or at least a sort of trickery.
I definitely decided a few years ago that I would never get involved with anyone good-looking ever again so that I would not continue to find them attractive after we split.
Guess how that turned out!
Which is maybe why I have a bad recycling problem. A really bad recycling issue. Sometimes you throw stuff out for a reason, yeah? Most times, probably.
Also the scent of babes (ha, if I ever get to create a perfume it will be called that and it will smell like caaaaaaaandy or maybe fresh cinnamon buns (haha buns)) can be bad news. I feel like it often tricks me into think I'm attracted to people I am mentally over.
Ugh recycling.
So. Babe Break 2K9 wasn't a terrible success. It wasn't a terrible failure either. I guess one can't really force change in such a drastic way.
But I am getting better (?)
Goals of Babe Break 2k9 were:
(some of which I made up as the break went along)
1. Stop being mean and selfish. Stop hanging out with babes who are mean and selfish.
2. Stop getting involved with people who I don't need to be involved with.
Aka: stop pushing shit. Stop trying to see what I can get away with. Stop seeing what I can get from babes.
3. Stop running to next babe when not getting what I need from other babe, repeat, repeat.
4. Stop recycling. Ignore late-night texts/phone calls/etc.
5. Stop pretending/convincing myself I like people more than I do/stop pretending babes like me more than they do.
6. Stop pretending about things in general, actually.
I feel like that list makes me seem more, uh, worldly than I actually am.
I'm still on those goals. And I'm better.
It's just maybe not as easy to cut all those bits out like I had planned.
Being a better person is hard! And lame!
Party-for-life! Don't-care-high!
Old habits and patterns die hard, and my life is pretty pattern-heavy and predictable. I'm trying to make it less so.
Hmmm.
I have more to say on all of this but I am not writing properly and hungry for a dinnertime treat which I deserve because I am not feeling well.
(Myspace angles / the new jacket I got yesterday from Value Village. I was in a piss-poor mood and taking self-indulgent pictures kept me a amused for awhile.
Then I went to the bar for a moment and felt very annoyed when people told me I looked like I was bored/unhappy/sober.
I do not like being patronized. )
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