sickish

Been feeling kind of sickish this weekend and took the opportunity to huddle-down with Netflix and cats.

Yep, both of them slept beside my legs. I wasn't allowed to touch Béa of course or she'd nip at me. But still!

It's nice to have a bit to sit around and feel sorry for myself and wallow in melancholy and all that. Sometimes even when I know things are for the best, it's still sad for a minute. That's okay, that's okay.

So, I just watch TV forever.
Movies movies movies.
I watched The Other Woman and Fish Tank on Saturday while feeling whiny. Cool moves. Both are good! Cried all evening. So cool!

The Other Woman

Don't watch this trailer unless you like knowing everything about movies. I don't like knowing anything about movies before I watch them.
I feel like the name of this one is misleading. This is more than about being the other woman, it's a study of greif and family and desires versus realities and how hard love in all forms can be.
I cried through all of it, basically, obviously.

Fish Tank

this trailer is good, doesn't give it all away.
This one is at times slightly hard to watch, kind of disturbing. But beautiful and honest in a way that I really like. Strong performances and quite heartbreaking.

Saturday night after watching those I concluded that comedy is pointless and all I'd ever want to create is beautiful, difficult, art. I only want to play sad characters and make heartbreaking movies for you to cry over.
Ha!
No, I do feel like that sometimes and I have an irrationally strong fear (irrational because this would require even mild success on my behalf) of being pigeonholed in comedy and not taken seriously as a dramatic actor.
hahahahaahahaaaaaaaaa
HAAHAHAHA
HAHAAH
ohhhh lordy, Meredith. What cool moves you have, being worried about things that will never happen because you never do any work.

Have I said anything about Tiny Furniture?

I've been wanting to see this for awhile (ever since I hear about this woman born in 1986 getting her own new drama for HBO based on this one feature, basically) and now it's on Netflix!
This film is so good. so good.
I mean, I knew that this film was basically designed for me exactly, but still. So much about it. Particularly the body image/appearance stuff and the young creative class stuff and the stuff about dating these days, etc, etc, etc.



I've heard some funny resolutions this year and one of my favourites has been Violet's resolution to become a good gift-giver. As long as I've known her, Violet has not been interested in the sport of gift-giving, in any capacity. But she's starting to get good!
Anyhow, I sort of forced her into buying me some awesome metal snowflakes, and she also got me this pearl necklace.

Pretty!
Extra useful since I've been looking to become a more classy of lady and I've pretty much exclusively been wearing pearl studs.

(as an aside, Nic didn't know what a pearl necklace meant, in sex-terms, until yesterday. she thought it meant "oral sex, in general". I love her.)


(also Killary got me this Merry Mistletoe lip gloss for Christmas and it is more than fitting and makes me smile to look at it.)

It turns out, for me, 28 is the year that I start being mildly nervous of aging. It all starts to go so quick!
They say your perception of time speeds up the older you get and so each year seems quicker than the last and I would say that that is true, true, true!

What did I yell at a bar the other day? "IT'S GETTING TOO LATE FOR ME TO PRETEND TO ANYONE I DON'T WANT A MILLION BABIES"
classsssssssssssic, beyond classic.



Soooo. I think I'm in love with Odette.
Look how stoic and patient she is with me! What a sweet, soft darling. Like a baby seal pup.
She is just so, so lovely. What did I do with my time before I had cats to chase around all day?
My roommate is out of town so the cats are forced to be friends with me. I went to sleep with both (!) of them sleeping on my bed and I woke up with both (!) of them still there. Miracles of miracles. I bet they had a billion adventures galloping around in the night, though.
I wonder how many hours and hours of my life I've wasted away spending time trying to make cats pay attention to me...

We had our first meeting with our new improv team and coach last night but beforehand we may or may not have passed a bottle of $6.95 wine and talked about our feelings. I loved it. We loved it.
Then the meeting/work went really well. I've missed improv! (we've been doing premise work and writing more with my con class these days, getting away from regular improv and long-form)
So I reversed my position on doing only sad, sad, big, important art and went back to thinking that in order for me to have the best, most funtime ever that improv and comedy as a whole are going to continue being 100 billion times important to me.
Obviously, obviously.
Aaand I love my team. Serious, fierce love right now for them. So excited for getting to work and play with them.


