Oh, facebook.
I was looking at pictures from a highschool friend's wedding just now.
So... I don't think I'm very anti-marriage. It looks pretty fun. I've had a hankering to be a bridesmaid lately. I like big parties and crying and extreme happiness and the idea of love.
I do believe in love.
Occasionally.
On other people.
Oh, hello April, please please please please bring me some warmer weather because I am losing my shit.
I chewed all my fingernails off last night and now all my fingers hurt quite a bit.
Improv tonight for the first time in two weeks!!!
Yeah boys! I wonder what will happen when improv ends.. I will have to force them into being friends with me, just like I do with everyone else.
Can I go on a date with a terrible speller? What if all I want to do is correct him? Does bad spelling directly correlate with intelligence? I think my aunt had this issue too and she seems to have decided bad spelling isn't a big deal.
And at least this guy isn't posting continuously on my "Fun Wall" (WTF FUN WALL/SUPER WALL/ANY OTHER WALL I HATE ALL OF YOUR OBNOXIOUS POSTINGS SO MUCH WHO EVEN DOES THAT????).
I'm not sure why I would ever, ever think that any date would be a good idea. I have established that I am incapable of proper relating.
I meant to leave the house a good hour ago and I haven't. Happens every day. I am sabotaging my own life and lifestyle.
3.31.2008
yes pls
I didn't go out tonight. I mean, besides working and then dinner. But I did not go out dancing. Because I have work to do and sleep to get.
Some day I'm going to be responsible. And mature.
My life is a mess right now and I am trying to only add things that are good for me into it. And people who are good for me. And not more messes.
Lately I'm wanting prosperity, confidence, success, competence...
Sometimes the messiness of other people drags at me.
Bizarro face!!!
OMG they totally played it on the jumbotron at the acc today. Weird x 110.
Strangers are starting to recognize me which makes me feel funny and unsure of how to react but happy, I guess? yeah.
I need to get a series. And a film lead. Both, yes.
Yes please
QUICK POLL:
my new dance/rap duo should be called:
a) Specialust
b) Cafete
c) The Dramz
pls i need yr feedback asap
I am excited about being a hiphop phenomenon
Some day I'm going to be responsible. And mature.
My life is a mess right now and I am trying to only add things that are good for me into it. And people who are good for me. And not more messes.
Lately I'm wanting prosperity, confidence, success, competence...
Sometimes the messiness of other people drags at me.
Bizarro face!!!
OMG they totally played it on the jumbotron at the acc today. Weird x 110.
Strangers are starting to recognize me which makes me feel funny and unsure of how to react but happy, I guess? yeah.
I need to get a series. And a film lead. Both, yes.
Yes please
QUICK POLL:
my new dance/rap duo should be called:
a) Specialust
b) Cafete
c) The Dramz
pls i need yr feedback asap
I am excited about being a hiphop phenomenon
3.30.2008
the exciting life and times of miss bomb
Two new developments in the epic, exciting drama which is my life:
#1:
I caught one! I came home (drunk drunkety drunk) last night to find Hunca Munca caught by a leg in one of my traps. So I scooped her up and tried to calm her but she bit me a bunch (totally rude) and so I held her by the scruff of her neck and took her and dumped her out on the front walk. I just couldn't bear to physically kill her myself. Even though she bit me.
The home invasion seems to be lessening maybe the poison is finally starting to work. I hope so. Knock wood and stuff.
#2:
I finally, finally saw the damn Ice Breakers commercial. Thanks to my aunt's tip about it frequently being on the retro cartoon network. I managed to tape the end half. And have freeze-frame watched it around a billion times.
Conclusions:
-What a bizarro nose I have! (totally cute but also very weird-looking)
-I should get my teeth fixed
-I have sparkly eyes
-it put to rest my intense fears that it's awful..
It also played last night at work, on a whole bunch of TVs around me. Very bizarre.
.
Last night was supposed to be for partying all the time but it was a case of too many possibilities and too many almost parties.. but dancing at the Dakota with the single girl trifecta was pretty good.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a bar.... (ouch)
Chuck Berry tribute night = pretty fun dance party.
.
I just about ate a whole cucumber!
.
Oh, actually exciting:
I have found my new rap partner, Sassephine: super new rap duo: name to be announced soon: party time to follow: same size of feet so you know we'll work well together: or at least be able to switch shoes
#1:
I caught one! I came home (drunk drunkety drunk) last night to find Hunca Munca caught by a leg in one of my traps. So I scooped her up and tried to calm her but she bit me a bunch (totally rude) and so I held her by the scruff of her neck and took her and dumped her out on the front walk. I just couldn't bear to physically kill her myself. Even though she bit me.
The home invasion seems to be lessening maybe the poison is finally starting to work. I hope so. Knock wood and stuff.
#2:
I finally, finally saw the damn Ice Breakers commercial. Thanks to my aunt's tip about it frequently being on the retro cartoon network. I managed to tape the end half. And have freeze-frame watched it around a billion times.
Conclusions:
-What a bizarro nose I have! (totally cute but also very weird-looking)
-I should get my teeth fixed
-I have sparkly eyes
-it put to rest my intense fears that it's awful..
It also played last night at work, on a whole bunch of TVs around me. Very bizarre.
.
Last night was supposed to be for partying all the time but it was a case of too many possibilities and too many almost parties.. but dancing at the Dakota with the single girl trifecta was pretty good.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a bar.... (ouch)
Chuck Berry tribute night = pretty fun dance party.
.
I just about ate a whole cucumber!
.
Oh, actually exciting:
I have found my new rap partner, Sassephine: super new rap duo: name to be announced soon: party time to follow: same size of feet so you know we'll work well together: or at least be able to switch shoes
3.28.2008
From the next issue of Et Puis News Magazine, which I will finish, at some point
I know pigeons are pests and over-populated and they are out to get me when I bicycle up the wrong way on a one-way street and once I saw one get hit by a car - it made a sound like a pudding cup exploding or like a water balloon hitting pavement and I thought I would be sick.
(And that's maybe the closest I've been to a death)
But at Bloor and Christie flocks of pigeons wheel and spin in the winter sky, which is every shade of grey, making perfect formations. And they line themselves up along the rooftops of tall buildings and
my tiny charge stops me
she says
"Just look at them for a minute here"
Paused to watch them, we miss our walk-light. Cars rush past us on their way to busy stores and offices. Then we miss the light again but she doesn't mind because then she gets to press the button again and again and the pigeons are always doing something new to look at just for a minute here
That's the best part of my days with her
having only
time to waste
and leaving trails of crumbs for the birds
(And that's maybe the closest I've been to a death)
But at Bloor and Christie flocks of pigeons wheel and spin in the winter sky, which is every shade of grey, making perfect formations. And they line themselves up along the rooftops of tall buildings and
my tiny charge stops me
she says
"Just look at them for a minute here"
Paused to watch them, we miss our walk-light. Cars rush past us on their way to busy stores and offices. Then we miss the light again but she doesn't mind because then she gets to press the button again and again and the pigeons are always doing something new to look at just for a minute here
That's the best part of my days with her
having only
time to waste
and leaving trails of crumbs for the birds
3.27.2008
springtime starts and then it stops, in the name of something new
Someone clean this house!!!
It's so gross.
Lately I'm so grossed out by my own messes (they aren't even as bad as they have been) and even by other people's.
