don't give or sell your soul away

Holy good goddamn I am exhausted these days.
I don't think that there is any good reason? Probably stress?
I had a coffee today and I had some eggs and potatoes and some vegetables and I walked the dog and did some errands and now all I want to do is lie in bed and look at the ceiling.
All my limbs are like lead. Is lead heavy? if so then that's what I mean.


I biked home in the rain last night. I mostly rode on sidewalks. They were empty so I only felt a bit bad. no, actually, not bad at all.
Bikes are like magic. Magic quick so fast, faster than cars in the city faster than cabs they are like miracles. Rode by a car in traffic last night and a dude shouted out the window at me "you should get a horse, it'd be faster". I didn't really get it. But I definitely was going faster than that car... I'd like to have a horse, though.
But I'd be scared my friends would eat it.



I think there is a distinct possibility that I will be missing having a cat way more than I am willing to consider. Does this mean that I will have to get several boyfriends with cats? Obviously.


One of my new roommates is very into cooking weird animals. This is my idea of hell. Hahahaaaaa I know that part of moving out is to get less set in my ways and more easy-going and stuff. But talk about trial by fire.

It'll be okay.
She is only living with us for a bit because then she's going on a chef-training tour of Canada where she will be killing her own stuff and cooking it. Which is cool?
I know that in theory I should respect people who can kill and eat their own food way more than people who just eat things other people have gotten for them, but...
I don't really understand being able to kill, either.
I kind of understand eating meat when it doesn't look like anything that's ever been alive and it tastes good, I can understand wanting to ingest that.
But I don't really understand wanting to slice something's throat and then eat it.
I mean, if I were hungry enough, for sure! But not just because.

I just don't get it. And I get sulky and defensive when I try to discuss things like this. YAY goddamn I am so mature.
It's okay it's okay I gotta get used to the world more. I'm so set in my ways. Ai yii.





Moving is so so so so soon. I'm too exhausted to get up and keep packing. No, I will. Everything gets thrown into garbage bags! Everything will be fine!


I have the long hair these days, hey? It sort of drags down my face but I'm not cutting it I hate wearing glasses in the summer I need contact lenses
I want to go with Violet to Europe this summer I want to travel forever
gotta look at cottage dates soon............................

Oh yeah, we will need a new roommate August 1st, I'm warning you now so you can give your notice and come and live with us. It will be very fun I will be nice for once. Not sulky.
Please pass on the word to the coolest people you know of. THANKS.



For some reason all I want to do is listen to these two songs:


I Can't Make You Love Me -- Bonnie Raitt

and

All That You Have is Your Soul -- Tracy Chapman

I'm not recommending watching either of these vids, really, just listening to these songs. So good. Also I've been singing both of them to Kaya while I walk her. Poor Kaya.
hahaa I'm also getting good at ventriloquism by singing while I walk but not wanting people to be able to tell that I'm singing to myself. Coooooool.

hoooopssss merrrrredithhhh

heyyy buckaroos
It's Wednesday!
(I had to check what day it was before I wrote that because I'm just that type of girl. the type of girl who has nothing to do)



Holeeee shit it's going to be the worst if I don't get packed in time because then everyone will be like "I KNOW YOU WERE JUST DICKING AROUND ON THE INTERNET, YOU TURD"
just kidding everything is getting done and it's going to be fine!



I got the Canucks app for my phone and now it sends me updates! Which is funny because I'm already watching the game guys, jeeezus. But that would be super handy if I were at work or something.
Kevin Bieksa! Kevin Bieksa! 


Hoops Hoops Hoops Hoops Hoops Hoops Hoops Hoops!!!!!

Got there early to ensure our prime realty seats at the bar. I love that fucking giant tv.


"Hey, Meredith, do you like going to Hoops?"

"I could take it or leave it"

noooooo way, it's so fun there!

I think last night was the funnest ever but I have to say that now we are in the Stanley Cup finals it'll be fun for awhile longer. And the biggest fun ever if we win the cup. Which I very much want to happen.








We were so stressed out. It was pretty funny. I like getting worked up about things that aren't actually of importance to me.



I also love nachos, jfyi. Nachos and fries. Tooooo many nachos and fries. Nachos and fries every day. Ughughgugh. So good. So good for my thighs!



