off day day off

Dear Norman,
hahaaaaaaaha well, I for sure, certainly succeeded in completely wasting this day. It's really not that bad, I kind of earned it. My days off are rare lately. I'm not working a bad amount of hours but I do usually work at least one job/day.



I'm having baileys and coffee and I'm going to go to Nic show's at the Rivoli in a bit here and get my energies up somehow. Comeonnnn coffeee.
oh shit, I just found some baileys chocolates as well....


(at Mrs. and Arrow's Christmas party)

Went to Hoops last night with Carla Ghee and some of our other pals and I was sitting in the basically empty pub in a row at the bar with two dudes who hadn't joined there before and they were like "this is like a living room. only the best living room ever with a very attentive mom"
basically.
The two bartenders I've had so far are sooo nice. One is from last year but one is new. They are the sweetest and like my jokes.
Also Carla Ghee and I were super happy to have a completely brandnew audience of pals last night for our hockey jokes. We've been killing it lately with the jokes but it's okay we'll tell you all of them when you're back and it'll be like it's fresh all over again for you.

Norman, I had a weird thought the other day. Why (IN THE HELL) do I get involved with/stay involved with people I don't genuinely like as much as I like my best friends? Have we talked about this before? Maybe.
I've been thinking about it now that I'm home with Cpt. Heh more often and I love him sooo much and am happy to see him and think he's funny and excellent. I would never worry about bringing him out with buds or worry he wasn't handsome enough/funny enough. I'm proud to be seen with him.
Quick clarification: I am not in love with Cpt. and neither is he with me. I'm using him as an example because I feel like men are different than women and here is a man who is one of my favourite people.
Why do I consider making romantic interests a priority who aren't as good as my best friends?

A shit thing about involvements is that they pretty much take over in terms of importance and time and obligation. And we give our time and energy to these people who frequently end up being not worth it. Whywhywhyyyy

Okay, I'm in a nasty bit of mood. Not about any of that. Just in general! A general nasty little mood!


(adventure cat adventure cat!)


(little cousin so so cute) (also the funniest and sweetest. along with her beautiful siblings, of course.)



It's so rainy out and what kind of jacket am I supposed to wear? it's so cold.
When I was younger in Saskatoon in the summertime I'd borrow my mum's giant yellow rain cape and sit in the yard for what seemed like hours (but was probably only 15 minutes) watching the rain and pretending to be jane goodall.
hahaaa I don't remember why I thought I was like Jane Goodall considering there were 100% no chimps or apes in my backyard whatsoever. Something to do with that documentary my mum and I had watched at one point, I guess.


(Christmas eve birthday outfit featuring double-tights. it was soo so cold this Christmas in Saskatoon. Also, that's my current favourite outfit. no contest.)

Also when I was younger I for sure thought I would stand still long enough with birdseed on my hands for long enough to have the sparrows and chickadees come rest on my fingertips but I have no patience for anything I'm not immediately good at (explains my success in life) and so that, also, was short-lived.


(Christmas morning face.)

Does anyone have any friends I can stay with in Paris or in a seaside english town?
No?
Hmmm. I have decisions to make and imagine if I just had money? Then everything would be simple and life would be perfect.
I don't like to admit to being worried about money which is hilarious because I really should be!

I hope I am never too proud to wear depends.


OKAY BYEEEE NOW BYE BYE BYE

hoops and jokes

Dear Norman,
sometimes when I growl low and in my throat to myself late at night (it happens semi-frequently) and I'm drunk (also frequently) I feel a bit nervous. Ha! I'm bad at knowing where the beasts are.
hopefully.

We won tonight! I know you were at a sports bar on the prairies but I was at our beloved, most loved, top loved, Hoops. And I honestly feel a bit bad for how much I love Hoops considering how for pretty much 26 years of my life I DID NOT like sports and had NO INTEREST in sports and now I just feel most at home perched up on my high stool at the marble bar of Hoops. The glow of the big screen is tender and the bartenders like my jokes and I feel... safe. I feel warm and comforted. It's so ridiculous.
And also, I love our hockey team. I just think they're so nice. I don't like when they make smug faces or act like little bruisers because it hurts my feelings. Like, "I have your back, so you be nice"
I feel like with my public support and my trying to be a good person they owe me to try to be nice guys.
HAHAAHAHAHHAAHAAAAA hahahah professional athletes are the worst.

I was supposed to go a couple of different places tonight but I didn't want to. I just wanted to smile and sigh in a bar made of TVs. It was nice being on my own. I really watched the game and looked at the internet a bit and ate fries. Dream life. I did not feel the slightest bit weird being there on my own. Probably how you've felt in the past..?

Nic recommended I read Just Kids by Patti Smith and so that's taking up another bit of my focus.
I love personal stories. I think I actually only like things that are at least a little based on real life.

It looks like my friend from Saskatoon, who I'm sure I've nicknamed here but I can't remember now, is going to come to Paris with me for a minute or two. And we're going to go see Louis CK in London, I think! She's at Oxford right now and it'll be her break when I go there so I'm excited to see her and maybe visit her school!
I need to remember that I really want to go see local comedy in London.
I want to see comedy all the time.
I'm in love with how fucking funny the world is, and how funny everyone I know is. And I'm excited to keep learning about humour and comedy and how it all plays out.
I used to be worried that if I were to be a comedian I'd have to be so busy keeping track of all the funny bits and all the jokes and I'd never have time to enjoy them. I've also worried that if someone (especially a woman, for whatever various reasons) is a comedian they'll never be allowed to do serious dramatic work.
I now think that's a bullshit worry. LET'S ALL JUST TELL OUR STORIES. Let's tell our stories in the most honest ways possible with different slants or pointing out different things and it's just the details or reactions or situations that decide if it's drama or humour.
I love living.
I hope I get to be alive forever and ever. I hope I always appreciate this life.

miss you!!!

dearest, dearest,

One of my BFFs, Norman, is away for a few months doing a play in Calgary and Edmonton (if you're there go! It's The Kite Runner. Report back.) but I know that he usually reads my blog.
And I've been having a hard time getting around to writing in here. So maybe if I make it letters to Norman these days it'll give it clearer structure or something?
We'll see.