(this cranberry jalapeno jelly from my friend is so, so, so good! jfyi.)

i'm eating all the cheesy rice

Is Odette my best friend? Maybemaybemaybe yesss. Do you have a best friend that goodlooking? probably not.

I have a big big comedy night planned for this eve (not performing, only appreciating). If I play my cards right I will get to enjoy about a billion of my favourite funny people.
3 events and maybe a couple of road-beers and everything will be right with the world. serioussssly.
What did I do with my time before comedy?
Oh yeah, just regular drinking.



How long until winter is over? I'm ready. I'm really, really ready. Though I'm still in love with walking and you know as soon as it's warm/dry enough to bike again I'll be all over that.



Oh, about the lace on the wall/chair in the last post, those are tablecloths I bought for Mrs. and Arrow's wedding on demand of Mrs. while I was in Saskatoon. So, jealous family, just take yrselves out to the Sally Ann by the value village (actually they had some at the value village, too) and get some. They had a bunch. They didn't look as nice in the store but on the wall that one especially is quite stunning.



I've tricked her into sleeping in here right now by having the space heater going. Nice.



Hard time of year, hey? Everyone seems sad and unmotivated. I'm medium. I have a sunny room right now and a soft cat so that's not bad. I want to help everyone to have the most fun. How can I get a job doing that?






look at this big lug! She gallops around the house so heavy-footed. gotta love it. gotta love it so much. Also, very soft.

eternal january

I cannot cannot get moving today. I just slept for 10 hours and I still feel exhausted. Hmmmm.
Maybe the amount of MSG I ingested yesterday? is that a thing?







It feels like it's been January forever. Anyone else?







The cats are warming up to me at least. Nice nice nice.
Well Odette at least. Both of them were sleeping in my room yesterday. Did I consider locking them in until they grew to love me? Well, obviously.







Shot a little movie yesterday and it was a pretty fun day. I like making things. We did some pretty nice work, I'd say.

Ughhh sooo so tired. obscenely.




pretty pretty pretty

here come the siameses!

my new cats are here!


this one is called Odette and she is the one I like. She has a nice sort of a sad face that is good. She's still mildly scared of me but I bet will be best buds soon enough.





this one is called Béa. She is not cuddly. Luckily she is very pretty.

They follow my roommate around (their papa) like he is their leader. It's pretty cute. Also he calls them "little mama" which is very funny to me.

Anyway, that's the big news in my life.

Also, I'm in a waaaayy better mood these days. I think partially to do with being more productive. I'm really happy with what I'm making and have a billion high hopes of what my future is going to be about.
Nice nice.

also I've been spending a lot of time at my favourite bars with my favourite people and getting locked in until 5 in the morning at my one favourite place with lots of babes and just talking and making jokes and drinking forever.
Aaaand Hoops. Who could forget Hoops?
I was in kind of a temper the other day and what made me feel so much better was watching the Canucks game (we actually just watched the game pretty much full-attention) with my bud at Hoops.  Awww.
100 times awww.

typed on a new machine

I'm in a better mood!

uh ohhh uh oh I have a new computer that I'm in love with.
I'm learning how to edit videos! funnnnnnnn ohhh so fun oh so funn fun fun.

Also, I made some super good soup today. All I eat and like is soup.

I wanted cream of broccoli but not with cream because I've given up eating for new years. Just kidding, I'm eating sometimes.
But I want to eat less bad-for-me stuff and way less stuff and become super skinny like a model. Haaaaaa.
(the worst part about people on diets is all they ever do is talk about diets. it's because they're hungry!)

Anyway, soup is amazing because it's just cutting things up and putting them all in a pot and it's so easy to heat up later and is a one-pot meal.

I'm not one for instructions and measurements in my cooking really, but I'll tell you what I did for today's soup because it is VERY GOOD.

