we ran out of peanut brittle!

LAST DAY OF THE YEAR!



yeah, guys, I've been totally "power-shopping", as my mum puts it.
I've been very sick of my whole wardrobe forever and no matter what I buy I'm still sick of everything, which I think comes along a bit with not being completely at ease with my body. Classic troubles.
Anyhow, I bought up all of Salvation Army and Value Village yesterday --  so much good stuff! Usually I don't find too many things at Sally Ann but it was their 50% off sale and I went to town. UH HUH.



Then I've been trolling the midtown for dealz and I've got quite a few things. At first I was on a mission to find jeans I'd like to wear (I currently own no jeans that I feel pleased about wearing. I do however, own about 8 pairs of jeans that I don't like) but then I realized that was hopeless as any jeans I want cost 1 billion dollars and so I've just been buying more dresses and tights and leggings and skirts. mmmmhmmm. Favourites.



Also Costa Blanca had a bunch of their lacy things on sale so I bought so many of those. Plus La Senza had 10 underwears for $30.. so.. you know.
I also picked up some snowflake earrings from Claire's today. $2. A friend was wearing the most tasteful intricate snowflake pendant the other day and so I was sort of on the lookout for one of those... no luck, though.
So much ugly Christmas crap in this world!
It's like people don't understand that Christmas is about beauty and taste.



I still feel like doing absolutely nothing. When I'm out of the house, I don't mind it, but when I'm home all I want to do is stay home and teach myself how to crochet while watching movies.

I watched two disappointing movies last night.
a) Brothers
This wasn't as good as it could have been. It was alright. Alright isn't that good.
b) The Invention of Lying
This cast was so loaded and Ricky Gervais is so funny. Too bad it didn't come together. I only LOLed once. That's not that good.




I'm supposedly heading out to BandSwap at Amigo's tonight. I'm also supposedly going to be the raffle girl. I'm not really feeling it, gotta admit.
I'm not too sure about who I'll even know that's there and if I will be in a good enough mood to enjoy it. Good thing I'm psyching myself into it!!!!



I'm trying to teach myself how to crochet in order to make a billion crochet snowflakes (because they are so lovely!). It's going alright. I am secretly a housewife. A very terrible housewife.

I'm feeling a bit sad, missing Toronto. It's okay, New Years is generally a bust no matter what. Always trying to figure out what to do/how to have the most best ultimate time..
Ha, I overheard a girl in the mall tell her friend "Yeah we're just going to get an ice cream cake and chill out".
Sounds perfect, doesn't it?

still am not good at visiting

Here are some photos I bit from my cousin's flickr. Pictures of me, you're welcome!



Sometimes I sit sort of paralyzed at the thought of writing (not blog-writing, writing-writing) and cycle through social media/google reader windows until I've used up all the time that I felt I could possibly get involved in actually writing something.

I will use any excuse to avoid actually writing. My favourite one is how I don't know what the characters' names will be so I can't go about writing them until I know what they'd be called and so I look at baby name sites on the internet for about an hour.



I feel like this year will be really great. A lot of things have felt really shitty lately and I've felt stagnant and safe and resistant to actually trying things.
I'm planning on getting things moving.

For the past while when people would ask about my career I would tell them "it's in the shitter".
I feel like my attitude has followed this statement a bit and then even possibly my work habits/audition habits/planning habits/dreaming habits have all been affected by negativity.




Not to get all woo-woo on you here, but I think that having a positive attitude can go a long way. Expecting great things and going out looking for them can be really worthwhile.
Expecting shittiness kind of brings it in some ways, it seems.



Anyhow -- I'm looking forward a bit to the home-body-ness of wintertime. I'm going to work to avoid the depression that generally comes my way in the feb/mar/apr and instead spend hours reading and reading and writing and writing and walking far places and learning new crafts and skills and booking big gigs.



My mum and I watched An Education tonight. We debated watching Precious, but determined that would be too much for an evening following an afternoon of funeral and wake-drinking.

It was quite a lovely movie. I generally love Peter Sarsgaard (ever since Freak City) and now I very much want Carey Mulligan to be my best friend.


