said I was your catalyst, I was your gun

For the first time since Elliott Smith died I'm back listening to all his music and enjoying it. I don't mean to sound melodramatic (even though that's what I'm best at), I mean there's enough time passed that I can just love the songs again and not be sort of crushed by the ridiculousness of the loss of him.



Of course this is all also tied in to how I feel about Toad, and about his schizophrenia and talent and his quiet guitar playing while I curled beside him and how hard I loved him.
I still have a couple of tapes that Toad made for me - recordings of his songs, I can't really listen to them again yet. Maybe at some point? I hope. Hell, I still hope that Toad will get better and make me more tapes!



Toad never listened to Elliott Smith, I tried to make him because I thought he'd like it, but he never got around to it (that I know of, maybe he has now). It's funny though because Elliott Smith's song Christian Brothers is so similar to one Toad used to play for me all the time. Funny, that.

Oh, right, I wasn't feeling sad. My mistake.