well I've been busy doing a whole lot of nothing and being sort of whiny about it, so maybe you won by me not writing?
Tonight as I was coming home, I was filled with great ideas of things I wanted to write about, about plays I wanted to start and characters I'd like to flesh out. I also was planning on looking into the Saskatoon and Edmonton Fringe festivals, and maybe seeing about going to Montreal for a mini-vaycay next week.
Guess what I did instead?
NOTHING.
Well, I ate some ketchup flavoured crispy minis, pet Theresa, read my google reader, and watched TV-on-the-internet.
FUCK I'M SO LAZY IT'S EMBARRASSING.
Of course, no one else is allowed to say that to me, only me. Only I get to say such things about myself. And maybe my mother. But nope, my mother is an enabler, always congratulating me for the stupid little things I do.
(look how happy she is there, congratulating my fancy waving skills.)
I feel a bit stagnated lately. I feel a bit bored and frustrated. My career is fully in the shitter (in case you haven't noticed me not booking anything lately) and I feel impotent and helpless in terms of that. I can't make work come to Toronto. I can't make casting directors call me in. And I most certainly can't convince them to cast me.
It's annoying that MTV and possibly even the diversity campaign people are still running commercials with me in them because:
a) I'm not getting any money from them (non-union work is the king of taking advantage)
b) It makes people feel as if I'm successful when I am really not (this is not the positive it seems like it might be, it makes people continuously ask about my dammit career and then get excited for having seen me on TV.)
c) It's possible to be over-exposed on TV and since they're still running old ads maybe it's effecting my chances of getting other stuff?
WHO KNOWS.
powerless powerless powerless
Hmmm. I sounded like I was in a way worse mood there than I actually am.
I've been having a run of bad luck lately which is a bit frustrating and I keep wondering if the universe is trying to tell me something. I wonder if the universe is trying to get me to be the kind of person who worries about possessions and money.
I don't really worry about either right now. I hate not having any money and I hate working but I don't really worry about things like debt and surprise costs (this attitude is not actually serving me well in the real-time world, but it is definitely keeping me young).
I just do not like being stressed or in a panic. I try very hard to avoid those feelings.
What I really think, though, is that I'm getting all this bad luck and expenses out of the way in order for some REALLY GREAT things to start coming my way.
I am not kidding at all.
I am going to start getting ready for all of these great things! (after I watch Glee on the internet.)
You know what would be great? If someone wanted to lend me $600 to do the Fringe with. I need more benefactors. They could be my producer...
I'm fully considering living in Saskatoon for two months next summer. Doing the fringe and partying down and getting some work done hopefully (not plastic surgery well maybe we'll see).
Also, I want to buy an iPhone. If you have a good reason why I shouldn't, tell me. Also, if you have a good reason why I should, same deal!
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