I have this theory that everyone kind of knows everything about their own dramas.
By which I mean, instinctively you know it. Sometimes we don't want to know it, but we do.
We run it by our friends to filter it and talk it out and clarify, but I think when getting advice it's just to cement something we already know or to try and convince ourselves it's different than we know it to be...
Advice columns are generally the same shit different wording time after time but we seem to be addicted to convincing ourselves that things will work out. No they won't. You know they won't.
If you're even asking, then they won't.
HAHAHAHAHAHA AWESOME.
I should definitely be an advice columnist! Write in to me!
Obviously this gets way less cut and dry in actual long-term relationships (what are those, again?). Obviously there are exceptions, etc.
I tried to watch that movie, He's Just Not That Into You (also, why is the 'not' italicized on the posters?) and it was one of the worst things I've ever encountered in my natural born life. Really brutal.
Buuuut not a bad point.
A year or two (two years now? I think so, wow.) I dated a fellow for a few months and I quite, quite liked him. It had been a while since I'd wanted to date anyone exclusively, but for him...
After we broke up we then started seeing each other a bit again, only on his terms but when we did it was just like we were dating again.
He was/is very fond of pretending things to himself like that he cares about me very much and that he should tell me this.
His tendency to call me late at night when he was away playing shows and tell me about how his missed me was especially awful.
I ran all of this by multiple friends (as is my wont) and my one friend in particular loved telling me about how this fellow was completely in love with me and in denial about it.
Not the case.
Her theory is that she wants all of her girlfriends to feel like they are the most amazing desirable beautiful people in the world (which we are, guaranteed - you should see her stable of lady-babes) and so obviously that dude should be in love with me.
But he was/is not (no matter how often I hear from him at 2 a.m. Still.).
What I needed for advice was "he will never, ever be in love with you" which is the closest thing to the truth.
Part of being that ultimate desirable person that my friend wants us all to be is knowing when to walk away. Really walk away.
But, then also we should trust our instincts when it comes to knowing when situations deserve extra effort.
I recently put a lot of effort into a friendship with a dude who I had been involved with at one point. And by all rights it appeared as if we should not/could not be friends. Could not hang out without fighting, could not communicate on any level, could not understand each other.
And any advice column would have told me to let it go but I didn't feel like I could.
And who knows how this will all end up, but bottom line is that I do not regret any of that effort (I regret how shitty I acted in some of our fights, for sure, holy for sure) because I honestly care about him as a dude. I think he's pretty great and want to continue knowing him.
Babes do not like to written about on the internet.
Haha one time that first guy mentioned reading my blog and his comment on it was:
"I saw a video on there. You were talking about balls or something. You really shouldn't talk about that."
(beginning bit of lyrics from Maybe Smith)
Posts