Usually I don't care about mess and squalor, even. No but really. I never care.
I think it's the springtime, but all I want is crisp and clean.
Oh, except cozy.
I always want cozy cozy cozy warm.
God, I need to get away from the computer and do some work. And get out of here.
.
things that surprised me:
1) the red Christmas wreath on your door
2) how you sit like a teenager
3) your love of chocolate soymilk
4) your Christmas lights and all the red
Maybe this is the point where I have to stop being mean about you.
"Those are things you have in common with lots of people. There are trees on Queen west still covered in Christmas decorations, maybe you should go on a date with them"
-- supportive GF
.
Fame is such, such a bizarre thing. I think in Canada it is even more strange.
TV is the weirdest, and commercials the weirdest of the weird. They are the common denominator.
I will consider myself properly successful when I am working continuously in film and television (and theatre! I wish!), but people see the commercials all the time and that represents some sort of success. Or fame. Or something.
People I still don't like from highschool (or even grade school) are talking to me about it. And I still don't care about them.
But I secretly (not any more) feel pleased at people's perception of my fame.
I wish I didn't care. I'll work on it.
Yep. Still haven't seen it. Amazing. It's avoiding me like the plague.
.
Spring is such a fucking tease this year.
It's so gross.
Lately I'm so grossed out by my own messes (they aren't even as bad as they have been) and even by other people's.
Usually I don't care about mess and squalor, even. No but really. I never care.
I think it's the springtime, but all I want is crisp and clean.
Oh, except cozy.
I always want cozy cozy cozy warm.
God, I need to get away from the computer and do some work. And get out of here.
.
things that surprised me:
1) the red Christmas wreath on your door
2) how you sit like a teenager
3) your love of chocolate soymilk
4) your Christmas lights and all the red
Maybe this is the point where I have to stop being mean about you.
"Those are things you have in common with lots of people. There are trees on Queen west still covered in Christmas decorations, maybe you should go on a date with them"
-- supportive GF
.
Fame is such, such a bizarre thing. I think in Canada it is even more strange.
TV is the weirdest, and commercials the weirdest of the weird. They are the common denominator.
I will consider myself properly successful when I am working continuously in film and television (and theatre! I wish!), but people see the commercials all the time and that represents some sort of success. Or fame. Or something.
People I still don't like from highschool (or even grade school) are talking to me about it. And I still don't care about them.
But I secretly (not any more) feel pleased at people's perception of my fame.
I wish I didn't care. I'll work on it.
Yep. Still haven't seen it. Amazing. It's avoiding me like the plague.
.
Spring is such a fucking tease this year.
3.26.2008
hates it
How can they possibly ingest that much poison and still not be dead?
New house rule: No screaming unless it's your last scream of death, mousey.
New house rule: No screaming unless it's your last scream of death, mousey.
3.25.2008
I want to throw it all out
I think I broke my toes. Okay maybe not. Maybe, though.
Oprah is talking to hoarders.
I want her to come clean out my house.
I'm going to do it myself....
tomorrow. or maybe the nextest day
My grandad had many houses filled right up with junk. That's not going to be me (probably is). His living room floor caved in.
I'm glad he hoarded that camera so that I could find it and take and it realize how much I like to take pictures.
.
I feel so completely nutso today. Girls at the recall today were talking about the gum commercial. I was trying oh-so hard not to be obnoxious about it. Only grateful.
This is so, so, so fleeting.
Ready to keep being successful.
Still haven't seen it. Will not give up on having the TV on every minute of every day. Hates it.
.
Touched up my dye job. Feel pretty.
Need a hair cut. I want to get that big cheque that I am owed so that I can go on a buying rampage!
Oprah is talking to hoarders.
I want her to come clean out my house.
I'm going to do it myself....
tomorrow. or maybe the nextest day
My grandad had many houses filled right up with junk. That's not going to be me (probably is). His living room floor caved in.
I'm glad he hoarded that camera so that I could find it and take and it realize how much I like to take pictures.
.
I feel so completely nutso today. Girls at the recall today were talking about the gum commercial. I was trying oh-so hard not to be obnoxious about it. Only grateful.
This is so, so, so fleeting.
Ready to keep being successful.
Still haven't seen it. Will not give up on having the TV on every minute of every day. Hates it.
.
Touched up my dye job. Feel pretty.
Need a hair cut. I want to get that big cheque that I am owed so that I can go on a buying rampage!
3.24.2008
damn you beatrix potter you are a liar
So.
I'm getting sort of into using emoticons.
Have I denied all use of them for long enough that people will see my irony?
.
oh whatevers I don't even want this TV series. So there. This character seems to eat a lot of meat. I don't. Well, not very much anyhow.
Ew.
Speaking of which. Where is my single GF party-all-the-time partner?
OMG. Cheap candy. I forgot! Gotta get some tomorrow.
I did my voice warm-ups and ran my lines with that tiny girl I baby-sit. She now thinks I am nutSO.
She is right.
My iPod froze up on my way to the audition. Had to learn my lines the old fashion way. Shitty buzz.
The girl who was the reader today was great. She even got on her knee for the proposal. Super helpful for acting with. Good readers are good for all of us!!!
I was so tired I wanted to die a little bit. It was warm in that room and the warmth from all the lights was just making me want to nap in the sun...
I went home and slept for hours. But the mice were screaming.
I hate them!
I hate them so hard!
That sonic-wave mouse repeller does not work! Nope. No sir! But it did cost $30!
Eat all that poison! Die, mice, die!
Sigh.
.
Agent says "Join the union".
Oh gosh.
So. Into the union I go!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess.
We'll see. Only like one more week for deciding time. Good god dammit.
But I do eventually want to be in the union.
The bottom line is that I want to work (I want to work work work) and sometimes ACTRA inhibits that. Weirdly enough. But as long as I stay apprentice then I can leave the program. I don't have to finalize it. I don't have to sell all of my soul just yet. Just bits at a time.
Hopefully.
.
OMG I ordered something fantastic off the internet and I want it to come right right now. I have to stop telling people about it. Oh god.
.
Some rad babe started a rad blog and if you like babes and party all the time, then, you know: ZUCKET.COM. Just saying.
.
I can't grow plants, only garlic.
I painted snowflakes on my red lantern.
"It must be so easy to decorate - everything is just about Christmas"
Exactly. Exactly.
.
I dyed my hair at 6 a.m.
.
I have no patience for people today. I'm not answering the phone. I should do some work. I want to turn off the TV. But I just can't.
More sleep sleep sleep.
.
Callback tomorrow! Fifty dollars!!
.
Hot soymilk with a mint teabag and some sugar is wonderful.
.
My favourite is a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese and lots of tomato and lettuce!
Oh. Wait. I like to eat everything I see.
But that is still remarkably good.
.
I saw some remarkable babes.
I'm cementing my status as perpetually single and I'm upping my party-all-the-time if at all possible. Give it a go.
No one likes quitters.
Except their mothers.
I'm getting sort of into using emoticons.
Have I denied all use of them for long enough that people will see my irony?
.
oh whatevers I don't even want this TV series. So there. This character seems to eat a lot of meat. I don't. Well, not very much anyhow.
Ew.
Speaking of which. Where is my single GF party-all-the-time partner?
OMG. Cheap candy. I forgot! Gotta get some tomorrow.
