on relating. or lack thereof.

Rudyard has taken to scratching at the door all night. PRETTY FUN TIMES.
I understand that she's trying to offset the adorableness of playing fetch and catch and even hacky-sack these days, but still.


Talking to my mum about relationships last night was kind of funny.
Probably not the expert.
[For those of yous unawares, I am born of donor insemination and my mum hasn't dated since before I was around. And seems pretty fine about it. And doesn't like me talking about it on the internet...]
She said to me:
"Maybe you're just not a relationship person"
And she just might be right. But then how do I become one?
Should I get roommates? Learn how to be tolerant? Settle? Put up with more things? Be less critical?

Some of that, yes, obviously.
But.

Man, I'm not good at change. I'm good at being exactly the same all of the time and patterns and routines and making the same mistakes time and time again.

Mum was talking to her best friend about her marriage and how long it's been and her friend said "I've put up with much more than you ever would"
I don't want to have to put up with stuff or compromise.
Ah, man, I'm so not a relationship person!
Maybe I'll grow into it?

Also I asked her if she'd encountered power-imbalances in the ways that I have (I feel more than uncomfortable in a situation where I know that I have the control - that I would never be left... I stress myself out worrying about the other person's heart...) and she said that's one of the reasons she stopped dating.

I do love babes.
And I want to be good at relationships.
Working on it, okay?


Oh yeah she also told me I need therapy.
thanks Cpt Obvious.