****Spoiler Alert****
(though, again, who cares!?)
TWILIGHT ECLIPSE LIVE BLOG::
(ughhhh sorry I haven't left the house yet today)
NO NOT THE BAAAAAAABE
whoever is in this alley is the worst for hurting the babe.
waaaaaaaaaaiiiiiitttttttttttt a second, are vampires invisible now?
ultimate sexual fantasy: invisi-partner!
remember Into The Wild?
That was a good movie. Zach Galifianakis was in that. I love him.
Whoa Edward looks way too weird to even ever be considered attractive.
Hey maybe Edward will actually be in this movie not just a floating head like last time. Awww I miss floaty-head.
I think Edward is autistic. Or a vampire.
"Well I think you'll find the vampire human divorce rate is a little lower"
WOW. unbelievably bad. No, actually, I believe it.
For someone who's trying to marry her he sure isn't giving her very many diamonds! hold out for diamonds.
(Niki don't read this part) Hahaaa my friend told me he went as Edward Cullen for Hallowe'en but pussied out of wearing the contacts because he read horror stories about first-time contact wearing slicing their corneas and stuff. What? that's not a thing that people do with contacts. is it??
(Niki you can start reading again)
Wait. Her dad doesn't want her to date a vampire? Also, is that dad old enough to be her dad?
Aw Kristen Stewart is kind of lovely right now. In her pouty-faced way.
"Don't spend time with that vampire, spend time with Jacob, he's going through a tough time right now (A WEREWOLF TIME)"
Aw, I really really miss when I had a truck. (I said this the last time I watched Twilight, apparently)
I keep forgetting they're in highschool! Bella's friends are hipsters!
Whoa, wait, Edward is attractive, my bad. Just his head is big.
I can almost see Bella's mom's nipple!
Okay, I really don't get this. Why in god's name would she want to become a vampire? Does she even know how many babes there are out there?! There are so many different kinds of babes in this world it's kind of unreal.
Hahahahaaaaaa it's way harder to take this vampire dad seriously now that I've watched all of Nurse Jackie.
bahahah big blonde hair! hahaha dumb accent!
You know what would be cool? Better graphics.
ughhhhh this werewolf guy is ugly.
"hey lose the grin, Jacob, we're just going for a ride" plus you're ugly
WHOA A PACK OF SHIRTLESS NEVER-NUDES JUST RAN OUT OF THE HOUSE
I want to live with them!!
hahaha they're eating chicken drumsticks and making fun of the werewolf for having feelings!
This love triangle reminds me of Felicity except Scott Speedman isn't here. Should have more SSpeedman.
I know who Jersey Shore would pick. (whoa, I made that joke last time also. I'm not creative at all.)
"Doesn't he own a shirt?"
Ohhhh an actual joke, fancy!
Wow, I hope she's playing these two! I would totally try to date them both forever if I were her.
"It doesn't count if I have two boyfriends if one is dead and one is an animal"
You know what would be good about becoming a vampire? Not needing to use condoms anymore.
Honestly, though, where did they find so many bad actors?
Uh oh, this bad vampire is the best looking one, I think!!
Can Bella choose him? can she! Team Babe Evil Vampire!
He's insatiable!
Why can't they just do it already!
Whoa for minute there I thought was going to give him a bj but she was just laying her head on his chest. BORING.
Wait. How can vampires get boners if there's no blood flowing to their dicks??
Is this scenery CGI? if not, let's move there.
"You feel something else for me, you just won't admit it!"
hahahahahaaaaa this is exactly how I feel about all of my top 5 crushes. Why won't they just admit it??
Wait, maybe the dad is hot. I dig his mustache.
Ohhh shit, I forgot I put the yogurt in the freezer, I hope it's not fully frozen!
(update: it's still good!)
Ha, in movies frequently hate is really envy. In real life it's usually just hate.
I mean, sometimes I envy people I dislike, but it doesn't mean that I dislike them any less.
I need to be doing about 4 other things for this movie to be entertaining.
"Aw, man, sorry about you breaking your hand on my face"
Seriously? Seriously everyone is after Bella? Who even cares! Did you see the other human girl's boobs? No one's fighting over her. I don't follow.
ha, I would have loved to be on set with all these vampires acting against CGI wolves.
Do all the dude vampires have to have awful hair? You lose your life and you lose your right to good hair?
Aww the CGI wolf wants affection!
You could have a boyfriend and a pet all in one! Best deal!
The pretend history in this movie is killing me.
It's like those heritage moments on TV.
I would pay $1000 dollars to have that redhead's hair. If I had any money. (wow, apparently last liveblog I said I'd kill for it, I guess it's becoming less important to me.)
Would you think I was weird if I started wearing wigs?
Hmmm. I think he might actually not own a shirt.
How do I arrange to be in a movie where I get carried through the forest by a muscly shirtless man?
Whoa, is the werewolf actually trying to convince her that she should be in love with the vampire and him??
"I can sense how you feel, physically"
sexxxxxy
"I promised I wouldn't kiss you again, until you asked"
sexxxy. so far this teen wolf is the only interesting thing going on. And he's awful!
hahahhaaa her dad is trying to give her "the talk"
"dad just don't worry about us using protection, edward is old-school"
"is that code for something?"
Yeah code for him being DEAD.
How is she possibly even considering marrying him when she hasn't even sampled the goods?
SAMPLE THE GOODS ALREADY.
go Bella!! Talk him into doing it! Yeeeeeah!!
Sex where you could get killed seems hot!
BAHAHAHAA Edward is such a prude. No sex til marriage.
Yayayayay ring. Now he's worth marrying. Oh man, what if she marries him and he turns her into a vampire and he still won't put out. WORST. omg that'd be such a rip.
I am so unbelievably sick of watching this. Wow.
Yeah I am 100% on board with this sexy new vampire. So babin'.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT this shirtless muscle werewolf is getting into bed with her while her cold dead vampire fiance watches?? WEREWOLF SEXYTIME WIN.
I have to tell you, the werewolf is a billion times sexier than the vampire in this movie.
VAMPIRE: WEREWOLF:
whiney sarcastic
prude sexy
sparkly tattoos
pansy bossy
except:
sweet obnoxious
less ugly pretty ugly
"you'll warm up soon, faster if you took your clothes off"
werewolf is winning. x 1000.
awww werewolf vampire heart-to-heart
(I wonder if bella had to be there for the whole time while they shot this or if she got to go hang out in her trailer eating celery sticks)
And then when they woke up on their mountaintop campsite had turned into Narnia!
fucking green screen!? Amazingly bad. Didn't this movie have a budget?
Holy doesn't she know it's bad to make out with other people when she's engaged!?
Sexy hands on hips happening.
Vampire is going to have to step up his game!
Wait a second here. No one's mad that she loves both of them?
How do I get my own situation like this? wtf unfair.
ohhh good, the bad hot vampire is coming! that means maybe she could date all three of them!
oh no! the hot vampire! Now he only has one arm! I would still like him!
Whooooops, gone now.
I'm not sure how I feel about this whole broken-head way of the bad vampires dying. It seems dumb. Unlike the rest of this movie.
Is this movie really still going on? Really?
"Whoa too bad about how you fractured one entire side of your body fighting for my life. I'm still choosing the dead guy!"
this is painful. painfully bad.
If I were the director, I think I would have done this under an assumed name.
THANK GOD IT'S OVER!!!!!!
Wait, is this a Metric? yiiiiiiiikesssssssss (hahahaha wolf-dangler)
And now Florence & The Machine?
Hmmm
yay! I made it out alive!
Congratulations to me!
Also congratulations to anyone else who made it through that.
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