here are some pictures of my foster cat

haha I like it when she makes angry/annoyed faces at me. Cats are so deadpan/expressionless that any change in face position we have to pretend is some big thing.

Should I have spread these photos out over more entries? Probably. I LOVE CATS.

Lots of fun things happened this weekend and I have some very funny stories for you later and I'm feeling much less depressed about the world and so that's good. I just made some haystacks which turned out quite crumbly but I'm still eating them. And I also just made some (DELICIOUS) stew and am boiling down some vegetable stock to freeze to make my life a bit easier, hopefully. All I want is soup. It smells like heaven in here.

I wish someone would clean up, though. 

 

Dakota tonight... you can come too if you'd like.

naked from the waist...everywhere

I don't know why I watched all of picnicface's videos at some point or another but don't seem to have posted them on here to share. Did I already and I just can't find it in the search? Maaaybe!

Also, who introduced me to these videos? JL and I watched them all the other night and I realized I'd seen a lot of them before. It's weird that I'd forgotten though. Usually I'm unnaturally obsessive about anything/anyone I like and want to know everything about it/them forever. Hmm. 

Watch these videos! They are so funny! 

Yeeeeah.. this one's my favourite maybe. I love the girl in it. Oh, and the guy. Oh, also I love how the guy's moustache is pretty much the same as my hallowe'en moustache. 

Yaaaarg such simple premises so genius though.

Also,

Hahaaaa Ruth Buzzi.

Brunch today at Aunties with Mrs., and I told McGruff  that I have a slight crush on a person that we both know (except I don't even know him at all, really) and then I told him not to say anything (obviously he will forever because he sucks) and then he was like "ohhhhh, meredith, look who's here! That's so crazy we were just talking about him!" and I couldn't see the door and I was like "fuck you, McGruff, don't even" but then luckily it turned out to be another one of our mutual acquaintances and he was just trying to fuck with me. Aww man I turned so red though and everyone was looking at me in the restaurant and I felt very silly. 

That story makes less sense then if you had been there...

Then Mrs. and I were making terrible jokes and I kept squeal-laughing and once again annoying the neighbouring tables. Sorry, guys!!

I had so much coffee.

I'm going out looking for rich husbands tonight! Just kidding, just rich boyfriends to buy me things! Just kidding! 

I have never had a boyfriend who bought me things and I have to say that is is low on my list of priorities. Sense of humour, on the other hand........

Also, I have a crush on every dude right now and it gives me a bit of satisfaction like "all is right with the world once again" 

ohh okay, not really, but it's a fine phase to be in. And I kind of doubt that I'll ever be as interested in drama and ridiculousness as I have been in the past, but it's alright to have fun looking around. mmmhmmmmmmmmm.

Alright, then, I'm going back to taking pictures of myself all day. Only hobby. I probably need to get some more passtimes. Or at least a new face.

art

I hadn't even really been drinking the wine. I just thought it would make a good prop. Compliment to the decolletage, etc.







I wore this outfit two days in a row because I am laaaaaaazy.









It appears to be a blizzard outside. I'll probably still walk. My hips hurt all the time from all the walking. That's alright, though.

upswing

Went out last night late with Dollface and her friend and we drank at Sweaty Betty's and I made eyes at my crush who I see everywhere along dundas/ossington who I have deduced is a big big flirt (always with different girls) and probably an alcoholic since he's out pretty much allll the time (hey pot have you met kettle, etc.) anyway, I still  have a crush on him because he's sort of pretty in a way that I like like probably was a punk at some point or another. He probably doesn't woodwork at all, so it doesn't even matter.

ANYWAY.

The way that Dollface was sitting cast this shadow of her face on the wall that I was facing sort of and it made me laugh very very hard. This is not an accurate representation of her profile or her face so it's okay for us to laugh. Right???



I'm feeling a bit better today/yesterday. Yay! Keeping fit and having fun. Also dressing up kind of fancy makes me feel better. or at least prettier. Pictures I took of that coming soon!