MOSTLY BROCCOLI SOUP

1 onion
all the broccoli you have (even the peeled cut stalks, obv.)
half a zucchini
some elderly mushrooms (haaa or any mushrooms)
2 potatoes
4 cloves of garlic
1/4 cup dry quinoa

lots of cumin
lots of italian seasoning mix
lots of salt
pepper
dried rosemary
(you can put whatever savory spices you have in here, pretty much! I did whatever I wanted at the moment.)
(also you can put other vegetables! I would have put peppers if I had any

cut up all the onion and put it in a big pot with a lot of butter (I don't know, 2 tbsp.?) and some olive oil and then cut every other vegetable up small-ish and put it all in there, too. It's good to kind of sautee the stuff, especially the mushrooms and potatoes maybe? it also doesn't really matter. that cooked for awhile I guess.
then I put the minced garlic in too and some water, like, enough water, ya know? Like so that it'll cook in the water. and then I put in all the spices and then I decided quinoa would be good so I put in the quinoa and more water and I then I just simmered it for awhile on very low. And then when everything was soft I put almost all of it in the blender. Fucking pureed that. But not all of it because I like a few chunks, but if you don't like chunks then blend everrrrrrything.

then cheddar cheese on top! Of course!

anyway.
WHY THIS SOUP IS SO GOOD.

it tastes like a good broccoli soup but has the added bonus of quinoa which is suuuper good for me. Also, the other vegetables give it a nice roundness, I think.

I'm so super tired! I keep staying up waaaay late for good reasons. Good reasons like important conversations or hanging out with the best buds.
Good reasons don't make me less tired right now!
Work tonight and then a couple days off, which should but nice and also filled with improv mostly. I'll never mind that.

all you need is happiness

I'm in pretty much the worst sort of mood right now.
I feel a barfy and wallowy about how much of a shit mood I'm in.
I'm not sure I have any sort of great reason. And it's not really like me these days.
(oh, also, before proceeding, I'd like to point out that everything is bottom-line fine.)



Not that it hasn't been like me in the past!
Man, remember when my college voice teacher told me, "you put your bad mood on everyone"?
That was a classic and true fucking statement. Good call, that guy.

Maybe it's the time of year catching up with me. It's usually late January that I start to feel pretty sad about things and want to hibernate... It wasn't as bad last year, mostly due to having the best friends (my bender gang was the most fun) and also my decision to be the kind of person who works hard to have fun. (and also, possibly, the lack of gluten in my diet, but that's a whole other entry.)

There's a bunch of stuff that's kind of getting to me today. And most of it could be cleared up with a few thousand dollars. I've no desire to be a real rich guy, but some money would sure make my life run smoother!
I am working a lot a lot this month, in a nice way, but I'm worried about next month and the month after. And also WORRIED ABOUT MY LIFE, IN GENERAL.

Yeah, it's not the money, it's that I'd like to find something to do with my time where:
I made money
I had a billion fun
I felt like there was a point to it.
(hahahahahhahahahhaahhaahahahahahhha ugh.)

Man, guys, if the only actual success in life is being happy.....
Which is something I've been thinking about more and more. This might be true to me. The ONLY success in life is being happy.
Hhhmm.

Also, I don't like getting my hopes up about things. I don't like having all my eggs in one basket unless it's the ultimate best basket. I don't like that at 28 there's still so much of the time where I'm dealing with other people being giant babies.
I mean this in several regards.

If the only success in life is being happy then I need:
Family (including partner if one so happens to become a part of my life)
Best Friends (I have this covered at least)
Baby (or several. maybe this should be included in family but it's separate still.)
Creative Outlet (acting, writing, comedy, art)
Kittens
Nice Place to Make a Home
Enough Money

Man, I'm totally leading a charmed life right now and I know I need to pipe down.
At least I'll go and walk Kaya soon and then walk to work in the rain and last night work made me feel better (super shock) so hopefully that'll happen again.



The only thing I'm not stressed out about today is my Second City conservatory classes. And my new improv team and my possible new sketch group. Ha. That's good!
I had a very fun show last night and I can feel that it's going to be possible (eventually) to get to the sort of confidence level/place that I am going to need.
I'm going to be very, very good.
And probably sooner than later. Which is nice.

Here's WayneJones being so pleased with himself. And I like it.

ah, Henry, let's set the date already!

Ever wonder if I would be a deliciously good-looking bride?

Everyone fussing around me!

oh yeah, I for sure made like I was engaged while we were at the wedding show on Sunday. I went with Mrs. and her future step-mother-in-law and a couple of our other friends and I thought, "hey, this would be more fun if it were about me" 

HAHAA classic meredith. 

I made up a lot of things about my fiancé, Henry. By the end I was pretty sure he sounded nice enough and we'd be happy together. The best was when thinking about all this on the way over I said, "can he be British?" and Mrs. heard "can he be frigid?" so we decided he'd be both! 