(not from my cousin's flickr set)

Could someone please get her to come to Toronto and hang out with me?
So delightful to watch and appealing. She reminds me a bit of Audrey Tatou in her appeal, but I think I might like her even more (?!).
I think it goes without saying that I am dreadfully jealous of her and want to be just like her.

Or be an equally great me.
Yes, that's it.

when the first cup of coffee tastes like washing up

I am the worst at visiting with people this visit. I keep expecting to get better at it/feel like it but then more days pass and I still feel like hibernating at my mum's house.



One of my mum's best friends (a woman I've known since I was born, basically) died just before Christmas and so Mum's been feeling pretty sad and tired. I've been holding back tears since I got off the plane for various reasons (none of them particularly big, just a combination of things) and instead of crying it out I've been bottling it all up, turning it into bad moods. I'm a bit nervous of the memorial service tomorrow as I will probably either cry inappropriate amounts or I will be in the worst mood ever.
Good, supportive daughter that I am!



It's strange being acutely aware of one's shortcomings. One day I will be a good friend and family member, with proper listening abilities and loving advice (but only when actually needed)...



You know what's awesome? When you try to explain to someone that you don't want any advice and then they just keep giving you advice.
Not giving advice is probably almost as good of a skill as giving good advice.



I know a lot of people who think they are good at giving advice, but I disagree. I frequently wonder if I am one of those people. Sometimes I certainly am.




My friend and her baby were pretty beautiful on her wedding day. Perfect, really.



Man, I love that girl. I'm so pleased to be able to be in town for her wedding. Her twin sister got married last year and I wasn't in town for it. I was in Toronto because I had a short film in TIFF and it felt like I needed to be there. When I saw the photos from the wedding I felt a bit devastated. It didn't make sense at all that I'd missed it. I mean, I'd been in this girl's life - her family, almost - since we were in kindergarten...



Anyhow. I was very, very pleased to make it to this wedding. It was small and lovely and I knew most people and never see them.
And I held that baby for so, so long while it slept in my arms. Then she woke up and I held her with her back to me so she could calmly watch all the going ons. Lovely tiny thing, that.

Only cried a tiny bit and I don't think anyone noticed. I probably don't always come off as the biggest sap in person, but I always, always am.

lot of tags

wowwww. I am not doing a good job on keeping you updated.

still in Saskatoon. Still on holidays. Still mostly in bad moods (I'm sure that's going to let up soon though).

I made pumpkin cheesecakes for my birthday and so I'm having some of the leftovers of that for breakfast this morning. It is one of the best cheesecakes I've ever had - not too dense or thick or too-much, it's a bit lighter. I would put more spices in next time.

I've been cooking a bit, actually. I should've taken pictures to prove my kitchen prowess. I made burritos for my birthday dinner (which even the kids liked), and I made all of Christmas dinner because at the last minute my aunt really didn't feel like going home after a big morning of brunch and gifts to go home and slave over a turkey.
Fair enough.

I made pasta baked with cheese and also a big salad and also yellow beans and spinach and mushrooms in pesto. Preeeetty good.

Part of my bad moods I think has to do with not having enough time by myself -- too much family togetherness (gross) and then also I feel kind of trapped/subject to everyone's plans because of not having access to a car.
I WANT TO GO FOR A DRIVE!!!
by myself.

I'm used to being able to go places like the mall or value village or even out on the town without it being a big pain.

Saskatoon is for driving. It's actually kind of bad how much people depend on cars here. Definitely drive two blocks sometimes.


I spent the first few days hibernating. I still feel that inclination. There's fewer people around that I need to see. And at first it's hard to get back to good with certain people. Obviously.

It's been six years since I moved away. All of my twenties have been in Toronto. It seems like it's only been a couple of years, really. But, nope, it's been quite, quite awhile.

I miss some Toronto people, too. I wish they were all here, that'd be the best.
At Amigos the other night I mostly talked with people who don't live in Saskatoon anymore. And also to a couple people from Toronto who were there with their Saskatoon babes. Kind of funny.



I want a home. That's what I think about these days when I'm hanging around my friends with husbands and babies and my family with their beautiful homes.
I want my own place to decorate and design. I want a place to put all the beautiful china and glassware I got for Christmas. I want to build up a home that's really me and for me.
I love my apartment and I've loved my apartment for almost six years now.. but at some point I would really like to own a closet. Is that a lot to ask?