I did my voice warm-ups and ran my lines with that tiny girl I baby-sit. She now thinks I am nutSO.
She is right.
My iPod froze up on my way to the audition. Had to learn my lines the old fashion way. Shitty buzz.
The girl who was the reader today was great. She even got on her knee for the proposal. Super helpful for acting with. Good readers are good for all of us!!!
I was so tired I wanted to die a little bit. It was warm in that room and the warmth from all the lights was just making me want to nap in the sun...
I went home and slept for hours. But the mice were screaming.
I hate them!
I hate them so hard!
That sonic-wave mouse repeller does not work! Nope. No sir! But it did cost $30!
Eat all that poison! Die, mice, die!
Sigh.
.
Agent says "Join the union".
Oh gosh.
So. Into the union I go!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess.
We'll see. Only like one more week for deciding time. Good god dammit.
But I do eventually want to be in the union.
The bottom line is that I want to work (I want to work work work) and sometimes ACTRA inhibits that. Weirdly enough. But as long as I stay apprentice then I can leave the program. I don't have to finalize it. I don't have to sell all of my soul just yet. Just bits at a time.
Hopefully.
.
OMG I ordered something fantastic off the internet and I want it to come right right now. I have to stop telling people about it. Oh god.
.
Some rad babe started a rad blog and if you like babes and party all the time, then, you know: ZUCKET.COM. Just saying.
.
I can't grow plants, only garlic.
I painted snowflakes on my red lantern.
"It must be so easy to decorate - everything is just about Christmas"
Exactly. Exactly.
.
I dyed my hair at 6 a.m.
.
I have no patience for people today. I'm not answering the phone. I should do some work. I want to turn off the TV. But I just can't.
More sleep sleep sleep.
.
Callback tomorrow! Fifty dollars!!
.
Hot soymilk with a mint teabag and some sugar is wonderful.
.
My favourite is a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese and lots of tomato and lettuce!
Oh. Wait. I like to eat everything I see.
But that is still remarkably good.
.
I saw some remarkable babes.
I'm cementing my status as perpetually single and I'm upping my party-all-the-time if at all possible. Give it a go.
No one likes quitters.
Except their mothers.
classy is so passy
Saw that commercial last night at the bar (with no sound) while I was drunk with my ACC co-workers and I screamed. Loud. And then everyone looked and we watched it and then everyone clapped.
BAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
I'm so obnoxious. And excited, so excited these days. And I think that's the only way to be about these new successes. Being blase is so passe.
The waitress said "Please never scream in the bar". Sorry about that.
I fell down at the staff party! And ate three pieces of cake! And hit on way too many supervisors! And didn't dance at all! And didn't win any of the "fantastic" prizes, but I did score extra drink tickets off my manager!
I had insomnia this morning. That very rarely happens to me. And when it does it makes me beyond irritable.
I'm so tired I want to barf.
Luckily I have an audition today! And small babies to look after!
"You're not very........... discerning. About boys."
-gf to me
BAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
I'm so obnoxious. And excited, so excited these days. And I think that's the only way to be about these new successes. Being blase is so passe.
The waitress said "Please never scream in the bar". Sorry about that.
I fell down at the staff party! And ate three pieces of cake! And hit on way too many supervisors! And didn't dance at all! And didn't win any of the "fantastic" prizes, but I did score extra drink tickets off my manager!
I had insomnia this morning. That very rarely happens to me. And when it does it makes me beyond irritable.
I'm so tired I want to barf.
Luckily I have an audition today! And small babies to look after!
"You're not very........... discerning. About boys."
-gf to me
3.22.2008
oh soren
"For every woman there is a seducer; her happiness lies in her meeting him"
-Soren Kierkegaard
That was the fortune (?) in my odd sort of chocolate nut treat that a man at work gave me. Kind of funny that it'd be Kierkegaard.
"I have a bone to pick with you"
"You read my blog"
Story of my life.
I have the TV on. A lot. Still nothing.
Everyone in the world seems to have seen the gum one at least.
Everyone says "Hey! I saw your commercial!" but then they don't always follow it up with something. Then it gets awkward. I feel like Mitch Hedberg.
"A guy came up to me in the airport, saying, "Dude, I saw you on TV last night!" But he did not say whether or not he thought I was good. He just confirmed I was on television. So I turned away for a minute, and then I turned back toward him and said, "I saw you at the airport about a minute ago. And you were good!""
I went to a rad clothing swap yesterday with a whole lot of girls I didn't know. I like situations like that. I like new people. Except I'm so abrasive.
I got some good goods though! And ate some dainties. And had some post-swap gossip time.
I can't even explain how much I like gossip. And drama. And gossipy drama. So hard.
Party all the time. Party party party party all the time.
My old friend EE came to town and texted me last night. I think that she is ridiculously hysterical. Apparently her friend got her cards made up that said "Need a situation made awkward? Call E.E".
So true.
And excellent.
I'm working the Foo Fighters concert tonight. Then I hope to party party party more but I'm exhausted and irritable. Frustrated with myself and with other people.
And fed up with the mice. Stop squealing. For realz.
-Soren Kierkegaard
That was the fortune (?) in my odd sort of chocolate nut treat that a man at work gave me. Kind of funny that it'd be Kierkegaard.
"I have a bone to pick with you"
"You read my blog"
Story of my life.
I have the TV on. A lot. Still nothing.
Everyone in the world seems to have seen the gum one at least.
Everyone says "Hey! I saw your commercial!" but then they don't always follow it up with something. Then it gets awkward. I feel like Mitch Hedberg.
"A guy came up to me in the airport, saying, "Dude, I saw you on TV last night!" But he did not say whether or not he thought I was good. He just confirmed I was on television. So I turned away for a minute, and then I turned back toward him and said, "I saw you at the airport about a minute ago. And you were good!""
I went to a rad clothing swap yesterday with a whole lot of girls I didn't know. I like situations like that. I like new people. Except I'm so abrasive.
I got some good goods though! And ate some dainties. And had some post-swap gossip time.
I can't even explain how much I like gossip. And drama. And gossipy drama. So hard.
Party all the time. Party party party party all the time.
My old friend EE came to town and texted me last night. I think that she is ridiculously hysterical. Apparently her friend got her cards made up that said "Need a situation made awkward? Call E.E".
So true.
And excellent.
I'm working the Foo Fighters concert tonight. Then I hope to party party party more but I'm exhausted and irritable. Frustrated with myself and with other people.
And fed up with the mice. Stop squealing. For realz.
3.20.2008
in nice little... cubes!
I hate, hate, hate when I get scripts for projects that I want to do SO HARD.
I would much rather get scripts for shitty things that I wouldn't want so that the audition is that much easier. Oh sigh sigh sigh.
Guess what? I'm going to prepare for this audition and I am going to not self-sabotage, so that at least I will know that I tried, that they saw what I could do.. at least in part.
Oh god seriously "in the realm of Juno, Knocked Up and Gilmore Girls" fucking add My So-Called Life in there and I would've came.
To dinner.
To be fair, I haven't read all the scripts yet, so who even knows.
I had an audition today for a birth control pill. I seriously hope I get it, that would be so ridiculous. I have to book another union job before my opting in time runs out... otherwise I'm staying non-union, I think.
I spoke with a girl from the audition afterwards and she guessed my age to be 16. And she was 18. No need for Oil of Olay quite yet...
