not the kind of twins who look alike just the kind that...

"I promise to wait my whole life for a perfect love, but keep busy in the meantime." 
 - St. Augustine

(I saw this quote on saidthegramophone.com, not recently really but it stuck with me, also it is especially funny paired with the photo above)

I was up until four last night, mostly being productive.
I got into writing about an hour and a half before I had to leave for work yesterday. That seems like enough time to get something done, and I did, but it's also hard to leave when I'm in the middle of something good. I know it's something good when I get that glaze-eyed concentration. When I find myself walking around my apartment making tea without realizing that I've gotten up because I'm still so intent on what's happening in what I'm working on.



My big problem (HA, which one of the big problems?!) is that I have a hard time working on one project all the way through. Yesterday I opened up the short film that I wrote which I need to edit and instead I ended up working on a different idea entirely. I need to have a moratorium on new ideas I have a buttload of projects in mind and I need to finish at least a couple of these. Each one is pretty fun and different, though!


(I am filled with the light of a thousand suns)

The craziest part is that I never feel stronger, sexier, happier than when I've got a good idea brewing or am accomplishing something. Not that these ideas come to proper fruition that often but even when it seems like they might it's a high I can basically live off of.
It makes me want to smile and dance around. All the good things brewing in my future seem almost too wonderful to bear.

It might be a better high than meeting a new babe, even. And we know how I feel about new babes (mmm babes).



It's still the kind of high that comes with the fear of let-down because there are always difficulties with anything. Especially in terms of me and getting things done.
But it gets better and better, bit by bit.

And I'm a pretty good writer! I'm not even kidding about this. Not the best and I'm having DEFINITE issues with structure and I think with over-explaining in the scripts, and I should for sure be taking some workshops/classes/go back to school (sponsorship where are you??) but I'm not bad notbad, I'll tell ya that for free.

.

Right, so, we went to see Sweet Thing on Friday in Ottawa, Dayna and I.
The venue was attached to the venue from the night before so we ended up back in the same green room!

Where Dayna's brother had a little siesta.

I took zero photos at the actual show, I don't know why. I was too busy drinking smirnoff ice again (oh god I have no good excuse on this one, sugar craving? I dunno) and being less than party-all-the-time. I think Dayna was disappointed in my lack of party attitude. I wasn't in a bad mood, just tired. It was still really fun, and then Dayna and I had a mini dance party on the empty floor at the end of the night and that's the kind of thing I like.


I like this series, he notices I'm taking pictures

intrigued

ha, we saw this guy out in the road before the show and I was like "why is there a hipster in Ottawa?" because of the green pants but then I realized that we knew him. Classic. I think this guy is so funny, which makes me feel awkward around him. Don't ask me why, I don't have a good explanation for ya. I'm just awkward like that.

then I laughed at him and he went away.
In other news, I'm jealous of how tall and long-limbed Dayna is. But that's nothing new.
Ha, also her sense of style. God I feel frumpy just thinking about this. One day in Ottawa she was wearing a high-waisted skirt which made me want one so I went and changed to be just like her.... not creepy though.
Hahaaah we also decided we were twins. Twins like the movie Twins. "But then who is Danny DeVito, certainly not me!"


same creepy hallway and staircase we went up and down the night before, too! kind of fun, mostly creepy.
I would really like to go on tour some day. On tour with what? I don't know. My rap band? probably.


These guys were happy to see each other!
I was happy that they were happy. It's both hard and reassuring to spend time with great couples. Hard in the jealousy department and reassuring in the way that it's good to know that sometimes excellent people find each other at the right time and want to be together.


Dayna has more photos on her camera I wonder if there's any cute ones of me, that's what I'm after!!!

I've been going through a big blushing phase again (otherwise known as my life) and I blush at every possible thing and especially I blush when I think someone might have a crush on me/think I have a crush on them, ESPECIALLY if I am not at all interested. You can 100% bet that this leads to some pretty awkward interactions.
I think I'm going to have to start wearing foundation. I am not even kidding at all.

