you think you're loving but you don't love me

Oh geez can't stop eating guacamole and rice crackers and goat cheese. Life is good.

Guess who spent around a billion dollars yesterday??
I got a whole lot of things I've been needing! Four pairs of new jeans/pants! Including two for work! Yayaayyay.
I also bought new boots (!!!) which, it turns out, have absolutely no traction... And leggings and earrings and a scarf and a shirt for work and a brown cardigan and fun times!

Didn't mean to go out last night but ended up going to the east end with my friend for his sister's birthday. The east end is like a whole other town. It's an adventure to go out there. And I'm down for adventures. The sister was drinking these horrible-seeming drinks that tasted and looked like blue freezies. I was assured they're called "porn stars" which makes them even worse.
We ate cake!!! Goddamn it sugar is my favourite thing.
In fact I think I'm going to go polish off the rest of the apple crisp.......


I don't have to go to work today or tomorrow and I love it. But I'm being lazy. Accomplishing nothing.
Hmmm. I kind of feel like wrapping some Christmas presents. I also kind of feel like doing absolutely nothing at all.

I'm taking a lot more pride in my household these days. I love it when it's clean (ish) and easy to enjoy. I love the light in this room and all of my pretty things. I think having nice things is important and it's part of caring for myself. I think I might be finally over living like a teenager...
Now if only I could get the rest of my life in order.


Pretty interested in how CTV has a lot of their shows up on their website for me to watch whenever I'm feeling like it. My one problem with it is how they play the exact same commercial between every clip. UGH. Just change it up.

Anyhow. I just watched Grey's Anatomy... which I'm not sure I even watched the end of last season of.
I'm not very into TV these days. I am, but only when I have a spare moment.

But man I feel grossly close in annoyingness of personality to that Meredith. She is such a whiney whiney brat who is constantly wienering on about the same old patterns repeat repeat repeat why can't I love Derek why can't I be happy I'm a dark person why can't I work things out with Derek I'm scared of loving Derek I'm scared of not loving Derek and also wah wah wah wah.

I feel like I do a lot of the same things. Wiener around. Get excited. Get certain. Change my mind.
How boring! Except if you are me, in which case it's just intense, epic, and ultimately, disappointing.
Poor BFFs having to put up with me. Luckily for you, Weblog, I don't put all of that on you. I've been considering starting a private blog again because I'm not documenting the way I'd like (for posterity and all that).. I'm missing being able to go back through relationships the way I could in my diaryland days.
Not that I regret being tighter-lipped on here. No sir. One of the best decisions I've made. And then I don't look like an idiot all the time.
And because my life goals include being kind and care-taking, I have to decide what's best for the internet not to know about.
Hard work for someone like me who will tell anyone anything all the time.



I've been missing my daycare mum a lot these days. Who knows why. Maybe because I feel sort of gruff with myself in a way I think she would've appreciated. And also when my life gets good I always wish she were around to appreciate it. I think she'd be very very proud of me, but probably wouldn't have said that to me much. And she sure watched a lot of TV, so she'd definitely have seen me.
I had a pretty terrible dream the other night that she didn't really die but instead was alive and living in her same house, by herself, and was pretty much immobile and no one knew she was still alive so no one came to visit and she wasn't into doing things that she used to love like knitting and reading Harlequin Romances and making terribly tacky crafts. She wasn't even watching her soaps.
Anyhow. I don't know what that dream was about, but it wasn't very fun.



I wonder if I'll get around to anything today. I want more cake. And pastries and coffee kind of badly. I want to do something funtimes but I can't think what that would be.

I've been kind of obsessed with this song lately, ever since I watched the video of it when I was at the gym with Dollface...