real proper home. HOPEFULLY!


Hey look, it's Sass aka Joey aka my old Toronto bud who is currently living in NYC. In this photo she is my boyfriend and we are in the secret garden of the air b n b my team stayed at.


my good-looking improv team and I did our show at 10:45 on Sunday morning. We had a small house (some of our buds came to our show. thank you, buds!) but did a solid set. I was actually really pleased with how we did. It was nice having a low-pressure time slot and a clock that was counting down our 30 minutes. I relaxed.

It's dumb how much my nerves and lack of self confidence ruin my life. Working working wooorking on it.


I feel like I'm getting better looking these days. I would say forsure it's because of my curling wand, my interest in dressing slightly better, and possibly how I've lost quite a bit of weight (though I get defensive on that point because I don't like the idea that one's weight dictates one's level of attractiveness).
But for sure the number one thing is how I'm less nervous of everyone. I'm just more happy in my own body and brain. That's a thing that's obvious and appealing, I think.


new (old) computer that I bought for $300 because I spilled tea into my macbook pro. I kind of love this guy, so far. And he doesn't feel too fancy for me!

work tonight and then rehearsal tomorrow and then we remount THE BOOK OF MORON my Second City conservatory graduation show.
I can't believe how much I've not written about on here. Upsetting.
Anyway, I'm done conservatory now and we HIT IT OUT OF THE PARK with our grad show. I'm very pleased with what I got in the show in the end (despite some rough patches in the process for suuure).
awhile ago I wrote a list of things I wanted for myself in the show:
-scene where I am an engaged and realistic actor
-scene that showcases how dynamic and energetic I can be
-scene where I get to play a big and playful character

I get to do all that and a bunch more. And I get to support some fuuuuucking hilarious performers in their work. What a process. What a time this has been.

Anyhow, if you're around tomorrow (July 5th) at 11 p.m. come to the Second City's mainstage and judge for yourself. You might as well, really!

If you don't follow me on twitter then you're missing out. That's what I do instead of blogging. I'm a big fan of twitter.

 This weekend is the first of COTTAGE of the 2 cottage weekends Dollface and I have planned for ourselves. I am very, very excited. I feel like I've earned all of the relax time I'm going to enjoy this weekend. Hahahahahaaaa earned.

elevators and churches

I go back to Toronto on Tuesday first thing in the early early morning.
That means I have the rest of today and all of tomorrow to do things. Like always, there is too much to do and too little time. Though it's especially bad this year because of the shortened length of my trip.
I'm always on the verge of crying. I'm homesick looking around me.



People are always surprised when they find out I've never been out of Canada and I don't own a passport. I can't seriously consider traveling when wherever I am I am homesick. I'm homesick for Toronto right now, and the moment I go back I will feel ill with missing Saskatoon.
I'm lucky to love things like this, I think. But still.



I've spent more time looking at churches this weekend then I ever have before. Do you think if I made a calendar of Saskatchewan prairie churches I could sell it? I regret not bringing my DSLR or even a film SLR with me this trip.
I want to be taking more photos. Better photos.



I have to calm down this fall. I have to cool it. It will be the perfect time and opportunity for me to take better care of myself, both physically, emotionally, creatively, and work-wise.
Remind me to remind my Ossington Dreamhome that we are a dreamhome not a party-all-the-time-home.

This afternoon I'm having coffee with my one of my favourite people since kindergarten. We have almost nothing in common anymore but I love her so much.
I just love who I love so much and that's just what I'm like.

i had a man in summertime with summer-coloured skin

just now, at the bar, Norman said to me that it seems I'm never out looking for "true love", and that's something he values in me. That I'm not always about to meet the ultimate best person for me, I'm not expecting someone to make me whole at any moment. (extreme paraphrasing)
He also mentioned how he's never really seen me about to settle down/fall in love with anyone.

I think it seems a lot of the time that I have several babes on the go (or at least wishful thinking-wise)  and I don't mind and that life is fun and for having fun and pushing stuff.
I do believe that...

but, also, I forsure get my hopes up and get hung up and even occasionally let my heart hope for something solid, something big, something more.

I'm rather defensive, I think, about being single. I'm defensive in that I want to let everyone know that I am alright with it. And partly it is to reassure myself that everything is going to be alright. Partly it is true, but not always the only truth.

Being single is very fun (and should be!) and I like knowing me and knowing how I am on my own. I love crushes and I love potential.