Well, I mean I am kidding because I am too lazy for that noise.

pre-christmas dinner party part 2 yeeeah

The rest of the photos from my pre-Christmas dinner party!

omg I love those Christmas crowns! Sweet Beastly "this doesn't fit my head, looks like I'm going to have to tape it to my hair just like every other year"
holy jeez I'm still laughing about that.



Whatever. My apartment is so cozy. It's rather like a little pigsty and way too crowded but it's so cozy and I feel so at home here so maybe I'll be over feeling defensive about it.
Though, I do want a down mattress cover or maybe memory foam?, I feel like that would make things tip top notch around here.
Anyway.




My neighbour just put out a couple of pink and purple chairs by the curb and I kind of want them to paint white, they are good solid chairs.. but the problem is how I would never get around to painting them then I'd be stuck with pink and purple chairs. Hmmmmm.

I want a new table, too. Actually I want the table I had before back. Rough life.



okok, the pictures from the other iphone now!

I'm avoiding getting down to work despite how I have that feeling in my stomach like maybe I'm on the verge of something good.. It's okitsok.

I'm looking forward to my walk to work so much for some reason. I feel like jumping and dancing. Got all of that sadness out of my system last night maybe?
Hopefully!

I feel like it's almost dawn, but really the bars are still serving

I'm drinking hot almond milk with a mint tea bag and some sugar. It's amazing. It might be better if it were soy milk instead, but either way it's pretty damn nice.

For a bit here I was just feeling so so sad. I made my mum talk me down a bit though.

It's mostly just that I hadn't spend time alone in so long, I think. I wasn't in a bad mood at all about it, and I had a super good time in Ottawa with Dayna that's for sure.
I know that I need to make sure to have alone time and if I don't I get stressed. And so I'm just a bit stressed. Got home from Ottawa then went straight to work then went out after work, slept, worked again and then went up to a fun Christmas movie-watching binge-eating party.
All of these things are super fun and great, it's just a bit overwhelming sometimes. I really do need to recharge at some point. Like right now. I'm glad I didn't decide to go out tonight.



Although maybe I shouldn't have watched The Family Stone, I was warned that it was sad, but man, it's pretty sad. I liked it, though. Not the best ever but parts I liked a lot. I liked that the characters weren't all easy and obvious, and I didn't like how it wound up being a pretty formulaic romantic comedy in the end.
Also I've never heard "Meredith" used so many times in a film! they say it so much!

I should write a Christmas movie. Obviously.



I asked my mother to tell me straight if I sound like a crazy person (bear in mind that she reads my private blog plus I talk to her more than I talk to most people) and she said that I didn't really. She also pointed out that everyone sounds crazy, and that if I weren't sounding crazy then I wasn't influenced by society enough.

Too true, too true.
Society is not on the side of sanity.

I caught part of an episode of something along the lines of Bulging Brides (I think?) on TV the other day and it made me more furious than I've been in awhile. It was basically brides trying to fit into dresses, exactly like what it sounds like. Awful. Except, also, the woman in this particular episode happened to be pretty much my same size and weight.
WOW. wowwww. What kind of shitshow culture do we live in where someone who is a size 4/6 can't be happy with themselves?
I have definite body image issues and have been "trying" to lose weight for years now, but that is pretty much only because I'm an actor and am held to different standards. Standards which I do not agree with but have a hard time not worrying about.
I think I have a good regular woman body. It is not the ultimate beach body but it is kind of appealing and curvy and it works well and it's mine. And if I weren't an actor I would hope that I would be happy with it.
I mean, I am happy with it for the most part. I want to be happier.
It's hard when there's stuff like that shit reality tv show coming at you from every direction.


