bonus!

So, I actually like my landlord. I barely ever see him, but when I do it's always nice. He can be a little bit landlordy, like "oh you have mice? why don't you trying traps?" Riiight because I didn't try 3 different kinds of trap, two different kinds of poison, and a sonic chaser.
But still nice.

He's been around a bit lately redoing the bathroom on the second floor (they're putting in a washer and dryer -- guess who is making best friends with whoever moves in there?? also, they're just making it the perfect apartment for me when I want to have babies... Just kidding, Mum, I'm definitely moving home to Saskatoon to do that(?)).

Anyway, he came yesterday to fix my bathtub and when I got home it turned out he'd also cleaned the sink drain! Awesome!!! That thing hadn't been draining for about two years and I am just that lazy/I don't like having people in my house.
So exciting!!!

Niki made me dinner last night and we sat in her backyard which is lovely. Dinner was a tofu curry and very tasty and exactly what I needed.
We drank all the sangria and that was not what I needed, but still fun!!!

Went to Red Light afterwards and met up with some more babes. Why is Red Light my new hang out? Weird but also fine, I guess. I was sloshed, but what else is new? Had to sleep until 1:30 again today.
Should get back on a normal schedule. Should at least be doing some work to justify all this party all the time.

Actually, I have been alright lately. I've been writing more -- prose and poetry and in here and private blog and even working a bit on scripts that neeeed to get finished someday.
And I've been taking photos and making big plans.
Sometimes planning is the best part.

Weather Station CD release tonight!
Forest party! Charging my camera battery right now, hopefully get a couple of good shots for you...

Not enough time or money for me today. At all.

flatlands, rivers, spaces between houses

I'M GOING TO SASKATOON ON MONDAY!

HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME TIMEZ

And guess what?
It's going to be warmer than average temperatures in the 14 day trend.
Fingers crossed!

I'm planning to hunt crocuses on prairie hills, who's with me?
Country picnic party??

Also excited for my favourite valentine, Killary, to tie the knot. I'm going to hump up on her before that happens though. For sure.
And then I'm going to threaten her fiancee. Just for fun!

I'm fully copying and pasting the list of things I want to do in Saskatoon from when I was planning before Christmas.
Although I'm deleting a couple of things and adding a couple of things.

I'M GETTING VERY EXCITED TO SEE YOU AND PLEASE BEAR IN MIND THAT I NEED A BIG HUG AND
A CUDDLE BUT I AM BAD AT AFFECTION

okay,

Saskatoon Plans:

- Drive. Is there even a working car for this to happen? Shit I love driving and I only get to do it in Saskatoon. I drive stick. I run out of gas a lot.

- Visit with those kids I like (oh yeah, I guess I owe them birthday gifts. Shit.) I'm betting they are beyond cute still. If they're not they're getting punched.

- Scold the baby for getting too big while I wasn't there to enjoy it. I hear she can make almost-sentences now so she will really be able to appreciate the scolding

- Make funny jokes and dominate the conversation with my family (quelle surprise)

- Bother my mother while she's trying to write/paint/etc

- Climb onto the end of my mother's bed while she's reading in bed about to go to sleep and then refuse to leave and stay up late talking to her about why things are hard and why they are the best ever

- Make Mum read my Tarot cards

- Go to Amigos (duh) Already RSVP'd "attending"

- Attend a dinner party (okay -- who's throwing one? I want to go to one. Whitmore, Reberk, Carlos, Clubhouse, etc, I'm looking at you. Aw man I miss you.

- Dance party (possibly also karaoke? I'm easy. Well, less easy since this past Babe-Break but still a sure thing)

- Re-friend people I miss (re-friend people that I wish I still knew?)

- Have breakfast at Park Cafe

- Get drunk and make my brother come pick me up (and then rant at him about really lame stuff and lean my tired face against the window)

- Call the Toad (maybe see him, maybe not, depends on how he's doing, I would bet)

- Shop in the Midtown Plaza (why do I like this mall so much? I hate malls!)

- Snuggle some kittens (rerun, you little suck, I'm looking at you. Adventure Cat, get ready to get nabbed and kissed on the face)

- Grilled Cheese Platters with Constantine and SteveDave (Const texted [he got a cellphone!? timez are changing!!] to say he's making the reservations!)