My life is great. I am very lucky.
I feel pretty certain that this next year is going to be pretty awesome. I like the promise and possibility that it's holding.
I know that even though I want a home and a cottage and tiny babies right now, it's not anywhere near the proper time for them, and that it will all be even better after I've gotten some creative stuff done and on the go. After I've worked more as an actor and written in the way that I know that I'm capable of (and yet never do).

This is a lot of text, blogs aren't really about text anymore. How things have changed since diaryland.

TWENTY SIX FOR THE FIRST TIME

HI GUYS IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.


here is a picture of me when I was younger (every picture is a picture of you when you were younger show me a picture of you when you are older and I'll say "where did you get that camera?" [hedberg]). I probably posted it another year on my birthday, too. TOO BAD!

TOMORROW IS CHRISTMAS.

I have been very busy since I got back here. Busy being in a bad mood, mostly. Today I'm in a good mood. We'll see how long that'll last.

Please give me gifts. Thanks!

Here I am!

yepp made it home safe and sound!

as predicted I did a bit too much partying last night. But Shambers' party was really quite fun and it's hard to peel yourself away from your favourite people when you know you won't see them for two weeks.

in 24 hours I will be about to get off a plane!

I got recognized from TV for the first time in awhile last night. At work, I was passing this guy his beer and he said "is it hard to go from TV stardom to serving drinks?"
It took me off guard.
"You mean go back and forth?"
"Oh, okay, sure."
"No it's not too hard, I guess, no one really notices."
and then he said something about me being pretty recognizable.
It's still weird.

I'm ready to be back on TV. In case you were wondering.


HOME TIME FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING!!!



My plan is to finish everything up this afternoon (including getting Theresa out of here, please, lord), go to work, go by Shambers' rum-themed Christmas party and then come home to bed for just a few short hours.

Then plane! Then fam-brunch!
funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn times



I feel like I've been busy-busy. Finishing everything up, delivering little gifts, working, visiting, etc.



For some reason I have it in my head that once I get home I'll have nothing to do. But that's not even the case at all.



Although after Christmas I should have plenty of relax-time. At least, that's my plan.

I really want to go Saskatoon-shopping. So badly. Especially midtown and value village. Just sayin.

flash photography is flattering for everyone!

So.. we went out for Shambers' birthday a couple of weeks ago. I don't know how old he turned but I'm pretty sure it's OLD.


I knew Shambers was wasted already when I got there because he touched my face. Who touches people's faces?? He was too funny though, it was really killing me.
Especially because I never really see him too drunk.


Cpt. Heh made me promise not to post these pictures where he looks bad.
Ooops.


paaaaaaaaarty


sad paaaaaaaaarty


happier party! (the guy at the side is amazing)


Well, now we know whose blue nails are in all the photos!


This is totally a Sorry I Missed Your Party shot. Amazing not only because of the two in the foreground but mostly because of Cpt. Heh in the background there...


Oh yeah, we started a dance party in the Double Deuce! And there was really no room for it, which made it even more fun! (The Toronto Double Deuce is way better than the Saskatoon Double Deuce [worst bar ever])




Oh, great! You know when you're doing the pointing dance that things are going well. I'd like to point out that Shambers had many more shots even after this photo was taken.


Why? Why do people make people do shots on their birthdays?


Shambers got something on his shirt. I don't know what. Probably shots.


Hands!


Super tough I'm-not-drunk pose.




That guy interrupted this picture on purpose. Everyone looks insane!


Here Shambers is picking me up while I take the photo. Who knows why!


Poppy and I intercepted one of Shambers' drinks at the end and drank it ourselves! We took one for the team!

At the end of the night I was getting ready to walk homewards with Cpt. and Poppy and then I though, "hey I wonder how Shambers is going to get home?" especially since he was barely standing at that point. So we tried to wrangle him out the door but it took so much effort!
He had lost his coat and when I asked him where it might be he said "HOW SHOULD I KNOW?" and then he tried to take someone else's coat and when I said "that's not your coat, is it?" he said "COULD BE".
It was toooo funny.
Finally we found his coat (luckily since it had his keys in it!) and got his bike and walked home. Well, Poppy and Cpt. wrote our bikes and I had to lead Shambers because he was like a giant zombie. He kept stopping to lean all the way over hedges for a minute and kept trying to walk right into traffic (thank god for side-streets). I was holding onto him but he's big! if he wanted to drag me into traffic, he probably could have!