Same thing with love and relationships. I would be kind of crazy if I weren't boy-crazy. Society tells me I have to be. It's not really an option in our culture to be single and happy. That's never shown, there are no ads with single people who are happy and carefree. There's no leads in TV shows who are happiest alone or calm about being single (no women at least?). That's never portrayed, so obviously I have my issues with it.
I think this is partly contributing to feeling lately like I am a sane, rational person stuck inside a crazy brain. I feel sometimes like my brain is broken it goes around and around and around the same subject, just wears me out about things. I cannot seem to take any of my own good advice or rationally decide courses of action or wrangle my feelings.
And I feel like my instincts get more and more messed.

No, I'm still mostly alright. And I mostly know what's what, I just maybe pretend not to sometimes. It's easier that way.
If only every little thing weren't such a big overwhelming deal to me. I need to learn to take it easy sometimes. At least I'm also having a billion of fun most days.


New boots from Value Village. I'm not sure if I'm sold on them. Except I already bought them.

arkellpartyottawapartyparty

Ottawa is fun!

I'm at Dayna's parents' house alone right now while she and her (lovely) mum are out walking all three dogs (two are Dayna's). So UPDATE TIME.

Now that my headache has faded and I've had some food I'm in the best mood.

Was a bit hung over last night on account of

Ohhhhh Smirnoff Ice. It was actually oddly delicious, I had a weird craving for it. Switched back to beer though. Ughhh beer and then smirnoff. Gross!

okok but before that:


Took Ottawa transit downtown to go and see the Arkells!


The bus was like a fun novelty for us! Especially for Dayna, total flashback town. Buses have such a weird stigma to them but they're actually kind of fun. When you make them an adventure at least.

We totally wienered our way onto guestlist (I threatened to kill myself if they didn't let us in, also offered to disguise myself as Max to be snuck in -- I wish I had to do that) and I was kind of excited because I'd never really been to an Arkells show.
To recap, I am vague buds with a couple of these dudes because they are band-bffs with Sweet Thing and sometimes play together, plus I've owned Dan Griffin's solo CD for about a billion years and it's totally a favourite of mine and of Mrs.'s and of Dayna's actually. So good. And they just seem to be around a lot. Especially at all the stadiums I work at lately.
I've seen bits of their sets in different situations. And saw them played on the jumbotron at Skydome while they were playing the Bills' tailgate party (amazing!) but probably not since they were still called Charlemagne had I seen an actual show.



We got there pretty late and it was paaaacked. So packed! Sometimes I forget that bands are popular!
We only saw a bit of the first band and then at the break we rammed our way up to the front. I lead with my elbows for sure. We tried a couple of different routes, actually, it was pretty hard to get up there.
Made it up the front and parked ourselves good. I only like to be right at the front or all the way at the back out of the crushingness. It's hard being a little guy sometimes!
One time I almost got smothered to death at a Watchmen concert in highschool. haaaa too tiny for rockandroll.


I only have really shit pictures, sorry dudes! Also couldn't really get any of the rest of the band, they were too far. Really I'm just posting these bad photos so that you keep looking at this entry.



I do really like it when they move too fast to be photographed! From all the rocking out.



Arkells put on a fucking good rock show, I'll tell you that for free. I danced and sang and danced and annoyed Dayna with my jumping around but it was worth it because if you're going to enjoy something then you should enjoy the shit out of it, ya know? Full enjoyment.
I knew that they were good, but man, they are so solid and Max's banter is perfect and the clap-alongs are obviously the best. The songs manage to be catchy but not annoying, they are loud but not offensive. Kind of the best mix. Obviously.



We stuck around afterward to make them pay attention to us. I got laughed at for being surprised at how busy it was. I hopefully didn't sound too surprised at how good I thought they were.

Had beers in the green room and I'm pretty sure that Dan was just hanging with us to make sure he didn't have to do any work. I offered to help load. I can do at least 3 push-ups so I feel like my skillz are pretty much invaluable.



cheers to the moon!!


Awwww texting her Sweet Thing husband!
so cute!
She kept showing us all adorable photos of him. We were all like "quit shoving your happiness in our faces!"



