what a stupid career idea

Aw, man.
I really want to be an actor. I so badly want to be an actor and get to act and be in things and go to set and learn new skills and develop actual characters and have input and and and and and

I kind of wish I were just in this for the fame, then I could take another avenue, push anything to get fame. But what I really really want and dream of and plan for and expect is to be a working actor. To get to go and work on film sets.
To create and to story-tell.


I feel a pretty big disconnect between who I feel I am and what I look like on film and in pictures. I really don't relate that well to images of me. I know that girl, but I don't really believe it's me.
I feel kind of protective if her more than anything. And a bit judgemental of her. No, mostly protective.
Aw that girl has such a funny gremlin face, aw it's that girl's fat arms again, cute... That girl's high-pitched squeal and bum-chin. I guess I'm familiar to myself and therefore endeared...
Hard to explain. But I guess that's one of the reasons why I'm fine with watching myself and why I am comfortable with my body and looks, because I do not believe it's really me.


You know what else I'd like? I'd like to go to Paris in the fall.
BFF is going to do a semester of school there (luckylucky) and imagine if I could go and visit??
I've never even been out of Canada! Ever!
And I even speak French. Perfect.
I should probably go.
Aaand I should go to England, too. I have relatives over there. My grandparents immigrated from there, it's almost like I have a bit of culture if I think about it.
And I speak English, so, you know.
Makes sense.

I have to make a lot of money starting now, go!

Such, such a busy weekend, I'm a busy bee. Lots of ideas for projects that I want to do. Lots of stress and lots of fun. And now I kind of want to sleep for a few days. Or at least 11 hours...

Also, if you haven't seen A Small Thing and you'd like to see the trailer, it's here: http://www.girlboyproductions.com/trailer.html. In case you were wondering.