it's just always playing catch-up around here

(this is maybe my favourite picture I've taken recently)

I didn't have internet for a few days there!! it was the worst! I hated it so much and now I'm so behind on all my stories but maybe I'll quit watching my stories until after Christmas because I have SO MUCH to do and so many work shifts and SO many crafts to make and we have netflix on our TV now and there must be some Christmas movies on there? Right? Which ones? Any?


Look, Prune and I accidentally dressed like twins! we hadn't seen each other in a couple of months, even. And that's what happens. Classic.
We went to see Metric the other night at the ACC. I never get to go there as a guest so it was a pretty big treat. We also got to drink after the show with everyone in the upstairs club on account of I kind of know a couple of the dudes from that band from when we went to the cottage years and years ago and I ran into them last week and got pulled into partying forever with them:


I got carried around for awhile, I think? I also had the worst hangover of this year the whole next day and I'm pretty sure I announced to them that it was okay to party forever but I'd just QUIT MY JOB THE NEXT DAY DON'T WORRY LET'S GO TO AN AFTERPARTY.
Luckily I did not after party. Luckily. And I went to work, like a semi-responsible adult.

Also my outfit was beyond dumb (those earrings with that sweatshirt!), so big congrats to them for still being nice to me!



I love Cpt. Heh so, so much still. Which is good. Yesterday I made him go to the Christmas tree lot with me and carry home a tree!
(actually it was his idea, more. Which is great!)

I was very, very pleased. I've never had a tree this early, actually this is my VERY FIRST CHRISTMAS TREE, really! We decorated last year but we didn't have an actual tree, but this year Turkey Bird and I are both so into Christmas it would be dumb not to have one!
I was very handy last night and widened the cheap new tree-stand's holes with a drill all by myself and also sawed off the bottom branches of the tree with a bread knife! I wanted it to be all nice when Turkey Bird came home!
I forgot she was getting in late and I got a text in the middle of the night that said:
"OMG that tree is amazing"
and then:
"Our tree. <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">hahaahaahahaaaa awww so beautiful I could weep.

I don't know when we're going to decorate it but we're going to do lots of craft ornaments like strung popcorn and cranberries which my mother NEVER lets me put on her tree. And orange slices and hopefully salt dough and gingerbread ornaments as well. I'm very, very interested in that!

Liiiike, maybe I lay under the tree for a bit last night.

my roommate, Turkey Bird, on her birthday wearing a party hat that Cheespie knitted for her! So cute!

Love a good Dirty Thirty!


this is what I look like most days at my office job when I'm sitting at my desk.

I got new glasses. They're alright but now that I'm devoted full-time to being good-looking (hahaaaaa) I hate hate wearing glasses. None of them are my favourite. I feel like a frump no matter what.


Look at this face I hang out with lots.



A big, big problem I'm having these days is that now when I don't feel like wearing make-up or doing my hair or putting on nice clothes I feel waaay worse than I ever did before.
Oh god, life is tough, I know.
Does that medium make sense, though?


This hat has changed my life. I think my life will become divided into two parts: Before Hat and After Hat.
Just kidding?
But it is a strange hat that has powers maybe, but I'm not sure how good those powers are?
I actually have way more to say about this but not right this minute because I don't have the time.





Wow, okay, good. You're updated a little bit then. I wear heels now sometimes. That's also a thing. A weird thing.
I like it for now. 

here's an honest bit

(I'm going to try not to backtrack and pre-apologize for my own self and my own thoughts in this entry. Try.)



I'm only interested in honesty these days. I have a big, big interest in honesty. I mean, I always have but lately, man. It's all I care about.

sometimes I don't think I get enough credit.

I don't get enough credit for being a rational human.
In the past I have certainly been less than rational. But then, who hasn't? I've been impulsive and interested in pushing situations and seeing what I can get away with. It goes along with being a young person. Everyone handles being young differently.
I'm still so, so young. And so selfish. I know that is very true.

I do have patterns. I have two-week involvements and I have few-month involvements. I've never been in a serious long-term relationship. I don't do this on purpose, it's how things work themselves out.
And there's been times in recent years where when something happens (or doesn't happen or fails to be realized) that I'll have people say things like "Oh, Meredith, when are you going to learn how to have a relationship?"

I love liking people. I am full-hearted and cocks-on-the-table in terms of my levels of affection for people I like. In friendships I pursue and rope in and befriend like there is no tomorrow. I tenderly whisper my love to my pals, or tell them in awkward loud yell-laughs, or write it in lots of letters if I feel too awkward around them. I like people so, so much! I love loving people and caring for them and looking out for them and being involved in their lives.
Want to know how I somehow wrangled the best people in the world to be my best friends? THAT'S HOW.
By caring about them until I could just burst into one thousand pieces.