Jealz. It's actually super refreshing to hang around with someone so happy and in love with a partner who is actually just as awesome. She's so in love it's kind of amazing, really. Remind me not to settle for anything less.
Ohhh wait, it's me, I don't think I've ever understood the concept of settling.



ANYWAY.
Then we went down onto the stage and danced around (oh yeah, these guys actually had a barricade in front of them. That's what kind of show it was. A barricade show. that's what stopped me from storming the stage.) !
I like stages (no one is surprised).


Yeah I have no idea what's wrong with our faces. Too much fun?

Yep, that must be it.

Dayna was into having her picture taken! She was sooo fun.
Hahaa she was so T.O.ed at me for tweeting earlier that I was party all the time and she was only medium party. But that meant she had to step up and prove her party potential!


Winter is the worst! I'm not even going to bother planning outfits anymore, I always just end up with a jacket over top for most of the evening!

I was happy to have that jacket though when we went outside to watch them load the equipment (I like to watch. prize if you know where that quote is from!).
Freezing rain! so slippery! It was pretty terrible and funny. Day and I decided it made more sense to take transit back (free because her darling parents gave us tickets versus $$$ for a cab) and then the quick walk back from the station was soooo funny. We were slipsliding all over and basically skating down the roads in our smooth boots.
Luckily it was so silly that it was rather fun and exciting.

But yeah. Funtimes. Successful partytowning.
We were a bit worried that the dudes in the band we don't know so well thought we were the creepiest groupies, but I have to say that in this point in my life, I don't really care. I like bands and partytiming.
It's funny how bands on tour are so different than regular hometown shows. It's a different energy or something? Yeah?

SWEET THING TONIGHT.
Which was the excuse for this trip in the first place -- so Dayna could see her husband play! And I came along for the ride because I don't really have stuff to do! And I like fun things. Fun Sweet Things.

And I really liked the fat snow that was drifting down this afternoon. Sighssss.

simply having a wonderful (early) christmastime dinner party

I'm in a way better mood today!

Yesterday I felt like I had not done a good job at my audition, I felt like I had just not looked as good as I could have or been as lively as I could have, etc. etc.
anyway, they want to see me again for it. So that means I wasn't the worst. Yay!

Also, I had a super nice time at my dinner party!

awww look how happy I am in my little tiny kitchen! cooking away for some of my favourite people. awwww what a life what a life! pictures are such good things to have to remind me how much I like things.


This guy told me he's been angling to make an appearance on my blog forever. I love him! He also said he needs an awesome nickname but then failed to choose one for himself. Hmmm. I kind of like Beastly. How about Beastly? No, wait, what about Sweet Beastly?
I'm going to go with that for now anyway.


haa I'm such a round little elf lady. kind of nice. I should get to be a mum someday I would rule at it so hard. I fully ruined that dress in a bunch of ways. Ah well, whatevers. I should definitely have found my apron but I really just don't know where I would have put it.


ooooeeeee so dashing, hey??



Okay maybe you're wondering about the food for this dinner party. It wasn't terribly exciting more like just basic and good. That's what I was in the mood for. I had originally planned for making curried lentil quinoa soup but then on the day all I could think about was stew. It was just so grey and windy and I wanted stew and biscuits.


VEGETARIAN STEW:
man, okay, you can just boil some stuff up together, that's what I do. But what I did for this particular soup was

butter/olive oil
1 large onion
2 medium potatoes
lots of mushrooms
some carrots
lots of broccoli
some zucchini
veg stock
Italian seasoning
cumin

Is that it? maybe?

Fried up the onions in some butter mixed with olive oil. Then sauteed all the mushrooms up in that. Then added the potatoes and the stock because I like when my potatoes are fully cooked right up the most so mushy. Then added the rest of the vegetables then the seasonings then it just stewed around for a couple of hours while I made other things/cleaned up/etc. It could have been done an hour earlier if necessary I think but it didn't hurt for it to stew around. Ya know?
I like my stews with lots of broccoli and mushrooms. That's what I like.
You can also add TVP (textured veg protein) to this if you want but just before serving I would think. I've done that in the past makes it like chicken stew sort of. but I mostly like this stew just on its own.