Not to make my family and readers who do not care about hockey in the slightest hate me or anything, but DAMN, that goal when there was 15 seconds left and they tied it up and sent it into overtime. YESSSSSSS.
We cheered so much!



We also cheered when we won, obviously!
There may have been some standing on stools and banquettes and some trumpet-playing. hahahahaahaaaa classic.


Also, SO MANY friends came. It was outrageous! The bender four (gruesome foursome, bender gang, whatever you want to call us) were intact but then we all had so many buds come to join the party!
I think more people I knew were there than at my birthday! (slight exaggeration)
Even Prune, Violet, and Dollface came! crazzy!

Our favourite penalty is TOO MANY MEN which Carla Ghee and I refuse to consider as a reason that anyone should ever be penalized. ....unless it was a sexy penalty...?
Should I have an entire terrible stand-up act based on hockey? Probably, hey?

Hahahahaa also, my bud may have delayed the sloan tour bus departure because he refused to stop watching the game.
That's commitment. Not to his band, but to his hockey.



Hahaha I accidentally told Carla Ghee that I was wearing my Hoops colours instead of saying I was wearing my Canucks colours. Classic mistake.

I love theme parties.
I may have gotten in trouble last night for admitting that I still really don't care about hockey. I only care about Canucks. And Hoops. And Norman's love of both. And the parties that surround it.
Although, if I weren't at Hoops I'd have it on the tv at home for sure.



It's my perfect kind of day outside, sunny, pretty windy, and not too hot. 17 degrees might be my favourite degrees. Who am I, my mother?
Ughhh I have so much to do! It'd be super nice to go just sit in a park all day instead, though, hey?

I ate Saturday

Does my face look a bit tan? Kind of, hey?
It's mostly just red all the time because that's how it is. Natural! But I've been out in the sun way more now that I take the dog out in the daytime. It's nice. I have been remembering my 45 spf sunscreen but maybe I will need to bump it up even more. Or get a hat. Yeeeaaahhhat.


Big game tonight for the Canucks.... If we win this one then we're in the final two.
See what I did there? I made like I was a Canuck. Which is weird since I've never even played hockey.
I downloaded the Canuck app for my phone.
So dumb!
I'm excited that I don't have to work tonight so that I can get prime real estate at the bar with Norman and Carla Ghee and we can get super intense and oooo and ahhh all we want.
Yeah huh.
I have to find some Canucks colours to wear!

I went to see Bridesmaids last night with a bunch of nice ladies.

Honestly,  it's fine to watch the trailers for this movie because so much of the stuff in the trailers isn't in the movie!
I hate knowing anything about films before I watch them because I don't like expectations, but also I like watching trailers. Weird conflict of desires I have. It's best if I can see a trailer far enough in advance that I forget everything that happens in it!

I really loved this movie!
It's a specific type of humour I guess, and I can see why people wouldn't love it like I did... but... I generally think that Kristen Wiig is a bit of a genius so I was obviously on her team from the get-go.

Also, I think they really nailed the relationships between the women. Sometimes you're friends by convenience and sometimes you're still friends even when maybe it doesn't make sense anymore.
And sometimes it's worth it to keep fighting for a friend who actually fully gets you. 
In it Kristen Wiig's character feels a bit left behind when her bff's life gets perfect and her life is falling apart.
I definitely know about that a bit. Both Violet and Dollface are working on Bay street these days and I just drink every night. Not that my life isn't the funnest, but I don't own any suits, and will almost certainly never belong to any country clubs... it's easy to let yourself feel awkward about not being the successful one, even in a friendship.
I have a pretty good handle on not getting worried about those kinds of things. And I'm a pretty big deservist who feels entitled to all the good things in life without ever wanting to work for them, so at least I never feel like I'm less-than Violet and all her law friends, and Dollface and all her financial peeps.
Mostly.

Although, I do find it mystifying that people can figure out how to have relationships with others, how to move in, how to get married, how to have babies.....
We all know it's the babies I'm after, but all that before stuff? How does anyone even do that!?
Do not comprehend! Cannot fathom!



Anyway, I recommend this movie. And I will say that I think that Melissa McCarthy who played "Megan" really stole quite a few scenes and was just really genius in a way that I never would have expected knowing her only from Gilmore Girls..

