too hot to write too hot to breathe

Oh, thank god.
It's a decent temperature in here right now. It's almost a bit chilly in shorts. I am in love with it.

I am the kind of guy who just doesn't deal well with heat. No one is surprised about this. I have a snowflake tattoo for shit's sake.


(all healed, now!)

when I was biking home from work in the afternoon of the hottest day of the year I forsure thought I was going to die.
I get awfully claustrophobic with the idea that I never get cool again, that I'm going to burn alive and not be able to do anything to stop it. Do not like.


this is the view from how I was lying on the floor in my room with my neck over the ineffectual AC vent. Not a bad hangout spot.


Loving In The Name Of was super extreme heat, too. I still managed to stick it out until past last call, of course. but I couldn't dance like I really wanted to dance. Also, I don't think I've ever sweated as much as I have this week. I wish I was a person who looked good in the heat instead of being one of those guys who gets so crimson that it makes everyone worry for my health and safety.



Went fence-jumping, pool-hopping afterward, though. So cold, the coldest I've felt that pool to be, I think. And lots of nudity (righton), and probably 60 or 70 people in there doing way too many dives into fairly shallow water.


in the morning Onesie and I were whining around on my bed, eating hard day-old cotton candy and dill pickle cripsy minis and I remembered that I'd won a gc to Lakeview so we wandered around the corner to use that up.



I love that a popular kind of text message I get these days is "when will you be home? I miss you!" or even better, "when will you be home? I'm making dinner!"
above photo is dinner Onesie made for me this weekend. I have no idea how to describe it and then I'd probably do it wrong and she'll be mad, but it wasn't like anything else I'd eaten. Super good.
something about ginger and rice and yogurt and green salsa and chickpeas and carrots and raw radishes... sort of like a curry but without curry? yeah. I know.

My life fully revolves around food. In the best way?

All we do is have people over and entertain. I'm not sick of it yet, though I am feeling a bit overwhelmed? Who can tell. I still love here.
Cheespie came over yesterday afternoon for hangs and I painted a bit and we made this big snack platter:

SNACK PLATTER ARE THE SMARTEST BEST IDEA
there's really nothing better. So many different things to eat and you can pick at it forever. Maybe this works especially good for me because I am a slow and pick-at-it eater and I like to take my time.
that bowl of beans are lupin beans or some shit that you can find at corner stores around here and even at Metro and they are salty and you just eat them straight and such a good snack. Also, a babe brought me the cherries, so think about that! Ha. 
Anyway, we ate the shit out of this and watched a movie and drank beer/cider and had chats.
Onesie went to work but came back 3 hours later and we were still chilling the fuck out, so she joined right back in. Which meant it was time for bloody marys, obviously.

I took it easy besides just drinking on the patio with some of my favourite ladies last night. Actually, I didn't leave the house at all yesterday. Notbad notbad.



these are the only two photos I took of Flash Gordon and I at Spoke Club on Thursday for her brother's birthday. Too bad, we looked cute. We had a relax night there, just lots of lounging around on benches and talking about life.


My tan is coming along nicely.

I use the term "tan" here pretty loosely. I haven't burnt at all really this summer. I hear that burning is the worst. Light tanning is only medium bad. I'm only trying to tan to see if I actually can. So far: Not really.

I'm considering getting around to leaving the house now. I maybe will do some good errands. That'd be so good of me. Yeah yeah, I'm responsible. I'm going to go get things done!

don't give a damn bout my sad reputation

It's everyone's birthdays these days! wtf!

Happy Birthday, Carla Ghee!
Happy Birthday, Arrow!
Happy Birthday, Accost!
Happy Birthday, Dayna!

And every other person whose birthday is now or around now! I like you!


in this video I say what I think it would be like to have a boyfriend.

IT'S TOO HOT HERE RIGHT NOW.

I know that winter sucks but days like today are also just toooo much.

Luckily Firehorse made me some breakfast earlier.



And actually then later he brought us freezies. Not bad not bad. Mrs, for one is completely exhausted of hearing about my new roommates. It's kind of like having 3 new boyfriends. They're the people who I see the most of. Of course everything involves them. If they would like me less and go out more, we could avoid this problem.
 


last night I went to comedy with Mrs, Arrow, and Flash Gordon and they all had ciders but I had a smirnoff ice.

