show show showsss

Today I just feel like weeping.
That kind of a day.

But I will suck it up and do my show this afternoon. And then maybe come home and have a nap. Or maybe see some shows? I feel like seeing sad shows.

Now magazine gave us a pretty shitty review today and that sucks. My one castmate was particularly 'on' last night and they recognized that, so that's good.
I got horrendously nervous right before going on (it was the first night that anyone I knew was there) and couldn't get out of a strange funk I was feeling for the whole show. I was sitting backstage being like "I fucked it up". Which is such an awesome thing to do. Then I tried smiling really big to make myself feel better.
But that didn't work.
I think it was hard not to be as good as I was on Saturday. I felt like a failure. And I couldn't step fully into it. I was way too aware that there were people watching me.
I guess that's only fair seeing as I haven't done theatre in years and years.
Not proper theatre anyhow, with no take-backsies and no do-overs.

After the show was fun though. Our boss from the chill took me and my bff out to dinner at this nice mexican restaurant at Bloor and Shaw. We sat on the patio and had lots of food (especially good guacamole) and margaritas. Uh huh. Then we went down to the chill and sat and had an ice cream.
I had hot fudge on mine. Because I deserved it. somehow.

Then Fringe tent with my cast and my gum commercial friend was DJing and he played way, way better musics than that other horrendous DJ.
A bunch of the people from the dance shows were there and even though the club was dead, everyone who was there was breaking it down.
I sincerely love dancing however I please. It's so remarkably fun and freeing and not caring about looking a certain way..

I love to break it down.

Okay. Show time again.