- Valentines date with Hillary (before she's lost to me forever - ie: extra-marital affairs only)

- Hit on home-babes (ain't nothing like a home-babe)



You know how awesome it is when the water won't turn on?
Well, it's even awesome-er when the water won't turn off!

Waiting on the landlord to see what's up. But I gotta, say it's always fun when they make it seem like
a) it's your fault
and
b) they don't really feel like having to deal with it

Yayayay party!

was I only limping was I really lame

I am jealous that my mum went to see Leonard Cohen without me.
I'm also still mad about that time she gave away my Buffy Sainte-Marie ticket.
Just in case you were wondering.




(Josh Cockerill with band at Dakota)


























(JoshuaVT face)




(and Sarahb played a song with them!)


















Walking home last night I said "life is so hard sometimes" and he said "Yeah?", surprising me that he didn't nod and nod, knowing exactly what I was getting at. Here I was thinking about this as a universal truth, I forget that to some people everything is fine. Always pretty even keeled, pretty steady and certain.

Still, I am not convinced they are any more sane than I am.


I've been drinking too much, trying not to judge myself too harshly on it.
It's not helping though (only making things worse). Except in the short term it helps a bit, maybe, because I keep getting bits of mini panic and bits of heart-racing and bits of wanting to throw things and the vodka does help for a few minutes, it helps in the right dosage. Have to keep track.
It must be the time of year.


Didn't leave the house today, didn't get dressed properly, didn't accomplish much of anything. A warmly welcomed break.
Ate rice pasta and cookies and drank big mugs of tea. Took my vitamins and drank enough water.
Time alone and barely speaking: perfect perfect.

babe-break ended.

ticked off o'clock

JTT LINK TIME!!!

I still don't think I really understand Twitter. I mean, I do. I get it, I just also don't use it to its full potential. But I've downloaded TweetDeck, and that's helping. Anyway, obviously searched "JTT" and "Jonathan Taylor Thomas" because, well, what else would I search?

I came across a twitter profile which makes like it is JTT's real twitter site twitter.com/jontaylorthomas
except:
a) Really you think JTT is still going by JTT?
b) if it is him he is not very funny at all and not someone I'd like
c) he's bit racist/offensive/too much information
d) he loves bacon (if JTT is no longer a vegetarian, does this mean I have to start eating meat again, too???? not that it would surprise me if anyone started eating meat again, I mean most people grow out of this phase. Or at least that's word on the street.)

Wow my life is fun.

Also:



I'm getting pretty T.O.ed at Facebook right now. So what if I don't want my name capitalized (killary, how did you get yours lowercase? I don't remember how I did mine now..)? I should be allowed to write it how I'd like. Also, I should be able to put whichever name I'd like. Only allowing your full "real" name? Dumb.


I get pretty mad when people get in the way of my jokes.



(ha, awesome movie star hair.)

Lately I keep sort of second-guessing myself here, and censoring/backing off jokes that I think are funny or wondering if what I'm writing is what I mean, or what I want people to think I mean.
Wondering how much manipulation of people's ideas of me I'm trying to do...
Pretty annoying, I'll tell you that much for free.

Cpt. thinks I'm extra nutso because I admit to it too much/write about it too much.
Maaaaaybe.

I'm pretty sure I'm pretty funny occasionally in private blog and I feel sad that you don't get to enjoy it so I may or may not start quoting myself.

do I have anything in my teeth?

all the diamonds are starting to fall off my phone how annoying I don't want a partially bedazzled phone I want an encrusted phone.
didn't mean to go out Saturday night, swear to god. I even chose my outfit based on what would be most comfortable to go walk the dog. Luckily it was a dress and I didn't look like a complete slob (only half way) because I ended up at Red Light with two turning into three separate groups of people I knew. I went there two nights in a row, actually. It's owned by the same people who run Sweaty Betty's and it's exactly the same as Sweaty Betty's except slightly closer to my house and not quite as packed and maybe less douchebags, but that'll change soon, I'm pretty sure.

