October 16th

"If you don't take a step, you won't change your view", is a very cheesy thing my mum said to me the other day.



BUT TRUE.
I'm so sorry but I like the sentiment behind that, there's such honesty there.
Everything looks exactly the same if you never move your body or your thoughts or your plans.

I've done so much goddamn moving this year; travelling, taking comedy seriously, getting better at working, and even actual moving of living places.
It feels good. Being comfortable is fine, but learning is even better. Trying is even better.
It's a sweet treat to lead the life I have now, that's free information about me.


My best friend (okay, fine, one of my best friends) is on billboards all over the city these days. Strange Empire is on CBC online if you want to watch it. (You do. Everyone does. If you don't find it worthwhile just for Cara Gee's performance alone... Well, no)


She was back in town a couple weeks ago for a bit, and I was leaving for New York that night but there were a few hours where we met up at her stylist appointment and drank small bottles of prosecco and quickly gave a run down of how we were and I admired her pants. The most confident woman I've ever met. Constantly in awe. I can't wait 'til she's back in the city with me. So soon!








Went to NYC for Nic's birthday not last weekend, but the weekend before. What a nice time. Nic is a joy and a gift and a brat in my life. Mostly the first two. And I'm equi-brat in her life, don't worry.
I just love talking to her.
Which, thank god, because we spend so much time together and have so much invested.
We don't always get along, but we do work very hard at trusting each other, communicating clearly, and at caring about each other.



It's an amazing thing to have an argument with someone who wants to improve themselves, who actually listens to criticism, who wants to change for the better. And since we're both trying for that it means that our disagreements are pretty neat, they actually get things done.
Also, we slept in the same bed for the nights we were in NYC and going to sleep and waking up next to someone who you can just laugh and laugh with? Try being in conflict. It's hard because laughing is the best thing anyone's ever done.









We got lilies for birthday celebrations and had to leave them when we came back home. They were so big, beautiful, and fragrant that it didn't seem fair to leave them behind. I hope that air b'n'b house appreciated them. Along with that bottle of malbec we didn't find time for.






I saw Norman the moment I got back. He came over and we chatted until 4 in the morning or so. A thing to remember is: if you invite Norman back to your house, he'll stay for awhile. Not to say that I didn't encourage it because boy did I ever. Just, Be Prepared.
Be prepared to bro-down for hours and listen to Carole King's Tapestry.
Oh, that's just him with me? Good.


Toronto Toronto Toronto Toronto Toronto, my home

I worked with a woman the other day who was talking about needing to move out of the Toronto, wanting to be in Brampton or Mississauga. It was such a foreign idea to me. I've never considered living in any of those places. But she'd grown up in Ajax and had moved right downtown, to the middle of the financial district pretty much.
I don't think living there is indicative of what it can (should?) be like to live in Toronto.

For me, Toronto at its best is dense but spacious, parks and neighbours, tiny grocers and access to all transit, old houses and new amenities, beautiful restaurants and dive bars, access to the best theatre and music and comedy. All within walking distance.



Ah man, it looks like I do love it here. But I find it hard to believe that someone could not, if they were doing it right.

I've been to so many places in the past year and a half and I think (weirdly enough) the place I miss the very most is Los Angeles. I never would have expected.

But in 1.5 weeks I get to try Las Vegas. Ohhh man. I've never been, so if you have any tips or tricks or do-on-your-account things, you let me know!

May 16

Turkey Bird is out so I'm certainly playing this song on repeat and singing and planning for Montreal next week.

Last time I went to Montreal was three years ago! That seems unacceptable. It's so close and so beautiful.

Also, this is an entry from the last time and from it:
"We went to see some Sunday night improv last night on Ste. Catherine and there was one guy who was sooo appealing because of how much energy he had and how strong and funny he was.
I should probably start doing improv again, hey? OBVIOUSLY."

I'm super pleased that this time I'm going to Montreal to do Sketchfest. I'm super glad that that's what my life is like right now. I know I keep saying it, but, celebrating small things is something I'm totally into.
Also, it becomes more and more and more clear to me that sense of humour is the only thing I care about in any person at any time.
Being funny is the thing I care about in babes and in friends. The thing.

