lurk & bang

Some days.


Turkey Bird and I cleaned the kitchen and reorganized that shelf so don't worry. Turkey Bird claims to like cleaning. Maybe I should try liking cleaning. It's all just a matter of deciding things, maybe. (it's not.)


During film fest Carla Ghee and I went ouuuuttt on the town. That's when I bloodied my shins. Low-lying stages are hazards. Shots are hazards. Carla Ghee and I are very much in love. She's a treat.




Also, we went to the sxsw party at tiff. Nic, Norman and I.
Norman and Nic are probably the most heavily influential people in my life these days. They know everything about me and are huge guiding lights and they have both (separately) watched me lie around on the floor in pure emotional agony (or I'm dramatic) in the past few weeks. I owe them both.
They are both geniuses. I liiiiiiike that about them.


hahaa I look dumb in all of these. I look dumb 80% of the time, so it's good that it gets represented in here occasionally!




Ron lives in his studio down the street now, instead of here with us, and they have a trampoline in their living room. I don't know why but I'll never object!


I need unlimited moneys. I wonder what I'd be like if I'd grown up with money, if I had funding for any project I felt like doing.
It's going to be interesting to see if I actually do get better at working, get better at taking myself seriously, etc.

witchy in the least witchy way

"I've just been snoozing for years"
I keep saying this.



These days anything is possible and probable and I'm getting a better handle on self-confidence and on having goals and real proper ambition again. Seems obvious of a thing to do, but it's not always that easy.
There's so many things I want to do! How have I wasted so much time waiting for things to find me?? So silly! It's totally alright, though. There's still time for me to do everything and then some. There's always time until there isn't (at which point I'm dead so who cares).


Do I look witchy? Maybe a little bit, you can admit it to yourself. I can't tell you all the reasons why I'm witchy right now, but there are a couple. Bear that in your mind.



Maybe vitamin Bs are actually really cool and I should remember to take them full-time. Oh! this just reminded me to go and take some. Mmhmm mhmm!

Yeah, so, I'm haaaaappy these days. Also dreadfully sad at moments. And Monday I just wanted to die and then last night my friend was saying that absolutely everyone she knew had a shitty day on Monday and maybe it's just that something was off-kilter in the universe?


I don't know why my feet seem blue. I'd like to reassure you that it's only the way the light was falling, but who the eff knows. Maybe my feet will fall off soon.


It's getting cold out. We're not having the long, drawn-out summers I've gotten used to. It's crisp out already.
I've got a head cold. I'm really not enjoying it. I was trying to ignore it but it's obnoxious today. My eyes hurt my nose hurts my lungs hurt everything is not my favourite. I found some expired neo-citran in the cupboard so hopefully I don't die drinking it. My newest roommate just brought me a juice from Fresh also. Amazing, amazing.
My new roommate will henceforth be referred to as "Turkey Bird" until she tells me differently. Haahaaa.
Turkey Bird also just moved the rest of her stuff from Vancouver and apparently now we own a food processer!!! oh so excited! Dips and shit! Maybe it'll help us master gluten-free baking (she is also gluten-free)....


Did medicine card readings the other night. It's not a bad way to spend time with someone.
My cards were great, very interesting and I like how it gets you thinking about stuff. Lots of work to do, it says. Oh how right, how right!
Turkey Bird just bought a deck of these so now I can do these whenever I want.
Beaver, Ant, Bear, Weasel, Skunk, Spider, Wolf
nice nice.
Turkey Bird got a turkey in her reading so now you know.


Saw Violet for the first time in forever and ever the other afternoon. One of my favourite things about summer is when one hang-out turns into a new hang-out, turns into dinner, etc. I kissed Violet on her cheek because I was happy to see her. That's a big deal because we are not affectionate.
I've been more affectionate, lately. I have too much of the joys inside of me, I want to put them on other people, you know?

hot air

 My lovely family arranged to get my mum a hot air balloon ride for her birthday. We were all supposed to be there when it went up in late August but that day the flight got cancelled. She rebooked and got to go up yesterday. That top photo is my very favourite. I love, love, love, love the bit of the basket in the frame.

