Trying to make things into something they're not and pretending things.
Again.
Etc.
It blows my mind that people find each other, fall in love, and then stay together. This has never happened to me. I do not believe it happens. Except I guess I see it all the time. But I never quite believe it.
Just like I don't quite believe in fathers or their usefulness or relevance.
Looks like we can blame it all on my mother!
Hurrah, pressure's off me!
I was wienering on today about a past involvement and how I think he should be in love with me still, etc, etc. And then I was reminded about how last time I messed about with him he licked my face.
Fully.
Srsly?
And it wasn't once either, it was like his move. Weird little lizard licks with his darty little tongue. Ugh. I'm going to barf.
Hmm. I feel a bit better. Now I remember why I used to share everything with the internet all the time.
I was thinking about making a list of boys who I'm still in love with for you, but it wouldn't mean anything. And it's pointless.
I only want people who don't want me. I think I've actually, technically proven that. Time and again.
But how come recognizing the pattern doesn't make it better?
...
Last Friday (not this past Friday but the Friday before that even)
Went to the eTalk party downtown. Where there was way too much free booze. Which I love.
Me and my date, the producer of the short that we had in the fest
my glamour shot of the eve
and my date's
Samantha Ronson DJing: best picture ever. Also Lindsay is being shuffled away at this point by security. And every person is trying to take a billion photographs. It was kind of wild, actually.
But luckily Kardinal was there
and Rick Mercer, who seems fine about me have demon eyes
My date headed home early but that was alright because I ran into my castmate from the Manson film
She was there promoting her new show for Comedy Network called House Party. Which is good because she's good at partying. With me.
We got to play on some of the red carpet for a bit:
v srsly fun.
(I'm making such weird expressions in those last two - don't look like me at all really.. well, maybe my face on drugs)
Sisters! This sister films a show in Saskatoon.
I wish I filmed a show in Saskatoon. For realz.
A guy asked us if we want to know what Dave is a big creep and we gave a unanimous NO. never ever tell me anything bad about Kids in the Hall. Ever. Thanks. And he was so nice to us.
This is not the best possible picture of my outfit, but too bad for you.
I designed and made the dress and the gold jellies were $1.99 at Ardene. Earring $5 in Kensington. Clutch was a gift from my cousin.
The wrap party for the Manson Family film was going on at the same time and I srsly love the cast and crew for that film. As I've well said, I'm sure. So at about 1, I decided to boot it over there and see if anyone was still around. Of course, as soon as I left it started POURING and I was on my bicycle heading way into the east end and with no jacket and my beautiful silk dress got soaked. But it was also fine.
Got there alright and a lot of people were still partying. And I had the good sense not to keep drinking. Smart!
This is where I'm soaked:
Oh yeah I was also eating a ringpop that I got from godknowswhere so my mouth is a funny colour. Looks like I was chewing on my dress or something.
And then it became time to leave. Sigh.
High School Musical
And then I biked home in the rain, a ridiculous distance. I considered giving up a few times. But I needed my bike for work the next day. So I couldn't. I persevered!
I'm an idiot.
...
Guys, I watched some of the new 90210 last night. I've never really seen any of the original series, so I had little nostalgia-based interest. But I do have an on-going fascination with teen drama.
And then I saw that it was produced by the guys who did Freaks and Geeks and by Rob Thomas, of Veronica Mars fame. Wild.
While it did not come close to living up to the standards that those two fantastic shows have set, I have to say, it wasn't terrible.
Okay. Maybe it was terrible. But in an appropriate way.
I feel like it has potential at least. It's kind of boring and predictable. It's obvious and there's way too many good looking people on it. But that's the point. It is doing what has set out to do. I wish it were deeper and I wish that it were cleverer. But.
You can't really fault a show for being what it's supposed to be.
Also, the teacher is a babe. I'm glad I have a bit more of a crush on the teacher than I do on the students (well, the one is hot. The Canadian one, who I actually met at one point when he was filming a show in Toronto).
My one MAJOR BEEF with the show is how extremely skinny everyone is. It's disappointing. I realize that it's set in Beverly HIlls, where everyone would get plastic surgery if they looked bad. BUT STILL. Shenae Grimes is almost painfully thin. She's very beautiful and is quite good on this show (better than her role on Degrassi would have lead me to believe), but she's soooo skinny. I am obviously jealous and considering joining Weight Watchers. . And if the size of these girls is able to get to me, as a semi-healthy adult, I can't imagine what it's doing to teenagers and pre-teens.
Cast a couple of real sized females. Plus sizes would be great, but so would NORMAL sizes.
Goddamn this industry is fucked.
...
And maybe part of my depression as of late is affected by it. I'm fatter than I've been in quite some time, apparently. So I hope that when my agent suggested that I tone up, what he meant was, gain 10 pounds.
Depression will do that to you I guess. And being out sick with a cold and being on vacation and by getting an extreme deservist attitude where you think you deserve and are entitled to every single treat you think of.
This is making me want to eat.
Time for breakfast!!!
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