you - tall, dreamy and ugly-booted, me - coughing up a lung

Whoa. The missed connections section on Craigslist is very odd.

Seriously.

So, I saw a total babe on the Queen streetcar today. He was seriously such a babe. Most of the time I am convinced that I do not have a 'type' (I mean, if you lined up all the people I've been involved with, they would be a somewhat motley crew), but then I see guys like this and I'm like "oh, yeah, totally". Just generally indie-rock cute I guess. I liked his bright eyes and red beard a lot. Though he did have horrendous boots on. Just awful but they looked really really warm and really waterproof and since I've spent the last few weeks with wet, cold feet, I'd forgive him. He was totally eyeing me up as well, he got off at Soho but watched me as the streetcar took me away....
SIGH
I got off at Spadina and looked back for him but didn't see him...
SIGH

I would put a missed connection add up EXCEPT
a) I've seen Ghost World
b) I shouldn't even be allowed to date
and
c) I've decided not to pursue babes anymore. Which, of course, means that I'm never going to get any because boys are giant sucks and never push anything and I am the one who pushes everything and people that do pursue me are never the ones that I want (who do I want though, really?).
But seriously though, babes need to put in effort.

I'm insane. Interacting last night with a boy who used to have a crush on me for sure but then I've been sort of standoffish lately so now he was returning the favour, I felt so slighted that I had to try and win back his affections and prove that I was worthy of having a crush on.
Seriously?
Not cool.
Everyone likes having people interested in them. But for all of my talk of care and care-taking, I sure am not careful of people like I need to be.

I'm mean.

Last night I apologized to a babe who I've been rather mean to in the past few months (though he did somewhat deserve it on account of not being careful AT ALL of me) and he said something like "This is going to sound bad but, I just thought it was your personality"
Thank you, dreamboat.
He went on to try and clarify that, but I do know what he means.
I am mean.

But he, with that sentence, discounted any right I had to be angry or any responsibility he had in the situation.

I'm regretting apologizing.

I've decided to try and become more gracious and polite. Social niceties do not come easily or naturally to me. I have a hard time pretending anything or faking it in any way.
I will try harder. Or at least consider it.

You know what's better than cheese-toast? Cheese-toast with spinach. For realz. I'm still obsessed with spinach. I probably eat more of it than anything else.

I went to Value Village this morning after my audition and I bought rubber boots!!! Finally. Lord how I've needed them in this awful slush festival of a winter. It's funny how rubber boots give such a specific foot feeling. Kind of reassuring.
I also bought five books. I don't know why. Oh yeah, because the library and I are still in a fight re: fines I owe them.

I saw a friend at the audition this morning I auditioned with a few months ago and that time he got the part and I did not. I could totally see him getting this one too. I wish I were a cute boy.
I'm tired of being the catcher anyhow, I want to pitch sometime.

I predict the return of the french braid (and have been wearing them allll the time). It has to return because remember the 80s and early 90s when we spent so much time admiring them and coveting them and learning how to do the different styles? Well a lot of people still have that storehouse of knowledge on them and it needs to be used.
Also, they're good for everyone from office workers to rappers to police officers to country folk.
So braid one in!