don't give or sell your soul away

Holy good goddamn I am exhausted these days.
I don't think that there is any good reason? Probably stress?
I had a coffee today and I had some eggs and potatoes and some vegetables and I walked the dog and did some errands and now all I want to do is lie in bed and look at the ceiling.
All my limbs are like lead. Is lead heavy? if so then that's what I mean.


I biked home in the rain last night. I mostly rode on sidewalks. They were empty so I only felt a bit bad. no, actually, not bad at all.
Bikes are like magic. Magic quick so fast, faster than cars in the city faster than cabs they are like miracles. Rode by a car in traffic last night and a dude shouted out the window at me "you should get a horse, it'd be faster". I didn't really get it. But I definitely was going faster than that car... I'd like to have a horse, though.
But I'd be scared my friends would eat it.



I think there is a distinct possibility that I will be missing having a cat way more than I am willing to consider. Does this mean that I will have to get several boyfriends with cats? Obviously.


One of my new roommates is very into cooking weird animals. This is my idea of hell. Hahahaaaaa I know that part of moving out is to get less set in my ways and more easy-going and stuff. But talk about trial by fire.

It'll be okay.
She is only living with us for a bit because then she's going on a chef-training tour of Canada where she will be killing her own stuff and cooking it. Which is cool?
I know that in theory I should respect people who can kill and eat their own food way more than people who just eat things other people have gotten for them, but...
I don't really understand being able to kill, either.
I kind of understand eating meat when it doesn't look like anything that's ever been alive and it tastes good, I can understand wanting to ingest that.
But I don't really understand wanting to slice something's throat and then eat it.
I mean, if I were hungry enough, for sure! But not just because.

I just don't get it. And I get sulky and defensive when I try to discuss things like this. YAY goddamn I am so mature.
It's okay it's okay I gotta get used to the world more. I'm so set in my ways. Ai yii.





Moving is so so so so soon. I'm too exhausted to get up and keep packing. No, I will. Everything gets thrown into garbage bags! Everything will be fine!


I have the long hair these days, hey? It sort of drags down my face but I'm not cutting it I hate wearing glasses in the summer I need contact lenses
I want to go with Violet to Europe this summer I want to travel forever
gotta look at cottage dates soon............................

Oh yeah, we will need a new roommate August 1st, I'm warning you now so you can give your notice and come and live with us. It will be very fun I will be nice for once. Not sulky.
Please pass on the word to the coolest people you know of. THANKS.



For some reason all I want to do is listen to these two songs:


I Can't Make You Love Me -- Bonnie Raitt

and

All That You Have is Your Soul -- Tracy Chapman

I'm not recommending watching either of these vids, really, just listening to these songs. So good. Also I've been singing both of them to Kaya while I walk her. Poor Kaya.
hahaa I'm also getting good at ventriloquism by singing while I walk but not wanting people to be able to tell that I'm singing to myself. Coooooool.

voyageur va cherchez tes baggages

Had a late lunch with Flash Gordon at Fresh after the dome today. She announced that she wanted to tell me something she liked best about me and so I decided I'd better film it. You can see what she says, above.


Also, our food was SO GOOD.
FGordon did a quick job of her bowl (she's a supereater) whereas I took half of mine home with me (I'd also eaten fries earlier).

it was SO GOOD.
My bowl was on half price too so it was only like $6.50.
BAM.
I just ate the rest right now even though I was still overly full from the first helping.
Classic.
I couldn't stop thinking about it, though. Good thing it's gone now. 




I'm trying to think what my favourite thing about Flash Gordon is now.
she's pretty good at listening/advising and gets worked up on my behalf. I really really like it when that happens. Actually, I like it when she gets worked up in general.
Also, she's hysterical. obviously.
That's how I choose my friends, whoever is the best at laughing with me.


Not to point out the obvious, but maaaan I love Fresh. all vegetarian with an eye on gluten-free?! come on now.
Plus we had cashew cookies for desert. yessssssss.



Thank god I made some money at work today because last night was a complete bust. Ups and downs, man. Working for tips is pretty stressful sometimes.
And sometimes fun.