Dear Norman, 

I can't believe we've been apart more than a month already. This seems unreasonable. I'm not really interested in continuing our separation. 

I guess the only upside is that this month has passed quickly and maybe that means that the next two months (and a bit) will go quickly. 

Things are excellent around here. 

Hockey is finally back (as you well know!) and Carla Ghee and I went to Hoops on Sunday to watch our sweet little darling babies. I had almost forgotten just how funny Carla Ghee and I are while watching hockey. It's like hockey is built for us to make jokes about/during/because of. I don't know what it is but I liiiike it. We were joined by her main man a little later on and DON'T WORRY, he's still a handsome fuck. And Carla Ghee is just as beautiful as they day I first laid eyes on her. 

I'm working so, so, so much. No, that's not as true as it was before Christmas, but I'm busy. Very busy. 

I'm doing the second level of the longform improv program at the Second City training centre and I'm loving it very much. Well, some weeks. Some weeks it's very hard. But the hard parts usually end in me being eeeeven better. 

I'm at a place with my improv right now where I think I could be genuinely excellent at it if I had the time and money to devote myself to it full-time. I mean, if I didn't work evenings and instead took a couple of classes a week, saw shows allll the time, and did at least one show, maybe more (yes, this is how improvisers live. all improv all the time.) then I think I'd be great. I don't have that luxury right now, unfortunately. 

I'm still good, though. Better than ever, really. With minor ups and downs. 

London and Paris so, so soon! I'll be back from there when you're back. It'll be over so quickly. 

I've started slightly panicking about how it'll be the best thing in my life and how then I'll want to devote myself to travel and I'll want to never come home. I hope I don't get overwhelmed by melancholy while I'm there, just thinking about how many I'll never be able to go back.

Of course I'll go back. I might as well travel the world! 

I'm just on the cusp of getting to be excellent at so many things, I'm not worried, really. 

I've also been working quite hard lately (and in the last couple of years) to not be someone who wallows in sadness or stays down for longer than necessary. I love being sad, don't get me wrong, but there's no point to it so much of the time! 

I was thinking about traveling a bit around Europe, not just seeing London and Paris but now I'm leaning towards spending most of my time in just those two. I'd like to have a chance to really wander around a see a bit of it. I don't want to have to rush about. I won't, in fact! I won't rush about. I've been spending lots of time looking at possible hostels and air b'n'bs. I think I'll end up getting an air b'n'b in Paris. I like the idea of staying in an apartment, and every hostel I looked at had at least one really neg review. I'm not uptight by any means, and I'm probably the least germophobic person I know, but I will want some time alone and a door to close, I bet. 

I love being by myself. 

I've been weeping over my excitement. Which is good. Anticipation is 9/10s of enjoyment. Something like that! 

This is the air b'n'b I'm leaning towards: https://www.airbnb.ca/rooms/566341, it's up 7 flights of stairs and has only a squat toilet in the upstairs hallway! hahaaahaaa amazing?! 

Hmmmm. I've got to get started planning the bachelorette party and bridal shower for my best friend, Violet. She's getting married in May and that's also so soon and I really want her to have the most excellent time but also she has no interest in planning this sort of thing plus she's a busy lawwwwyyyyer so she doesn't have all day. 

It's pleasing because having all this to plan and the wedding coming up and everything is making sure we talk to each other and hang out sometimes, which it seems we never get to do enough. 

I love her and she's going to be such a pretty little bride, I'll probably just try to marry her myself. 

Just kidding? 

I watched two romantic comedies tonight and my roommate, Cpt. Heh, made me dinner. Then my other roommate, Turkey Bird, came home with TWO gluten-free treats she shared with me. Above waffles are from Cpt. Heh a few days ago. My roommates have been bringing me so many treats it's like having several boyfriends who are excellent because they mostly leave me to my own devices and don't mind if I text babes all day. 

Why is my life so excellent? 

Dunno, man. 

Also, Cpt. Heh told me that he likes my current hairs better than any of these wigs that I spent too much time trying on at work. Awwww. If this were a romantic comedy Cpt. Heh and I would fall in love. I think it's a bit because you're away, Norman, that I've been extra into hanging out with Cpt. Heh. I need more boy-time!! Also I love Cpt. Heh so, so much. I always forget how funny he is. Really a riot. 

I probably have, like, a billion things to tell you but I'm running out of time but I do like this format for right now, so maybe I'll be inspired to blog more! (probably not)

Anyway, I miss you Norman (and everyone else who is reading this) and I hope you are well (same to you, other readers). 

Oh yeah, also, this is a dog I met and she belongs to our friends who I forget what they are nicknamed on here but they are handsome boys who date each other and kind of look alike. She's soooooo cute like a muppet and her name is Patsy. 

I'm really into dogs lately. Don't let me forget to walk Kaya tomorrow! 

Byeeeeee