Actually I had two.

Also, the day before that I had two smirnoff ices and can everyone stop talking about mixing them with beer? I'm tired of hearing about it. Also, smirnoff ice tastes like a liquid chemical death but sometimes you can't have beer and you don't want 4.5% cider and you don't want a tiny cocktail. YA KNOW?


Flash Gordon and I had 2 smirnoffs each after work and then we were drunk. Because that's what liquid chemical death does for ya.


blueberry lemonade chemical death




I may go to see even more comedy tonight because now I'm totally immersing myself in it and it feels different watching it because instead of jealous I feel inspired and excited for when I'm going to be doing everything too. It's going to be so fun!



I mused to my mother about how many comedians I could make out with because getting a "bad reputation".
I said, "hopefully a lot" and she said it's okay because I'm a comedian now so after making out with them I just yell "JUST KIDDING".
right on, right?



Also, after I got my tattoo my mum said "it's nice because when you feel like adding on to it you can just make it more ornate".

In other news, I'm very homesick. But I still love it here, too.

back of my neck getting dirt and gritty

Getting ready for cottage face!


I have lots of pictures from the cottage with Yulie last weekend but for now, here are just ones of me with my favourite of the dogs-- this big dude's name is Mini. Ha!



I wish very much that I were going to the cottage this weekend!
Luckily there's still cottage with Dollface to look forward to (SO HARD)! Plus I might go with Yulie again yet, plus swimming at the lake when I go to Sask later on this summer...



Still, it does seem unfair to ever have to go to work when the days are so nice and life is so begging to be enjoyed.

I just found out that one of my favourite bffs, Constantine, is coming here for week or so right away. I'm so happy! What a time we will be having! He's basically the funnest.

God, I have so many wonderful people in my life. I hope my life is this good forever.
Also, I'm trying to be more of a hugger but still don't get in my grill too much, yeah? yeah. hahaaaaa

young hearts, be free

this little angel came in and fell asleep beside me while I worked on the computer in the afternoon yesterday.

I've been trying to compose a blog entry here on promiscuity and the idea of being slutty and my jealousy of people who feel completely at ease with their sexuality.
But it's a difficult thing to write about.
(Mum, you don't have to read this one if you don't want to!) 
I don't know why I worry so much about what other people think of me, especially since I yell around about how much I don't care.

I'm constantly single. We're all clear on that one, yeah?
(oh, meredith, we never would have guessed.) 

Why am I?
I don't know. I don't like anyone enough? I like musicians too much? I like people who don't like me?

I'm the Groucho Marx of relationships, I don't want to belong to any relationship that would have me as a member.
that is half-joke. 

I love babes. I love the idea of love. I love being in love (in theory). I've been happy dating people.
At some point I'd like to be in a relationship, but I refuse to make that my priority or act like it's holding me back in some way.

So what do you do when you are single but not dying to marry the next man you meet?

Casual sex!

I have several women friends these days who are just out of long-term relationships and are back to being single for the first time in forever. They are almost high on the possibilities and sowing their wild oats like there's no tomorrow.

These newly single friends have such a different take on things. An openness to sex being less of a big deal, to it being more of a fun activity.

I'd like to be like that, too!

I think one of the big things about me is that I've never been in anything particularly long-term.
And few months here and there, spread out over years, is not enough time to get fully comfortable with all things and with one person and with myself, even.
I'm sad to never have had a long-term relationship for a couple of valid reasons, but that one takes the cake.

Anyhow, I'm always mostly single. And always have crushes. And lately I've been wishing I were the type of person for whom casual sex were really casual and easy.
And it isn't.

There are people I know for whom it's the obvious answer to go home with strangers and have sex with them. They can have a huge crush on one person and still go home with another, just for fun.
I'm jealous of that attitude!
They don't take their crushes seriously, they know that nothing is certain, that a crush doesn't mean love, that you can be with someone for a minute and everything will still be fine and you can even still hang out with them later.  