(christmas napkin roll-ups!!!!! ugh ugh lovelovelovelove)

The biscuits I just made with a gluten-free mix I got in Kensington. BUT I added dill seeds and cheddar. Mum-style.
The dill and cheddar just fucking make them. Also putting butter on them. Butterbutterbutter.


We had a big salad as well. I should always remember to eat more salad. Like the salad that's in the fridge right now.

I'm in love with all my dinnerware and glassware and my silver salad tongs. Just in case you were wondering.


I also made candied cranberries. I got the recipe from my cousin's blog. So festive! I wish I'd gotten them done earlier so they could have crisped up a bit longer. Still pretty nice.


And we also had some spiced cranberry-almond sugar cookies for dessert. They weren't the best but they were alright. I'm still learning about gluten-free cooking, so cut me some slack. Also some clementines. I had never heard of a clementine before Toronto.


For drinking we had lots of red wine and we had gin and/or vodka mixed with a punch I made that was cranberry pop mixed with lemonade basically. With cranberry ice-cubes and lemon slices.

llllllove gin with cranberry and lemons. I was first introduced to this years ago in Saskatoon when I had a weird brief fling of a friendship with a girl. Along with our gin adventures we had a New Years party just the two of us at the mansionhouse she was house-sitting that involved cigars and wine in the hot tub and dragging all of our blankets and stuff into the living room to sleep under the 10 foot tall Christmas tree and be beside the fireplace and then we had a motown dance party. Crazycrazy fun.




We had a real nice time just sitting around talking about anything. And listening to the Christmas mix I had prepared, of course.


Wanna know the track listing? obviously.


OH MISTLETOE CHRISTMAS MIX
The Three Kings* - Mormon Tabernacle Choir
It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas - Johnny Mathis
Ring Ring - Sleigh Bells
Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney
Paris 2004 - Peter, Bjorn & John
Jingle Bells - Ella Fitzgerald
Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) - Darlene Love
What Christmas Means To Me - Stevie Wonder
All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey
Carol Of The Bells - Home Alone Soundtrack
The Holly And The Ivy - Mormon Tabernacle Choir
We Three Kings - Wintersleep
Maybe This Christmas - Ron Sexsmith
December - Basia Bulat
Merry Christmas Baby - Otis Redding
The Man With The Bag - Kay Starr
Sleigh Ride - Ella Fitzgerald
Home Alone (movie theme)

*this song is different than WE three kings, it's the most amazing carol. if you need a copy of it email me and I'll send it to you for sure

 
This smile looks forced, but I assure you he was having the time of his life.


I'm very happy that everyone agreed to wear their Christmas hats from their crackers and also their Christmas jewels I bought to wear on our faces.

Aww I'm so happy thinking about this.



haaawww Sweet Beastly, can't take him anywhere.


wellll... they can't all be flattering shots, eh?

I want to have more Christmas parties now. Luckily I have about 10 on the horizon. Never enough! But I do feel like I should do something for my birthday/Christmas. Hmmmmmmm.


I do have a few more photos but I think I'll save them for tomorrow. To have some content going while I'm away.

Tomorrow I am going on a road trip with Dayna and I am SO EXCITED. I think I already said that, but it bears repeating. I keep thinking something's going to interfere and ruin it. I don't know why.
I'm not a big worrier but sometimes I'm a neurotic worrier.
I am such, such a big fan of road trips. And of parents. And of dogs and of adventures. And of thrifting. And of crafting. And of Sweet Thing. We're going to their show on Friday in Ottawa, so fun! I'm going to hit on all the OTTAWA BABES.
Hey do you guys know any babes in Ottawa?

Hahaaa I was yelling at a babe the other day about babes and he was like "I have a name you know. we aren't just all just babes"