These latest headshots are of this lovely lady. I'm happy with the shoot. And she's happy with the shoot.
I like being happy with shoots.
Still frustrated with my equipment. Still have to sort out what my plans are.
My cousin pointed out how in previous entry where I said I did not mean to be patronizing that that's exactly what I was doing.
This is a fair point. And I feel like I should say something about it on here, in case anyone else noticed me being a dickweed.
The problem with me is that I've always been a know-it-all and a holier-than-thou.
I'm not even sure how I kept this up, especially given how hated I've been and how everyone is constantly pointing out that I'm wrong and annoying.
I'm also so easily swayed and have problems having real opinions on things.
ANYWAY
When I said,
Being creative and nutso is hard work. Sometimes I imagine being the type of person who is happiest working a couple of jobs to make enough money to go to Mexico for an all-inclusive in February.
I'm not even meaning that in a patronizing way, it sounds rather nice.
And you wouldn't have to worry about being extraordinary.
I knew that I was being an asshole. But I should have clarified more.
One of my stadium co-workers who has a full-time job was talking about why she wanted to work multiple jobs and she said
"When I'm at home I think, I'm not doing anything... I might as well be at work making money"
This is such a foreign idea to me!
To not want to spend time at home because of having nothing to do?
Don't you feel the crushing guilt of not doing every creative project you've been thinking of?
So, I am jealous of people who have no interest in being a creative type. Not jealous enough to wish that I weren't creative, because I'm pleased with creating (when I get around to it) and have big plans to become amazing at several different art forms in the future.
But jealous in that I wish I could just be at home watching TV and not feel guilty for all the things I should be doing. I wish that at the end of each week I wasn't horribly sad at how little I've gotten done.
If I had a job that I went to and then came home and made dinner and went out for a glass of wine with my friends, and was happy, that would be great.
Then my leisure time would actually be leisure time, not feeling-guilty-for-not-creating time.
Though, I will say that accomplishing and getting stuff done and making things gives me a high which is pretty much unbeatable (possibly slightly above a great new crush, even!).
My cousin was concerned that I was attacking people like her who work 9-to-5 jobs.
I did not mean to attack anyone, really.
Plus, my cousin is one of the most creative people that I know (and is better than me at most things). And she has her life way more together and has kids and a super-great partner and a well-paying job.
I HAVE NONE OF THOSE THINGS.
I have debt and never go to work and babes who think I'm dumb and big plans that I have yet to follow through on.
I feel like she probably has it the hardest -- kids, partner, job, plus creativity that needs to be dealt with.
Where would you even have the time?
Plus she is good at her kind of job and is lucky to have found something that is a good job and is interesting.
I'm jealous of her. And not in a patronizing way. For serious.
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