But who would see it, even?
I guess I'd post pictures on the internet. No one really comes over these days. I should do more entertaining. No babes have been over in one billion years.
Which I kind of like. I thought I liked having babes over but if you keep your house to yourself then it's like a little oasis. Quiet and still and no one touches your things or overstays their welcome.
Haha, I'm queen of overstaying welcomes.
But it's funny that this apartment that I have lived in for 5 and a half years is not fully my home.
Is a home not a home until you have a family in it?
Living alone is interesting in terms of decorating and arranging. I'm only doing it for myself and so that's good; I make all the decisions and no one makes messes of my stuff. But then there's also no one to do things for. No one to make dinner for or clean up for or have projects with or enjoy the prettiness of things with.
If I decided it were lonely then it definitely could be.
Right now it isn't, though.
My mum bought her house before she had kids and she's never been married. Just owned an entire house to herself. Ha, in Toronto that seems so extravagant and silly. A whole house for just one person?
But it was nicely decorated. She was a bit older, I guess.
I still have time to get better at being a homemaker.
The idea of being grown up enough to have my own full-sized Christmas tree and full-sized partner and tiny children kind of makes me want to barf onto my own face. In a good way?
Overly terrifying.
I always go home for Christmas and so there's no point to me having a real Christmas tree here. But my mum's Christmas tree is not my Christmas tree. Well, it is. Sort of.
We're all still like kids right now. We're getting so old but still such adolescents.
That's alright.
If I lived in Saskatoon then I would have a Christmas tree because I wouldn't be going home for Christmas I would already be at home (?) sort of.
Maybe my family would come over to my house on Christmas eve.
But I would have to still sleep at my mum's because how else would we do stockings?? Let's be serious now.
Do I secretly want to move back to Saskatoon?
Not really a secret.
But I love Toronto. I do not want to not live in Toronto. I want Saskatoon to be next to Toronto.
I'm jealous of my friends whose parents live in Mississauga or Oakville or Owen Sound or Tweed. A quick drive and you're back in the bosom of your loving family.
I wonder if there will be a time where I fully feel like a Torontonian.
Please, Life, work yourself out so that I can live part time big smoke part time prairie party.
Thanks.
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