I ran into ee's friends and one of them had drank a tonne and taken e (they called it x on my so-called life, does that mean that that's just another thing that americans do differently?) and he was fully drooling on himself kind of amusing. He was staring at my rack a lot and said something along the lines of "you have great breasts. can I touch them?" (WELL OBVIOUSLY IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE SO POLITE AND ASK LIKE THAT) and also I told him my friend thought he was a babe and he sort of lunged at me with "Well, What's she going to do about it!?" Amazing.
ee's deadpan friend was being very deadpan and he's funny he kind of makes fun of people under his breath. He hung out with me despite how I got very drunk and probably more than a little obnoxious.
Oh yeah I remember now, I was making fun of Shambers for so long and I felt real bad about it.. kind of. Except that Shambers is good looking and muscley and a lawyer and a weirdly talented artist and (I learned recently) also a closeted musician. And I thought his only talent was being obsessed with The Beauties at Dakota on Sunday nights.
Weird I just complimented Shambers a bit! I must feel bad.

Okay that was a funny shirt though, right?

(I don't know if he's putting that into his mouth, or taking it out...)

(also, Shambers' profile pictures on fb are always profiles, I was wondering why he was always turning away from the camera)


Yeah, hung out with Shambers and Cpt and Cheesepie on the balcony at my house -- didn't know I had a balcony? I don't, really.


There's a balcony on the second floor and the entrance is off the shared hallway but it's right in front of the bedroom windows of the second floor. Kind of awkward, especially if I don't know/like them. But that apartment is empty this month, they are redoing the bathroom, so it is alll mine.
We had drinks.
And then a storm came!!! I made a video about it but it was less impressive than I'd thought at the time. It just made me feel like a wimp. I love storms though, for sure.



Cheesepie and I hung out inside while it rained, but Shambers and Cpt. Heh braved it and probably almost died biking home in it.
Cheespie is a dancer so I made her learn the choreography for the zombie movie with me. But first I put on sweats so I would feel like a real dancer. Kind of worked.

Then Cheesepie had to go and be a go-go dancer at a bar. Awesome.

Oh my good good lord above I have such a backlog of photos from all kinds of places and I'm way behind on my story-telling. Oh the things I've seen.

Also. I still have zombie hands and zombie ears a bit and definitely zombie hair - it's so tangled and matted and crunchy with hairspray... and I'm feel way too lazy to want to sit and comb it out properly. I guess I will now have dreadlocks. I'm sure that's a wise career move.

Def more zombie photos and videos to come.

Still feeling quite down after the high that was yesterday. I have to learn how to deal with stress. Good stress or bad stress. I am bad at both.
I was kind of messy at Dakota last night. Not ridiculously drunk, just effed in the head a bit and so tired. I probably shouldn't have even gone but I have problems with limits and restraint and also where I was feeling happy I was feeling happier than ever.
I made Cheesepie do a bit of the zombie dance with me and I also got other ladies dancing like zombies and I took some sweet photos and jumped real high and pranced around in a really self-satisfactory (that's not quite the word/sentiment I want, but it's the closest I've got right now) way.



These are some photos from the art party Cheesepie and I went to at Rolly's on Friday. It was kind of okay, especially the dance party that happened with Niki and the Cpt. later on. I liked the theme of the art which was "party table". Uh huh. Sounds like my life.






("LONELY LADY'S LAST / don't be a Dinsmore / Love Again" What does that mean even??)


Uh oh I'm updating private blog in another window and I keep forgetting which I'm writing in. It would be awesome if I accidentally spliced sentences together like : I love being a zombie then we did it in the butt.

that's enough, for fuck's sake, internet

I am at the end of my line tonight. I have no idea why I have not shut off the lights and closed my eyes yet.

ZOMBIES ZOMBIES ZOMBIES ZOMBIES!

Went to set today-- shot a zombie short where I had a very small part and was the cutest zombie (oh don't worry I have photos like you would not believe, some video too!) and I had the most fun on set and was mostly charming and befriending people and not nervous/awkward/rude like I get sometimes and not even being too obnoxious and I just love it. I just lovelovelovelovelove it I love going to set. I feel like I should be allowed to go to set every day just based on how much I love it. Why doesn't that sort of rule exist?

Oh, man, guys. Life is so hard sometimes? And the most wonderful, extremely great, hopeful parts are kind of what make it so hard. Because I want those sweet parts all the time.

