I want to be the type who comes easily to joy

Improv is my favourite. It's my favourite thing. I'm giving up acting and writing and photographing and sewing and singing and everything else.
I only want to do improv.

I started improv class last week at Bad Dog. I've been meaning to take it for years. Pretty much since the end of college because it was probably my favourite class and it was the reason that that last year was bearable for me.
I can't believe it took me so long to get around to it.
Except everything plays out for a reason. I do kind of think that.

It's sort of strange mix in the class, with a bit of a division of, uh... skill level.
I have no patience for people.
That will come as no surprise to anyone.
I'm going to work on it though. Or at least holding down my resentments and keeping my fat, fat mouth shut more often. Though I wish I could just be surrounded with smart people.
I'm glad that my favourites in the class also favour me. I'm pretty excited to keep working with them.


.

Saw a bit of Elliott Brood on Saturday night. Holy hell does that singer ever have a voice. I think I gushed a little over-much at him afterwards, but I couldn't help it (on account of I'm a lush). It's so raw and nice and fills me up in this sort of way like I've just drank green tea that's not too hot and I've sort of gulped it down and it warms all the way down through my systems.
Apparently Cillian Murphy was at the show but I missed him. How bizarre! I love him.
Aw, shit, Kiss of Death. Sorry Cillian.

It's for the best I didn't see him I'm sure. Me + celebrities I have crushes on = awkward situations.

A few weeks ago I was introduced to the main singer babe of my life (who I see frequently) and I believe my response was "Uahhh".
I get the shakes and the blushes. But it's so very much for the best. I love being excited about things or people or events. I think getting worked up about things is so worthwhile. I want to be the type that comes more easily to joy, and also the type that feels excitement. It's an underused emotion.

I used to near shit myself with excitement over concerts, when I was younger. Everything was such a big deal.
I remember back when Treble Charger was good (ie: still mostly fronted by Bill Priddle), going to see them at Louis and climbing onto a railing to see better and quaking all through from how glad I was for their very existence. For how they could make me feel and how I felt it all through.
Fucking Greig Nori is so bad. I want to see Bill Priddle again. He was the one after my own heart, his songs were always the loveliest.

Now I feel mostly excited to see my friends play. I like bands a lot more when I am personally invested in them. It means more.
Drank with one of my favourite musician friends last night. But he's not really producing these days or playing shows.
It's such a hard set up. Art is really hard work. We were walking last night and I said,
"Do you ever just wish you had no interest in the arts? Just in getting a good job and a family and a nice day-to-day life?"

If wishes were horses...

Winter time is hard and I'm dreading February and March and how much they drag at me and even though I've made all these plans and committed to things and started businesses to hopefully carry me through, I'm worried. I never fare well in the post-Christmas wintertime.
And I have so much to do. And so much to be excited about.