I think that if I had overheard myself talking to Dollface at brunch this morning I probably would've wanted to punch myself in the neck. For sure.
BEYOND OBNOXIOUS.
Luckily I think DF and McGruff mostly found me funny.
MOSTLY.
Oh yeah, also I drank two cups of coffee on a hangover and ate my face off so as you can well imagine, I kind of want to barf/run around at top speed. kind of fun, actually, partly.
So sad last night to get home to an empty house, thanks a lot for leaving me in the middle of my January Depression, Rudyard.
I'm reminded of when Touro just didn't come home. It was a few years ago but I still think of him often, he was a pretty party-time cat, very dreamy and awesome. When he was outside he would follow me wherever I went, like a dog.
SIGH.
Now That Touro's Gone
The cat has left and the attic apartment is lonely again. There's no one waiting at the door and no one to get up for. And I can look up at my high window as I'm coming home for as long as I want but he doesn't appear there.
The new boyfriend is over and he's playing Priscilla's guitar and singing. His voice is a recording from the 1930s. Soft, crackly, not-quite-fragile. He sounds further away even then when I wake in the night (with the streetlights pouring in and I wish they were stars...) and he's sleeping and still. He seems so unfamiliar then and the bed is a ghost-town.
Now the cat is gone he can sleep through the night. No scratching at the door or soft mews from the bathroom to wake him.
I know that he is secretly relieve though he does hate to see me, puffy-eyed and sad-faced, pacing the room saying, "I just loved him, you know..."
Now the cat has gone there's no one to come home to. Stay out all night and all day and through the night again. There's no one to call out to or to make idle conversation with. I catch myself and swallow the songs I've made for him. I stop myself from pouring food into his empty dish and I don't leave my cereal bowls to be licked clean.
But I can't stop searching the streets as I come and go... and I can't stop calling softly into the night for him...
(Touro Reflects)
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