He's also very particular, that Henry! 

Got into a conversation with a guy who runs a DJ service about how my DJ friends would insist on doing the music for my wedding. He was a good sport about it.
I just about registered my wedding registry with The Bay because they'd give me a travel mug! Overwhelming!

I tried to gather some ideas to bring back for Violet, who is actually engaged (congratulations!!!!), but mostly it was all really pretty gaudy stuff... 



I did think she needed these $1000 cakes though. ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS?? ARE PEOPLE INSANE?
(sooo pretty!)

I like the flower one on the far left. Oh really, I like flowers? It's funny because in real life I never even notice flowers but flower-prints? Aw yeah, all up in that.

It was a terrible, terrible day to be allergic to gluten. So many cake samples. I would have eaten that up to bits... Ugh.

We watched the bridal fashion show and my favourite was the swimsuit wedding gear! (ughgughhh)
also, the grossest, most revealing line was by "Shkank"! How fitting! It was so, so unappealingly sexy. And all of the dresses featured removable skirts and overlays and stuff, so you could get more naked throughout your special day!!

Aaaanyway, I'm very excited for Violet's wedding because I will live vicariously through her. I hope she has an expensive fancy wedding! I'd never have an expensive wedding!
They're lawyers!

I was thinking about how I have to MC Mrs. and Arrow's wedding and how the only things I like to talk about are:
a) babes
b) dirty jokes
and
c) bad words
and how Mrs. family is mostly made up of Ukrainian priests.....
yikes!
I'll have to learn how to be ladylike and couth in the next couple months, I guess!

Also, I bought a computer off ebay yesterday and I AM VERY NERVOUS.
Also, I am doing my passport application. So I can travel around forever whenever I want. (just kidding I have to stay here to work more to pay off my computer and christmas and all of that.)

Aw man, I love costumes. Let's make a movie where I play a bride so I can wear a wedding dress! Dress up! Dress up!
(Mrs. can I borrow your wedding dress later to wear in a movie? hahaa costumes)

GOOD WIFE TIME. bye dudes

(oh also, I've decided to lose a bunch of weight, dye my hair really red again, put together my demo reel and become a super successful actor.
or I may just have a baby and move to the country and have tangles in my hair all day. 
I'm going to figure out a way to do everything. Good thing I'm still a young guy. Or at least look like a young guy!)

I miss Yulie.

flower prints and more flower prints

hello, geniuses!

I hate you, blogger. whenever I go to write I just end up on blogger instead because I am too good at not doing things.


good thing I'm posting this photo of what my natural hair colour in like instead of working on the things that would make me happy. oh such, such a smart guy. Anyway,  I like this colour at the root there. Rather boring, but reassuring. Ohh boring but reassuring, there's something I've never been described as.





let these photos, in which I look medium-good, serve as a salve to comfort you after the photos in the last entry. I was very right about babes not finding it as funny as I did. Win some, lose some.


It's very warm outside, apparently. Nice that spring has come but it's filling me with a bit of unease, like it's the end of the world, or like we're going to get hit with crazy, crazy winter weather in the near future and be completely unprepared.

I've been walking everywhere a lot more these days and I lovelove it. I wish that time magically bent if I wanted to walk so that it would be the same time as biking because I much prefer walking but biking takes a third of the time. Obviously.


it's okay that I'll never paint or fix the holes in the wall at this house because it is shabby-chic. ugh.
Should I stay at this house past June? I don't know where else I would like to live. I would like more of a home and there's been too much change and four people is a lot of negotiating for space/decor/daily living.
I miss Yulie.
I'd like to live with a babe who didn't care at all about the house except to admire it and then I'd do all the decorating and make all the decisions and he'd just wander around in awe of my great taste.
Dreams, man, dreams!

(aww man, it's like my worst fear to end up with someone who wants to put up pictures of cars or sports or something in my house. Or showcase their collection of beer bottles around the living room. yeah, that's my worst fear, I knowiknow.)



I have a new roommate but I haven't seen him yet. Oh, maybe he just got home. I won't open my door right now, I'm busy being alone.
I've been medium-busy. Working every day forever. In a nice way. I think I love my job. So smooth so sweet.



I've been working on a couple of different scripts and they are both quite sad and one is so sad... Hmmm. Everything is either very, very fun or very sad for me. I don't like in betweens.