just can't agree

Just not in a good mood today. Not at all, really.

It's super grey and awful outside and usually I like this sort of weather, but today it's getting to me.


this video is from Beth who works with a couple cat rescue organizations. I actually didn't watch the whole thing because I found it really upsetting. Basically this cat, Dale, has been trying to dig himself out of his cage and has cut up his face and paws in the process.

I cannot even deal with stuff like this. I cannot even deal with watching animals who are in fear or panic. I find it to be too much. It makes me feel hopeless, and so I generally avoid watching videos like this or hearing about things like this.
Or I put on a sturdy face and say I don't care. Because that's easier.

At work the other day I was discussing my dinner party with my co-worker. I like this guy well enough, and he's pretty fond of pushing my buttons which is occasionally pretty funny.
Anyway, he tried to suggest that I should make and serve meat to my guests, despite the fact that I am vegetarian, because otherwise they wouldn't be satisfied with the meal.

WHAT THE FUCK?

I've been vegetarian since grade 8. I don't know how many years that is. Over a dozen? And lately it's the environmental aspect of the meat industry that I've been most turned off by.
But for some reason watching this video of this kitten trying to dig his way to freedom in his panic to be released reminded me of the other part of my vegetarianism.
I love animals. I really, really love animals. I like to look at cute pictures of them and I want them all to be happy.
The idea of the terror and stress that the animals live through before being killed is really quite awful.

This current meat industry is not like having a farm - killing the animal, using up all the bits to feed your family. I have respect for that.

This industry is wasteful and diseased and I honestly think it can destroy the lives of the workers as well as being awful for this animals and the environment.
I just can't agree with it.
You have no idea how many times I day I think about how much easier my life would be if I ate meat. I am constantly reexamining it.

I am so embarrassed of being vegetarian, I rarely mention it on here, I avoid the subject in real life. I get defensive about everything.
I'm probably the biggest baby about the whole thing out of anyone I know. I find it overwhelming to feel like such an outsider so much of the time. I just can't agree with eating meat and there's no way that anyone I know is actually going to stop.
It makes me feel beyond helpless.

But then, I too am a hypocrite, I eat eggs and dairy. And that's awful, too.
I excuse it with we all draw our lines in the sand, but really I'm just a straight-up hypocrite. A deservist, an entitled asshole.
This whole thing is too depressing to deal with today.

Haaaaaa aaaamazingly depressing!

In better news, I'm going to Ottawa with Dayna on Wednesday for a road trip and to visit her parents and they are getting a HOT TUB. and her mum is making GLUTEN-FREE VEGETARIAN LASAGNE!
Honestly so wonderful.