...and there are moments where; how can I maintain this constant enjoyment of crushes and men without dreaming of being with someone for a good length of time?
Without dreaming of one person being able and willing to try for me, to put effort in, to admit to caring about me and be wiling to accept what I'm giving as well?

how is it that at this juncture in my life I still have yet to find a big love?
how is it that I don't have anyone I want to hold hands with all day, or introduce to my family, or ride bikes on the island with and lie in the sun on the beach with?


the last person I really dated (over a year ago) for any length of time.. I feel like we didn't even know how to communicate.
I don't think he ever had any idea how lovely and really beautiful I thought he was. and I certainly felt like he never thought I was that good-looking or even appealing, really.

It's funny how we get into routines of interaction and patterns that are set so early on and hard to get out of.

I was scared of scaring him away and so I snuck back into his life and was quiet like a mouse and didn't ask him for anything and didn't accost him with my love and didn't gush all over him like I'd maybe wanted to, for fear of scaring him.
I seriously thought he was the best and the most beautiful and never said it.
It seem unfathomable to me in real life that I would ever not tell someone I loved those things, and yet...

part of all the problems between us was how we never knew what the other was thinking. part of the problems was that we were holding back or assuming things, or being so wary all the time.
of course, the biggest problem was that we were just really ill-suited. 

I loved him very much, and yet the only time I ever said it was after a bottle of vodka and a tumble over onto my bike (which I was walking at the time, thank god).
I vaguely remember swearing up and down to him that I loved him.
And he said he loved me too. Which I fully believe to be true, in its way.
And I never brought it up again.
Because I am a pussy.
And because that's just not how things were between us.

I'm on the verge of being ready for someone to try for me. Really put in effort and care for me.
Pretty sure after all these years of only going half-way, I'm building up to a really good turn.
I'll figure out how to love someone who has room to love me too.

eventually.
probably next year.

For now I'd settle for an actual date-request or miniature romantic gesture... 



Unrelatedly,
I've started on an urge for traveling. I've never been interesting in going. I'm such a tiny homebody, just looking for the familiar and reassuring.
But I'm wanting something new, adventures, change of scenery, etc.
I'm glad to be moving apartments because of this, but also, I'm ready (maybe) to start doing more with my life, to push shit, and get out of the routines I've had going for the past 5 or so years..

complainte pour ste. catherine

Wrapping up my trip to Montreal now.

I'm at Santropol eating this salad:


It is very good. It's like nachos but also a salad with chili. Why not? I'm not going to eat the croutons so if you are in the neighbourhood you have half an hour to get over here and eat them.

We didn't really party to the moon too badly, which is kind of alright. I'd say this trip has been more relaxing than partying. Oh, and eating.
I slept a lot. Lettie had an extra double bed for Carlos and I to share and goddamn it was comfortable. Suuuper soft but not too soft and big and I just slept forever and ever.
Also my attic is super bright and so I'm used to feeling a bit guilty about sleeping past noon because I can forsure tell what time it is the moment I even begin to wake up. Not this room, though, quite dark and easy to sleep your life away in. In a good way.



I'm glad I slept in today though because I'm taking the bus back basically overnight. I felt like since I always sleep in transit it might as well be at regular sleeping hours. But it probably won't be suuuper relaxing..

I feel like being a good sleeper is a good skill and valuable. I plan on continuing to hone this skill and value it.
I find thinking about nice things and having a tiny self-satisfied smug smile on my face always helps me fall asleep.
Also just catching on to any images that are floating around in my head and following them where, not letting my rational thoughts get in the way of the images becoming events which become dreams. Ya know?



I have nothing exciting to write in private blog from this weekend. Ya know, I didn't even see that many sweet beardy-longhairs. And all the ones I did see were with beautiful ladies.
Ladies with natural-coloured hairs and messy ponytails and effortless outfits and slouchy boots and lazily-slung backpacks.
Confidence, man, confidence is the number one sexiest thing.
Oh, and being good-looking.

and then humour.
We went to see some Sunday night improv last night on Ste. Catherine and there was one guy who was sooo appealing because of how much energy he had and how strong and funny he was. Sigh.

I should probably start doing improv again, hey? OBVIOUSLY.



Carlos is gone back to Saskatoon now and Lettie has her final final tomorrow and so I'm on my own this evening, which is rather nice.

I'm going to hang out for a bit here and finish internetting and then I'm thinking I'll wander around then maybe go see Daydream Nation.
Anyone seen this? It sounds like nothing if not up-my-alley and I'll look to like and hopefully have fun.
I'm not that hard to please (lies).