Anyway, I'll be glad to be seeing this babe in Montreal:

I took this picture three years ago of Carlos when we were drinking on our friend's balcony there. It's the front staircases and balconies I can't get enough of in Montreal. It's a month further into spring I'll be going this time so I'm excited to see the city getting all green.
Also Carlos was in Toronto when Nic and I formed Tall Sigh and decided to apply for Montreal sketchfest so I'm haaaappy we actually made it happen.

Speaking of Tall Sigh, our Future Mothers Day Party For Future Mothers was super lovely and I had a very nice time and we did a good job. It was stressful as all fuck hosting a show/putting it on/etc. And also doing a show where the audience was almost entirely made up of our very dear friends. But it was great. It was great to get super drunk afterwards when all the stress time was done and Carla Ghee could "DJ" and I could dance so stupid and most people left and I was like "how lucky am I/are we?"

Best DJ for sure.

Carla Ghee goes away real soon for a big project (for months!). Luckily I will be visiting her in July but my heart still hurts a bit. I did get to see so much of her this last weekend and we did drink revs on her porch so, I can't be upset really.
If you know me in real life you know that certainly my favourite thing is making my friends be friends with each other and Carla Ghee and Nic are just starting to appreciate each other in a way where I'm like "I knowwwwww you guys are both so funny you go ahead and appreciate each other!"



Spring spring spring spring. Except right now it's just rain and winds. I'm still not convinced we'll be having a summer.



Okay Chanel is snoring and it's the cutest sound so I have to go to sleep too. You know, strike while the iron's hot and all.

May 5

A whole April slipped past, hey?

Well, happy May to you and to yours and to those who you wish were yours .



Tomorrow Nic and I are hosting our first sketch show. Tall Sigh is just the two of us, just doing things that we like. We're an improv duo and a sketch team and writing partners.
It's been the nicest, nicest thing lately.
And I kind of assume it will continue being super nice.

Tomorrow, for the first time, we get to put up a whole bunch of pieces we wrote with our own personal brains and we get to show them to a whole bunch of our closest pals and OH MAN, I can't even think of a greater gift for my life right now.
What a treat.



Learning how to work with Nic has been super interesting. We went through the Second City conservatory program together and worked pretty well together there. We had an improv team with other members in the past. And we've been dear friends for a couple of years.
It's all informing how we work together now, and it's better than I would have expected. We've grown together and we know we're funny, we're getting confident in each other and in ourselves. We're upfront about what we like and don't like, and aren't particularly precious about the work, but do stand our ground for things we like the best. We're open to each other's ideas in the accepting, excited way, and I believe we're working hard not to be competitive and only care-taking.
I love Nic and I think she's honestly one of the funniest people I've met, and in a completely different way than I am. I trust her taste and I know that her success would only mean good things for me and so I wish her every opportunity and success, in our work together and in every other way.



I've very happy these days. I'm busy in the very best possible way and super challenged by the work I'm doing creatively. Doing work I really care about and being busy with projects... I can't imagine a better life.
We've been really challenging ourselves, setting deadlines and pushing through to find the best things, not settling for what's just okay. Nic packs everything full of jokes in a way that I'm grateful for and fully respect.
We're not geniuses yet. We're not perfect, but if this is what we're starting out with then, holy, I am insanely excited for what we will be making in the next few years. And I'm excited that we're not limiting ourselves in any way right now. Separately and together we both love humour and writing and ideas and story-telling, and finding the right medium for our various thoughts and stories, that's half the fun.



What a nice life I'm leading.
If you're in Toronto tomorrow (today) May 5th, come to Baltic Ave and then you'll know what I mean about all of this, I bet.

March 24

A good way to stay home is to get a crush that you don't want to see for some reason but is still your #1, and no one seems really any good comparatively. Then you just gotta stay home and do work and not go out looking for babes because who cares.
This is only medium-working for me. I've been out a lot this week but not super late, mostly, and not out looking at babes really, just hanging out with all the good pals. And when I'm home I'm at least considering doing work.







I sent away a DNA test with Family Tree DNA. As y'all know, I'm born of donor insemination and have no idea anything really about my bio-dad. There's a group of us now who have all found each other who were all born around the same time/had the same doctor/at the same hospital, and all of us are getting testing. There's already one sibling match, and we're hoping for more. More and more people our age, even, are finding out that they have donor fathers (why people keep this from their kids kind of mystifies me, when it comes down to it) and go searching and find us.
I got my DNA test results back but so far no sibling matches. A few second-cousins but nothing very close.
Here's my ethnic breakdown, though, according to my DNA:

How do I feel about all of this?
I don't know. Emotional, but a bit closed-off?
Family stuff is strange because the only thing our bodies are made up of at first is other people.
When I look at my own face I only see my mum's family because that's all I know. And I look just like them, really. But it is strange to consider how one half of my genetic make up came from some weird stranger!