I have a hard time separating emotion or attachment out of the equation. I find there are few people I'd like to spend that concentrated amount of time with, and those I do, well.. why wouldn't I want it to be something more? And those I don't like enough, I get worried about their feelings or what they expect of me, or I get irritated with them and never want them near me.

Also, I have a hard time sleeping with people who I like too much. Ha! Too much thinking. 

For someone who has a billion crushes at all times, I definitely take things too seriously. I worry about messing things up, making situations complex, about feelings.
I tend to feel like people I'm with reflect back on me, and so I'm pretty choosy about who I'd like to make out with, even. 

These days I've been wishing I were easier.
More open to situations, more willing to take risks (not STI risks). It seems rather fun.
Goes along with my plan to become more of a yes-man. I'd like to be the kind of guy who's up for party. For seeing what comes next.  For being more relaxed about life. And not making everything such a damn Big Deal.

You know, though, I say this, but there have been times where I was more open to things, involved with more than one person, trying to let things happen, and I found it hard on my heart.

It's the stress of the rise and fall of hope.
And the stress of taking care of people and making sure I'm being kind to myself and to them.

It's hard not to take things seriously.

Also, I'm frequently not comfortable with other humans in my space. I'm still influenced by things in the past and it affects how open I am, and what my boundaries are. 
Also, I have romantic eyes.
And I have a tendency to feel lonely when I'm with a person who I'm not actually enamored with.
(I know I've said that before.)

At some point (probably when I'm 40, I bet), I'll have the sort of abandon and cock-sure-attitude I  desire.
Something to work on.

 

All of a sudden while writing this I started to realize how silly all of this is. I bet Niki is laughing at me.
Goddamn first world problems. And I keep bursting out of my room to run topspeed down the hallway to drink more greentea because sitting in this room is driving me nuts but I did want to finish this entry!



Also, BABES BABES BABES BABES BABES

Also, I think people who judge people for promiscuity are ridiculous.
And I think we should be able to do whatever we want. Just so long as no one gets hurt (which, of course, people do. see, I can't stop thinking).

Okay. Good. This is nowhere near what I wanted to write. But TOO BAD for me. 


I would venture to say that I almost have a tan this summer. Weird, hey?

party of 4

Left to right, Firehorse, Onesie, Yulie, Mare.
Yes, yes we do belong in a 90s sitcom FORSURE.

Yulie has 12,000 nicknames. I don't even know how one person can amass so many nicknames. I'm going to work on getting more for myself. Or maybe just appropriating some of hers. My roommates call me "Mare". they spell it "Mer". I would spell it like the french for mother I guess.
I'm not into people I don't know calling me that but roommates are kind of allowed to whatever. They're like family kind of but very different.

I keep forgetting to mention how I totally made it through my first month living with several other people without any type of complete meltdown. Pretty cool, right?
I'm almost at a month and half now, even.

Roommates are different than I thought they'd be. Roommates are different than having company and very different than having guests come to stay with you.
You can walk out of rooms they are in and not even have a good reason. You don't have to babysit them and they are fun to do things with and to just have around while you watch Top Chef: Just Desserts at 1 a.m.

roommates are what I hoped they'd be!



Turns out that even if you decide for years that you're a certain way or a certain kind of person, it doesn't necessarily have to be true.
I know that I had several friends worried for me because this is a big change plus I always yell about how much alone time I need and how much I dislike other humans. But you know what? I'm a decent human. I'm pretty rational, even. And so far, people like living with me.



And I with them!

Yulie and I totally bonded at her family's cottage this past weekend and I'm super excited that we actually get to keep living together and continue on being buds. Moving in with strangers is a not-bad plan because you have so much to talk about and so much to learn.

SIGH.


We went to Dakota last Tuesday for Dwayne Gretzky (members of lots of bands mostly this week, Sweet Thing and Arkells)'s residency and I had a pretty brilliant time. A lot a lot of dancing. I'm such a happy dancer. I didn't really take any photos of the band because whoooo caressss? But I did take pictures of myself and my buds in the washroom. Because I'm deep.