I love my agent. I don't know if I've told you that this week. He said he saw the gum commercial and that I looked so cute in it, etc etc.
Everyone has seen it except for me! I want to see it! I want to be proud of me too!
I would much rather get scripts for shitty things that I wouldn't want so that the audition is that much easier. Oh sigh sigh sigh.
Guess what? I'm going to prepare for this audition and I am going to not self-sabotage, so that at least I will know that I tried, that they saw what I could do.. at least in part.
Oh god seriously "in the realm of Juno, Knocked Up and Gilmore Girls" fucking add My So-Called Life in there and I would've came.
To dinner.
To be fair, I haven't read all the scripts yet, so who even knows.
I had an audition today for a birth control pill. I seriously hope I get it, that would be so ridiculous. I have to book another union job before my opting in time runs out... otherwise I'm staying non-union, I think.
I spoke with a girl from the audition afterwards and she guessed my age to be 16. And she was 18. No need for Oil of Olay quite yet...
I love my agent. I don't know if I've told you that this week. He said he saw the gum commercial and that I looked so cute in it, etc etc.
Everyone has seen it except for me! I want to see it! I want to be proud of me too!
3.19.2008
certain sense of self
Well. I'm sure glad I've had a headache for two days now.
I just bought some books!!!
The bookstore across from my house was having a 50% off sale. I love sales. Sales make me think I need to buy everything I see. But I chose wisely?
I only bought one book that I've already read and it was Can you wave Bye Bye, Baby? and I even bought another copy of that on the internet the other day but it is seriously my favourite and I like to read it every few months and I like to lend things to people and never care if I get them back. So it's good to have two of the most important very favourites. For real.
A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry
Casino and other stories by Bonnie Burnard
The Cure for Death by Lightning by Gail Anderson-Dargatz
Holding My Breath by Sidura Ludwig (I bought this one because it had a nice review by the author of my other most favourite book - Astonishing Splashes of Colour)
All of my favourite authors are parents.
I feel, in part, like I will never be the kind of author I would like to be until I am a mum. I am far too self-involved and self-important. I look at the world only from my own level and there's something about kids which brings perspective? Yes?
A lot of my favourite books are about babies or mothers or young women.
I'm 24.
I should get that taken down off of IMDB and never tell anyone my real age because it could interfere with my getting jobs. Because the older you are, the more un-marketable. No but really.
In Shoppers the other day my friend (age 24) went to buy eye cream and the sales lady said "So you're hitting thirty and getting worried about crows' feet?". She then lectured us on proper products and how to reduce signs of aging and the neck ages first and hands show it worst. oh god oh god.
Who cares??
Oh, right. Me.
I said something the other day to the effect of "I always have best friends who are more beautiful than me", and my one friend reacted very negatively to that statement and responded with "I need all of my girlfriends to feel like they are the most beautiful, sexy, wonderful woman in the world".
And I do. I have very, very few actual real-time self-esteem issues. Too few, I would wager.
But for this specific chosen career, I need to have an accurate self-view. I do. I need to know that I will never be a super model. I need to know that I have a bad profile or fat arms or way-too-red-of-face or horrendously thin hair ("you can almost see your scalp" thank-you, stylist).
I need to not be deluded into thinking I am prettier than I am. I need to know my weaknesses so that I can use them or hide them. So I am not surprised when I lose a role for being too fat or not gorgeous enough.
Also, I met disapproval the other day from a babe for wearing make-up. It's strange how in this society you can't win.
Like I said, I need an unshakeable sense of self and certainty.
* Note on yesterday: I would not wear the bandeau on it's own. Except in the summertime maybe. On the beach. Oh beach beach beach beach beach beach
When is that beach coming?
I just bought some books!!!
The bookstore across from my house was having a 50% off sale. I love sales. Sales make me think I need to buy everything I see. But I chose wisely?
I only bought one book that I've already read and it was Can you wave Bye Bye, Baby? and I even bought another copy of that on the internet the other day but it is seriously my favourite and I like to read it every few months and I like to lend things to people and never care if I get them back. So it's good to have two of the most important very favourites. For real.
A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry
Casino and other stories by Bonnie Burnard
The Cure for Death by Lightning by Gail Anderson-Dargatz
Holding My Breath by Sidura Ludwig (I bought this one because it had a nice review by the author of my other most favourite book - Astonishing Splashes of Colour)
All of my favourite authors are parents.
I feel, in part, like I will never be the kind of author I would like to be until I am a mum. I am far too self-involved and self-important. I look at the world only from my own level and there's something about kids which brings perspective? Yes?
A lot of my favourite books are about babies or mothers or young women.
I'm 24.
I should get that taken down off of IMDB and never tell anyone my real age because it could interfere with my getting jobs. Because the older you are, the more un-marketable. No but really.
In Shoppers the other day my friend (age 24) went to buy eye cream and the sales lady said "So you're hitting thirty and getting worried about crows' feet?". She then lectured us on proper products and how to reduce signs of aging and the neck ages first and hands show it worst. oh god oh god.
Who cares??
Oh, right. Me.
I said something the other day to the effect of "I always have best friends who are more beautiful than me", and my one friend reacted very negatively to that statement and responded with "I need all of my girlfriends to feel like they are the most beautiful, sexy, wonderful woman in the world".
And I do. I have very, very few actual real-time self-esteem issues. Too few, I would wager.
But for this specific chosen career, I need to have an accurate self-view. I do. I need to know that I will never be a super model. I need to know that I have a bad profile or fat arms or way-too-red-of-face or horrendously thin hair ("you can almost see your scalp" thank-you, stylist).
I need to not be deluded into thinking I am prettier than I am. I need to know my weaknesses so that I can use them or hide them. So I am not surprised when I lose a role for being too fat or not gorgeous enough.
Also, I met disapproval the other day from a babe for wearing make-up. It's strange how in this society you can't win.
Like I said, I need an unshakeable sense of self and certainty.
* Note on yesterday: I would not wear the bandeau on it's own. Except in the summertime maybe. On the beach. Oh beach beach beach beach beach beach
When is that beach coming?
3.18.2008
sexily
I'm gradually reintegrating lyric music into my life. I'm finally getting into "Reunion Tour" by Weakerthans. I hadn't listened to it much until a couple of days ago. Virtute is my favourite.
I want a cat cat kitten. cat. So freakin' badly. There was a cat at the house I was at the other night and I lay on the floor with it and petted it so much that my new black bunnyhug ("hoodie") got so completely covered in hair that it looked white. Sexy.
I also tried to smuggle the cat into the room he wasn't allowed in. Because I wanted to spend time with him. I'm so ridiculous that it's not even funny.
I am feeling almost clinical, detached about romance these days.
No. That's not true.
Humans should not be allowed to relate to each other.
It's funny the different types of men and how they all have different expectations of women.
And I am not good at being one kind of lady.
Sometimes I wear lacy lingerie and sometimes I don't shave my legs for months and don't care, and sometimes I like cowboy boots and sometimes I burp a lot and sometimes I think my missing toenail is super-cool (and sometimes I am shockingly embarrassed of it) and sometimes I have the dirtiest mouth and sometimes I get so so scared of sex and sometimes I like ballet flats and long for expensive hand-bags, sometimes I want to go get everything waxed and sometimes I think that's foolish, sometimes I have a perfect manicure and sometimes I bit my nails down to my elbows, sometimes I want to work out and get the perfect bum and sometimes I think that mine is perfect because it is mine mine mine and sometimes I wear shiny blue bandeaus like this new one:
And get accusing looks from hippie cowboys who think that it's ridiculous and gaudy.