I'm so proud to be with each and every one of my good pals. Just so pleased to have them on my arm and introduce them to people and take them out on the town. What a fucking lucky gremlin, I am!

So, naturally, it follows based on this being my personality, that I like babes. I like babes so much. And I have a real cool skill of being able to have a crush on such a wide variety of people. Sort of like how I have such a wide variety of friends in different circles who I like for very different reasons. If there's an element of kindness, honesty, and good humour in a human, I want them around me.
I see potential and interesting things in so many people, and I want to push that and pursue it.
I think humans are so intricate and detailed, and there is such, such beauty in everyone.

With friends, it goes so much more unnoticed if I quickly befriend someone and then they don't end up being close in my life. When it turns out we aren't that compatible, it's not revolutionary.
It's harder with babes.
It's especially harder with babes because society has set up relationships to be the be-all and end-all. They're everyone's ultimate goal.

I find this SO SILLY and also completely valid.


You want to build a relationship with someone and have them join your family and make a new family with them and share your whole future?
OF COURSE THAT'S IMPORTANT.
but.  if that's not what happens, then you're fine! I'm fine! It's fine to be alone! It's actually sometimes the most wonderful, coolest time. Partnership is not necessary. IT JUST ISN'T. (okay, maybe it is for you and I fully understand that and support it.)

Short involvements with babes are harder in my life because I get so involved and wrapped up in things and enjoy talking about it and dissecting it and dreaming about it. Which is natural, I believe.

The most simple reason why my relationships are short is because I know what I know when I know it. Maybe that sounds ridiculous, but I've never regretted ending anything. I've never looked back and been like "holy shit, how did I let that get away from me".
I know who I am, and I like who I am, and I know what I like.
And as soon as I get it into my head that the relationship would not last forever then I get out. I can't pretend, I can't stick around working on things that I know are not true enough. I think it does me and my partner a disservice by keeping us in something that's not good enough.

And I don't regret being dumped. By anyone. I don't regret having crushes that weren't reciprocated. All of this is just true things that happened, I'm who I am because of what has happened. If someone doesn't want to date me then lord knows I don't want to be involved with them either!
I've been involved with some brats, but for the most part I still really respect/admire/like the men I've been involved with. I've been lucky to know a lot of great people.

I know I'm remarkably un-choosy in my vast array of vague crushes, that's just a fun that I have!
I'm slightly more choosy in terms of who I kiss or date, and then ridiculously, horrendously choosy about who I will have a proper relationship with.
BECAUSE I SHOULD BE.

I don't have patience for people who stay in things that are not-great. Especially because it's usually out of fear, or out of the desire to fight for someone's love. To be validated.

Cool, I can validate myself at home, alone. if you know what I'm saying.

I'm so happy on my own. I'm me being me. It's easiest to be honest and the nice kind of person I want to be when I'm on my own.

If I'm going to be in a relationship it's going to be because it is as good, or better than being by myself. And if, in the first few months, it's not as good, then I'm right to get out.

And, guys, I have the best possible friends in the universe that I can't wait to see and can't wait to hang out with and until it happens that I can sustain that feeling with a man I'm dating, then I have no interest in that situation!
Until I feel like the luckiest person to be with him, and him with me. Then, no no no that's not a cool venue for me. Nope nope.



If there's a person who's going to be a priority in my life then they need to be the best person for me. So many men I know are the best people, but they are not the best people for me. And I'm not the best me with them.
I just can't be in that right now.

This is not about how relationships take work and how there are ups and downs. I see that, I agree with that, big loves are not simple and easy and always straight-forward, but that's not what I'm on about right now.

Relatedly, I think it's unfair to judge me for having a lot of crushes and for kissing people I feel like kissing since:
a) those things are very fun
and
b) how do I know what I want unless I find it?

And the thing is, when I'm in something, I'm in it. I'm just in it. I'm not crazy and looking at other babes, I'm good at being with one person. When I'm in something good I can't imagine being anywhere else. I'm loyal, and I'm a care-taker.

I just have no intention of living a chaste and restrained life, waiting for a husband to come and find me. I'm interested in being the most honest, having the most fun, and having big adventures.
Those are my priorities right now.