You know who likes my new(ish) glasses? Babes.
I know, it surprised me, too!
But frequently at work man-customers comment on them. Not ever ladies though. Interesting.
Also, I know from experience that there are definitely men who prefer librarian types... Niche appeal!

I don't really feel like I have a type since there are too many kinds of babes in the sea and frequently I find that the reason I find someone really appealing is very unique to them and that's why it's the best.
I will say that I have a ridiculous weakness for generous laughlines around the eyes... sigh....

she's oooooooooooooookay, I guess, if you like cousins. which I don't.

since it's only the end of the day when you go to bed (RIGHT?), I thought I would take the opportunity which is my favourite cousin's birthday to tell you why I like her.

1. She's my closest cousin (therefore I can say she's my favourite all I like because all the other cousins have better things to worry about)

2. She's very smart (I would be that she's smarter than you. No but really.)

3. She has stupid-cute offspring. Ughhh why does everyone get to have babies and I don't?

4. When I was little she would sleep over sometimes (oh yeah, she's 7 years my senior so I always looked up to her in a big big big way) and she taught me how to change without ever getting fully naked. Useful Skills (for gym class in 9th grade)

5. She's the reason I'm vegetarian (just kidding, it's JTT's fault for sure, but she's also to blame as I joined her bandwagon when she decided to go veg... I believe hers lasted about a month and mine is going on 13 years... you have beef (aaaaaaaahahah) with my vegetarianism and slight combativeness surrounding such issues, talk to my cousin!



6. She thinks I'm really funny. Now, of course, I think she's very funny as well, but I do appreciate that she fully appreciates my sense of humour and goes with it. I'm not that easy to understand sometimes and also she could have chosen to see me as her annoying little cousin forever more, and instead she seems to have realized how SPECTACULAR I am. Good work, team.

7. The world of ZIGN (how would you even spell that, cuz?) -- we played forever in my backyard and in the magical world that she made up that we got to by swinging a special swinging way on my jungle gym in the backyard (I can't tell you exactly cause I don't want you to go to there) and we were the princesses there! BEING THE PRINCESSES IS THE BEST.
Also, good work cousin on not making yourself the queen and me a lowly princess cousin sort. You are great.

8. We both don't have dads. Growing up for awhile there it was the five of us - mum, me, cousin, aunt and other aunt. FIVE BEST FRIENDS WHO LOVE EACH OTHER MORE THAN ANYTHING.
And to be honest, it's still a bit like that (I'm the luckiest girl) just with more people involved and a bit more distance and such.
But my cousin and I were both kids of single mums and smart and with big imaginations and the ability to play by ourselves and not rely on everyone for everything. Kinda makes sense.

9. When she babysat me she let me talk on the phone with her boyfriends. She did spend the entire time on the phone so it was only fair. Haha, no but she always had so many boyfriends!!

10. I taught her how to drive a bit at the gravel pit (holy shit son I miss going to the gravel pit with my family so fun like sliding down the gravel hills and climbing up and collecting the best tiny stones and making up stories, you don't even know. sometimes I fully forget how fucking great my whole family is. okay, not really, but sometimes I forget some of the specifics.) and she didn't know at all and wasn't a pain about it at all and we drove round and round. So fun.

11. She loved the Micra almost as much (more?) as I did. If only her bf hadn't totaled it!!!  just kidding still like him I guess. Christ, I loved that Micra, it was my first car, so tiny and compact and made of freedom and speed and mostly freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedome. Anyway, she understood that as well. She really did.

12. She's still the kind of person I look up to but also allows me to become a person that she'll admire in some ways too, I think.  She has let me become her peer in a really lovely way and I loved having her come hang with me in Toronto and yeah.....    you know.

13. This isn't really one, but one year a freight train overturned right beside our land (we own land by a lake that is also along a railroad track) and we played on the overturned cars and climbed on them and looked inside and I remember loving my cousin so much at that point, and her being such a moody teenager... haaa so lovely, ya know?

(there we are sitting on top of one of them, she's slightly apart from brother and I... perfect.)


Okay that's enough for now. There's a trillion more but now I'm crying and I don't feel like crying I feel like going to bed and it's very late! and so that's enough. Haaaaaaa, ridiculous.