We finally did get him home though and locked up his bike and got him inside. I have no idea what he did from there, though.. it wouldn't suprise me if he passed out on the stairs.

Oh yeah, also while we were walking home he kept muttering "chips". I didn't take him to get any, though.

Toooo funny.



Happy birthday, Shambers!

must be santa santa claus

Arrrgh sorry i haven't been updating!
I've been busy!
And I will keep on being busy right up until Christmas, I bet.
Possibly even after that.. but more chilled out.


It was my show last night!
And it was so fun!
So fun!
I know that I always say this, but, I totally have great friends. So many neat people that I get to love. Lucky.

I didn't take any pictures at all, but I put a couple good dudes in charge of that, so hopefully you'll get to see some soon..

Highlights:
- onstage my friend gave me a Christmas "garter belt" which I inspected an found that it was actually a stretchy dog collar! How awesome is that! (I wore it all night. obviously.)
- how we all had ribbon-belts on, so festive and pretty!
- "shots shots shots shots shots shots! -Hey do you guys know that song?" - Niki
- people brought me gifts! I didn't expect that to happen, but yeeeah I'll take 'em
- a lovely song written for/about me! (I know, right? happy christmas birthday to me, indeed)


There were some people who didn't come who I missed, but lots of neat friends and great tunes and the cover band doing Christmas carols turned out super nicely. People singing along and

I raffled off some funny things, and the winners seemed pleased. I gave out suckers and Christmas crackers and some people (me) even wore the Christmas crowns that came inside the crackers!
Cute!

I wish there had been more of a dance party at the end.. but it was alright..

Awww so glad we actually pulled this off!
Most of the thanks go to Cpt. Heh who did a lot of organizing for me. And Niki who helped so much at the show!

Uhhghgh I'm still too hungover. It's bad when people buy you birthday shots because you feel terrible refusing.. I need to remember that I may feel more terrible accepting..


The best part about the holiday season is that even when one awesome thing has just happened there's still plenty of other awesome things coming up!

I'm going home on Sunday. How soon is that?? Too soon! I'm working a bunch before then and there's a bunch of parties.. I think I'm going to take tonight (after work) to get some wrapping and cleaning and crafting and packing done. Hopefully!
I need to sleep all day on Saturday so that I can party all night and then catch my early early flight..

i dream of coming home

I didn't go to either of the parties that I sincerely meant to go to tonight.
It's a bit of a shame that everything is happening all at once at this time of year. Some nights there are no fun parties but these nights there are multiple fun parties.
First world problems.





Went for dinner and beers with JL and meant to go out afterwards but the detour home ended up being the destination. My stomach was hurting.





Also, going from biking everywhere to walking everywhere is kind of hard on my body.
I guess I could use some good walking shoes. Oh god, I'm getting old.



As much as I'm not big into being cold, I am kind of into getting super bundled up to go walking. The coat and big hood are definitely helping but I think hat + wrapped around scarf plus double-socks plus double-mittens is kind of fun and funny.
I whisper to myself a lot when I walk and especially now my face is more hidden in the hood. I tell myself secrets and make sound effects for the big things I'm imagining happening.



Sometimes I run a bit, too. Take side-streets to skip a bit and no one notices. Make explosion noises just under my breath or sing quiet songs.





I forget how it is to settle into the walk. How at first I am annoyed and can't get into it and only want to stop walking/get there already but then I calm down and zone out and start thinking big things and planning and dreaming and I don't even notice the feet-on-pavement anymore.
Really, really nice.







It's funny how these photos look cold to me now that I was just talking about winter.





Mum took these so don't try to compliment me about it.



Working so many days. Show on Tuesday. Working more days. Parties! Home in a week! Then it'll be my birthday (24th) and Christmas so fast that I won't even be able to believe it. So quick, it comes!