Like, I assume that my donor was the kindest, most beautiful man in the world. But he's actually probably just some guy. Like a regular guy who I quite possibly wouldn't even like.
I'd still like to look at that guy's face for once.

As for siblings... I would very much like to know who they are.
I do feel disappointed that I don't have any matches so far, but I hope I eventually meet people who are related to me on my bio-dad's side. So I'm going to keep assuming I will.

As far as being Spanish? Ha, yeah, I'll take it!
I expected that it would come back as virtually all Orcadian (what they use to mean originated in England/
We know that on my mum's side our family were pretty much in England and Scotland forever, but it's quite possible they originated in Basque or France or Spain, I suppose!
Or maybe I have a tiny French and Spanish father, which would differ from the tall fair bio-dad I have in my mind. It's the mystery of it, guys.





Chanel. hahaa what a cat!


I had a sad face after watching an episode of my favourite TV show. I won't even tell you which TV show made me so sad in case you're watching it and you don't know how sad it'll be. I cried.
Not that I don't always cry, I definitely always cry.

Okay now I'm done avoiding work by writing on here and have to go find another way to avoid it for awhile I guess.

March 17

I bought myself this backpack today! My mum gave me Christmas money to buy one but I only just got around to it. I was/am not quite quite certain but I think it's better than the black one I was considering. Because anyone could have a black backpack. Also I see myself wearing this with sundresses as I bike over to the island SO SOON SO SOON SO SOON will it be warm so soon? please god say yes.

I would like to post photos here that I haven't really posted anywhere else, but sometimes it's not that easy also it's hard because my favourite photos go to Instagram (my favourite thing ever is Instagram I love it I try to see every single thing that anyone I follow ever posts on there because I love seeing people's lives).

My cousin said to the internet lately that she hates "selfies" hahahahahahaaaahahaaaa how does she love me, still?
I LOVE SELFIES.
I love seeing people's faces. I do, though, hate the word selfie as I think it devaluates a photo. People have been trying to photograph themselves for years and only now do we have perfect technology for such a pursuit! (thank you, timer app)
I'm glad that my cousin seems to have softened on the subject, even posting a couple of her own wonderfully cute self-portraits. She's right, sometimes someone will be missing your face so you better post a photo of it for them.

(Probably should post a photo of my face here but I don't got the right one)


Here's a look at our table that isn't done yet but will be soon. Also, look how big Chanel is. What a muppet.

I think a big part of the lack of blogging over the past few years (besides becoming a super social creature who is never ever home) is the mini-blogging that happens now with Twitter, Facebook, Instagram.
For a bit I was trying to say different things on Twitter than on Facebook, but now mostly I just post to both. I'd like to have an overflow of content for all streams but no dice.
It's crazy to me how some days I can have a super pile of ideas for things (not all good, of course) and other times I'll go days without noticing one funny thing. Is it a focusing-in?
Maybe.

I realized after last night's post that I had actually stayed in every night last week (besides evening work shifts) except one. HOW BANANAS. WHO AM I?
I told Flash Gordon and she said "are you alright?"
To be fair, I did drink a lot of wine at home a couple of nights, so... But I've also been productive and feeling right nice about it.
Turkey Bird may not be that enthused to have me around way more often, especially since I interrupt her studying every two seconds to announce a new, terrible sketch idea or to tell her the same story I already told her about my #1 crush.
"oh, you still love his trying-not-to-laugh-face?" "oh, you still think he should date a librarian instead of you?" etc etc etc etc
Sorry sorry sorry (not actually too sorry) I don't actually think she minds yet.

Actually, I just clicked through the internet over to THIS and I laughed so so so so so loud and she's in bed and then I cried with laughter so she may be awake now. And angry.
Also I keep texting her "Barraco Barner" because I saw this tweet on the internet and I love everything about it

I have been whispering Barraco Barner to myself for a full 24 hours now.