If a big TRUE LOVE never ever happens for me I'll be quite surprised, but I'm GD happy these days. So GodDamned happy these days.
And if you meet me when I'm 82 and I say, "I should have listened, it was my patterns that screwed me up, I did never get anyone a proper chance, I did only want what I couldn't have"
then you can go ahead and say I told you so!
Until then, I'm going to go ahead with crushes, and loving who I can, and trying to be the most kind and the most honest and see where that takes me.


I apologize for sounding self-righteous. I will hopefully be growing out of that soon.

(Photos of Carla Ghee, Prune, and Cheespie. For just a few examples of some of the best people in the universe who I am too lucky to be loved by.)

niagaraaaaaaaa

Guys I bet you're wondering how my road trip went!
Well, it started out by me doing a good job on packing, see above.
Actually we didn't even drink the champagne because I got too tired. hahaaa classssic.


ROAD TRIP!!
I lovelovelove roadtrips. you can't really tell here but I really do. I smiled so much. Peever said, "It's nice to see you this happy". Yeahyeahyeah. Also happy here because Peevs brought me a "playoff gift", this Canucks tuque. Prettypretty nice guy there.




Our first stop was at Peller estates winery for lunch with my old school pal. I hadn't seen this lady in probably 4 or 5 years? Insane! I really missed her and so it was great to hug her up and chat about our lives.

Oh, also we ate SO MUCH great, great food. Peller was great with making all my food both gluten-free aaaand vegetarian. So helpful! So nice!
They even had gluten-free bread so I got to try the ice wine butter. NOM.
(I'm very awkward about all my food requirements and I actually hate and fear eating in most restaurants and so when people are especially nice/accepting/accommodating then I pretty much want to weep with gratitude.)

ughgughguhhh cheese plate.   :) :)

Tourist o'clock!
We actually had so much fun at the falls. I'm not surprised as we are two of the funnest people I've ever heard of, but I think we did an especially good job.

We got an amazing groupon (it was actually from Travelzoo, I believe) for our hotel room and it included
two king bed bedroom (I called window) suite on the 41st floor
cocktails in the evening (not awesome but hey, free drink is a free drink)
$50 Dave & Buster voucher
$40 voucher for either the keg or t.g.i.fridays
breakfast buffet

is that all? I don't remember. Anyway. Good deal!!!


this was the view from our hotel room. jeezily, hey?





Anyway. We did lots of things! We did Dave & Busters (won some sweet prizes!) and went up the Skylon tower and bowled and wandered around were complete tourists. So nice.





making it rain tickets we won at Dave & Busters! (we actually got so few prizes for that amount of tickets!)


I think these views are from the skylon tower? probably!



I was very, very excited and bent-set on riding the skywheel. It was nice.


Hotel room:

I put all the pillows on one bed. Obviously!


Jacuzzi tub -- if I could have just stayed a bit longer I probably would have lived in there. We had three sinks. God knows why but I for sure used them all just because.


Breakfast! Not bad not bad.

Maid of the mist looked a bit scary to ride on. Ragdoll, I think Peevs said about it.

Skylon tower photoshoot.

I'm not mad here, I've just got a lot of sun in my eyes!

Sigh sigh so pretty.

I started getting a bad cold in the evening, which was a bit of a piss-off but it wasn't the worst. I did get a bit grumbly, though.
And in the morning I was pretty grouchy but I'm getting better (a bit) at not being the worst grumbliest human and also peevs is good about being patient and for that I'm pretty grateful, gotta say.


this.
this is what we found in the St. Catherines Value Village. ughughghuhghh. An almost full set, even got the gravy bowl and platter and the creamer and sugarer! nice nice!


Also found this sweeeet Canucks shirt. Because I like sports paraphernalia now, I guess.


Anyway. If all romantic vacations are this fun then I guess I'd go on more.
Yeah, for sure I would.

Okay I leave you with this most nerdy picture. I apologize! (jk I don't)

we're big cats you date

wow. well. apparently I can completely forget I have a blog. guyssss, I don't eve know. these days I'm just the busiest.
I go back and forth on whether I'd like to be a busy dude. I miss my afternoons in my sunlit room just scrolling through the internet. know what I'm sayin'?



here's a video I made a couple of weeks ago. In it I will give you super good suggestions of what to do if you have a boyfriend who has a birthday and expects a gift. You're so welcome.

here's a video that WHITE PANTHER GIRLFRIEND made:

in it we release our nightmares and will now be free of them forever. easy peesy.

Speaking of White Panther Girlfriend, we are enamoured with each other and that's a very nice thing. We've had a couple of real disagreements but even those have been prrrretty funny (especially in retrospect).

okay guys I gotta split and hit the road as I'm off for a one-night-only special romantic vacation getaway to the falls so hold on to your hats or something and bye for now.