The whole concept of being "sexy" is sort of bizarre. Sexy looks so completely different on different people. I wish I were less swayed by others' opinions. I wish I had an unshakeable sense of self and certainty.
"We have to find you a new man. One without frosted tips and one who doesn't shave his armpits"
- GF to me
I want a cat cat kitten. cat. So freakin' badly. There was a cat at the house I was at the other night and I lay on the floor with it and petted it so much that my new black bunnyhug ("hoodie") got so completely covered in hair that it looked white. Sexy.
I also tried to smuggle the cat into the room he wasn't allowed in. Because I wanted to spend time with him. I'm so ridiculous that it's not even funny.
I am feeling almost clinical, detached about romance these days.
No. That's not true.
Humans should not be allowed to relate to each other.
It's funny the different types of men and how they all have different expectations of women.
And I am not good at being one kind of lady.
Sometimes I wear lacy lingerie and sometimes I don't shave my legs for months and don't care, and sometimes I like cowboy boots and sometimes I burp a lot and sometimes I think my missing toenail is super-cool (and sometimes I am shockingly embarrassed of it) and sometimes I have the dirtiest mouth and sometimes I get so so scared of sex and sometimes I like ballet flats and long for expensive hand-bags, sometimes I want to go get everything waxed and sometimes I think that's foolish, sometimes I have a perfect manicure and sometimes I bit my nails down to my elbows, sometimes I want to work out and get the perfect bum and sometimes I think that mine is perfect because it is mine mine mine and sometimes I wear shiny blue bandeaus like this new one:
And get accusing looks from hippie cowboys who think that it's ridiculous and gaudy.
The whole concept of being "sexy" is sort of bizarre. Sexy looks so completely different on different people. I wish I were less swayed by others' opinions. I wish I had an unshakeable sense of self and certainty.
"We have to find you a new man. One without frosted tips and one who doesn't shave his armpits"
- GF to me
le ciel etait tout pret
We love our sweet new ride. Everything is all of a sudden near by.
.
I keep seeing this along my road lately.
I'm trying to write a real entry but it is hard to keep focussed and finish it
sabotaged!
Yesterday I had an audition for a series (which means dialogue that actually needs to be learned, not like commercials where I just show up and yell a lot). I completely self-sabotaged by going out the night before on purpose despite not having even fully read my scripts. And then not getting home until 11 a.m. because I am the worstest.
But when I did get home and started reading some of the episode scripts, I realized that it was really funny. So I panicked and tried to actually do a good job of the audition.
I recorded all the scripts with Garageband in different voices and then exported it to iTunes and put it on my iPod. This is one of the best ideas I've had. I listened to it on repeat on the way there - pausing to see if I did, indeed, know what I was supposed to say next.
I haven't been nervous in auditions lately, so I was a little thrown-off by how shaky I was in that room. My arms went numb. Nerves are pointless and annoying.
I'm not sure my last minute prep made up for the hung-overness or lack of choices or not looking young enough.
Well, whatever, I'm pretty much the Canadian Carmen Electra. Well, in Ice Breakers Gum terms at least.
But when I did get home and started reading some of the episode scripts, I realized that it was really funny. So I panicked and tried to actually do a good job of the audition.
I recorded all the scripts with Garageband in different voices and then exported it to iTunes and put it on my iPod. This is one of the best ideas I've had. I listened to it on repeat on the way there - pausing to see if I did, indeed, know what I was supposed to say next.
I haven't been nervous in auditions lately, so I was a little thrown-off by how shaky I was in that room. My arms went numb. Nerves are pointless and annoying.
I'm not sure my last minute prep made up for the hung-overness or lack of choices or not looking young enough.
Well, whatever, I'm pretty much the Canadian Carmen Electra. Well, in Ice Breakers Gum terms at least.
3.17.2008
I got home the other night at just after 3:30 a.m., wide awake and dead sober. It was kind of bizarre.
Usually the caffeine I intake in the day is counteracted by the alcohol I have at night. Upper, downer, upper, downer, rinse, repeat.
I deliberately stayed sober to avoid situations going places they shouldn't. I stayed sober to hold my tongue a bit, to try and relate like a proper human.
I'm so mature.
Usually the caffeine I intake in the day is counteracted by the alcohol I have at night. Upper, downer, upper, downer, rinse, repeat.
I deliberately stayed sober to avoid situations going places they shouldn't. I stayed sober to hold my tongue a bit, to try and relate like a proper human.
I'm so mature.
3.15.2008
careful and care-taking
Oh I am a mean-spirited girl, always watching after my own heart and never other people's.
I am scared and trying to be hard and humour is put above all when it should should should not be.
You know?
Again and again I say that I need to learn to be careful, and then I am not.
.
So I'm up early because when I finish being drunk I wake up, I guess.
So I'm trying to get some work done, pretend to be a useful, productive person.
I am feeling core-sad today and optimistic and at-a-loss and also excitable.
We'll see if this leads to good working.
.
If you can guess who I am referencing in these pictures I will give you a prize (I will not actually give you a prize, unless I owe you four hundred dollars, in which case your prize will be me repaying you sometime).
It's not a very good reference because I don't show any nip, but I bet her mother doesn't read her blog.
Oh yeah -- on the phone last night:
Mum: Well, 22 Minutes is kind of like a big CBC... circle jerk
Me: Bwahahahah
Mum: I can't believe I just said that
Me: You could say "mutual masturbation" instead?
Mum: No. Circle jerk.
(I did not then say "Who would have to eat the toast?" because then there would have been a possibility of me having to explain that to her and, well, gross. But she reads this anyhow so too bad for her. And you. And everyone)
I am scared and trying to be hard and humour is put above all when it should should should not be.
You know?
Again and again I say that I need to learn to be careful, and then I am not.
.
So I'm up early because when I finish being drunk I wake up, I guess.
So I'm trying to get some work done, pretend to be a useful, productive person.
I am feeling core-sad today and optimistic and at-a-loss and also excitable.
We'll see if this leads to good working.
.
If you can guess who I am referencing in these pictures I will give you a prize (I will not actually give you a prize, unless I owe you four hundred dollars, in which case your prize will be me repaying you sometime).
It's not a very good reference because I don't show any nip, but I bet her mother doesn't read her blog.
Oh yeah -- on the phone last night:
Mum: Well, 22 Minutes is kind of like a big CBC... circle jerk
Me: Bwahahahah
Mum: I can't believe I just said that
Me: You could say "mutual masturbation" instead?
Mum: No. Circle jerk.
(I did not then say "Who would have to eat the toast?" because then there would have been a possibility of me having to explain that to her and, well, gross. But she reads this anyhow so too bad for her. And you. And everyone)
3.14.2008
I like being a killer as seldom as possible
Oh my good lord am I in a mood this morning.
I do not do not do not like killing things.
I've had the poison food out for a couple of days now and the mouse seems to be eating it. But he's still around (or they're still around? I dreamt there were dozens of them).
Last night I came home and found him in my bathtub looking so ridiculously cute and lovely. I tried to catch him and put him outside but he ran away.