Love you forevers, obviously, gosh.

here are some things that I do like

I will work myself into a better mood. 

THINGS I LIKE LATELY:

MODERN FAMILY

this show is really quite excellent for a basic sitcom. There has been quite a lack of good sitcoms (imho), and this one is solid and funny. 

One of the things that I think is consistently lacking from TV these days (what am I, 70?) is love. And this series seems to understand that while comedy comes from conflict, we need to root for these characters and care about their relationships. 

I especially love Al Bundy in this show. Oh, and obviously Cameron, the big gay dad who used to be a football and star and also is a clown (I'm still scared of clowns, though). Anyway. I like it. 

APPLE CRISP

forever

SEWING UP HOLES IN MY CLOTHES WHILE I WATCH TV

this makes me feel very productive. 

CHEESESTRINGS

Shut-up. I bought these on sale on at shoppers (why does shoppers have so much food there now? It's kind of weird to buy life brand food.), they were so cheap I had to. They taste like pure salt and are fun to eat. Leave me alone. 

LYING ON THE FLOOR

My house is tidy-ish and I'm depressed and lying on the floor makes me feel better. I don't know why. If I lived with roommates they would for sure think I am over-dramatic

DREAMING OF MY WOODWORKING HUSBAND

I want a builder husband who is also artistic who is also funny who is also very smart and loves reading and who is also stable and warm and loving and makes enough money for me to have all the kids and be an actor. He could also teach me a bit about building and then we could work on Habitat for Humanity projects together. FUN TIMES.

Haaaaaaa, that reminds me, remember when I went out a couple of times with that guy who asked me out at Skydome? Who was a crane-operator? 

That was a very good example of the ways in which I'm crazy. Why did I go out with him? He was the opposite of everything I liked. He did nothing except operate cranes and drive a HUGE truck and play video games. He had no interests or hobbies or favourite music. He listened exclusively to the radio. 

But, I have to say, when I served him at Skydome, there was this familiarity about him. I felt so warm towards him and so pleased to see him. So strange. 

Luckily that didn't last. 

(I took this picture of a picture of me as a baby, I was into fake-cigarettes and driving tractors. I still have similar interests, actually)

SKINS

This is a good British show that is about teenagers who party all the time, do drugs, try to have sex, and sometimes go to school. One of the reasons why I like it is thinking about why I don't lovelovelove it. That makes it interesting. I'm halfway through the second season. I don't know if I'll watch the third. 

I love high-school dramas. 

Oh, cool, all the embedding is disabled on youtube for this show. Too bad for y'all! 

WATCHING MOVIES FOR HOURS

Isn't the winter for hibernation, anyway? Thanks online video!

RUTH BUZZI 

Ruth was barfing a lot yesterday but seems to be feeling better today, hopefully?? Come on, Ruth! She is way more cuddly and sweet when she is feeling ill.... so.. I don't like that she's ill or anything, but I do like cuddly kittens.... 

WORK

to make the moneys.

WALKING TO WORK

I feel a lot stronger since getting back from Saskatoon and now I walk everywhere all the time. It sure takes a long time to get anywhere, but it's improving my mood and clearing my mind a bit. 

Hmm I do feel a bit better now. 

and my mammy and me we don't want for nothing more

Today is not really much better than yesterday. No, yeah, things are fine!





JANUARY JANUARY JANUARY.


It's usually around February/March/April that things start really digging in to me all the time and dragging me down. Seasonal depression comes early this year. Which is extra dumb because I had a big plan in place for how to avoid it.
Not working out like I'd planned.





Brunch today with Sass.
We're both feeling a bit trapped/deflated about Toronto, maybe. This city is hard sometimes.


After brunch I grocery shopped in Kensington and forgot most of what I meant to buy. I considered gluten-free flour and baking stuffs but then I realized how fully broke I am right now. That shit is expensive, yo.


Then I tidied up and had people over about a short film we're planning for. That was good. Yeah, see, that was good. Good for me for doing good things and being productive and staving off depression by making artistic plans. RIGHT?