I nailed down my dates for my sweeeet vacation in Montreal next week.
SO EXCITED.
And I may even have a couple of dollars to spend on partytown.

You know how many beardy-longhairs there are in Montreal? A BILLION.



Meeting up with a couple of my favourite ladybabes from Saskatoon there. Actually, Lettie (I just randomly chose that nickname for her!!) lives there now and has a spare bedroom and she's letting Carlos and I crash with her. ughhh this is going to be a shitshow (I hope)!
haaaaaa



Carlos and Lettie can both drink more than I can and are both as interested in babes as I am. Although Lettie might be off the market lately so maybe she'll just round up babes for Carlos and I? That'd be right on.

Lettie is possibly responsible for the whole calling babes "babes" business. She definitely came up with "babe of life" and "touch 'em, they're real" and several other of my favourite jokes.
I'm looking forward to getting in on her Montreal life! And having a few cocktails. UH HUH.

Carlos is going to Montreal to look at schools? or something? I think it'll be cool if Carlos moves out to Montreal all too and then I can go visit both of them all the time. Yeeeah huh.

We all have red hair right now, too. Amazing.
(although Lettie is maybe the only "natural" whatever that means.)



please advise me posthaste of anything you think I should see/do, anyone you think I should meet (that'd be weird), anything free to experience, any walk I should take, etc.
THANKS GUYS.

uh oh I don't really know how to speak french anymore. 

I feel really certain it is either Saturday or Sunday right now.
I'm alright with it being Thursday though if it needs to be. I mean, I have tomorrow off and tonight the plan is Hoops then Dot. So.... my life is perfect.

just can't agree

Just not in a good mood today. Not at all, really.

It's super grey and awful outside and usually I like this sort of weather, but today it's getting to me.


this video is from Beth who works with a couple cat rescue organizations. I actually didn't watch the whole thing because I found it really upsetting. Basically this cat, Dale, has been trying to dig himself out of his cage and has cut up his face and paws in the process.

I cannot even deal with stuff like this. I cannot even deal with watching animals who are in fear or panic. I find it to be too much. It makes me feel hopeless, and so I generally avoid watching videos like this or hearing about things like this.
Or I put on a sturdy face and say I don't care. Because that's easier.

At work the other day I was discussing my dinner party with my co-worker. I like this guy well enough, and he's pretty fond of pushing my buttons which is occasionally pretty funny.
Anyway, he tried to suggest that I should make and serve meat to my guests, despite the fact that I am vegetarian, because otherwise they wouldn't be satisfied with the meal.

WHAT THE FUCK?

I've been vegetarian since grade 8. I don't know how many years that is. Over a dozen? And lately it's the environmental aspect of the meat industry that I've been most turned off by.
But for some reason watching this video of this kitten trying to dig his way to freedom in his panic to be released reminded me of the other part of my vegetarianism.
I love animals. I really, really love animals. I like to look at cute pictures of them and I want them all to be happy.
The idea of the terror and stress that the animals live through before being killed is really quite awful.

This current meat industry is not like having a farm - killing the animal, using up all the bits to feed your family. I have respect for that.

This industry is wasteful and diseased and I honestly think it can destroy the lives of the workers as well as being awful for this animals and the environment.
I just can't agree with it.
You have no idea how many times I day I think about how much easier my life would be if I ate meat. I am constantly reexamining it.

I am so embarrassed of being vegetarian, I rarely mention it on here, I avoid the subject in real life. I get defensive about everything.
I'm probably the biggest baby about the whole thing out of anyone I know. I find it overwhelming to feel like such an outsider so much of the time. I just can't agree with eating meat and there's no way that anyone I know is actually going to stop.
It makes me feel beyond helpless.

But then, I too am a hypocrite, I eat eggs and dairy. And that's awful, too.
I excuse it with we all draw our lines in the sand, but really I'm just a straight-up hypocrite. A deservist, an entitled asshole.
This whole thing is too depressing to deal with today.

Haaaaaa aaaamazingly depressing!

In better news, I'm going to Ottawa with Dayna on Wednesday for a road trip and to visit her parents and they are getting a HOT TUB. and her mum is making GLUTEN-FREE VEGETARIAN LASAGNE!
Honestly so wonderful.