One of my male coworkers recently expressed to me that he could not possibly begin to imagine that it was possible for men and women to be just friends.
I'm always a bit surprised when I encounter this idea.
And by "a bit surprised" I mean
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY NOT BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT GENDERS CAN BE BUDS?
I guess people just live in different sorts of ways?
And in different circles friendships work differently?
He really seemed to think that there was no way that any friendship between a man and a woman who were both straight could be legitimate or functional.
I didn't like that he seemed to be intimating that I was a sex object and I should not expect men to hang around with me and not want to stick it in.
(thank god we are now facebook friends so he can link over to this and then I'll have to back up this in person...hmmm)
Ugh.
I understand that friendships between men and women can be harder to negotiate, but I think more than being possible, they are necessary!
How can we move anywhere near a gender-equal society without genders being able to be proper friends? Or even strong co-workers?
Not that I'm sure that this particular person has any desire for a gender-equal society.
Obviously in certain scenarios there can be attraction that needs to be acknowledged or dealt with or put aside or even just held onto because it can be a bit nice.
There are times when I like having a bit of crush on my friends, both women and men.
I mean crushes are just a sort of admiring, and spending time with people you admire is the best. And being excited to see someone and glad to spend time and thinking they're beautiful is not a bad thing.
The intent behind it is what defines it.
The idea behind this man's statements seemed to be that men could not be expected to not try to have sex with every woman ever. And that therefore women are not for having friendships with.
(which means, therefore, they aren't valid as people, does it not?)
Cool!
I'm not saying we shouldn't be careful of how we treat each other, and maybe you cannot expect people you know have feelings for you to be able to be your best friend.
I'm saying that OBVIOUSLY there are men who I can straight-up adore and not want to have sex with. And some of these men don't want to have sex with me either!
And yet I still 100% think they have so much to offer and want to speak to them and get advice from them and run ideas past them and collaborate on projects with them.
And maybe they even feel the same way about me!
MIRACLE.
Pretty sure I'm fairly spoiled with getting to hang out with mostly like-minded people in my every day life, and at work to just not get into things like politics or feminism (or godforbid, vegetarianism).
I don't like thinking about how many people out there have completely different opinions than I do.
Haaaaaa.
Exactly why I'm not active in politics or any of the other causes I do fully believe in.
I wish I'd been able to go to Slut Walk this weekend. Totally a cause I can get behind.
Lots of photos mashed up in here today.
Waiting for subway, streetcars over the past few days, 3 speed bar, outside of Unlovable with a couple of my favourite dude buds and co.
Lots of little outings, lots of socializing lately.
I did manage to go straight home after work last night but I didn't really get anything done. Baby steps, baby.
I want new glasses. Or new contacts. I don't want to have wear my glasses anymore. I want to be free.
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