I also made apple crisp for us to eat and that was delicious.
So life is good.





I'm an actor. I do not have any desire to stop acting or to put it on the backburner.
I do, however, need to find a complimentary career.
Something I can do in tandem with acting. Something with a steady income but flexible-ish hours to work with my acting jobs and auditions.


What is this career?


I have seriously been thinking about this for so long and I haven't come up with anything, really.


Considering:
real estate
some sort of home-business/owned business
panhandler
boss (instead of golfing I would go to auditions)
personal assistant .
carpenter/electrician
writer (because this is lucrative)




I don't have any university, I don't know how to use Microsoft Word, I don't have any interest in working until 4 a.m., I'm kind of tired of customer service, and I think I deserve to be paid a living wage.


Anyone?





Haa, that picture looks extra intense after all that, eh?


Oh, also, maybe having no money and no real jobs keeps me "hungry" for acting work? Why aren't I a super successful actor yet, then?

allez vous en

Tonight I watched Up in the Air (Recommend) and The Lovely Bones (Recommend if you like waaaaaaay too much CGI all over the place at ineffectual times and stuff, but man I do like that girl, also parts were good).

Yesterday I watched Precious (Recommend, not as horrifying in some way as I expected and then yeah still totally horrifying. Also, Mariah Carey is so neat-looking and great in this, no?) and then my dreams were all fucked up.

I dreamt I couldn't have children and this made me pretty upset and I woke up all annoyed at the whole dream and night of sleep.

Was having (drunken) conversations with Cpt. Heh and Miss Lindeman last week about having kids and being parents and so on. Did I say that already? I said that already, but,
I think that people who want kids:

a) LOVE THEIR PARENTS SO MUCH (or love themselves, maybe)
b) are lonely/have low self-esteem/want to live vicariously through their children/want someone to love them unconditionally.


Is that rude?

Probably. It's 3:49a.m. and I just cried for a long time in a hysterical kind of way because it was late and I was sad and nothing is going right for me these days and I didn't want to call and wake my mum who normally calms me down.
Can't call my friends because they turn the subject back to themselves (ha, like I do when I talk to my mum).

Youth is about being selfish.
It's getting a little old though, yeah?


The worst thing happened to me recently where I thought I was being giving and unselfish and kind and care-taking and a good friend (all those things I want to be) and I thought that it was fully understood that that's what I was doing.
And then it turned out it just seemed like I was a push-over or overly-invested or worthless because I cared too much.

It's awful to feel like an ugly little troll, who is just waiting around for someone to care about them. It's strange to be so misinterpreted. 

I've been waiting for the sadness to kick in and I guess it finally has but mostly it's about everything these days. Work is awful (meaning there is none), no auditions, huge body image issues, slightly stressful health issues, friend annoyances, and I'm so ridiculously badly in debt that it's embarrassing (to me, I'm sure there's worse-off people).
And Christmas is gone and nothing fun is happening forever and a half!!

Yes.   and the worst part is realizing that someone who you thought understood you a little bit, someone you thought knew how important you are, how wonderful, how worthwhile.... just didn't. Just didn't understand at all.

It's depressing.

For the most part I'm just annoyed and also relieved. I don't have to care anymore.
I don't have to be misinterpreted.
I'm free and in the clear. 

And I feel like I've gained so much and learned so much and grown so much and I have calmed down so much in the past year

(though I'm not sure that is evidenced by this blog entry. or maybe. I don't know.)


I know this is part private blog entry. It's hard to wrangle what should go where and what limits to abide by. One blog friend recently said
"I want to capitalize on being single"
and the thing is, all of these interpersonal relationships are the hardest to write about on any sort of public forum because everything we do with others is half theirs and they maybe get half control of it. Or at least are owed some space/respect.
Unless they make you mad enough! Or are selfish and stupid enough.
No, even then I've backed off of things I wanted to say.

Everything was easier in the diaryland days, yeah?

One of my first boyfriends was very into Tom Robbins and he told me once that I could say anything to anyone about what went on between us because he never wanted to be embarrassed of anything he did/said (something like that, anyway).
I really like that sentiment.