Also, I'm tired of thinking.
And so, so pleased! And so, so sad! And so, so hopeful! And so, so at the end of my line and need to get off the internet.

here we come a waffling

Oh my land it is beautiful out, like actually hot and sunny and I know that I need to get the hell out of this bed/couch and pull on a sundress and meet up with lovely ladies and maybe get a gluten free vegan muffin from urban herbivore and you know sunglasses are great for scoping babes incognito.

Yesss, out too late last night, who is having a big surprise about that one? I did kind of have a time though, in a way like not always the funnest but, you know. Sometimes the bits of sadness (not just in me, but the bits around) are kind of wonderful and maybe that's just me being me, but

I feel like the last entry was different than I was actually feeling, there's the troubles with writing prose as entries, it's not always truthful, just honest in terms of what I'd like to see typed out.

I've been very blocked up in terms of prose/poetry lately -- remember how I was supposed to make another zine about 2 years ago? yes, I miss it.
I still have copies of old ones, if you need/have never admired them. Let me know.

I need to remember that Niki knows about dance parties and that I love dancing. I keep on forgetting. Who ever thought that would happen to me? I should know better. I am disappointed in myself. I should know to keep it moving keep it moving.

Folding origami with notes or phone numbers is the cutest thing and people who don't appreciate that are ridiculous like I don't even understand.
One time I dated a supervisor at work (because I'M DANGEROUS AND LIVE ON THE EDGE LIKE THAT) and I got another work friend to deliver him a note-boat and let me assure you it was pretty adorable and he was definitely wooed. (haha first I wrote "wood")

You can steal that move, if you'd like -- I'm here to assist you in all things babe-related. Especially if you need a wingman (I am terrible at that, actually, holy wow I have so little patience for people sometimes) or if you need help selecting babes... I do have that finely-tuned scope-eye.

oh, yes, here, ee has a blog now ("transportation nerd babehunter and so much more"), you should read it too don't stop reading mine in favour of hers though. Please.

I was feeling a bit like photos were taking away from me actually writing actual things on here so I'm taking a breather for a tiny bit but I do have a backlog of photes for you like you would not believe -- especially some pretty awesome lolcats.

Tilda and the baby Bear have taken to sleeping in the crook of my neck behind my head, it is the most comforting thing. You can be jealous if you'd like to be.

OKAY GETTING DRESSED BRUSHING TEETH SOAKING UP SUN BEFORE THE THUNDERSTORMS COME IN



When titling last night's entry I was planning to put "everything I say is the truth" or "everything I say is the tall tale" I guess I forgot to decide which it was...

everything I say is the

Oh hello, four-thirty!
This is maybe the time of night I really shouldn't get to.
Why do the birds sing all night in Toronto? Have they forgotten about proper nighttimes?
Oh holy holy, I love creemore pints at last call; tastes better than it has for months. And I love that my friend is rolling her thin cigarettes, holding the filter between her lips as she crafts them. And I love the bars emptying out into the streets. And the "drink up" calls (it's almost 2:45 and they have to clear the alcohol)... Have to love these late nights, have to have to because I'm always saying party-all-the-time
but then all of a sudden it gets to be too much -- uneven and unclear, all of a sudden I am untrustworthy and my faulty heart beats a shitty rhythm. And there can be those left over bits of crushes, like, I remember when I wanted you... It's familiarity more than interest, it's out-too-late-at-nights and old habits dying hard. And it's also protecting against broken hearts, it's trying for a back-up plan.

Oh here, have the Lakeview's onion rings, the grease will soak up the alcohol in your system. Then go ahead and talk some sense.




I feel a bit like I'm ready for a sort of change like a sort of shake-up or maybe what I mean is shake=down, no, cool-down. I can't get it up all the time these days.
Maybe tomorrow I will do a whole lot of nothing... you can do nothing with me too if you'd like I guess. Especially if you bring treats.

you don't even want to see my last night's texts..

For today's daily (or as it turns out, semi-occasional) links, I would like to direct you to my private blog, where I make a whole lot of tasteless jokes and use swear words and talk about boning. But too bad for you because you can't read it. Except if you can. For the rest of you:

Texts From Last Night -- some of these are lame and some of these are awwwesome. Favourites:

"(413): I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to" (need Babe Break 2kforever for this person!)

"(248): Yo dont text me then not text me" (CLASSIC. OMG CLASSIC.)