 I stole all these photos from my mother's facebook. Thanks, facebook!

 Now I want to go up in one. My goodness, Saskatoon is pretty.

 Almost done at the theatre today, and then working two plays tomorrow and then I have Monday off! A whole day off! I'm going to have a massive nap when I go home soon here. And I'm going to like it. Then I will go to a house party and if there aren't babes there I will pitch a fit and win the hearts of millions. Oh man, I don't know. My eyes are broken I'm so tired.

I've been thinking a lot about writing. I've been hanging out full time with nic and she's a good influence about working because she's ambitious and takes herself seriously and takes me seriously and thinks I'm a genius too. So yeah, that's nice. We have BIG IDEAS so get ready for that.

This is basically the cutest picture I've ever seen, it's my mother on the right and my aunt on the right. Cute cute cute!

I'm very interested in my mum writing guest posts for this blog. Like bits from her life or whatever she'd like really but she is resisting my good idea. She says, "why wouldn't I just have my own blog?" but of course she isn't going to get around to it. And I know that she's a shy kind of a lady but I also know for a fact that she's a good writer and very funny and I feel like she owes me her memories (haa she will 100% disagree with me here and say that I'm being selfish which I am. I mean, of course.).
Also you don't have to be shy about writing little things that happened to you a hundred years ago that aren't terribly private or anything.

Also, I would like to point out the obvious here and tell you, if you're a shy kind of a lady you made a big mistake by having me for a kid.
I used to embarrass the hell out of her in line at the grocery store telling every cashier my entire life story (and hers along with it). I'm sure she regrets every single day that she ever told me I was born of donor insemination. Aw, I like my mum a lot.

set me off

the amount of stress that I'm carrying around these days is a bit unhealthy, maybe? I've not yet learned how to be good at stress.
I am in desperate need of a giant crying session. The kind where it's a bit panicky and I cry about every single thing that's ever happened to me and I call my mum and worry the hell out of her and then the next day I feel way better. I neeeed that.
Unfortunately, I don't have the time. I don't have the time, I especially don't have the energy, and I also don't feel like being sad. The shit thing about me and sadness is that if I don't have time for it, then it just gets switched over into anger or irritation. Both are uncomfortable emotions, but way less so than feeling sad. For me sometimes, anyway.





Also, the other thing about my lack of melt-down is that everything is really great. Even the things that are hard are still for the best. I mean, it's upsetting when things change or when I don't always get what I want, but change is good, and sometimes I want things that are terrible for me.



My starters for melting-down are generally:
A) my career/creativity is shit and nothing will ever happen for me
      this isn't currently true, I've got a lot of things going on. Everything is in early stages, but I'm excited for how good of a comedian I'm becoming, and all that is going to come from that. I'm excited about my writing and my plans for projects are getting rather out of hand (in a good way). I'm gathering new confidence and new ambition and it feels pretty nice.

B) my love life is shit.
       okay, yeah, this one is pretty true, but when is it not? I think I finally broke my mother, in terms of she just thinks I'm straight-up insane and cannot be trusted to have a relationship! I find this spectacular, to some degree. I'm not as upset about things here as I could be because I have an odd sort of trust lately that I'm being good and rational and even though my judgement is bananas, I'm still treating everyone properly so... Also, I have faith that at some point I'll like someone who is a sane and rational person who likes me and is nice to me. HA, not if I keep trying to date comedians, though.

C) I have no friends and everyone hates me.
      I have the best friends and everyone likes me, so I'm not crying over this, no siree. Everyone is very beautiful and talented and I love so many people it's unreal.

D) I'm homesick.
      Well, I am homesick, but I was also just there so it's not as big of a deal. Plus Christmas is coming soon and I'll be going back again, then!



So... you can see, I'm having a hard time setting myself off and getting all of the sadness out because nothing is that terrible. Which is why I'd like to read a really great novel I could cry for years at. Or watch a film like that... not that I have time for reading or watching right now because I'm in the middle of working something stupid like 16 shifts in 11 days or something bananas like that.
Maybe Monday I'll have time for my big cry. Yeah, maybe I'll set aside Monday for that activity. Ha, we'll see.