Then I hysterically cried for awhile.
Oh, also, I was drunk.
My phone should be taken away from me when I'm drinking. Actually, I should just not be allowed to drink. I'm stupid.
I'm going to invent cellphone software where you can program your phone to disable access to certain numbers after a certain hour of the night.
It's like how back before cellphones some of my girlfriends had each other's numbers written on their mirrors at home, so that they'd remember to call the girls instead.
Okay time for brunch. That should cheer me up? Hopefully?
I just want to weep instead.
I know that I posted this poem once before somewhere else, but I still love it so so much. And I feel like it's appropriate for today (you should read it three times over at least, I think):
Monarchs, roses
They are matchbooks, lit matchbooks that fly.
I drive fast and east
to the radioed melody of a woman
and sunlight and my hand
kiting out the window
in a blue car beside a stream
travelling west and south
to the Gulf of Mexico to join
the water that is the sky over Atlantis.
I am an arrow of happiness and I like
root beer and walking from Brooklyn
to the Met and standing
inside the first sigh of grass
in the morning but when my joy
strikes a pair of wings the color
of hydrogen
exploding and the monarch
falls in the rear view like a shirt
shot from its hanger, I want
a tiny piece of chalk
so I can trace the body
for the detective who will slap me
and say, we know you did it, Rocky.
That I'm not Rocky
won't stop justice from smoking
its cigarette in my face
and I slow down too much
for the people piling up
behind me on their way to some other
massacre but I like
cows and the cello and being a killer
as seldom as possible. When I stop
and dismantle the car, you are welcome
to the tires and the horn but leave
the radio, this woman
sings like her voice is a rose bush,
is thorns and complex blooms
and it forgives us
just by letting us know it exists.
-Bob Hicok
3.13.2008
accomplishing nothing
It's funny how much of this classical music I've been downloading I know. Not surprising considering how much of it my mother listens to. But still.
The Four Seasons is particularly pleasing me this afternoon.
I haven't been to the symphony lately. I want to go.
I'm still off music with vocals.
I'm sort of craving it now, but that's good. It's good to miss things.
I got paid for one of the commercials yesterday! I have to tell myself "you are not rich" over and over again in order to curb my giant need to buy things. So far, so good. It won't last long though - I guarantee.
There are so many things I need!
I want everything!
Somehow I've gotten it into my head that I could buy new furniture. I have lived in this apartment and the only furniture I've purchased is my desk ($18 at Wal-Mart) and clothing rail ($20 at Ikea). And I bought a bookshelf and table at a garage sale outside my door. But everything else is found.
Oh,except the vast amount of money I spent on lumber to build my bed. Sometimes I have great ideas!!!
Oh god I'm so excited for new furniture though. I want a new bed so hard. Maybe just a futon, it could be a couch for parties! I'd prefer a sweet captain's bed - but I have no idea where to find one like I'm looking for (for cheap, I mean).
I'm also looking into a new dresser and wardrobe. And storage containers! Goddammit I need storage containers. And I want a good-looking dishrack. I never put the dishes away, let alone the rack, so it should be better looking.
I'm getting so little done these days that it is ridiculous. Except working, but that's a given. And same old same old same old.
Here are some pictures instead of interesting writings:
The Four Seasons is particularly pleasing me this afternoon.
I haven't been to the symphony lately. I want to go.
I'm still off music with vocals.
I'm sort of craving it now, but that's good. It's good to miss things.
I got paid for one of the commercials yesterday! I have to tell myself "you are not rich" over and over again in order to curb my giant need to buy things. So far, so good. It won't last long though - I guarantee.
There are so many things I need!
I want everything!
Somehow I've gotten it into my head that I could buy new furniture. I have lived in this apartment and the only furniture I've purchased is my desk ($18 at Wal-Mart) and clothing rail ($20 at Ikea). And I bought a bookshelf and table at a garage sale outside my door. But everything else is found.
Oh,except the vast amount of money I spent on lumber to build my bed. Sometimes I have great ideas!!!
Oh god I'm so excited for new furniture though. I want a new bed so hard. Maybe just a futon, it could be a couch for parties! I'd prefer a sweet captain's bed - but I have no idea where to find one like I'm looking for (for cheap, I mean).
I'm also looking into a new dresser and wardrobe. And storage containers! Goddammit I need storage containers. And I want a good-looking dishrack. I never put the dishes away, let alone the rack, so it should be better looking.
I'm getting so little done these days that it is ridiculous. Except working, but that's a given. And same old same old same old.
Here are some pictures instead of interesting writings:
3.12.2008
top knots and ignorance
This is a photo of me from today. Sometimes I like to wear my hair in a topknot. Shitty cameras = neat photos.
I'm on a music purge sort of lately.
I'm not listening to any music with lyrics/vocals. Except for when it's live, or for research or when deciding my song-of-the-day send out.
It's making me feel a lot better about music. I've been really irritable with all music lately. Nothing interests me/satisfies me/feels right. I've downloaded a whole bunch of new albums and have no patience for listening to them.
So I'm listening to a lot of CBC radio and Explosions in the Sky and even No Birds. I need to download some of that classical shit moms like. That'd be nice.
I don't think I like hearing the news that often though. Gets me down.
So, I've had a complete lack of a thirst for knowledge the past few years. I mean, I'm interested in things that relate directly to me - music, pop culture, film and TV, etc. But I have had very little desire to know about anything else. Embarrassing.
But lately I've been feeling awkward about my lack of knowledge. I have nothing to back up the fact that I'm pretty smart. Except how I just tell everyone about it.
I'm ignorant.
That's the worst!
I really, really want an atlas.
I've also got a bit of an urge for travel lately. Which has never happened before. I've never been one who dreams of faraway places - I only dream for home, or here, or both. The biggest I dreamt was Seattle, but that was more about living there. I still don't know what about it fascinated me so much.
But I want to go to Ireland, Scotland, and England. And to Paris. And to LA and New York and the Caribbean. And Somalia. And Mumbai.
Oh, wait. There's actually nowhere that I don't want to go - at least a little bit.
Shit, this tease of getting a small amount of money coming in is making me feel like maybe one day I'll have enough. Maybe one day it won't be ridiculous to dream of seeing the world.
I think that's why I don't dream of it. It always seemed like a ridiculous waste of money.
I mean, I need new eyeglasses. And a dental check-up. And proper furniture. And to pay off my extreme debts.
Sigh sigh.
My life is great. No, really really.
I'm considering auditioning for the Second City conservatory program. Because I can't bear to be done improv classes after this round. I will definitely be taking more... and doing mainstage shows wherever anyone will let me (and maybe even when they won't!).
I'm working way too much this week. When will I have time for the partying? Huh?
I did go last night. I wasn't going to. I even got into the bathtub. But then I went to Dakota to see Deep Dark Woods again. It was really nice hanging out with these babes this tour - they're all really lovely.
One of them was talking about his girlfriend and he described her as "sweet" and I asked which way he meant it. He said he meant it in all the ways. Awwww.
Sometimes I get jealous of people who can hold things down.
Not very often though - 'cause they lose their party-drive.
Booooooooooo
3.11.2008
sorry little guy
I bought Buster Bruce (and his clan) some bacon and cheese flavoured treats.
To kill them.