I'm pleased as well that there are virtually no male characters. Not that I think we necessarily need to go swinging the entire opposite way but I am fucking tired of seeing all men all the time only interacting with men and even every supporting character is a man. Boring!
Women! All women all the time!

Apparently this is the first feature that Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo wrote? I want to know how much mentoring they got on this? It's pretty well structured. And funny!
I'm betting lots of improving (which I am all for) and letting people run with things.
Goddamn this is the type of movie I want to work on.



When I got home last night I worked a bit on a project I've had in the beginning stages forever.
The character I'd been working on for myself wasn't funny at all, I realized. I'm not sure how that happened.
I think I was think if it were a romantic comedy the protagonist had to be appealing and sweet, and wouldn't be allowed to be super funny.
changed that now. Writing her way more funny and obnoxious now (hopefully).

It's becoming clearer that I could benefit from sort of screen-writing workshop. I always assume I can do anything if I would only get around to it.
I need help on structure, though. And I need help keeping things going.



My ears aren't particularly small. I was full-term. Is that why? When I was a baby the light shone through them. Maybe it still does a little bit.
You'd  think I'd wash or brush my hair before taking several pictures of myself but you would be wrong wrong wrong.




All floral-prints all the time this summer, yeah?


I bet I'll be blogging a lot more this week as I fully procrastinate having to back up my entire life....
I'm having a bad stress day about having to leave this home. It'll be fine. Everything will all be fine. I get along with everyone and am very easy-going. (or will be... maybe sometime...)


cool I have a pimple that looks like a bindi. Beat that.

step one to becoming a better person: do what you say you'll do

Whoa, it's weird to think about how I have to pack up everrry single thing in this entire apartment in some capacity!



It's moments like these where I feel blessed to live in such a small space. Not that I am not aware that I'm going to be both surprised and terrified at how much stuff I've managed to cram into these two small rooms.

Am I having moving anxiety? YES!
Except luckily I'm pretty anti-worry and I just party and drink a lot which decreases my stress levels mostly. So I'm fine.

It's not panic time yet. But soon!!!

Once I finish dicking around on the internet here, I will forsure start packing. Hopefully.



Also, Bridesmaids tonight with a bunch of my favourite ladies!
I'm a bit too pumped up to see this despite managing to basically avoid the trailers (I like to know nothing about films before I see them), but I'm not that hard to please (movie-wise) and I'll be looking to like.



I had kind of a stupidly busy week and then weekend, and I'm hoping that I cool my jets a bit this week... Except I already know a billion funtimes I'm going to need to be having in the next few days.
Number One (obviously) being the Canucks game tomorrow at Hoops!
The babies are doing so well, I'm hoping they win this one and then it's cup finals!!

What are we going to do with our time after hockey is over?
Taking reccos on new passtimes...



Yeah so there was totally a suuuper tiny tabby kitten at the house I was at last night. If you show me a kitten then I will be completely uninterested in basically anything else ever for the rest of the night.
Also, this was a particularly good kitten (just kidding I've never met a kitten I didn't like), super ferocious and playful and obnoxious! Just the way I like them. Also, seeing it meet a tiny fluffy dog was pretty funny. A spiky-backed mad kitten is even cuter than a regular kitten!



Nothing fills me with such unbridled joy as a tiny beast to cuddle. I feel like if I could muster up this sort of enthusiasm for any man, I'd marry him right then. haaa.



Bellwoods is the best, hey? I have no issues with how I'm going to be living even closer to it. Does anyone want to play tennis? Anyone want to get me a tennis racket and a tennis partner? And then teach me how to play? I bet I'd be good (won't be good).
I bet we're going to find more and more awesome buds all summer long there.
Finally met one of Carla Ghee's friends there yesterday and she was almost as excellent as Carla Ghee had lead me to believe.
I hope she accepts my facebook friend-request!



My dreams this weekend have been even more intense than usual. I dreamt last night that I was having my photos taken with my "boyfriend" (he was no one I know IRL, kind of weedy, actually, and floppy-haired) and he was furious with me because everyone could tell from the photos that I was not in love. and he told me I had no capacity for love.
I wanted to try harder.