"(603): no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us..." (Yike. Also, typo? Really? How do you typo something intimating that you are pregnant? Damn you T9word!)

"(647): Your tits are I can't wait for" (notice that this is a Toronto area code and also awesome also I think I've received this one before)


And, also, if you haven't been, Shark vs. Bear has great photos sometimes even photos of Sass and even one time a photo of me!

Okay there go take some links all over the internet and stuff. Or just read back through my blog all the livelong day. That is fun too.

on babes and babeliness

I get kind of annoyed when I tell people I don't know that well that I have to go because I have to go scope babes and then they say "Oh! Are you a lesbian??"
1) Mostly if you think someone is gay you don't yell "oh are you gay??" (well, at least I don't but maybe I will start now)
2) I am not a lesbian right now, but I would consider it for sure if I found the right lady-babe.
3) Who cares?
4) a babe can be anyone! No matter the gender.

Also, I am tired of the assuming that being a babe is based solely on looks. No f-ing way. I get weirded out by people who are too good-looking, in fact. I feel like overly good-looking people are frequently entitled deservists.
Not to stereotype at all.

My friend was "seeing" this "babe" who was actually more like a "hunk" and he was sort of oozing charm all over the place and I could not take him seriously in any way. At all. He just knew that he was good looking and was milking it very obnoxiously. The Gift of Fear says that being charming is something that you do not something that you are.

I always ask my friends if their new suitors are babes and I feel like it's strange when they say "Umm.. yeah? But he's very, very nice!" VERY NICE = BABE.

Also, I feel like babes' flaws are sometimes the most interesting/lovely things about them.
I said this to my friend and she was not really with me on this at all, except then she started seeing a very pretty babe with terrible back-acne (bacne) and I think for her it made him more realistic somehow, more trustworthy..
Ha! does that make sense? I feel like it does.

Okay it is lovely out, I've done everything I should (mostly, hopefully?), the house is tidyish and the kittens are stretched out in the sun. It is all I can do to not have a nap right now...
I'm going to try to find something else to do.

I stole these next photos and corresponding captions directly from ee's facebook. Without permission. Hopefully she doesn't mind! anything in square brackets is my comment and anything else is ee's -- except I took out/changed some of the names.



I went to Toronto. This is my traveling face.


I swam there.



Meredith was there!



So was Prince! [for you, Killary -- I almost stole that painting to be your wedding present!]


Meredith and I went out to eat. She put my leftovers in a bag that is meant for dog feces.


I disapproved. [notice it says BIODEGRADABLE, I was being green]


After lunch we had hivetime! That is to say that I met her kittens and then broke out in easily the most vicious case of hives I have ever had.
WORTH IT!



Then we walked through Little Italty. Some boys threw us cans of beer from their apartment balcony, which we gladly accepted since they were safely sealed and did not appear to be contaminated. [this was awesome. we didn't even have to put out -- I still tried but they just weren't interested]
We drank them on our friends' balcony.
It was lovely.


After the beer, we did a million things which made us thirsty (like walking a dog and buying ginger), so we bought a 3L jug of wine. [Carlo Rossi, our new best friend ever. The ginger was our birthday gift to the birthday boy whose party it was I then went around making terrible TERRIBLE jokes about who wants a ginger waving the root around and then quickly offering up myself instead. Ah, Carlo Rossi, you win this time.]


I was skeptical of the wine's quality and decided to stick with a chip.



Then I met a cat that didn't give me hives.


Then this guy showed us why smoking is bad.


After seeing that Meredith had finsihed half the wine and was clearly partyingallthetime without me, I decided I'd better have some wine too.


Then Meredith took a shower because she is filthy. [I wish she'd uploaded the photo of her peeing I took while waiting in the shower for her.



Then I went for a bike ride.


Then Meredith and I choreographed a dance party in the kitchen with a cardboard circle.



The wine was running out much more quickly than we thought it would.



One thing I will say about Mer is that she is consistent.



Consistently hilarious.



The party had some jerks in it, so we went on to the roof. Nic and Mel were out there! Dev was throwing rocks at babies!



We sat still for safety.



Nic and I know a lot about HVAC systems.



I somehow rapelled down safely.


Then we took a cab. The lights were too bright for my liking. Alex remained calm.


Then we went to Sneaky`s for...



...Vegan nachos!!!!!