Yesterday I pulled this handfull out of my inside jacket pocket, showed Violet and announced that I was "The Wolf of Wallstreet"


This is a face that wants to bite me, no kidding. I like her red fur.


There's only a few minutes in the afternoons when light comes into the narrow alley between my bedroom window and the house next door. It's lovely, but terrifically short. I would pay money to get more light in my room. I love light, I nap better in a sunbeam than anywhere else I can sleep in a room with full sun no problem I love light light light. But my room is dark. Luckily lovely.

Okay, I'm going out now. SO STRANGE.

March 16

This is what my room look like, kind of. When it's clean. It's never really tidy or anything because I just don't live like that. It's nothing compared to what my disaster has been in the past, though.
I love my little room, it's nothing if not me.
I wonder if I'll stop liking flowers. My roommate, Turkey Bird, does not prefer flower prints! I can't even imagine. Luckily she does prefer real flowers and plants of all kinds. Last week I bought three plants this week she bought three plants, it's getting to be a real plantarium around here.

Oh I already posted a photo like this? Well, that's dumb but I don't have much to take photos of these days because life is boring and the weather sucks.
I stayed in 4 nights this week which is basically unheard of in my life. I mean, I did go out for hours this afternoon but then I came right home after work.

I saw my best friend, Violet, this afternoon. She is a lawyer which means her life is not like my life at all. I asked her when she'll be having babies I could hold and she said probably not for a couple of years and that made me mad because, Violet, I could have babies by then for chrissakes.
What am I supposed to do with my arms in the interim?

A couple of weeks ago Violet announced that she thought she would never be a bridesmaid. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! Violet does not think I'm going to get married.
Ha, well, does anyone at this point?
She said she just thought I wouldn't have a traditional style bridal party or anything but it turns out she doesn't know me at all because I don't know about traditional but if anyone manages/agrees to be bound to me then I will certainly have all of my 15-20 best friends stand up with me and shout it out loud.

Wait, let me count how many I actually have.
fourteen.
Unless aunts can be bridesmaids, then sixteen.
Boys and brothers and cousins can definitely be bridesmaids that I know.

Wow, no one's going to get themselves into this mess, hey?


I've got Chanel. Oh wait, no she belongs to Turkey Bird. I'm not worried, to be honest with you. I'm not at the place where I should be settling down. I have too much work to do.
Even with my #1 crushes these days I think, "no thank you you go away for a year or two maybe get a boring girlfriend for a bit and see you later I have to do better work first so you'll see how I am really inside and be so proud"


Hey here's a doorway in my room. There's two doors one window in here, for you need-to-knows.
I like the banner over the doorway that my cousin made me it wishes everyone good travels on their way out of my life (forever).
I bought those two wood prints in Venice beach and the guy who made them was so handsome!



I wish I had someone to follow me around taking pictures of me like I've been doing for Nicole. She's a few years younger than my ADULT THIRTY and she has changed a whole lot in the couple of years I've known her. So have I, of course. But, there's something about early-mid-twenties. I miss it/don't ever miss it.
I'm also Nicole's best audience, she has the left-field kind of thinking/humour that I'm most envious of. Most of my thoughts/jokes/ideas are very linear and based in real life, I can tell you exactly why I thought of a thing and it's usually because someone else thought of it first. Am I giving up trade secrets here? Hahaaa oh man no.

Nicole and I are a comedy duo now called Tall Sigh which happened by accident and we did our first show together last weekend and we were like "why aren't we onstage all the time we love being onstage everyone look" and this is the best decision but also a disaster since all we do is hang out and make jokes that only we find funny and laugh and laugh for hours and talk about men full time instead of making actual jokes that actual other people would find funny. Soon. We'll fucking figure it out.

Nicole and I were (drunkenly) reminiscing about how we were when we first met (we did the conservatory program at Second City together).
Me: I thought we would immediately be best friends and was confused when you didn't reciprocate the feeling
Nic: I thought you were trying to steal everything from me

Being friends with people who are competitive by nature is pretty interesting if one is not a competitive person. It's a negotiation, but neat! I'd like to become more competitive, actually, but instead I'll probably just look at some more pins on pinterest for awhile and think about how much I want to get engaged but also how the idea of a real relationship makes me panicky and wary.


The nicest thing you can do for a person is post any good pictures you've taken of them.


Okay, Parkdale moon, I see you. And goodnight.