I've had enough of fighting him and trying to block him out. I have never wilfully tried to kill anything larger than a spider in my life. I don't like killing. But Brucie is really, really getting to me. And he's gross. And I keep thinking I've got rid of and but nope!
I still don't like killing.
.
this is my favourite camera phone picture, this explains why Little Italy is the best place to live in Toronto.
These pictures are of the duvet cover that mother so lovingly hand-crafted for me at Christmas time. They don't really do it justice. It (and the down duvet it covers) is still one of my most favourite things every day. It may partially explain my desire to sleep 12 hours a night.
To kill them.
I've had enough of fighting him and trying to block him out. I have never wilfully tried to kill anything larger than a spider in my life. I don't like killing. But Brucie is really, really getting to me. And he's gross. And I keep thinking I've got rid of and but nope!
I still don't like killing.
.
this is my favourite camera phone picture, this explains why Little Italy is the best place to live in Toronto.
These pictures are of the duvet cover that mother so lovingly hand-crafted for me at Christmas time. They don't really do it justice. It (and the down duvet it covers) is still one of my most favourite things every day. It may partially explain my desire to sleep 12 hours a night.
3.10.2008
all pigeons go to heaven
That BFF leant me a device so I could get my photos off my phone - it's like I have a digital camera and shit.
Why I like those birds:
Why I like those birds:
3.08.2008
thunder + blizzards = toronto
This video is a really good video. You should watch it if you like scrabulous or rap or even regular scrabble.
.
Jon wants you to read his new weblog. He tells me it's good. I don't know if it's good, but you should still read it. There you can see things like this:
3.07.2008
My horoscope says:
"It's hard to live your life according to your preferences, for other people's demands require that you change your schedule more than you'd like. Nevertheless, there really isn't a any reason to hold on to your routine; familiarity is not a good justification of doing something the same old way. Demonstrating your flexibility now can help you achieve more in the days ahead."
Funny that because my agent called at 9:30 and I have to go to an audition at noon.
Luckily, thinking that I had nothing to do today, I drank and partied until the bar kicked me out at three a.m.
And now I have a headache.
Quelle big surprise.
I have to go back to the studio where I had the speech impediment/ Amish dressing issues. I'm tempted to wear vampire fangs and nipple tassels.
Obviously.
I keep having dreams that I try and adopt men to be my father. Kind of strange.
Good things to say to celebrities that will make them want to date you:
"I don't even know what you do really..."
"Oh, you work for CBC? Can you tell me why CBC television sucks so hard?"
"You wish" (in response to being asked for one's number)
3.06.2008
I took those Deep Dark Woods shopping in Kensington yesterday. Shopping with giant groups of (tall) boys is kind of silly. But we only lost people a couple of times. But we saw some stores, tried on a lot of cowboy shirts, got some goods.
I picked up a couple of pins and a black-on-black pashmina (it's such a terrific basic).
This pin is my favourite (obviously):
You know who are not quiet? Mice.
Just saying.
I keep getting google hits from the search for Kimya Dawson's So Nice, So Smart lyrics, so here they are, if that's what you are seeking:
I picked up a couple of pins and a black-on-black pashmina (it's such a terrific basic).
This pin is my favourite (obviously):
You know who are not quiet? Mice.
Just saying.
I keep getting google hits from the search for Kimya Dawson's So Nice, So Smart lyrics, so here they are, if that's what you are seeking:
I was quiet as a mouse
when I snuck into your house
and took roofies with your spouse
in a nit and out a louse
and lice are lousy all the time
they suck your blood drink your wine
say shut up and quit your crying
give it time and you'll be fine
you're so nice and you're so smart
you're such a good friend I have to break your heart
I'll tell you that I love you then I'll tear your world apart
just pretend I didn't tear your world apart
I like boys with strong convictions
and convicts with perfect diction
underdogs with good intentions
amputees with stamp collections
plywood skinboards ride the ocean
salty noses suntan lotion
always seriously joking
and rambunctiously soft-spoken
I like boys that like their mothers
and I have a thing for brothers
but they always wait til we're under the covers
to say "I'm sure glad we're not lovers"
you're so nice and you're so smart
you're such a good friend I have to break your heart
I'll tell you that I love you then I'll tear your world apart
just pretend I didn't tear your world apart
I like my new bunnysuit
I like my new bunnysuit
I like my new bunnysuit
when I wear it I feel cute
it's almost like real life
I don't have very many e-friends anymore. I used to have more, during my first months with internet at home.
Once an e-friend of mine, (who I met in real life a couple of times, as she was from Saskatoon) had an e-boyfriend in highschool who killed himself.
The idea of trying to deal with that is sort of ridiculous. Internet and phone communication are no substitute for real life interactions but at the same time.. it is real. Just in a different way.
Anyhow, I've been readying my friend Dawn's diary/blogs since 2001 and I feel like she's actually a real-time friend, even though we've never actually seen each other. In her diaryland today, she wrote:
"Anyway, here's another TV thing that blew my mind - seeing one of my Dland buddies in a TV show no fooling for real! You know how most of us are lifers here, how we've been here forever and most of us joined up at the beginning? Well, one of my first diary buddies, who I feel has grown up right before my eyes, is a budding and working actress up Canada way and last night I saw her on my own TV before my eyes! It was surreal. And totally awesome."
Very neat-o.
Now if only they'd air my episode here, already!
You'll have to settle for watching the first three minutes on repeat, I guess.
Once an e-friend of mine, (who I met in real life a couple of times, as she was from Saskatoon) had an e-boyfriend in highschool who killed himself.
The idea of trying to deal with that is sort of ridiculous. Internet and phone communication are no substitute for real life interactions but at the same time.. it is real. Just in a different way.
Anyhow, I've been readying my friend Dawn's diary/blogs since 2001 and I feel like she's actually a real-time friend, even though we've never actually seen each other. In her diaryland today, she wrote:
"Anyway, here's another TV thing that blew my mind - seeing one of my Dland buddies in a TV show no fooling for real! You know how most of us are lifers here, how we've been here forever and most of us joined up at the beginning? Well, one of my first diary buddies, who I feel has grown up right before my eyes, is a budding and working actress up Canada way and last night I saw her on my own TV before my eyes! It was surreal. And totally awesome."
Very neat-o.
Now if only they'd air my episode here, already!
You'll have to settle for watching the first three minutes on repeat, I guess.
3.05.2008
I'm super-fit
I had a dream last night that I worked out. That means I don't have to go to the gym today (wait. when do I ever go to the gym?)
Went to see The Deep Dark Woods at Dakota last night. Saskatoon represent. I need a digital camera - seriously.
My BFF since I was four surprised me there and I was so excited I tried to carry her right out the door instead of staying and seeing everyone else. What a dreamboat. Serious.
Usually I have troubles getting people out and about with me but it was a pretty big crew last night. Three different groups of friends. With various inter-knowing. I'm always inviting everyone to everything and then just making them be friends. I think everyone I know should all be best friends too. Then we would party allllll the time every day and every night.
I was pretty over-excited last night. My friend accused me of being pretty drunk but I was only on my second drink. You should have seen me at 2:30 though, especially given how snowstorm + smooth-soled cowboy boots makes for a challenging walk home.
I especially enjoyed the dancing and the socializing. I've been having troubles lately with actually listening to the music I go to see. I get way too loud and wrapped up in all the chatter. Embarrassing.