I'm missing all my Toronto buds. Does that sound nutso? Probably. I got a series of texts at around 4 a.m. the other night (luckily they didn't wake Carlos!) from Norman, Carla Ghee, and Firehorse who were all partying to the moon forever without me. (one included the phrase "suck a dick" which I'm not sure if that was intended to be rude or not...)
Whatever, guys, I party with you every day alright.

But I will be glad to be getting back to Hoops for the playoffs. hahaha who am I!

Hey look, my Bud at the Chinatown dinner we were at late last night was a Canucks fan:

right on.

Oh, I've also seen a buttload of hot dads (or DILFs as Lettie won't stop saying haaaa gross). Do I have to move here to find hot babes to have babies with me? hmmmm? 

mont real

HI GUYS
I'm in Montreal right now. I am about to put on some very funny nails which I bought at the dollar store so I can't talk much.
Also I have to make both nachos aaaaand sangria, so you can see how challenging and overwhelming my life is!


I had an eeeasy relaxing megabus journey over. I slept most of the way and I had both seats to myself on the top floor a double-decker which was pretty right-on.
If only my co-worker the night before hadn't told me about how a megabus in the states had gone off route and tried to under an underpass it couldn't clear and as a result many people died.
I was a bit nervous. But not nervous enough not to sleep the entire time.





Yeah, so been hanging out with Carlos and Lettie and probably going to keep doing that, pretty much. Should probably get around to actually seeing some "sights". We'll see.



If you know of anything suuuuuper fun going on in Montreal in the next few days you should let us know because we'd be interested.



Carlos and I had beers on the front balcony yesterday afternoon! Yeah, front balcony. Because there are two balconies at this place. Outrageous.


In a bit here I am going to drink this "Y Rage" energy drink which I purchased at the dollar store. Wish me luck. I may also put vodka in it. WHO KNOWS.

okay byeee more later I'm sure at some point.

bits of domesticity

This is a bit big but I still love it, this is my favourite one I've drawn in awhile.
The problems with wanting to get one small snowflake tattooed on my wrist are:
a) how would I choose which one to do?
and
b) I like the bigger, more complex detailed ones which aren't small at all.



Ugh, I can't take how cute this cat is being today. It just kills me.

I thought I was going to make black bean soup but then it turned out I bought kidney beans not black beans.
All's well, though, since I ended up with sort of like chili.. meaning I made soup that's a lot of kidney beans, corn, tomato sauce.. Topped it up with cheese and sour cream and bob's my uncle.
Delicious uncle.
I'm going to start trying to replace my desert (of whichever candy I've hidden around the house) with apples and peanut butter. Good luck to me.
Haaaaaa, good thing I only remembered where Dollface hid the peanutbetter cups after I was already home.
She should not tell me where the candy is.





I've decided my next duvet cover/bed ensemble will be all shades of white and off-whites. I want to make myself a patchwork coverlet with all different kinds of whites and creams and hopefully some tone-on-tone prints. Sighhh white cloud dream bed world.

This is an excellent idea since:
a) I spill pretty much any liquid I come into contact with
b) I don't have in-suite laundry
c) I don't know how to get out any type of stain 
d) I paint my nails in bed

Still want it though.

Plus still planning for my patchwork vintage soft flower prints. Mmmmmmmm so dreamy. 



Shit, son. Valentines Day is fast approaching and I am unprepared!
I really hope my mum is sending me a care-package.
MUM: if you want to send me some white/cream fabrics to start me off that would be okay (mcc variety, of course) plus I really want those necklaces I forgot at home.

Guys, Westjet is having a 72-hour sale right now, so book some flights to come and visit me. Unless you already live here, in which case book some flights to go away from me.
Carlos, Montreal on April? OKAY.

I'm working again tonight. What am I, employed? 

airport hangtimes

imagine if that were my natural haircolour? man, my life would be great then.


got to the airport with plenty of time (thanks, dollface!!!) but that was just fine by me. I've missed a couple of planes in my day and have no desire to repeat that experience. Plus now that I have an iphone I'm really never bored. I shot, edited, and uploaded these before I got on the plane. Which makes this quick update before crashing a lot easier.


Super over-warm feet. Kind of perfect for traveling except I shouldn't have worn such thick socks. Travel is all about comfort. I would never wear jeans on a plane. Well, I never want to wear jeans.


put some trinkets I had on some chains that I had. Always mean to do stuff never get around to it. except then sometimes I do.