In another dream my mother had died awhile prior and my brother, E, and I were sharing the house in Saskatoon, both living there sort of part time and he came in and I turned expecting to see her but of course she wasn't there. And I looked at E and said "you know, I expected it to be alright at some point. but it won't ever be okay."
I don't know if I were sleep-crying but in my dream I don't know if I have ever felt as sad.


Hmmm. Well. now that I've gotten myself depressed all over again, I'm going to go make some curried lentil quinoa soup and hopefully get some shit done around here.

this is a good snapshot of what my brain is doing right now

I'm out and about a lot in the daytimes now that I walk Kaya all the time. It's nice. The park was especially nice today. I bet I'm getting more vitamin D.
(D STANDS FOR DICK. ....sorry)


these are some groceries I bought.
when the cheeses and gluten-frees are on sale I get so stupidly excited.
I'm going to make blackbean soup and I'm already excited for it.

I'M EXCITED FOR MY NEW PLACE.
we're going to have a No Note Rule, I think I'll make a note about it to remind us.

I've been reading a lot of design blogs instead of packing because I am puuuuuure genius.

I didn't even have a coffee today but I feel jacked and rude right now. In a fun way. Luckily I'm by myself. Co-workers get ready tonight will be fun....
(and by fun I mean, good luck.)

I wonder if Firehorse has a coffee maker? I've never owned any type of coffee maker. It might be a disaster. Or fun! 

I have so many big plans for our new place. I'm not going to be able to afford them all right away but I do think it's going to be awesome pretty quickly.
And a lot of the projects are totally low-budg-diy things (obviously), so as long as I get around to them, they are totally feasible.
I wish I liked painting more.

I was going to paint my room white-white but I saw on apartment therapy recently these rooms were painted in a blue that's so pale it's like white. Should I do that? Icewhiteblue?
whitewhite for the kitchen and living room though, yeah?
Going to look for a second-hand gazebo-type things for the deck I think............ we are needing some shade for sure.
and I'm going to copy my aunt and grow herbs in vintage tins. SHOULD I?
(p.s. yeah right, like I know how to grow anything!)
Should I grow tomatoes in my room? Can I?


it rains and rains and rains and rains.
hey, maybe we're just getting all the rains out of the way and then we'll have a long, hot summer? RIGHT?
I wish I didn't have to go work right now then I'd go to the island maybe....

Dollface, we should book the cottage soon!?
I cannot believe how insanely excited I am about this. UGH.


(these stairs are soooo nice.)

The cool thing about me is how transparent my emotions are.
Also, this is a huge curse. Also, I should learn how to pretend better.
I have a theory, though, that in order to be a good actor you have to be bad at pretending. You can pretend away in real life and mostly people won't notice it but on camera.. everything reads.

Dollface was hanging out with this one acquaintance of hers last night who I HATE and he said to her "your friend hates me".
yepppp. that's not the first time that's happened, either.

I like to use the phrase "haters gonna hate" in a positive way, about myself. In the way that, yes, if you are a huuuuuuuuge douchebag, self-serving asshole, then I am not going to pretend that I think otherwise.
It's just not in my nature.

Haahahaa. I'm the worst.



I was in a super belligerent mood the other night. Hoops really failed us by not putting the game on the big screen and then I didn't get to see a bunch of pals I wanted to because obviously we couldn't stick around there. 
Plus I was pissed off at a couple of different situations in my life and was pissy about how I was handling it and all I wanted was Hoops..
anyway, sometimes being in a piss-poor belligerent mood can be fairly entertaining. Possibly moreso for me than for my friends..... but..... also, I get pretty funny sometimes when I don't care high.

My friend tossed her broken lighter on the ground in anger and then I remembered how throwing things is fun and so I picked it up and also smashed it on the ground and then jumped on it to smash it with my feets.
SO FUN.
smashing things is so ridiculously fun. We should have a Smash League let's all get together and smash everything around!

that night actually ended super fun, anyhow.

And Firehorse even came straight from the airport to the bar to meet us. And he'd been gone the whole weekend and I missed him. hahahaaa awww. I like that face.

We decided once the roommate honeymoon period wears off we'll just have blowjob sundays to keep us connected and in touch.
haaaa grosssssss.





Can it please be super hot and sunny on Monday because that's when I don't have to work and maybe I'd go to the island or at least a fucking sweeeeet patio and really relaxasaurus rex all over it.