But dancing, that's my favourite. Especially with cute boys.
oh yes.
I had my last improv class on Monday. Except we start again next week, so it's not particularly momentous or anything.
I really love improv. I don't think I've ever mentioned that. But I do.
I've been really bad at it lately though. Not this week, but the two weeks prior. I was totally fucking off. Which is, of course, unacceptable.
I will only say (defensively) that improv used to terrify me, so the focus came from that, now it doesn't and I was proving that I could fuck off and that the world wouldn't end. I was trying to make sure that nothing horrible could come of it. I need to get my focus from somewhere other than terror. So I'm working on that...
I'm still good though. Really.
Hopefully.
I love having nothing to do. So much.
Went to see The Deep Dark Woods at Dakota last night. Saskatoon represent. I need a digital camera - seriously.
My BFF since I was four surprised me there and I was so excited I tried to carry her right out the door instead of staying and seeing everyone else. What a dreamboat. Serious.
Usually I have troubles getting people out and about with me but it was a pretty big crew last night. Three different groups of friends. With various inter-knowing. I'm always inviting everyone to everything and then just making them be friends. I think everyone I know should all be best friends too. Then we would party allllll the time every day and every night.
I was pretty over-excited last night. My friend accused me of being pretty drunk but I was only on my second drink. You should have seen me at 2:30 though, especially given how snowstorm + smooth-soled cowboy boots makes for a challenging walk home.
I especially enjoyed the dancing and the socializing. I've been having troubles lately with actually listening to the music I go to see. I get way too loud and wrapped up in all the chatter. Embarrassing.
But dancing, that's my favourite. Especially with cute boys.
oh yes.
I had my last improv class on Monday. Except we start again next week, so it's not particularly momentous or anything.
I really love improv. I don't think I've ever mentioned that. But I do.
I've been really bad at it lately though. Not this week, but the two weeks prior. I was totally fucking off. Which is, of course, unacceptable.
I will only say (defensively) that improv used to terrify me, so the focus came from that, now it doesn't and I was proving that I could fuck off and that the world wouldn't end. I was trying to make sure that nothing horrible could come of it. I need to get my focus from somewhere other than terror. So I'm working on that...
I'm still good though. Really.
Hopefully.
I love having nothing to do. So much.
3.04.2008
so I can't hold down a relationship
You know what I need?
Arm candy.
No really.
If you know of any...
I think I should be a beard.
For real.
Even if JTT isn't gay I think he should go gay but stay closeted and then marry me and I would pretend that we were deeply in love. Although, he's not really impressive arm candy these days. But still.
Arm candy.
No really.
If you know of any...
I think I should be a beard.
For real.
Even if JTT isn't gay I think he should go gay but stay closeted and then marry me and I would pretend that we were deeply in love. Although, he's not really impressive arm candy these days. But still.
3.02.2008
I just keep winning shit
It's kind of weird that I would win this award, I know, especially since
a) This blog actual wasn't even written until 2k8
b) There's nothing I am more than partisan
c) I actually don't even know what 'partisan' means
d) I am also a courtesan, but I guess that's unrelated
But congratulations to me!!!! I'm the winner!
Here's a few of my favourites from my most recent shoot. I'm still fighting focus stuff, but what else is new? Nothing.
Maybe favourite:
a) This blog actual wasn't even written until 2k8
b) There's nothing I am more than partisan
c) I actually don't even know what 'partisan' means
d) I am also a courtesan, but I guess that's unrelated
But congratulations to me!!!! I'm the winner!
Here's a few of my favourites from my most recent shoot. I'm still fighting focus stuff, but what else is new? Nothing.
Maybe favourite:
3.01.2008
ACTRA awards!!!! (I won!!!!!!*)
My date Stacy and I started our evening by wading through the slushy snowstorm in our finery to get to the damn awards. It took me three hours to decide what to wear. Except mostly because I was watching TV. It's hard to know what to wear to these things. It turned out that we could've gotten away with anything, there was such a range of fashion.
I finally chose this blue dress I bought in Saskatoon at Value Village (it's vintage) pinned with my grandmother's broach (antique) and my cowboy boots (sweet). I chose an "effortless" ponytail which was made popular at this year's Oscars. Oh, I'm also wearing a weird shrug that I found at a restaurant I used to work at.
We got drinks and found friends. We made a new friend in the elevator, her date had crapped out on her, so we adopted her. It was nice to see everyone from school Like Jennifer:
And Naomi:
I love how the drink is hiding my fat arm. Yeah huh. No really.
I have e-deduced that the babe I was hitting on is much younger than me. I'm finally at that age. To be fair though, he did have a devilish grin. Really. Actually, mostly the only real babes were the wait staff. And Colin Mochrie.
Notice, also, that my hand is never without a drink. And I didn't pay for any of them - thank you ACTRA!
The actual ceremony was alright. They only have three awards and I hadn't seen any of the winners before in my life. But they seemed happy and worthy and I felt glad for them.
Colin Mochrie was quite funny, as he is wont to be. Great audience (actors love reacting).
Wendy Crewson looked especially nice in a hot pink shift dress.
I had an extremely delightful old man next to me who told me
"Now you had better keep your hands to yourself.. I know it'll be hard but I've got my wife right here next to me - so you just mind yourself"
He was so dear (makes me think maybe it would be nice to have a decent grandfather, or father,even), we looked at the program together and we bonded over mutual adoration of Eric Peterson and the show Regenesis, which he's been on apparently. Turned out he lived in Saskatoon for some time and he said "I should've known you were a prairie girl - you didn't even have time to change your boots!" Oh yeah, he also said "Maybe I'm your dad!" which I found very random. And hilarious.
Eric Peterson (of Corner Gas, etc) won the big showy award and had a great speech. He told us how his grown daughters always tell him "don't worry little dad". So, so cute (speaking of wanting for fathers).
After the ceremony we met Colin and his wife Deb McGrath:
As much as I disliked the show Getting Along Famously, I have to say these two were wonderfully warm, friendly, and funny.
I held off telling Colin that it's really my mum who loves him best...
Check out the Felt Bird on my bag - Saskatoon represent.
Stacy was beyond excited to meet one of her idols, Tonya Lee Williams (I was excited too, though it made me sad because it was my daycare mum and I who used to watch Young and the Restless every day together).
I was beyond excited to meet Eric Peterson. He is seriously the best part of Corner Gas - let's not lie. And he's from Saskatchewan. And he's such a dear-heart.
He told us "Don't go to the states! Stay in Canada" and I said "I'm going back to Saskatoon!" and he and I bonded over how Saskatchewan should become the new film-making hub.
Aww.
Look how we're all gathered around him. (Except Jenn, smiling for the camera..)
We got a little tipsy...
Me more so than these two, actually, but way less so than the woman who fell over and barfed on the ground at around 8:30..
I kept saying to the wait staff "Fucking actors!" and they all laughed. Because I'm very funny like that. And because it was so true.
Afterwards, I went for food with Naomi and her BF, who was beyond cute and so perfect for her - she looks exactly like a prom queen/pageant winner and he looks exactly like a football star - in the perfect way.
ACTRA awards round-up:
- I want a BF (but only if he's perfect for me like Naomi's)
- I want a dad (but only if he's as awesome as Eric Peterson)
- I should've danced more
- Canadian celebrities are nice
- I like being an actor
*the adulation of my peers
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