Last night I had nachos and beer with Violet then went and walked the dog then came home to pack and clean but right when I got home I started feeling super ill.
I'm not a barfer, really, unless it's a hangover and even then not that often. I didnt actually yak but I thought I was going to for a couple of hours there. I ended up just going to bed because I wasn't getting anything done on account of feeling too sick.
Luckily I got most things done this morning, though I did forget a couple of things and I really didn't clean up in the way that I wanted to.
hey, at least I took out the organics and the garbage. Main priority.

It was nice to see Violet, though. Imagine being a lawyer? I can't.



Anyway, I'm here now. Settling in. I realized I've packed virtually all red and green clothes.. so.. that's something.



hoping to strike a perfect balance between relaxing, family, crafting, bffs, light partying, and christmas spirit forever.

it's five in Toronto luckily only three here

We made it through the wedding! Congrats to my aunt and her new husband, they were very cute and I had a super good time. We were all exhausted by this evening that it wasn't even funny. My aunt's sick and actually I had a headache so bad I thought I would throw up. And my stomach was completely fucked by how I was eating bits of gluten like it was no big deal. I don't know why I constantly think I am not allergic to gluten. Not the smartest!


Here are me and Rerun chilling out. These are from two nights ago but we look pretty much exactly the same right now. Such a dearface.

Haaaa Rerun's grumbly face is one of my all-time favourite things.


I took these photos in the airport in Toronto. Pearson now has free wifi! Niiice.
I just watched True Blood and ate some (rice) macaroni and cheese casserole. This is maybe the most alone time I've had since Wednesday. I should be asleep right now, but at least I had a three hour nap this evening to recover from my headache.

It's crazy how being around people affects me too much. People think that I party-all-the-time in Toronto because there's so much going on, but really if you're good at party then you can do it anywhere!


I frequently wonder if I would love the prairies as much if I actually lived here full-time. I don't think I'd appreciate it nearly as much if I had never left. That's for sure.

I am not kidding about wanting to live here again. I love Toronto and all, but man I breathe easier when I'm here. I breathe easier around my mum and family a bit too (even if they do drive me nuts).

I'm nowhere near being done with Toronto, but I am ready to spend more time in Saskatoon.
My friend Coriander from college never ever wanted to live in a smaller place like her mother, was very into being a big city girl and a famous actor and now she owns the sweetest flower shop in Parkdale and has just purchased a home in Belleville.
pretty funny/great!
It's only a failure if you quit trying to do something that you want to do. If you don't want to do it anymore then it's success.


In like 3 years (5 years) Mrs, Noodle, and I are going to have a book/gift/toy shop for kids and mums and then when that's going good I'm going to open up a brunch place in Saskatoon. Brunch is really only now starting to catch on in Saskatoon.

I've been to The Park Cafe twice already since being back.

Used to have a hard time deciding where to have lunch until this place came to be. Now I see people I know there every single time.

Black bean veggie burger or breakfast with fried eggs, hashbrowns, fruit cup. Yessssssssssssss.


On Thursday while everyone was at work or doing wedding stuff I meant to go to Value Village but instead I drove out to Warmen (easier to get to, traffic is insane in this city!) and went thrift shopping at the MCC Gift and Thrift. I got this dress! And a sweet black bunnyhug and a black purse and a gift for Mrs. and a gift for the newly weds and glassware for me!

Nice colour!

Oh yeah, Park Cafe gives you free suckers. I ran into this friend and made her take my picture. This is right outside the MCC furniture shop I was on my way to. I found some sweet things there as well.

I have to decide if I'm going to get one of the steamer trunks they have for sale there and if I should get the little blue one ($30) or the little black one with the tiny drawers and hangers ($50)....



Mum thinks I shouldn't take up all the space in the car with my steamer trunk but I waaaant one, I've been wanting a trunk forever, although i wouldn't mind a wooden one now that you mention it... hmm. I plan on making my mum stop in thrift stores across the country on our way back maybe I should wait and see...
RIVETING SHIT, THIS BLOG.

I still haven't seen some people I need to see but now that wedding weekend is over I have a few days for more socializing and more Saskatooning.

Oh yeah, also, since I'm going to be thrifting, I will also be looking for Christmas/birthday gifts, so if there's anything you need me to keep an eye out for then let me know!
seriously!