"I'm not sure if I have a crush on Onesie or if I just love her hair" -everyone in their minds (also, we all do)


Onesie has basically no online presence. which is opposite of me. She doesn't even write on fb walls. I have to quote her on my own wall because she won't comment.



Awww I like all my friends so much these days.






Mornings are the best around here. Well, along with every other part of the day. If you're around in the morning you usually get a smoothie. And hopefully a bed-in. And are guaranteed several good jokes.

 I'm the happiest guy! Why don't I just chortle to myself some more all over the place!

I was away at Yulie's family cottage this weekend (that's what roommates are for), so I haven't been around the internet at all lately. I have to figure out how to keep up with blog, though. I kind of miss it.

Okay since when is it 3:45? End of the line around here!


in this video  Mrs and I are in the car together. Prrrrretty exciting.

the most used word on our porch is "babe"

I have a blog still?

Oh, cool, I just wasted two hours! Neat!

I had cornpops for breakfast and now it's definitely time for cookies and tea. Don't worry I'm going to make a snack platter later that will be very healthy. or medium healthy. We'll see.



my hairs have calmed down in colour, I know you were worried about it. It's even lighter now.








THINGS OUR HOUSEHOLD CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH OF:
1. eggs
2. almond milk
3. babes
4. bananas
5. smoothies

Nah, I haven't been babin' around too bad or nothing. Just eating bananas and yelling a lot.
And discussing things rationally with other humans like grown-ups.
Kind of fun.

One babe said "I'm getting tired of this knitting circle type business, where everything gets discussed and picked over"
and I said, "that's because you do things you're not proud of"
which was only half true, probably.
some people are not business-discussers.
I am, though. Straight up. By relating my situations to my best pals, I get a way better sense of how I actually feel about it. I get a better sense of what's a normal reaction,

Firehorse just got back from his trip to Brazil (he was shooting something but let's not pretend it wasn't somewhat of a vacation). He brought us flip-flops!


Pretty nice.


Okay, yeah most of these photos are from the island. Onesie and I went last week together and it was so hot in the city and then we got out there and it got quite, quite chilly.
We brought so much food it was unreal (lives revolve around food) and we ate the shit out of it. So delicious.








Onesie is easy to be with. I know I've said that before, but it is very true.






We made okay friends with a goose and two ducks. A duck couple. The man duck let the lady duck eat most of the food. Guess she needed it more. They were totally cool.
Good thing Violet wasn't there, she would have said "ew, sick".
They came so close!






My room is like a little haven. It's really quite quiet in here. I mean, I can here them talking and laughing in the living room a bit, but it feels completely separate.



I bought these frames with the green paper and watercolour paper already in them and so I drew some herbs. I like it!
this is the kind of thing I like to do. To get to show off. I like making things around the house and then people come by and say "oh wow, did you make this? it's lovely."
alllll for the praise. But then, what else is there?


I made my mum's specialty macaroni and cheese casserole last night for dinner but most of my (billion) roommates were out and so I made Carla Ghee come over and we had wine and dinner by candlelight on the deck with Onesie and listened to the Amelie soundtrack and Carla Ghee said "this is what I dreamed my life would be like".
Me too.
(I promise you it wasn't burnt like it looks really.)
Later on some nice young men came over and I made them eat it too! I love when you offer guests a snack and they take it! Also, one of the nice young men spent a long time admiring my kitchen with me. HA! trying to win my friendship, I see!

Also, earlier yesterday after grocery shopping our heads off, Onesie and I (mostly Onesie, as I was busy freezing strawberries and making refrigerator pickles) made the most insanely amazing snack platter ever.

Honestly, Onesie and I would make the best wives. If only we could narrow focus if you know what I'm saying.

 Firehorse just took these photos with his fancy camera and it's a cruel reminder of how my phone really doesn't do things justice... What a fucking lovely house, though.

Goddamn, I need to update more because this is all over the place balls bananas I have too much to say. Plus lots of other stuff keeps happening and I have people over every day and I have my first improv show on Wednesday (WTF!?)

I have a few days off in a row right now but it already feels busy with improv stuff and socializing stuff and I'm planning on going to the cottage with my new roommate this weekend....
aiaiaiaaiaiaiii.