Hey, here's something neat; I haven't been a push-things-too-far-asshole in about a year and half according to my calculations!
RIGHT ON.
Remember when I was the kind of person who would push every crush to see what I could get and even when I knew I didn't want to keep hanging out with them I did so that I could continue getting attention? So classy.
Remember two-weekers? I've pretty much gotten that pattern out of my system, I think. Now I know how to get out before it gets like that.
Remember when my mother told me after I'd been dating a dude for over a month that she'd known from the beginning he had no chance?
I have made an actual concerted effort for the past while now to specifically not push things just to see what I can get. Or to pretend I want to be in something I don't. Or to date for the sake of dating.
Oh, man I mean, I'm still not the best.
For instance, I have a crush on everyone I see at first and will push to see if it's reciprocated. But once I realize I'm not actually interested, I back right off. Sure there are people I should not have kissed and probably should have texted back, but at least I didn't pretend like I wanted to hang out forever like I have in the past. And I don't actually think I've hurt anyone's feelings particularly in quite sometime.
Hmm. maybe by saying how I'm a better person now, I'm just pointing out how awful I've been in the past. But it's not like most people I know aren't like that sometimes.
Although, you know this means I've been on the other side of it a bit more in the past while. And since before I was arrogantly yelling around about how I deserved a good heart-break, then I guess yeah, it makes sense.
Despite things not particularly going "my way" lately, I'm pretty happy with how I am.
I'm being a kind sort of person, care-taking. A bit too giving, yeah, but sometimes people come into your life and kind of need to be taken care of for a minute.
About one situation I remember saying, 'Well, at least it's me, because I can deal with this'. obnoxiously martyring, yeah. I'll be glad when this stage is done, too.
Another thing I'm pleased I've held onto is how naieve and open I am still. You tell me something, I'll pretty much believe it. Why would you lie to me? I don't want to hang out with liars.
I still think that people are generally out for the greater good, and not just manipulating everyone and everything to get what they want.
I just can't be that cynical. I think that would be more heart-breaking than actual heart-break in some ways.
And I'm still not going to try to manipulate situations or people or play at things. I just can't. The only thing I value is honesty. And I've actually gotten quite a bit of that this summer. which saved me a lot of distress, and saved friendships.
Went out last night with Dollface to some clubs that I never really go to. We were with some finance guys for a minute but didn't really stay with them, ran into some other random people DF knew.
Ended up being pretty fun. Some men bought us some drinks. Yep, still feel mildly uncomfortable with being boughten things.
Actually, the dudes we randomly ended up partying with were very lovely. And they were drinking champagne which looked so good but I fiercely stuck to my 6 drink limit and yet still have a headache today.
I did have some awesome dance moves for Dollface for a bit there against a railing. Oh who even lets me out in public?
Finally a new living room set-up! Am I pleased? why yes, yes I am.
the shelving unit is just fruit crates I found in the road and I really couldn't be more pleased about it.
I'm going to turn the table legs around so they bow inwards I think, they stick out a bit much for my liking, but at least we finally have a table! this has been on my wishlist for months! Finally a little place for crafts or games or computer-working. Anything, really!
The living room had been the one room I hadn't touched and hadn't put effort into and therefore was my enemy for this whole summer and now it's too cold to be out on the decks we really need a lovely, warm, cozy, welcoming living room. So glad.
If you haven't watched my video about hockey from the previous post, I suggest you do. Come on now.
Also, improv is totally taking over my life in every way still. And I still love it. If only instead of sucking all my money out of me it would give me money that'd be the best ever.
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