It's tough to make a really interesting, real-time, honest-to-life blog without the best parts. Ya know?

One cannot help but envy Tony who says everything in his blog is not true (even when it is, I think).

Oh, January, why you gotta be like this?

jingle jingle no keys in the pockets

I'm all tuckered out now, I managed to lose my keys at Tattoo last night and not realize until I got home at 4 a.m. Classic. It's all sorted now but it was annoying last night, that's for sure.
I try not to get too mad about stuff like that. Actually I try not to get too worked up about anything, really. I wonder how much of that is proper coping and how much is suppressing...

There's really loud construction work going on below me (they seem to be ripping so much of the main floor out that I wonder how it will still support me up here...) and so I can't nap. I might still try, though.



Ha, Ruth Buzzi is pretty funny. She wore that around the house for an embarrassingly long time. Way to go, Ruth! I'm getting Ruth's profile ready to go up on the TCR website soon... Then you can adopt her!
Ruth Buzzi doesn't have infinite patience for me. I like that about her, she's not a pushover.




I took this picture while walking from my cousin's house to my friend's house in Saskatoon. Serious sigh dream cottage little tiny house with a wreath and lights and everything. Good location, too. Want.





I took these pictures of myself at my mum's house. Yeah I'm slowly working my way back through the photos hopefully the ones from actual Christmas will come soon. Whatever, I'm only a month behind.



Holy christchild I just realized how broke I am. Ughhhh so classic. Every January. This is getting old like ooooolllllllldddddddddd. Ya know?



I wonder if I could get a job taking pictures of myself. Should I become a  camgirl? Is this 2005?
Is there a market for really really awkward solo porn tapes? Probably. Hmmm.

seriously though, IF YOU HAVE A JOB FOR ME, PLEASE GIVE IT TO ME. Thanks!

Death Comes to Town (on business!)

Weird, I still haven't blogged really about hanging out with (read staring creepily at) The Kids in the Hall.



Sass took me along with her to the Rivoli for a pre-screening of their new show Death Comes to Town.




Hahaa, I'm so funny, I was so excited to meet this guy, Jesse Camacho, he was so lovely and sweet, he's the star of Less Than Kind.
Here's a trailer for it:

I watched all of it online on the CityTV site last year and you should catch up, too! It's moving to HBO Canada for this season, which could be real good for it.. You can look at their new site: Less Than Kind Online. Oh yeah, Mark McKinney is one of the producers/writers..Wow it's link central around here today.

AAAnyway.


I got crazy but Sass stayed cool (she should be a bassist she stays so cool).



You know what, though? Sass is really funny. To me she's funniest when I least expect it. Or when she's really hyper. Or when she pretends not to know how to speak English.

Then we gave some funny people some fingers! I'm sure they appreciated the humour of the situation!


Scott Thompson is possibly my favourite Kid in the Hall. Is it rude to pick favourites?
Also Mark McKinney.

Also all of them, actually... Anyway, I think that Scott is especially lovely.
This article in Torontoist made me love him even more, and also let me know that he as a google alert set up for his name in blogs and stuff. Too bad I'm sure that everyone is writing about him these days so he'll never even notice how much I care....
SIGH.


Chris Locke is very very funny and Scott Thompson thinks so too, that's a pretty big endorsement, I'd love to have Scott Thompson get behind me (SEXUAL INNUENDO).


Chris Locke was very worried about his forehead-pimple. We were all too polite to say anything, good thing he pointed it out so that we could all acknowledge (and photograph) the elephant in the room.

Awww fun times. Did I mention it was open bar? I really need to stop going to places like that. 

 

Oh yeah, I stole a lot of these photos from Sass, so you can go over to her to see more. Yeah? Yeah. 

Haha Bruce McCulloch came over to me and was like "You know in the series, Death has a thing for redheads...." I just laughed so hard.

Yes, so watch the show! You can catch up online: www.cbc.ca/kidsinthehall, especially watch this week's episode because on of my favourite past co-stars plays a hot french puck bunny.. not to be missed!

Wow, seriously link party around here today. You're welcome.